So, here we are.

[LYN T]

Lady A, I'm glad that William sent you his little house but so sorry that you feel so down. Your Xmas tree looks lovely. Pete was like William and loved Xmas-he always helped decorating the tree. So many memories.

I hope you feel a bit better today-please try to be patient with yourself!. Grief is such a strong emotion especially at this time of year.

Much love

Lyn T XX

 

[Quilty]

Before dementia floored my Mum I was really proud of how hard she worked to make a new life after my dad died. She joined a few clubs and met other women her own age, some also widows and had some goid times. It took her three years to feel strong enough to do this. Grief is such a terrible thing and it takes so long just to stop feeling raw. I think you are doing the best you can. 8m gkad you came here ti share your feelings. Sending s big hubg. Love quilty

 

[LadyA]

Before dementia floored my Mum I was really proud of how hard she worked to make a new life after my dad died. She joined a few clubs and met other women her own age, some also widows and had some goid times. It took her three years to feel strong enough to do this. Grief is such a terrible thing and it takes so long just to stop feeling raw. I think you are doing the best you can. 8m gkad you came here ti share your feelings. Sending s big hubg. Love quilty

Thank you Quilty - I've been here for years, through my husband's dementia journey (well a lot of it).

One of the problems is that I live in the country. Not miles and miles out - but about 20 minutes from town. People don't want to drive out this far, and people who haven't been before aren't inclined to come to unknown territory. And - I've had dau intervene when I've gone about having people here, and say "It's much handier if everyone comes to us instead, as they are all nearer to us"- because she lives in town. She isn't being nasty or anything. It's just that of course, if people come out here, they have to drive home, so can't have a glass of wine or anything. When did that become such a big deal?? And then, several of the people I know don't drive - and there are no buses out to here in the evenings or at weekends! I remember during the Summer (when there are extra services) dau was horrified, when they wanted to go to some music thing in the nearest village - 2 miles from me - and she asked me what time the last bus to town was, and I told that it was as far as I knew, at 8. "Whaaattt?" she yelped. "But how do people get home?"

 

[Grey Lad]

Thank you Quilty - I've been here for years, through my husband's dementia journey (well a lot of it).

One of the problems is that I live in the country. Not miles and miles out - but about 20 minutes from town. People don't want to drive out this far, and people who haven't been before aren't inclined to come to unknown territory. And - I've had dau intervene when I've gone about having people here, and say "It's much handier if everyone comes to us instead, as they are all nearer to us"- because she lives in town. She isn't being nasty or anything. It's just that of course, if people come out here, they have to drive home, so can't have a glass of wine or anything. When did that become such a big deal?? And then, several of the people I know don't drive - and there are no buses out to here in the evenings or at weekends! I remember during the Summer (when there are extra services) dau was horrified, when they wanted to go to some music thing in the nearest village - 2 miles from me - and she asked me what time the last bus to town was, and I told that it was as far as I knew, at 8. "Whaaattt?" she yelped. "But how do people get home?"

I think I know what you mean. Our nearest close relatives all live a couple of hours away. We don't want to put people up here any more: there is enough to do. So they pop over occasionally.

Hang on I'm rabbiting on - we live on the outskirts of Cleethorpes and I think you may be a little more isolated than that. I am pushing my luck her as I often do: what would William suggest you to do now? Worth a thought?

Tell me to take a hike if it helps. G L

 

[Beate]

You'll love this: Supershoppers Do Christmas on Channel 4 have just made up their own perfume, mocked up an ad and called it "Lady A". They concluded it smells "earthy". The ingredients? Some essential oils and vodka. The public liked it.

 

[LadyA]

You'll love this: Supershoppers Do Christmas on Channel 4 have just made up their own perfume, mocked up an ad and called it "Lady A". They concluded it smells "earthy". The ingredients? Some essential oils and vodka. The public liked it.

:-D Good for them! I don't have TV, so am not familiar with the program. Is it a sort of " how gullible are people " slot?

 

[Beate]

Exactly. Like the huge mark-up on any bath sets which you could get cheaper if you bought the items individually - that sort of thing.

 

[LadyA]

I actually achieved something today! I think it helped that I wasn't putting myself under pressure, thinking of what I "should " be getting done. I stayed in bed until 8.20. Then, as there was another heavy rainfall warning out, but it wasn't actually raining when I got up, I went straight out and cleaned the chicken house. It's been badly in need of cleaning and fresh bedding, but the weather has been so awful now for weeks! So I'm really glad to have that done - even if it wasn't a thorough job, as the rain started before I was finished! then I cleaned and disinfected the cat's litter tray (full clean and scrub yuk), and swept floors, and before weather got too bad, went to the picture framer to collect the photo of William in his garden that I was having framed, and to buy some tea and the local newspaper. When I got home, I cleaned and lit the stove, although it wasn't very cold today - but I knew I'd want the heating tonight. And finally I did my mountain of ironing! Well pleased with the day.

 

[LadyA]

Here is the photo. Taken by a man working for the Electric Company, from the top of the electricity pole in the bottom of our neighbours' garden! William spotted the guy working, asked if he'd take a photo, the very kind man let down a rope and William sent his camera up in a plastic bag tied to the rope! The man took the pic and lowered the camera down to William again!

 

[sleepless]

What an enterprising chap your William was, Lady A, to think to ask the man to take the photo!
And it looks really good in the frame.

 

[Grey Lad]

What a man William sounds. I can fully understand what a gap he has left in your life. If Maureen and I ever get over your way we would love to pop in to visit that garden and meet you of course..

Unfortunately I doubt we will ever make it as Ireland may bring back haunting memories of scattering her daughter's ashes in the Killory - Denise loved Ireland. Her husband's family have a cottage on the banks of the Killory. I realise that is not quite where you are so a trip to Dublin one day might just do it. You never know... Take care. G L

 

[Saffie]

What a wonderful picture that is Lady A. A lovely garden too. I'm impressed with the circle of slabs, so precise!

 

[LadyA]

Oh, it's all very thought out Saffie and hard to believe that this place was basically an empty field when we moved in! In fact, we used to borrow sheep from a neighbouring farmer now and then, to keep the grass down!

William's garden was actually laid out in a sort of spiral grove. You entered at one side, moved around clockwise, and eventually (I think) came to the centre. And then moving again, there was another gate at the far side. He had erected four small (knee high) "standing stones" on which he had painted the Ogham symbols for North, South, East and West. He couldn't afford to get them carved on, and now of course, the paint has long since washed off. The grove is based on the ancient Gaelic Ogham alphabet, each letter of which was based on a tree - the symbol for I was based on the Yew, the symbol for E was based on the Aspen etc. He has all the "trees" of the Ogham alphabet planted out there - including ivy, and the "vine", for which he planted a grape vine, which of course is in totally the wrong soil, and has never given a single grape! But it has survived. And then he put in circular flower beds - but he wasn't great at weeding! And this whole area is the soakway for our septic system, so it's got literally tons of stones there! That's what makes the slope! Very hard to plant anything. And things grow for a while, but it doesn't suit everything. The Yew trees did get quite big, but now are dying I think. Willows are thriving and have to be kept in check! The whole area is surrounded by a Hornbeam hedge, which needs to be kept in check. Although a year ago, SIL's henchmen were detailed by him to cut the hedge which had grown out of control, and they cut it too short for my liking - and it being Winter, they couldn't tell the hedge from the trees in front of it. So everything was cut, including three oak trees! I was very upset! It will all grow again of course, but next time it's being cut, I will be tying day-glo tape to the trees that are not to be cut! And the hedge itself needs to be a bit taller -it creates a sort of micro-climate in there, which was lovely. And it's wonderful out there at dusk in the Summer - with the birds singing and the bats flitting about.

The frame matches the frame on William's painting, which hangs on the same wall in the living room.

 

[Grannie G]

What a wonderful garden and such a splendid legacy.

 

[LYN T]

Oh I love your garden LadyA. So pretty-and LARGE! Well done for keeping on top of it all. I can't wait for the Spring so I can get out and make mine pretty. It's only postage stamp size so I hope it wont take long.

Love

Lyn T XX

 

[Grey Lad]

What a lovely place to live with so many memories of William around you. G L

 

[LadyA]

Oh I love your garden LadyA. So pretty-and LARGE! Well done for keeping on top of it all. I can't wait for the Spring so I can get out and make mine pretty. It's only postage stamp size so I hope it wont take long.

Love

Lyn T XX

Large. Yes Lyn. That bit is only about half of it. There's a large veg garden at one side of the house, a big front garden with two large beds in, one with flowers, one with mostly shrubs, a smaller lawn which doesn't do much as it's under trees, and a small lawn behind the house with a bed which has mostly roses. And there's a large area fenced off where the chickens are. And behind William's garden there's a wilderness which needs to be hacked down with a brush cutter several times a year! I was working on reclaiming the beds, and had the ones in the front done, and was working my way down the rose bed. I got half way down, when the weather turned nasty, and we've had constant heavy rain and winds for weeks now, so it's abandoned until the weather is better. Not good to be walking on it when the ground is so wet.

 

[LadyA]

We went tonight to the Carol Service in the church I used to go to with William. He was a Minister there. I found it really tough, but was doing very well until one of the readings turned out to be not only one of William's favourite Scripture passages, on which I heard him preach so, so often, but it was also one of the readings we had at his funeral - that was the last time I was in that church.

I fled to the Ladies' in tears. But it was fine after that. They put on a feast of snacks and cakes after the service. The church was packed, as it always is for their Carol service with neighbours and quite a few from other churches around.
Another of those "firsts" done.

 

[Saffie]

Oh well done Lady A. As you say, another first over
Isn't it strange how these coincidences come upon us to cause our undoing just when we are thinking we are fine.
You did well to refrain from fleeing home.Lots of sympathy. x

 

[LadyA]

Oh well done Lady A. As you say, another first over
Isn't it strange how these coincidences come upon us to cause our undoing just when we are thinking we are fine.
You did well to refrain from fleeing home.Lots of sympathy. x

I couldn't flee home Saffie - although it's less than a mile away, it was pitch dark (out in the country, no lights!) and dau, SIL, and a couple of friends had come here for tea, sandwiches, mince pies and cakes first, and then we went over in their car.

Dau was very excited when they arrived here for tea, to discover that I had made it all Christmassy. I had taken out my Portmeirion "Holly & Ivy" Christmas dishes, which I've collected over the years (right down to teaspoons!) and everything was set out on that. And the room was all Christmassy with candles and a lamp on low and Christmas music on in the background. Would have been nice to have a fire lit - but it would be way too hot in there!