On the reading: to the day he died, William could actually read a couple of words. Sometimes he would see something and read a word or two - bless him, he would be so very pleased to point out to me a word or two in big print on a headline or something. But it was obvious that although he could read the words, he had no idea what they meant. Before his dementia he would spend a whole day reading, usually in English, but often in german or Spanish.
So bizarre !
- Thread starter Ann Mac
- Start date
Morning all,
The thieves tend to target Mils handbag, not only here at home, GL, but at DC too! Hope the boots have turned up for you and Maureen x
Lol Grace - some good hidey-holes there
Unfortunately, too many pressies (and some too big) to fit under plinths in the kitchen - and ditto with the space at the bottom of chests of drawers. I spent a while 're-organising' the little space left in our bedroom, and now have around 8 or 9 large bags of pressies stacked along one wall - leaving me with about 10" of space to edge along, betweeen the pressies and the bed - will just have to try and remember they are there and not fall over 'em
The potential for family members to be the ones left with the bruises is something else that is routinely ignored, Grace , you are right - and the fact that there is such a reluctance to even mention aspects like that is yet another frustrating and unfair omission.
Terry, interested in what you say about avoiding bright/busy patterns - because on the rare occasion that Mil shows any interest in clothes shopping, she actually tends to go for really vivid colours and patters now!
Mil inevitably says she has 'forgotten' her glasses, Anne - its never that she is struggling to read for any other reason, like not remembering
Bet you can't wait to get your son home, Slugsta I should have all my gang home by Saturday - then it will feel like Christmas
Rushing this morning because I didn't get as much done yesterday as I wanted - primarily because when I went to run a few errands, the car wouldn't start. Turns out the battery had given up the ghost, but stuck without transport, I couldn't so much as go buy a new one, and had to wait for OH to come home - thankfully, he was able to finish at 4 yesterday. Mad rush then to put the new battery in, go fetch Mil, then pick up dau who had stayed late in school for the DOE award session. Picking Mil up, I walked in to find her (as always) stood waiting for me, coat and bag at the ready. She had parked herself in a doorway and stood behind her was a gentleman resident waiting to get past her. When she saw me, she tried to reverse, obviously this other chap was in the way and Mil gave him such a rude mouthful, telling him to 'shift' really nastily, that he was 'always in the blood way' and she was 'sick of him'. Even though I'm used to her being rude, it's somehow more shocking to see her direct that sort of behaviour at others and I straight away said to her that ther was no need for it. Not the best start to the evening, as she clearly (and I guess from her point of view, understandably) didn't like me responding like that - but I honestly did it without thinking However, when we picked dau up, OH decided he would treat us all to tea out, which gave her something else to think about and she forgot about me upsetting her. The meal out went pretty well, usual moans about wanting excessive salt and once again, her loss of social skills very evident as she spoke to the waitresses - no please or thank yous, just a snapped out order for her drinks and food. A bit of a sulk over no 'afters', but not too bad on the whole.
Back home, she was clearly shattered and thankfully pretty quiet. Bed with no fuss at 9 and all quiet since
I was dying for my bed last night, but once there had a realy bad night, unfortunately. A lot of pain from my hip and back, so waking up every hour or so. A lot of feeling blue, as I lay there trying to nod off again, over Mil not being able to come with us today - oh, I am not changing my mind, I know she can't possible cope with todays 'excitement', but just kept thinking about how sad it was, because the 'old' Mil would have loved seeing her Granddaughter graduate and would have been so proud.
Right - off to start geeting everything ready - first on the list a quick dive in the shower for me, hopefully, without waking Mil up
Hope you guys all have a good day xxxx
The thieves tend to target Mils handbag, not only here at home, GL, but at DC too! Hope the boots have turned up for you and Maureen x
Lol Grace - some good hidey-holes there
Unfortunately, too many pressies (and some too big) to fit under plinths in the kitchen - and ditto with the space at the bottom of chests of drawers. I spent a while 're-organising' the little space left in our bedroom, and now have around 8 or 9 large bags of pressies stacked along one wall - leaving me with about 10" of space to edge along, betweeen the pressies and the bed - will just have to try and remember they are there and not fall over 'em The potential for family members to be the ones left with the bruises is something else that is routinely ignored, Grace , you are right - and the fact that there is such a reluctance to even mention aspects like that is yet another frustrating and unfair omission.
Terry, interested in what you say about avoiding bright/busy patterns - because on the rare occasion that Mil shows any interest in clothes shopping, she actually tends to go for really vivid colours and patters now!
Mil inevitably says she has 'forgotten' her glasses, Anne - its never that she is struggling to read for any other reason, like not remembering
Bet you can't wait to get your son home, Slugsta
I should have all my gang home by Saturday - then it will feel like Christmas Rushing this morning because I didn't get as much done yesterday as I wanted - primarily because when I went to run a few errands, the car wouldn't start. Turns out the battery had given up the ghost, but stuck without transport, I couldn't so much as go buy a new one, and had to wait for OH to come home - thankfully, he was able to finish at 4 yesterday. Mad rush then to put the new battery in, go fetch Mil, then pick up dau who had stayed late in school for the DOE award session. Picking Mil up, I walked in to find her (as always) stood waiting for me, coat and bag at the ready. She had parked herself in a doorway and stood behind her was a gentleman resident waiting to get past her. When she saw me, she tried to reverse, obviously this other chap was in the way and Mil gave him such a rude mouthful, telling him to 'shift' really nastily, that he was 'always in the blood way' and she was 'sick of him'. Even though I'm used to her being rude, it's somehow more shocking to see her direct that sort of behaviour at others and I straight away said to her that ther was no need for it. Not the best start to the evening, as she clearly (and I guess from her point of view, understandably) didn't like me responding like that - but I honestly did it without thinking
However, when we picked dau up, OH decided he would treat us all to tea out, which gave her something else to think about and she forgot about me upsetting her. The meal out went pretty well, usual moans about wanting excessive salt and once again, her loss of social skills very evident as she spoke to the waitresses - no please or thank yous, just a snapped out order for her drinks and food. A bit of a sulk over no 'afters', but not too bad on the whole.Back home, she was clearly shattered and thankfully pretty quiet. Bed with no fuss at 9 and all quiet since
I was dying for my bed last night, but once there had a realy bad night, unfortunately. A lot of pain from my hip and back, so waking up every hour or so. A lot of feeling blue, as I lay there trying to nod off again, over Mil not being able to come with us today - oh, I am not changing my mind, I know she can't possible cope with todays 'excitement', but just kept thinking about how sad it was, because the 'old' Mil would have loved seeing her Granddaughter graduate and would have been so proud.
Right - off to start geeting everything ready - first on the list a quick dive in the shower for me, hopefully, without waking Mil up
Hope you guys all have a good day xxxx
Hope all goes well today and you have surfaced after that dive into the shower. Puss still has no boots here and now trainers are going missing. G L
Ann Mac.... I've had to be inventive at hiding things from MiL.
Since she took my lovely crystal glasses, I emptied out a lot of my nice things from the kitchen cupboards, wrapped them in newspaper, put them in shallow boxes under the cabinets.
Some of the things are from my Mum, little dishes etc... not that they ever get used, these cannot be replaced....
They 'look like' something MiL might have in her home.
I've told my sister (God forbid) if something terrible happens to me (I die suddenly) where I have hidden things around my home, just in case these get missed when she comes over the clear my home.
I've got a super king size bed too Ann....
Lots of space under the bed, but the suitcases underneath the bed are full of bedding, towels , etc.
I've had to almost empty the spare bedroom room (MiLs room when visiting ) wardrobes.
I've also had to but my coats (you know the sort you don't wear much, but you don't want to throw out)
and move them under the bed too. Caught MiL stuffing a coat in her overnight bag....
Spare room has lovely fitted wardrobes, with lots of hanging space, shelving etc...
Cant use my spare room the way I want to, and its really annoys me.
The only way to stop MiL taking things, is for them to not be there in the first place.
Bathroom also has a double cupboard, but if I leave out towels in the bathroom ,
MiL will use all of them, so a lot of my spare towels are hidden.
She even asked me if she.... 'Could have some of these'?
She 'found' my arthritis pain meds (tablets and cream) in the bathroom cabinet.....
Told her NO !!! and if she was in pain she needed to see the Doctor.
Soooo.... now my pain meds are hidden (along with normal tabs like paracetamol) ....
I would hate MiL to accidentally overdose on medication.
Have a good afternoon/ evening everyone.
Since she took my lovely crystal glasses, I emptied out a lot of my nice things from the kitchen cupboards, wrapped them in newspaper, put them in shallow boxes under the cabinets.
Some of the things are from my Mum, little dishes etc... not that they ever get used, these cannot be replaced....
They 'look like' something MiL might have in her home.
I've told my sister (God forbid) if something terrible happens to me (I die suddenly) where I have hidden things around my home, just in case these get missed when she comes over the clear my home.
I've got a super king size bed too Ann....
Lots of space under the bed, but the suitcases underneath the bed are full of bedding, towels , etc.
I've had to almost empty the spare bedroom room (MiLs room when visiting ) wardrobes.
I've also had to but my coats (you know the sort you don't wear much, but you don't want to throw out)
and move them under the bed too. Caught MiL stuffing a coat in her overnight bag....
Spare room has lovely fitted wardrobes, with lots of hanging space, shelving etc...
Cant use my spare room the way I want to, and its really annoys me.
The only way to stop MiL taking things, is for them to not be there in the first place.
Bathroom also has a double cupboard, but if I leave out towels in the bathroom ,
MiL will use all of them, so a lot of my spare towels are hidden.
She even asked me
if she.... 'Could have some of these'?She 'found' my arthritis pain meds (tablets and cream) in the bathroom cabinet.....
Told her NO !!! and if she was in pain she needed to see the Doctor.
Soooo.... now my pain meds are hidden (along with normal tabs like paracetamol) ....
I would hate MiL to accidentally overdose on medication.
Have a good afternoon/ evening everyone.
Morning everyone
Hope the trainers have also been found now, GL - poor Maureen will end up going out in her slippers at this rate! You need to be part Sherlock Holmes to find all the hiding places that these 'thieves' stash stuff, and its amazing just what can vanish!
Thanks Red and Essie xxx
Grace, we have had to do a lot of 're-arranging' here, putting some items out of reach or out of sight. The difference is Mil actually lives here, and we knew when we took the step of her moving in that we would have to make that sort of compromise. Having to hide/put things away because of univited visits from someone who doesn't live there would be something I'd find really hard to accept though - your situation is a completely different ball game and it just isn't fair on you!
The graduation was lovely - an awful lot shorter and not quite as much 'pomp and ceremony' as the BA grad was, but the venue was stunning and we could all just watch and enjoy I have to say that Manchester uni weren't terribly on the ball in the orgnanisational department - all my daughter's PGCE class were 'accidently' left out of the 'souvenir' programme, and rather than her degree certificate, my daughter got a laminated slip telling her to collect her certificate from an office in the building - an office that shut up shop for the day before the ceremony was even over - very odd, and the lack of names in the programme was something that upset a lot of the graduates. But, despite this we did enjoy it, especially as our son's presentation time at his uni was changed, so OH was able to detour and collect him so he could be there for his sister too. Daughters boyfriend was working yesterday, so couldn't attend (he lives quite a distance away) but was travelling down last night, ready for his own grad this afternoon, and dau had planned to eat with him, so of all things, once I'd grabbed a couple of pics, we headed for McD's for a quick bite, before heading home. As a grad pressie, we had bought her diamond and white gold earrings that she was really thrilled with, though, so that hopefully made up for the lack of a celebration dinner!
Have to say that dropping Mil off yesterday morning was not the nicest of experiences though We had created a fiction of OH and I working 'all day till late' as an excue for her staying there, telling her repeatedly that we had booked her into a 'nice hotel' as a treat so she wouldn't be stuck 'home alone'. Obviously, she was only able to hold onto the sketchiest and vaguest recollection of this, no matter how many times we explained and 'sold' the idea to her as positively as we could. She had been OK about the idea, even quite looking forward to it - until the day actually dawned, of course. She woke, realised quickly that something was happening and was full of trepidation about what was going on. As upbeat as possible, I explained over and over what was happening, reminding her that 2 nice ladies from the hotel had been to meet her so she wouldn't be just with 'strangers' (Her primary and very much expected objection), but that cut no ice at all. She had a list of objections and alternatives that she trotted out, over and over, getting more and more wound up as we got ready to take her. What about her dog? Her black and white dog? It follows her everywhere - how did she know we wouldn't be 'cruel' to it if she wasn't there? Who was going to look after the baby? Poor litle thing couldn't be left alone and, afterall, she is the one who usually looks after it when we have to work. Couldn't she just stay with our youngest daughter if we were working - and when I explained that youngest was 'off to a sleepover' (I know - just call me Pinnochio!) she went from asking couldn't she go? to at one stage insisting that she had been invited to go to and it would be rude of her not too. She insisted that she didn't have enough of her tablets to go away and when I reassured her that that was all sorted , I was told off for 'interfering in her business - I can't sort my own tablets out, Ann!'. Oh, the list of reasons not to go was endless and we (OH and I) were kept on our toes responding quickly (hopefully, in a reassuring manner) to each objection and alternative she raised.
The poor woman was clearly really agitated and frightened - she had no idea really about what was happening or where she was going, and that makes it so hard. You could see she was actually really scared
Feeling like heels, we got her in the car - OH was supposed to drop her off, but she was so stressed I just couldn't leave him to deal with that solo - and off we went. Got there, walked into the new place, and the first thing that hit OH and I was that there was one heck of a strong smell of urine - which we hadn't noticed as so strong on the visit we had made to look the place over. To be fair, at that time, they were probably just coming to the end of getting everyone up, and the corridors had probably been filled with laundry carts, filled with at least some wet bedding and clothes, so that could well have accounted for the lingering smell. But its still not a 'welcoming' odour to walk into. We were escourted to the dining room, where Mil was offered tea (and biscuits - first time I saw even a hint of a smile from her all morning) , and we were asked to wait to have a few words with the manager before we left. Mil looked round her while she was waiting for the tea - it wasn't exactly inspiring. 2 or 3 folk sat at a table, 2 sat in easy chairs in one corner - all slumped down and sleeping! Mil muttered 'For Gods sake - its like God's waiting room' - and she was off. We didn't tell her we were 'dumping her' here all day? We hadn't said a word about her having to stay overnight. She had changed her mind, she would just stay at home by herself, thank you. Why hadn't we told her she would be there all day and all night? We should have warned her that she was going to a 'place like this', that she was being 'dumped'! She didn't think she would be dumped like this! A couple of staff passing through did smile at her and give her cheery 'Hello's', but she did look awfully lost and vulnerable.
Talk about giving the guilt monster more ammo!
We nipped to the office, where the 'word' they wanted turned out to be them asking did we have a funeral director in mind 'just in case anything happened' whilst Mil was there. Then back to Mil for as quick a goodbye as we could manage. We had the lip quiver and the tear filled eyes and it was awful. It would have been nice if a member of staff could have been spared to sit with her and chat for just a little while, or if she could have been taken to look at her room as a distraction - but no. We walked out, leaving her sat in solitary splendor, amongst mostly sleeping residents, really feeling extremely guilty The car journey back home had us both questioning if what we had done was fair. Obviously it wasn't - but then, there wasn't a 'fair' alternative solution anyway. One of us miss the grad so we could stay at home and Mil could have stuck to the usual routine of DC then home? That would have been unfair on not only us, but on our daughter. Take Mil with us - well, we tried that last time and Mil ended up stressed off her head (as were we) and no one had a good day. In the end, we felt that while it wasn't ideal, this was just one of those occasions where one of our kids had to come first. Not our fault, not Mils fault - we just had to make the best of it.
Thinking it over, though, the home could have made it easier, both for Mil and us. Just a little while making her feel welcome and fussing over her, that's all it would have taken. And surely - they should have known that? And it may be that a start like that had left Mil so upset that they may well have had a hard time with her as a result. I hope not - but that reception didn't bode well for Mil settling
OH and son have plans for this morning (involving Star Wars, I believe!) and youngest has last day of school - she is not that happy about that, so I have a grumpy teen stomping round, telling me that they don't 'do anything' on the last day, so she might as well stay at home I plan to give the house a last massive blitz, marzipan the cakes ready for icing and see if I can free up another shelf in the upright freezer, as the massive chest freezer we have is absolutely packed to the brim - its not so much that we are gluttons over Christmas, but I've actually tried to make sure that I've got about 3 weeks worth of meals sorted, including the Xmas & New Year feasts, so I can avoid the supermarkets for a while I suspect we will be collecting Mil a little earlier than the 5.30pm time we have given. Despite all the logic and rational arguments about her staying there, neither OH or I are really that comfortable with it this time
Hope you all have a good day xxxx
Hope the trainers have also been found now, GL - poor Maureen will end up going out in her slippers at this rate! You need to be part Sherlock Holmes to find all the hiding places that these 'thieves' stash stuff, and its amazing just what can vanish!
Thanks Red and Essie xxx
Grace, we have had to do a lot of 're-arranging' here, putting some items out of reach or out of sight. The difference is Mil actually lives here, and we knew when we took the step of her moving in that we would have to make that sort of compromise. Having to hide/put things away because of univited visits from someone who doesn't live there would be something I'd find really hard to accept though - your situation is a completely different ball game and it just isn't fair on you!
The graduation was lovely - an awful lot shorter and not quite as much 'pomp and ceremony' as the BA grad was, but the venue was stunning and we could all just watch and enjoy
I have to say that Manchester uni weren't terribly on the ball in the orgnanisational department - all my daughter's PGCE class were 'accidently' left out of the 'souvenir' programme, and rather than her degree certificate, my daughter got a laminated slip telling her to collect her certificate from an office in the building - an office that shut up shop for the day before the ceremony was even over - very odd, and the lack of names in the programme was something that upset a lot of the graduates. But, despite this we did enjoy it, especially as our son's presentation time at his uni was changed, so OH was able to detour and collect him so he could be there for his sister too. Daughters boyfriend was working yesterday, so couldn't attend (he lives quite a distance away) but was travelling down last night, ready for his own grad this afternoon, and dau had planned to eat with him, so of all things, once I'd grabbed a couple of pics, we headed for McD's for a quick bite, before heading home. As a grad pressie, we had bought her diamond and white gold earrings that she was really thrilled with, though, so that hopefully made up for the lack of a celebration dinner! Have to say that dropping Mil off yesterday morning was not the nicest of experiences though
We had created a fiction of OH and I working 'all day till late' as an excue for her staying there, telling her repeatedly that we had booked her into a 'nice hotel' as a treat so she wouldn't be stuck 'home alone'. Obviously, she was only able to hold onto the sketchiest and vaguest recollection of this, no matter how many times we explained and 'sold' the idea to her as positively as we could. She had been OK about the idea, even quite looking forward to it - until the day actually dawned, of course. She woke, realised quickly that something was happening and was full of trepidation about what was going on. As upbeat as possible, I explained over and over what was happening, reminding her that 2 nice ladies from the hotel had been to meet her so she wouldn't be just with 'strangers' (Her primary and very much expected objection), but that cut no ice at all. She had a list of objections and alternatives that she trotted out, over and over, getting more and more wound up as we got ready to take her. What about her dog? Her black and white dog? It follows her everywhere - how did she know we wouldn't be 'cruel' to it if she wasn't there? Who was going to look after the baby? Poor litle thing couldn't be left alone and, afterall, she is the one who usually looks after it when we have to work. Couldn't she just stay with our youngest daughter if we were working - and when I explained that youngest was 'off to a sleepover' (I know - just call me Pinnochio!) she went from asking couldn't she go? to at one stage insisting that she had been invited to go to and it would be rude of her not too. She insisted that she didn't have enough of her tablets to go away and when I reassured her that that was all sorted , I was told off for 'interfering in her business - I can't sort my own tablets out, Ann!'. Oh, the list of reasons not to go was endless and we (OH and I) were kept on our toes responding quickly (hopefully, in a reassuring manner) to each objection and alternative she raised. The poor woman was clearly really agitated and frightened - she had no idea really about what was happening or where she was going, and that makes it so hard. You could see she was actually really scared
Feeling like heels, we got her in the car - OH was supposed to drop her off, but she was so stressed I just couldn't leave him to deal with that solo - and off we went. Got there, walked into the new place, and the first thing that hit OH and I was that there was one heck of a strong smell of urine - which we hadn't noticed as so strong on the visit we had made to look the place over. To be fair, at that time, they were probably just coming to the end of getting everyone up, and the corridors had probably been filled with laundry carts, filled with at least some wet bedding and clothes, so that could well have accounted for the lingering smell. But its still not a 'welcoming' odour to walk into. We were escourted to the dining room, where Mil was offered tea (and biscuits - first time I saw even a hint of a smile from her all morning) , and we were asked to wait to have a few words with the manager before we left. Mil looked round her while she was waiting for the tea - it wasn't exactly inspiring. 2 or 3 folk sat at a table, 2 sat in easy chairs in one corner - all slumped down and sleeping! Mil muttered 'For Gods sake - its like God's waiting room' - and she was off. We didn't tell her we were 'dumping her' here all day? We hadn't said a word about her having to stay overnight. She had changed her mind, she would just stay at home by herself, thank you. Why hadn't we told her she would be there all day and all night? We should have warned her that she was going to a 'place like this', that she was being 'dumped'! She didn't think she would be dumped like this! A couple of staff passing through did smile at her and give her cheery 'Hello's', but she did look awfully lost and vulnerable.
Talk about giving the guilt monster more ammo!
We nipped to the office, where the 'word' they wanted turned out to be them asking did we have a funeral director in mind 'just in case anything happened' whilst Mil was there
. Then back to Mil for as quick a goodbye as we could manage. We had the lip quiver and the tear filled eyes and it was awful. It would have been nice if a member of staff could have been spared to sit with her and chat for just a little while, or if she could have been taken to look at her room as a distraction - but no. We walked out, leaving her sat in solitary splendor, amongst mostly sleeping residents, really feeling extremely guilty The car journey back home had us both questioning if what we had done was fair. Obviously it wasn't - but then, there wasn't a 'fair' alternative solution anyway. One of us miss the grad so we could stay at home and Mil could have stuck to the usual routine of DC then home? That would have been unfair on not only us, but on our daughter. Take Mil with us - well, we tried that last time and Mil ended up stressed off her head (as were we) and no one had a good day. In the end, we felt that while it wasn't ideal, this was just one of those occasions where one of our kids had to come first. Not our fault, not Mils fault - we just had to make the best of it. Thinking it over, though, the home could have made it easier, both for Mil and us. Just a little while making her feel welcome and fussing over her, that's all it would have taken. And surely - they should have known that?
And it may be that a start like that had left Mil so upset that they may well have had a hard time with her as a result. I hope not - but that reception didn't bode well for Mil settling OH and son have plans for this morning (involving Star Wars, I believe!) and youngest has last day of school - she is not that happy about that, so I have a grumpy teen stomping round, telling me that they don't 'do anything' on the last day, so she might as well stay at home
I plan to give the house a last massive blitz, marzipan the cakes ready for icing and see if I can free up another shelf in the upright freezer, as the massive chest freezer we have is absolutely packed to the brim - its not so much that we are gluttons over Christmas, but I've actually tried to make sure that I've got about 3 weeks worth of meals sorted, including the Xmas & New Year feasts, so I can avoid the supermarkets for a while I suspect we will be collecting Mil a little earlier than the 5.30pm time we have given. Despite all the logic and rational arguments about her staying there, neither OH or I are really that comfortable with it this time Hope you all have a good day xxxx
I'm sorry too Ann that both 'events' had their problems As you say, a little effort on the part of the new home would have gone such a long way. To be greeted with an unmistakable odour is horrible - and unacceptable and to leave Mil on her own rather than befriending her and involving her in something, well, just not how it should be.
Grace I too am amazed at your inventiveness in terms of hiding places but also so sad that the situation demands it - to live alone and still not be free to have things as you like them is so unfair on you!
As you say, a little effort on the part of the new home would have gone such a long way. To be greeted with an unmistakable odour is horrible - and unacceptable and to leave Mil on her own rather than befriending her and involving her in something, well, just not how it should be. Grace I too am amazed at your inventiveness in terms of hiding places but also so sad that the situation demands it - to live alone and still not be free to have things as you like them is so unfair on you!
Evening,
Ann, I so glad that the graduation went well despite the problems. I can understand how distressing it must have been to leave MIL like that. I am very surprised that no-one came to talk to her/show her to her room etc Very aggravating that she needn't have been there but for the respite situation! I hope your back has responded well to a day off.
Essie, I so agree that Grace shouldn't have to find all these hidey-holes!
GL, I hope that Cinderella has found her lost slipper - and shoes - and trainers - and boots...
I had a call yesterday asking if I wanted to take Mum to see the psych on Wednesday morning. Of course I said 'yes' but I am not really looking forward to the journey across town at 9.00 in the morning! I have also learned today - after we had been out and done shopping/coffee and a trip to the dentist - that she wants to buy a scarf for her friend. I found the one I had asked her to buy for me in a bag with her friend's soap. I'm afraid I pointed out very clearly that it is the one I chose but she then said 'Well, if you want that one I won't have one for D, so you will have to take me to get one'. I really wasn't anticipating another gift buying trip before Christmas
I don't think I said that Mum also has a date to start DC? I was offered a place next week but think it is best to wait until after Christmas rather than starting and stopping. She has said she will try it for 1 month, we shall see. We will actually be away on the starting day so her neighbour has promised to remind her when she goes round to walk his dog on the morning of the day concerned.
One thing I am impressed with is that the dementia service are speaking to me directly, it is such a help - especially listening to what some of you have had to go through regarding appointments! I am hoping we will get a diagnosis on Wednesday although I know it will not change anything. I guess it is down to my professional background, to want to know what we are dealing with.
I have a couple of choir events still to go. We have our usual 'busking' in a local shopping arcade tomorrow afternoon, we do it every year and money raised goes to charity. Then there is some sort of reception going on at the Mayor's parlour on Monday evening at which we are singing carols. I must admit that I am looking forward to being able to have a few quiet days - but I console myself by remembering how very easy I actually have it!
Ann, I so glad that the graduation went well despite the problems. I can understand how distressing it must have been to leave MIL like that. I am very surprised that no-one came to talk to her/show her to her room etc
Very aggravating that she needn't have been there but for the respite situation! I hope your back has responded well to a day off.Essie, I so agree that Grace shouldn't have to find all these hidey-holes!
GL, I hope that Cinderella has found her lost slipper - and shoes - and trainers - and boots...
I had a call yesterday asking if I wanted to take Mum to see the psych on Wednesday morning. Of course I said 'yes' but I am not really looking forward to the journey across town at 9.00 in the morning! I have also learned today - after we had been out and done shopping/coffee and a trip to the dentist - that she wants to buy a scarf for her friend. I found the one I had asked her to buy for me in a bag with her friend's soap. I'm afraid I pointed out very clearly that it is the one I chose but she then said 'Well, if you want that one I won't have one for D, so you will have to take me to get one'. I really wasn't anticipating another gift buying trip before Christmas
I don't think I said that Mum also has a date to start DC? I was offered a place next week but think it is best to wait until after Christmas rather than starting and stopping. She has said she will try it for 1 month, we shall see. We will actually be away on the starting day so her neighbour has promised to remind her when she goes round to walk his dog on the morning of the day concerned.
One thing I am impressed with is that the dementia service are speaking to me directly, it is such a help - especially listening to what some of you have had to go through regarding appointments! I am hoping we will get a diagnosis on Wednesday although I know it will not change anything. I guess it is down to my professional background, to want to know what we are dealing with.
I have a couple of choir events still to go. We have our usual 'busking' in a local shopping arcade tomorrow afternoon, we do it every year and money raised goes to charity. Then there is some sort of reception going on at the Mayor's parlour on Monday evening at which we are singing carols. I must admit that I am looking forward to being able to have a few quiet days - but I console myself by remembering how very easy I actually have it!
Ann, what an emotional roller coaster of a day you had, wanting to do the right thing by everyone. I can't think how you keep going. Pity the University doesn't have your organisational skills; the students must have been disappointed about the programmes and their diplomas.
Storing things...our kitchen has a door into the garage, and so many things finish up out there that there's a sort of car shaped space carved out! Some presents spend quite a while in the car boot before being wrapped and stashed in the spare room bedside cupboards.
Storing things...our kitchen has a door into the garage, and so many things finish up out there that there's a sort of car shaped space carved out! Some presents spend quite a while in the car boot before being wrapped and stashed in the spare room bedside cupboards.
Morning all,
Fingers crossed the long-term bed is available when its needed in future, Terry - but as there is only one 'official' bookable bed for the whole county, I expect that not only us, but a fair few others may have to resort to alternatives (if we can find them) at some point.
I wasn't impressed on leaving Mil, Essie, I must admit. Knowing that it really is best for Mil (as well as us) not to be put through the stress of a busy day that she really wouldn't understand, didn't stop us all feeling a bit sad that she couldn't be there - and a bit guilty too. That leave taking made it a lot harder - you would have to had a heart of stone not to feel for poor Mil at the time - and I know both OH and I were sneeking peeks at our phones all day, because it knocked our confidence in the place as a whole and I think we both half expected 'problems' as a result.
How annoying on the extra shopping trip, Slugsta! Good news on the place in DC, though - easier said than done, but I would pull out all the stops to make sure your Mum sticks with it - there may well come a time when its essential for your health and sanity that she attends, so if you can get it to be something that's part of her routine as soon as possible, its so much better. I am so glad that the dementia services are communicating so well with you - to be fair, they have alays been good about that here with Mil - its other services and organisations that we had issues with, lol. I am like you - I would prefer to have whatever the situation is properly identified. Things like applying for blue badges (another thing on the 'to do ' list) or even claiming VAT relief on equipment bought, it helps to have a diagnosis, I think. Enjoy the choir singing, hun - sounds a lovely festive thing to be doing
Anne, oldests graduation certificate arrived here, by post - yesterday afternoon. With second class postage, it must have been sent before the graduation - though why is anyones guess!
Got everything I wanted to do yesterday done and as anticipated, we did head for Mil nearly an hour earlier than we had said. Again noticed a smell of wee when we got into the home - maybe we were sort of more aware because of the previous days experience? - and found Mil, without her frame and soaking in sweat. She had clearly been agitated. One staff told us she 'hadn't stopped', had been up and down, fretting over where was her bag?, her coat?, her case? and when was she going?. She had apparently been in and out of the other bedrooms too - which explained the fact that she was wearing someone elses slippers (stupid me, her own slippers were the one thing I hadn't packed!) - and no one had noticed, no one knew who's slippers she had - or where her shoes were. One staff went to pack up Mils 'things', someone else went looking for her frame, another 2 went to try and find her shoes. The shoes turned up in 'Mary's wardrobe' after a 15 minute search, but the staff packing Mils clothes told me that she couldn't find Mil's 'nighty' - I explained she had brought PJ's, so the girl went to look again - no sign of them. I will say the staff were really sweet with Mil, a couple came and gave her hugs and with one young lady, there seemed to be a running joke going on about she and Mil going out to drink vodka, which I thought was really nice. However, despite all the written info, Mil had been given some of her meds at tea time - meds which are usually taken before bed, which I wasn't exactly thrilled about. We eventually got out of there, minus the pj's, but with her frame and shoes and within 10 minutes Mil was convinced she had just been discharged from hospital
She was rabbiting away, a mile a minute, really, really confused. We had to make a brief stop for me to pick up a couple of 'essentials' from the shops, and also to pick up a pre-ordered item from argos, and the whole time Mil was chat-chat-chatting about mostly nonsense, I'm afraid. Back home I got the tea on, and Mil couldn't keep still at first. Up and down and constant odd questions and fretting. The home had given her diazepam at about 4.30, but I can't say it had any effect at all. At one stage Mil was adamant that she had given me a letter about her 'hospital appointment on Wednesday' (of course, there is no appointment -or letter) and was getting cross because I 'wouldn't' (couldn't, actually) give her the letter back. Then she went to being convinced that youngest was actually going into hospital 'tomorrow' and peppered me with questions and worries about had I got everything ready - and should daughter be having any tea if she was having an operation in the morning? Following that, a completely illogical demand to know why, when she sold her house, had no one told her that she was now not allowed to go back there when she wanted? Not even to visit? The solicitor 'or someone' had told her she could, and she would like to go and see the house now. She wanted to put the Christmas tree up there, otherwise her neighbours would think she was a 'miserable bu99er'. She still had a key, she insisted - she had given it to her son to look after - and he had taken her to see the house a few times already, He had taken her last week - so why couldn't she go now?
She didn't really start to chill until well after 8pm, and went to bed at about 9.30. Very confused about getting undressed, she was half pulling her trousers down, then pulling them up again, and finally, when me asking her to 'take them off please, hun' got through, I got a telling off for not being able to make up my mind about she she was supposed to do! I made the not so pleasing discovery that she was wearing the same bra as the day before - clean one still in her case - but the top I'd packed as a 'spare in case of spills' was missing. Once in bed, however, she did stay there - poor thing did look utterly exhausted.
I really hope that the usual bed is available in future for her. This new place looked clean, but didn't smell nice The staff we saw last night seemed really, really lovely -but the disorganisation and clothes going missing after just a one night stay isn't good, and neither was the missing frame (one staff didn't even realise that she had a frame!) or the meds being given at the wrong time. It was all a bit 'slap dash' considering its an EMI home - and for that, Mil will pay £150, just for a one night stay (and if the missing clothes fail to turn up, you can add another around £30 to the cost, to replace them). I know, I know its not an ideal world and there are bigger things to worry about - but it does anger me that for what Mil and others like her pay for this supposedly 'specialist care', that clothes going missing, that staff not being aware of things like her using a frame and meds given at the wrong time - are not considered to be any big deal
On the agenda today - OH going back to Stockport to pick up daughter, who's planned lift home has let her down (meaning I have to take Mil solo to visit her friend tomorrow, while OH is in work!) - and icing the Xmas cakes. Hopefully, once all the kids are home, the Christmas tree will finally go up and be decorated early this evening, followed by a 'home coming' tea of steak for the meat eaters, and salmon for oldest and myself. Youngest - bless her - has informed me that over the last week she has recorded several Christmas and family films that she is sure her Nana will love, and has told me that she intends to get Mil 'all cosy' on the sofa to 'chill out and watch them, to keep her happy' Lets hope her little plan works, lol.
Hope you all have a good day xxxx
Fingers crossed the long-term bed is available when its needed in future, Terry - but as there is only one 'official' bookable bed for the whole county, I expect that not only us, but a fair few others may have to resort to alternatives (if we can find them) at some point.
I wasn't impressed on leaving Mil, Essie, I must admit. Knowing that it really is best for Mil (as well as us) not to be put through the stress of a busy day that she really wouldn't understand, didn't stop us all feeling a bit sad that she couldn't be there - and a bit guilty too. That leave taking made it a lot harder - you would have to had a heart of stone not to feel for poor Mil at the time - and I know both OH and I were sneeking peeks at our phones all day, because it knocked our confidence in the place as a whole and I think we both half expected 'problems' as a result.
How annoying on the extra shopping trip, Slugsta! Good news on the place in DC, though - easier said than done, but I would pull out all the stops to make sure your Mum sticks with it - there may well come a time when its essential for your health and sanity that she attends, so if you can get it to be something that's part of her routine as soon as possible, its so much better. I am so glad that the dementia services are communicating so well with you - to be fair, they have alays been good about that here with Mil - its other services and organisations that we had issues with, lol. I am like you - I would prefer to have whatever the situation is properly identified. Things like applying for blue badges (another thing on the 'to do ' list) or even claiming VAT relief on equipment bought, it helps to have a diagnosis, I think. Enjoy the choir singing, hun - sounds a lovely festive thing to be doing
Anne, oldests graduation certificate arrived here, by post - yesterday afternoon. With second class postage, it must have been sent before the graduation - though why is anyones guess!
Got everything I wanted to do yesterday done and as anticipated, we did head for Mil nearly an hour earlier than we had said. Again noticed a smell of wee when we got into the home - maybe we were sort of more aware because of the previous days experience? - and found Mil, without her frame and soaking in sweat. She had clearly been agitated. One staff told us she 'hadn't stopped', had been up and down, fretting over where was her bag?, her coat?, her case? and when was she going?. She had apparently been in and out of the other bedrooms too - which explained the fact that she was wearing someone elses slippers (stupid me, her own slippers were the one thing I hadn't packed!) - and no one had noticed, no one knew who's slippers she had - or where her shoes were. One staff went to pack up Mils 'things', someone else went looking for her frame, another 2 went to try and find her shoes. The shoes turned up in 'Mary's wardrobe' after a 15 minute search, but the staff packing Mils clothes told me that she couldn't find Mil's 'nighty' - I explained she had brought PJ's, so the girl went to look again - no sign of them. I will say the staff were really sweet with Mil, a couple came and gave her hugs and with one young lady, there seemed to be a running joke going on about she and Mil going out to drink vodka, which I thought was really nice. However, despite all the written info, Mil had been given some of her meds at tea time - meds which are usually taken before bed, which I wasn't exactly thrilled about. We eventually got out of there, minus the pj's, but with her frame and shoes and within 10 minutes Mil was convinced she had just been discharged from hospital
She was rabbiting away, a mile a minute, really, really confused. We had to make a brief stop for me to pick up a couple of 'essentials' from the shops, and also to pick up a pre-ordered item from argos, and the whole time Mil was chat-chat-chatting about mostly nonsense, I'm afraid. Back home I got the tea on, and Mil couldn't keep still at first. Up and down and constant odd questions and fretting. The home had given her diazepam at about 4.30, but I can't say it had any effect at all. At one stage Mil was adamant that she had given me a letter about her 'hospital appointment on Wednesday' (of course, there is no appointment -or letter) and was getting cross because I 'wouldn't' (couldn't, actually) give her the letter back. Then she went to being convinced that youngest was actually going into hospital 'tomorrow' and peppered me with questions and worries about had I got everything ready - and should daughter be having any tea if she was having an operation in the morning? Following that, a completely illogical demand to know why, when she sold her house, had no one told her that she was now not allowed to go back there when she wanted? Not even to visit? The solicitor 'or someone' had told her she could, and she would like to go and see the house now. She wanted to put the Christmas tree up there, otherwise her neighbours would think she was a 'miserable bu99er'. She still had a key, she insisted - she had given it to her son to look after - and he had taken her to see the house a few times already, He had taken her last week - so why couldn't she go now?
She didn't really start to chill until well after 8pm, and went to bed at about 9.30. Very confused about getting undressed, she was half pulling her trousers down, then pulling them up again, and finally, when me asking her to 'take them off please, hun' got through, I got a telling off for not being able to make up my mind about she she was supposed to do! I made the not so pleasing discovery that she was wearing the same bra as the day before - clean one still in her case - but the top I'd packed as a 'spare in case of spills' was missing. Once in bed, however, she did stay there - poor thing did look utterly exhausted.
I really hope that the usual bed is available in future for her. This new place looked clean, but didn't smell nice
The staff we saw last night seemed really, really lovely -but the disorganisation and clothes going missing after just a one night stay isn't good, and neither was the missing frame (one staff didn't even realise that she had a frame!) or the meds being given at the wrong time. It was all a bit 'slap dash' considering its an EMI home - and for that, Mil will pay £150, just for a one night stay (and if the missing clothes fail to turn up, you can add another around £30 to the cost, to replace them). I know, I know its not an ideal world and there are bigger things to worry about - but it does anger me that for what Mil and others like her pay for this supposedly 'specialist care', that clothes going missing, that staff not being aware of things like her using a frame and meds given at the wrong time - are not considered to be any big deal On the agenda today - OH going back to Stockport to pick up daughter, who's planned lift home has let her down (meaning I have to take Mil solo to visit her friend tomorrow, while OH is in work!) - and icing the Xmas cakes. Hopefully, once all the kids are home, the Christmas tree will finally go up and be decorated early this evening, followed by a 'home coming' tea of steak for the meat eaters, and salmon for oldest and myself. Youngest - bless her - has informed me that over the last week she has recorded several Christmas and family films that she is sure her Nana will love, and has told me that she intends to get Mil 'all cosy' on the sofa to 'chill out and watch them, to keep her happy'
Lets hope her little plan works, lol.Hope you all have a good day xxxx
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I hope that your day ahead goes well and MiL has slept all the confusion out of her system.
Obviously it would be difficult for the CH to "manage" MiLs behaviour and agitation etc when she is unknown to them. However there is really no excuse for the practical issues and the medication errors, missing items, failure to change clothes (had she had a wash?), not being aware re frame etc. I think my letter to the management would start "Obviously you will agree with me that the following is unacceptable:" Followed by a bullet point list of issues and then a request to know the explanation and how they intend to rectify. The majority of them are down to lax practice and organisation by the staff. Maybe seeing the issues from just one 24hr stint all set out in that way would motivate them to address the issues generally!
Hope your day goes better than you expect x
Obviously it would be difficult for the CH to "manage" MiLs behaviour and agitation etc when she is unknown to them. However there is really no excuse for the practical issues and the medication errors, missing items, failure to change clothes (had she had a wash?), not being aware re frame etc. I think my letter to the management would start "Obviously you will agree with me that the following is unacceptable:" Followed by a bullet point list of issues and then a request to know the explanation and how they intend to rectify. The majority of them are down to lax practice and organisation by the staff. Maybe seeing the issues from just one 24hr stint all set out in that way would motivate them to address the issues generally!
Hope your day goes better than you expect x
Morning all,
I should really write that letter, Celia - but there is a worry that should the 'designated' respite bed not be available for whatever reason when we need it, we may have to rely on this place again - and what chance a bed being available if we are labelled as 'trouble makers' from the off? I think I'll start with a tactful phone call to see if the missing stuff has turned up and take it from there
Mil got up yesterday with a stuffy nose and croaky voice. Not actually 'ill' in herself, IYKWIM, thankfully, and chest sounds fine, so hopefully, a mild cold will be as bad as it gets - though I think I will phone the GP on Monday and see if I can get some AB's just in case it gets worse over the Christmas break. She was confused but subdued all day, And in the afternoon she had me struggling to keep a straight face a couple of times. Out of the blue she announced how much she missed her late husband. I commiserated and in the course of the exchange I mentioned that it was now over 20 years since he passed away. Mil's head whipped round to look at me - "20 years?" she said "Well, its about time I got over that and found myself another man!".
I did a baking session in the morning, making mince pies and gingerbread biscuits (including Gingerbread men) - for some reason, the gingerbread man I presented Mil with, with an after lunch cuppa, really tickled her - she was chortling away, saying it looked just like her - but I should have made the mouth bigger!!!
Youngest was an absolute star with her, making her cups of tea and making a 'fuss' over seeing that Nana had a 'nice film' to watch. Oldest arriving home certainly bucked Mil up and she seemed to really enjoy watching the kids decorate the tree - the kids put a dining room chair by the side of it as they were working and gave Mil half a dozen baubles to hang - it was really nice to see She dozed for a lot of the late afternoon which is maybe why she didn't want bed at 9 - or half past - or at 10!!!! She was quite chilled and relaxed, seemed to be engrossed in the film we put on, and didn't head for bed till nearly 11pm I don't know if its the slight cold, diazapam or what, but for a lot of yesterday, I was most definitely 'Mum' to her, too - from her saying 'Thanks Mum' when I put her porridge in front of her at breakfast, through to when I was helping her get ready bed and she said 'Thanks for letting me stay up to watch the film, Mum'. It was an odd day, but probably one of the calmest and nicest days we have had with her for a long time.
The only biggish job today is to try and get Mil down to her friends house so she can drop off the Xmas gifts and cards for old friends and neighbours, other than that, just 'pootling round' generally keeping on top of the house and jobs. The family have voted to not have a traditional lunch today, as they reckon that wil make them look forward to the big Christmas dinner even more - huh, I've never noticed that they need any additional encouragement where Christmas dinner is concerned, anyway! Still, makes for an easier day for me - a couple of quick pasta dishes for kids and me, and a casserole that I made a froze a week ago for Mil, with some veggies on the side.
Hope you all have a good day xxx
I should really write that letter, Celia - but there is a worry that should the 'designated' respite bed not be available for whatever reason when we need it, we may have to rely on this place again - and what chance a bed being available if we are labelled as 'trouble makers' from the off? I think I'll start with a tactful phone call to see if the missing stuff has turned up and take it from there
Mil got up yesterday with a stuffy nose and croaky voice. Not actually 'ill' in herself, IYKWIM, thankfully, and chest sounds fine, so hopefully, a mild cold will be as bad as it gets - though I think I will phone the GP on Monday and see if I can get some AB's just in case it gets worse over the Christmas break. She was confused but subdued all day, And in the afternoon she had me struggling to keep a straight face a couple of times. Out of the blue she announced how much she missed her late husband. I commiserated and in the course of the exchange I mentioned that it was now over 20 years since he passed away. Mil's head whipped round to look at me - "20 years?" she said "Well, its about time I got over that and found myself another man!".
I did a baking session in the morning, making mince pies and gingerbread biscuits (including Gingerbread men) - for some reason, the gingerbread man I presented Mil with, with an after lunch cuppa, really tickled her - she was chortling away, saying it looked just like her - but I should have made the mouth bigger!!!
Youngest was an absolute star with her, making her cups of tea and making a 'fuss' over seeing that Nana had a 'nice film' to watch. Oldest arriving home certainly bucked Mil up and she seemed to really enjoy watching the kids decorate the tree - the kids put a dining room chair by the side of it as they were working and gave Mil half a dozen baubles to hang - it was really nice to see
She dozed for a lot of the late afternoon which is maybe why she didn't want bed at 9 - or half past - or at 10!!!! She was quite chilled and relaxed, seemed to be engrossed in the film we put on, and didn't head for bed till nearly 11pm I don't know if its the slight cold, diazapam or what, but for a lot of yesterday, I was most definitely 'Mum' to her, too - from her saying 'Thanks Mum' when I put her porridge in front of her at breakfast, through to when I was helping her get ready bed and she said 'Thanks for letting me stay up to watch the film, Mum'. It was an odd day, but probably one of the calmest and nicest days we have had with her for a long time.The only biggish job today is to try and get Mil down to her friends house so she can drop off the Xmas gifts and cards for old friends and neighbours, other than that, just 'pootling round' generally keeping on top of the house and jobs. The family have voted to not have a traditional lunch today, as they reckon that wil make them look forward to the big Christmas dinner even more - huh, I've never noticed that they need any additional encouragement where Christmas dinner is concerned, anyway! Still, makes for an easier day for me - a couple of quick pasta dishes for kids and me, and a casserole that I made a froze a week ago for Mil, with some veggies on the side.
Hope you all have a good day xxx
Oh Ann, what a terrible end to such a nice occasion! The missing clothes, and meds given at the wrong time, are really not acceptable. The clothes show a general lack of organisation but the meds issue is worrying. It's also a real pain that you have to spend time sorting this out, things are busy enough at this time of year
How lovely that your daughters have gone to such lengths to make sure their Nana is comfortable - they will grow into fine, caring adults. MIL calling you 'mum' is very sweet,or it would be if it weren't a sign of how far her grasp on reality has been lost.
This afternoon I had a cuppa and chat with a lady I have 'met' on a cat forum. I do love meeting in real life people I 'know' online
How lovely that your daughters have gone to such lengths to make sure their Nana is comfortable - they will grow into fine, caring adults. MIL calling you 'mum' is very sweet,or it would be if it weren't a sign of how far her grasp on reality has been lost.
This afternoon I had a cuppa and chat with a lady I have 'met' on a cat forum. I do love meeting in real life people I 'know' online
Morning all,
To be honest, Slugsta, I haven't even chased up the missing clothes yet, let alone anything else I'm expecting an invoice from them, for Mil's stay, and I make a phone call then, try to keep it polite - but at the same time, make my concerns my clear! It doesn't bother me, Mil calling me 'Mum', though I admit the first few times it felt really odd. Its funny, OH heard her referring to me as 'Mum' for several weeks before she actually called me that to my face - I honestly thought he was winding me up, as she didn't do it in my hearing, but at least him saying something sort of prepared me for gaining a 74 year old daughter! Glad you enjoyed your cuppa and meet - it is nice to meet up with cyber friends
Anne, we must have crossed posts, yesterday ! Our 'outside' spaces are so crammed and a little bit on the damp side, so storing presents there is no go - and the car is a hatch back, plus need it to be free for wheelchairs and shopping - I'll just have to deal with my bedroom looking like Paddy's market till Friday, lol!
Well, I had high hopes for a nice day yesterday, despite OH working. I thought the combination of older two home, plus the really nice day before and the visit to her mates, would keep Mil smiling. How wrong could I be?
She slept till 9.30, got up seeming OK but saying she was 'starving and still tired'. No problem - we were in no rush, so I suggested she have a cuppa and her brekkie, then head back to bed for a couple of hours if she wanted. That was fine by her, so back up she trundled, with me promising to wake her at around 12, so she could get ready to go to her friends. Up I trotted at 12, woke sleeping beauty, she sat up and went in to flat spin panic about not having presents for the friends and neighbours that she usually buys for. Again, no problem, I could reassure her on each and every one - till she asked me about a present for 'Mary O'Hearn' - she has, I think, mentioned that name before and I'm pretty sure it was a childhood friend or neighbour. And, obviously, I hadn't got a present for this person, but tried to fudge saying to Mil 'Please, don't worry - everything is sorted'. Mil then announcd she would put Mary's present in her bag, now, before she got dressed and I was told to go and get it. I tried saying all the presents were packed into a bag downstairs. She told me Mary's wasn't and said that I'd promised to keep it separate because it was 'special'. And would I go and get it - NOW! I tried saying I would do it after Mil was washed and dressed - nope, NOW, said Mil.
On a hiding to nothing and not able to produce the 'present' I tried to gently steer Mil towards 'remembering' that this person was from a lot of years back - Mil insisted she was her next door neighbour in the town she lived in before moving in here. I gave her the name of her actual 'next door neighbours' - Mil said she had never heard of them. That the O'Hearns lived on one side and the 'Keans' on the other - then midway through her telling me, Mary O'Hearn morphed into 'May Mullan' (I think) and I was left even more confused. I tried to insist that she got washed and dressed and then we could 'sort it out'. Mil told me she was sitting where she was until I gave her this flipping present. I told her that there was no 'present' - she announced that I could 'Bleep off' as she wasn't letting a liar like me help her do anything. In the end, I told her that either she moved to get ready now or we wouldn't be going anywhere and if that happened, she wouldn't be visiting anyone till after Christmas so no one would have a present. She allowed me to help her get washed and dressed then, but boy - the mood was awful and the insults and digs came thick and fast.
Trying to put her in a good mood, I had a cuppa waiting for her when she came down, and I tried to be cheery and upbeat - but she was still fixed on this flipping 'present'. Tea was slurped down, without a thank you or any sort of acknowledgement. I asked did she want to sign the cards that I had ready for her - I'd done the 'to ****' and writen 'Love from' - all she had to do was write her name. Big sigh and she 'supposed' she had better get it done - or I'd only 'nag'. I got a real taster then of how bad her writing skills have gone She insisted on writing her full name - first and surname - even though the cards were all going to friends she had had for years, but she missed letters out on some, transposed letters on others - a lot were almost unreadable. Once that was done, I styled her hair then made her some sandwiches for her lunch with another cuppa, and suggested we 'got going'. More sighs, got the coat and shoes on - then she wanted to know where I had put her face cream? Well, she has a couple of pots of it in her room - somewhere! Coat came off and up she went to look. Down she came - couldn't find it, but that wasn't important - now it was had she got the money in her purse or had she given it to me to 'look after'? . The money she said she had been to to the bank to get for her brothers children (her brothers children are all in their 40's, 50's and 60's now - never mind that they all still live in Ireland). And we were off again. I was a liar, a thief , blah blah blah - because I didn't happen to have the £50 she was demanding to give to her. And because she insisted that I had promised her that we were going to her brothers 'today'.
And the rest of the afternoon was more of the same. She wouldn't/couldn't let go of the obsession about this Mary/May person, even arguing with her friend that this person did live 'next door'. Back home, and almost instantly into could I lend her the money for a taxi to get home. I'm afraid I went to 'Not discussing' straight away. I tried the offer of a cuppa - she wanted some biscuits to go with it - but her friend had rather craftily presented Mil with a huge slab of cake, on the grounds that it was Christmas, so more sweet stuff wasn't a good option. I told her tea would be ready in an hour and so she would have to wait - and that didn't help either. Back to going home, her Dad was waiting for her, her husband was expecting her, she knew she had sold her old house but she had gone out 'last week and bought it back' (that's a new one!) - I very determidly stuck to 'not discussing', which saw us through till tea time. But then after tea, it was the old 'Who do you think you are? You are not my son's wife. He wouldn't marry someone as old/ugly/evil/spiteful/nasty as you!' I sent her to her room, and we then had her up and down the stairs till 8.30, when I got her changed and gave her her meds.
OH home just after 9, we settled to watch a film - and Mil started up and down the stairs again. She wanted to phone her old house to see if her husband was there. Oh settled her and came back downstairs. Then settled her again 15 minutes later. And then we had to switch the film off again, because he had to settle her again and this time found her pull ups dumped on the bathroom floor, so I had to go up and sort her. By now it was 10.30, we were less than half way through the film and we gave up. He has another 12 hour shift today, I was too knackered and the way things were going, we'd still be trying to watch the film at midnight.
I had really, really hoped that Saturday was a sign that the regular diazapam was helping her to be more settled and less anxious - but it seems not, and I'm a bit gutted. Thank goodness for DC today - just hoping she will be in a better mood!
Hope you all have a good day - got to dash - I can hear Mil's fairly footsteps lumbering round upstairs
To be honest, Slugsta, I haven't even chased up the missing clothes yet, let alone anything else
I'm expecting an invoice from them, for Mil's stay, and I make a phone call then, try to keep it polite - but at the same time, make my concerns my clear! It doesn't bother me, Mil calling me 'Mum', though I admit the first few times it felt really odd. Its funny, OH heard her referring to me as 'Mum' for several weeks before she actually called me that to my face - I honestly thought he was winding me up, as she didn't do it in my hearing, but at least him saying something sort of prepared me for gaining a 74 year old daughter! Glad you enjoyed your cuppa and meet - it is nice to meet up with cyber friends Anne, we must have crossed posts, yesterday ! Our 'outside' spaces are so crammed and a little bit on the damp side, so storing presents there is no go - and the car is a hatch back, plus need it to be free for wheelchairs and shopping - I'll just have to deal with my bedroom looking like Paddy's market till Friday, lol!
Well, I had high hopes for a nice day yesterday, despite OH working. I thought the combination of older two home, plus the really nice day before and the visit to her mates, would keep Mil smiling. How wrong could I be?
She slept till 9.30, got up seeming OK but saying she was 'starving and still tired'. No problem - we were in no rush, so I suggested she have a cuppa and her brekkie, then head back to bed for a couple of hours if she wanted. That was fine by her, so back up she trundled, with me promising to wake her at around 12, so she could get ready to go to her friends. Up I trotted at 12, woke sleeping beauty, she sat up and went in to flat spin panic about not having presents for the friends and neighbours that she usually buys for. Again, no problem, I could reassure her on each and every one - till she asked me about a present for 'Mary O'Hearn' - she has, I think, mentioned that name before and I'm pretty sure it was a childhood friend or neighbour. And, obviously, I hadn't got a present for this person, but tried to fudge saying to Mil 'Please, don't worry - everything is sorted'. Mil then announcd she would put Mary's present in her bag, now, before she got dressed and I was told to go and get it. I tried saying all the presents were packed into a bag downstairs. She told me Mary's wasn't and said that I'd promised to keep it separate because it was 'special'. And would I go and get it - NOW! I tried saying I would do it after Mil was washed and dressed - nope, NOW, said Mil.
On a hiding to nothing and not able to produce the 'present' I tried to gently steer Mil towards 'remembering' that this person was from a lot of years back - Mil insisted she was her next door neighbour in the town she lived in before moving in here. I gave her the name of her actual 'next door neighbours' - Mil said she had never heard of them. That the O'Hearns lived on one side and the 'Keans' on the other - then midway through her telling me, Mary O'Hearn morphed into 'May Mullan' (I think) and I was left even more confused. I tried to insist that she got washed and dressed and then we could 'sort it out'. Mil told me she was sitting where she was until I gave her this flipping present. I told her that there was no 'present' - she announced that I could 'Bleep off' as she wasn't letting a liar like me help her do anything. In the end, I told her that either she moved to get ready now or we wouldn't be going anywhere and if that happened, she wouldn't be visiting anyone till after Christmas so no one would have a present. She allowed me to help her get washed and dressed then, but boy - the mood was awful and the insults and digs came thick and fast.
Trying to put her in a good mood, I had a cuppa waiting for her when she came down, and I tried to be cheery and upbeat - but she was still fixed on this flipping 'present'. Tea was slurped down, without a thank you or any sort of acknowledgement. I asked did she want to sign the cards that I had ready for her - I'd done the 'to ****' and writen 'Love from' - all she had to do was write her name. Big sigh and she 'supposed' she had better get it done - or I'd only 'nag'. I got a real taster then of how bad her writing skills have gone
She insisted on writing her full name - first and surname - even though the cards were all going to friends she had had for years, but she missed letters out on some, transposed letters on others - a lot were almost unreadable. Once that was done, I styled her hair then made her some sandwiches for her lunch with another cuppa, and suggested we 'got going'. More sighs, got the coat and shoes on - then she wanted to know where I had put her face cream? Well, she has a couple of pots of it in her room - somewhere! Coat came off and up she went to look. Down she came - couldn't find it, but that wasn't important - now it was had she got the money in her purse or had she given it to me to 'look after'? . The money she said she had been to to the bank to get for her brothers children (her brothers children are all in their 40's, 50's and 60's now - never mind that they all still live in Ireland). And we were off again. I was a liar, a thief , blah blah blah - because I didn't happen to have the £50 she was demanding to give to her. And because she insisted that I had promised her that we were going to her brothers 'today'. And the rest of the afternoon was more of the same. She wouldn't/couldn't let go of the obsession about this Mary/May person, even arguing with her friend that this person did live 'next door'. Back home, and almost instantly into could I lend her the money for a taxi to get home. I'm afraid I went to 'Not discussing' straight away. I tried the offer of a cuppa - she wanted some biscuits to go with it - but her friend had rather craftily presented Mil with a huge slab of cake, on the grounds that it was Christmas, so more sweet stuff wasn't a good option. I told her tea would be ready in an hour and so she would have to wait - and that didn't help either. Back to going home, her Dad was waiting for her, her husband was expecting her, she knew she had sold her old house but she had gone out 'last week and bought it back' (that's a new one!) - I very determidly stuck to 'not discussing', which saw us through till tea time. But then after tea, it was the old 'Who do you think you are? You are not my son's wife. He wouldn't marry someone as old/ugly/evil/spiteful/nasty as you!' I sent her to her room, and we then had her up and down the stairs till 8.30, when I got her changed and gave her her meds.
OH home just after 9, we settled to watch a film - and Mil started up and down the stairs again. She wanted to phone her old house to see if her husband was there. Oh settled her and came back downstairs. Then settled her again 15 minutes later. And then we had to switch the film off again, because he had to settle her again and this time found her pull ups dumped on the bathroom floor, so I had to go up and sort her. By now it was 10.30, we were less than half way through the film and we gave up. He has another 12 hour shift today, I was too knackered and the way things were going, we'd still be trying to watch the film at midnight.
I had really, really hoped that Saturday was a sign that the regular diazapam was helping her to be more settled and less anxious - but it seems not, and I'm a bit gutted. Thank goodness for DC today - just hoping she will be in a better mood!
Hope you all have a good day - got to dash - I can hear Mil's fairly footsteps lumbering round upstairs
Morning ....
Ann, I posted before about my husband going what your MiL did with signing cards.
I had him do a couple of practice 'first name' signing, and it was OK-ish...
When it came to signing the Christmas cards, I had done like you... all he had to do was sign.
He signed first name , initial, followed by surname...
Told him the next card just need X, but he did the full name, again and again....
Seeing him concentrate soooo hard in doing this task , made me realise how another skill had been lost.
The next year, I didn't bother, by then he was paranoid about signing anything, and didn't trust me .
Ann, I posted before about my husband going what your MiL did with signing cards.
I had him do a couple of practice 'first name' signing, and it was OK-ish...
When it came to signing the Christmas cards, I had done like you... all he had to do was sign.
He signed first name , initial, followed by surname...
Told him the next card just need X, but he did the full name, again and again....
Seeing him concentrate soooo hard in doing this task , made me realise how another skill had been lost.
The next year, I didn't bother, by then he was paranoid about signing anything, and didn't trust me .
