End stages

[Wendy C]

Hi. How will I know when Mom is at the end stages? The home say she is in late stages. She no longer walks, has to be hoisted, she does not talk. Has to be fed pureed food, which she is not eating much of. Her drinks are thickened as she does not swallow. She goes into deep sleeps and can't be woken up. When she goes to bed she sleeps in the foetal position, which apparently is normal in late stages. I cant see how this can get any worse Any advice would be appreciated please. Trying to prepare myself.

 

[Timeout]

Sorry to hear about your mum Wendy, mine sounds as though she is in the stage.

Bedridden, on an air mattress, doubly incontinent, can say less than 6 or 7 words and never a sentence, just stares into space most of the time and if you walk into the room she doesn't always see you. She will smile though. She is fed thickened drinks and only eats a very little.

The nurses in the care home say that as she is taking fluids she could go on like this for many months. Unfortunately we just don't know but probably the next crisis or infection will be the one to take her, she nearly died at Christmas due to dehydration during an infection but was hospitalised and rehydrated. It's a horrible time, watchful waiting but we do our best. Sending you strength. Xx

 

[Dimelza]

Oh Wendy and timeout I'm sorry you're going through this. Fortunately in a way that phase only last a week or two, in fact he had a Christmas dinner albeit fed to him, that's how rapid his decline. But I think every person is different.
Dad only has days left at most now and I'm grateful for that as I couldn't bear to see any more declines. I underestimated how hard this stage is but at least his release from this life isn't far away. Sending much love and strength xxx

 

[Wendy C]

Horrible

This horrible disease is heartbreaking. Love to all. xx

 

[janetlynn]

Hi Wendy,

How are you? How are you coping? I hope you are looking after yourself. I know how you must be feeling and what you are going through. Please take care of yourself. When we are carers of a much loved person we tend to forget to take care of ourselves. Take a little time to look after yourself and live life. Your loved one would want that for you. I hope I don`t sound too selfish, I don`t mean to be.

Janet.

 

[Wendy C]

Hi Janet. Luckily I have a wonderful husband and daughters who are very supportive. And my first grandchild is due in just over 4 weeks, so something wonderful to look forward to. Its very hard at times watching my Mom disappear, and very sad that she will never know she is a great grandma. She would be so proud. Thank you for your reply. xx

Hi Wendy,

How are you? How are you coping? I hope you are looking after yourself. I know how you must be feeling and what you are going through. Please take care of yourself. When we are carers of a much loved person we tend to forget to take care of ourselves. Take a little time to look after yourself and live life. Your loved one would want that for you. I hope I don`t sound too selfish, I don`t mean to be.

Janet.

 

[CJinUSA]

Hi Janet. Luckily I have a wonderful husband and daughters who are very supportive. And my first grandchild is due in just over 4 weeks, so something wonderful to look forward to. Its very hard at times watching my Mom disappear, and very sad that she will never know she is a great grandma. She would be so proud. Thank you for your reply. xx

Lovely that a new one is on the eastern horizon for you while your mother is passing over the western one.

I have gone from thinking of my mother as "Mom" and instead have tended to think of her as a sweet woman I once knew. If I call her Mom, it forces her to think in terms of being "mother" to me, and so I have stopped, for the most part, calling her Mom and instead either don't call her anything or else call her sweetheart or sweetie, which is what the caregiveres call her most of the time. Some still use her name - at times it is the only way to get her attention. She has deep sleeps and then restless wakefulness. She is now uncovering herself at night, and then complaining that she is cold when I go to cover her up again. She couldn't do a fetal position, because she is in a recliner (she can't move one side, and this is the easiest way to help get her up without a hoist, which we have but haven't used because it would scare her).

I'm hoping that her release is soon. This is getting to us here, however much compassion we have. The disease is so cruel to her. And to those who love her.

 

[janetlynn]

Hi Wendy,

Thanks for sharing some good news. ( your grandchild )
Please let us know when he or she arrives.

Take care,
Janet.