Hello Talking Point forum,
I wanted to turn to this forum to ask for advice as I'm really struggling to see how the current situation is sustainable.
My dad is 63 & was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers two years ago, although he has had different symptoms for around 7 years it just took him a long time to get a diagnosis.
Anyway my mum is a lot younger than my dad- she's 53, still working full time whilst trying to care for him.
I've been living in a different part of the country for the last 8 years (going to uni and then working in a different city) and moved back on a temporary contract 4 months ago thinking that I'd be able to help loads. However, 4 months have now passed and I've not managed to achieve any where near what I'd hoped and my contract is nearly over and I will be moving back to my city of residence (my long term partner lives here, along with my brother and all of my friends) - judge me if you like but unfortunately there are more job opps there.
My dad spends his days at home alone whilst my mum is at work. In the morning we get him washed and dressed, leave him drinks (which he doesn't always remember to drink) some lunch (which he usually remembers to eat all of it) and he spends the day pottering around the house. He does occasionally have accidents (toilet related) but we have managed to escape these for the last few months.
I've been trying to get care sorted for him but the issue I'm having is- how do people afford it?? Also what happens if he behaves badly- sometimes he is so angry or crude I fear that the daycare centre might refuse to care for him- what would we do then?
Sometimes he becomes aggressive- grabbing my wrists when I'm trying to help him, shouting at me in my face, pushing my mum. We went to the memory clinic in January but my mum told me not to say anything about his moods as she said that she didn't want them to put him on sedatives. Has anyone had a good experience of these in helping to deal with erractic moods?
My mum earns a good salary and throughout their lives my parents have saved hard (own their house etc.) but my mum see's her only option as a daycare centre which she can just about afford to fund along with carers to pick up and drop off my dad at home (£1500 pcm). The problem is because she is so young she says we cannot get in in touch with social services as it means she will be left with nothing and she has a fear of being retired with nothing.
Does she not have any rights as an individual? Regardless of marriage- will all of her assets become his?
It really fills me with despair- I'm in my mid-20's I'm trying to get on the property ladder and establish a career and cannot afford to contribute towards care costs. But at the same time I see my mum carrying on looking after my dad and I worry that she s going to burn out with exhaustion.
He is young and physically fit so aware we could be in this state of hell for 10 years.
If anyone is in the same situation I'd really appreciate your thoughts.
I wanted to turn to this forum to ask for advice as I'm really struggling to see how the current situation is sustainable.
My dad is 63 & was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers two years ago, although he has had different symptoms for around 7 years it just took him a long time to get a diagnosis.
Anyway my mum is a lot younger than my dad- she's 53, still working full time whilst trying to care for him.
I've been living in a different part of the country for the last 8 years (going to uni and then working in a different city) and moved back on a temporary contract 4 months ago thinking that I'd be able to help loads. However, 4 months have now passed and I've not managed to achieve any where near what I'd hoped and my contract is nearly over and I will be moving back to my city of residence (my long term partner lives here, along with my brother and all of my friends) - judge me if you like but unfortunately there are more job opps there.
My dad spends his days at home alone whilst my mum is at work. In the morning we get him washed and dressed, leave him drinks (which he doesn't always remember to drink) some lunch (which he usually remembers to eat all of it) and he spends the day pottering around the house. He does occasionally have accidents (toilet related) but we have managed to escape these for the last few months.
I've been trying to get care sorted for him but the issue I'm having is- how do people afford it?? Also what happens if he behaves badly- sometimes he is so angry or crude I fear that the daycare centre might refuse to care for him- what would we do then?
Sometimes he becomes aggressive- grabbing my wrists when I'm trying to help him, shouting at me in my face, pushing my mum. We went to the memory clinic in January but my mum told me not to say anything about his moods as she said that she didn't want them to put him on sedatives. Has anyone had a good experience of these in helping to deal with erractic moods?
My mum earns a good salary and throughout their lives my parents have saved hard (own their house etc.) but my mum see's her only option as a daycare centre which she can just about afford to fund along with carers to pick up and drop off my dad at home (£1500 pcm). The problem is because she is so young she says we cannot get in in touch with social services as it means she will be left with nothing and she has a fear of being retired with nothing.
Does she not have any rights as an individual? Regardless of marriage- will all of her assets become his?
It really fills me with despair- I'm in my mid-20's I'm trying to get on the property ladder and establish a career and cannot afford to contribute towards care costs. But at the same time I see my mum carrying on looking after my dad and I worry that she s going to burn out with exhaustion.
He is young and physically fit so aware we could be in this state of hell for 10 years.
If anyone is in the same situation I'd really appreciate your thoughts.