Hi everyone. My dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. I am an only child (30) and mum passed away 7 years ago. I have absolutely no family so am coping on my own.
I live 20 mins away and have a demanding job. I am with him every evening after work until about 9pm and back in the morning before I go to work. I struggle but (with a fight) got carers coming in twice a day for half an hour. The week before Christmas he had a fall and broke his arm. Since then I haven't left him and stayed. I am near breaking point now though.
He has quickly declined since summer. He struggles recognise me at times and refers to 'Caroline' when I am sitting with him! He often asks where the other one is. Or asks where mum is. He thinks he still works and says he is giving it all up about 10 times per day. He then constantly says he is going home (which he thinks is Morecambe where he grew up). Or he says he wants to go to the other place that looks like this. He doesn't sleep and in the night needs to be watched incase he wanders. Worse thing is this week he has started going to the front door and peeing in the front garden! This evening he has peed in the kitchen and swears it isn't him. I just ended up in tears.
My dilemma is what do I do now!
I think I need respite care for dad as I am so tired emotionally and physically. I go back to work on Monday and social services have agreed to an extra half an hour per day but I am petrified it isn't enough. Respite is costly and I don't want dad to go backwards or hate me for putting him in with people who are a lot older than him. He is 75.
I am debating permanent care homes for him too but I feel so guilty in even thinking it and also they are so expensive! I went to see a lovely one which was like a 5* hotel and I would love it for dad but it is 5k+ per month which I can't afford. There is the decision if I do on selling the family home which is going to break my heart. I am completely stuck. Dad has a good pension and owns the house which means I don't think I'm entitled to any help in paying for care homes.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and was respite and also permanent care? I feel I am at a major crossroads and I am so tired I don't want to make the wrong decision!
Sorry for the long message!
Caroline
I live 20 mins away and have a demanding job. I am with him every evening after work until about 9pm and back in the morning before I go to work. I struggle but (with a fight) got carers coming in twice a day for half an hour. The week before Christmas he had a fall and broke his arm. Since then I haven't left him and stayed. I am near breaking point now though.
He has quickly declined since summer. He struggles recognise me at times and refers to 'Caroline' when I am sitting with him! He often asks where the other one is. Or asks where mum is. He thinks he still works and says he is giving it all up about 10 times per day. He then constantly says he is going home (which he thinks is Morecambe where he grew up). Or he says he wants to go to the other place that looks like this. He doesn't sleep and in the night needs to be watched incase he wanders. Worse thing is this week he has started going to the front door and peeing in the front garden! This evening he has peed in the kitchen and swears it isn't him. I just ended up in tears.
My dilemma is what do I do now!
I think I need respite care for dad as I am so tired emotionally and physically. I go back to work on Monday and social services have agreed to an extra half an hour per day but I am petrified it isn't enough. Respite is costly and I don't want dad to go backwards or hate me for putting him in with people who are a lot older than him. He is 75.
I am debating permanent care homes for him too but I feel so guilty in even thinking it and also they are so expensive! I went to see a lovely one which was like a 5* hotel and I would love it for dad but it is 5k+ per month which I can't afford. There is the decision if I do on selling the family home which is going to break my heart. I am completely stuck. Dad has a good pension and owns the house which means I don't think I'm entitled to any help in paying for care homes.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and was respite and also permanent care? I feel I am at a major crossroads and I am so tired I don't want to make the wrong decision!
Sorry for the long message!
Caroline