Ann, wherever do you find the strength to keep on in the face of MIL's hostility? We all know it's the Dementia, but , my goodness, it can still hurt! If you were awarded a ballon for every nasty comment you've ignored, your house would be filled to the roof with balloons! And you could pop them to relieve the pressure. XXXXXXXXX
So bizarre !
- Thread starter Ann Mac
- Start date
Morning All...
Thanks for your comments.
I think I will take my niece up on her suggestion of 'hiding out' at hers over Christmas.
I have visions on family in laws attempting to bring MiL over to me on Boxing Day.
I can as you say 'hide the car' at my friends (only 5 minute walk) then go over to my nieces in the evening.
I'm not a big drinker, but do like a drink at Christmas.... so might get a taxi.
Then on Boxing Day go to another friends.
( MY sister too far away to travel SW just for a few days).
I know that it will be difficult for them, but they need to have their eyes opened.
MiL other son, who also lives in the same town as her (who also ignores/ struggles with Alz)
he is going to his in laws this year, so he will not be available to help...
MiL daughter ( nieces mum ) .... she's not far away , but I think is planning on going to Spain? where her boyfriend's family have a holiday home.
The only way I can guarantee MiL not being 'taken for a drive', and ending up at mine
is to not be here IF they did do that.
siggghhhhh...... what a ridiculous situation to be in ....
Docs just before Christmas, then Pain Clinic just after for medication review.
Ann, I hope MiLs new meds work...
I had years of issues with my husbands pharmacy x ....
just about every month little mistakes, several phone calls, and it still was not right.
Lost count of the number of times I was given a slip of paper saying ... 'I owe you'...
I'm sure some of MiL anger towards me is that she thinks I am the other woman.
The woman who stole her husband (son), some of her comments she makes, sound that way.
I think she thinks I am living in her other house, where 'her husband' lived...
MiL husband died when my husband (her son) was teenager...
She lived in the family home for years, and then moved to her bungalow ...
My husband never lived in the bungalow..., but I think MiL thinks he did.
I'm the evil B.... who stole her son/husband from her.
Its a good job I remember the MiL I met decades ago.
Have a good day everyone xxxx
Thanks for your comments.
I think I will take my niece up on her suggestion of 'hiding out' at hers over Christmas.
I have visions on family in laws attempting to bring MiL over to me on Boxing Day.
I can as you say 'hide the car' at my friends (only 5 minute walk) then go over to my nieces in the evening.
I'm not a big drinker, but do like a drink at Christmas.... so might get a taxi.
Then on Boxing Day go to another friends.
( MY sister too far away to travel SW just for a few days).
I know that it will be difficult for them, but they need to have their eyes opened.
MiL other son, who also lives in the same town as her (who also ignores/ struggles with Alz)
he is going to his in laws this year, so he will not be available to help...
MiL daughter ( nieces mum ) .... she's not far away , but I think is planning on going to Spain? where her boyfriend's family have a holiday home.
The only way I can guarantee MiL not being 'taken for a drive', and ending up at mine
is to not be here IF they did do that.
siggghhhhh...... what a ridiculous situation to be in ....
Docs just before Christmas, then Pain Clinic just after for medication review.
Ann, I hope MiLs new meds work...
I had years of issues with my husbands pharmacy x ....
just about every month little mistakes, several phone calls, and it still was not right.
Lost count of the number of times I was given a slip of paper saying ... 'I owe you'...
I'm sure some of MiL anger towards me is that she thinks I am the other woman.
The woman who stole her husband (son), some of her comments she makes, sound that way.
I think she thinks I am living in her other house, where 'her husband' lived...
MiL husband died when my husband (her son) was teenager...
She lived in the family home for years, and then moved to her bungalow ...
My husband never lived in the bungalow..., but I think MiL thinks he did.
I'm the evil B.... who stole her son/husband from her.
Its a good job I remember the MiL I met decades ago.
Have a good day everyone xxxx
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I think that is a very real possibility Grace - far better to be safe than sorry.
Ann, I will keep everything crossed that the new meds do the trick and sooner rather than later hopefully, another day like yesterday and you will all be utterly exhausted
Oh (((Ann))) I really don't know how you keep your patience and good humour for most of the time. It shows how far MIL must have pushed you, for you to react like that
Grace, I really do think that is a good idea. You shouldn't have to hide out like that but you need to deal with the situation as it is, not as it should be.
Grace, I really do think that is a good idea. You shouldn't have to hide out like that but you need to deal with the situation as it is, not as it should be.
Morning all,
Thanks GL - the day didn't seem quite as busy as I thought it would, to be fair Everything got 'done' without any rushing or hiccups, so all good
I can sympathize with being the 'other woman', Grace - as you know, that's an intermittant fixation for my Mil, and it really isn't nice to deal with I too wondered if they would 'turn up' at your home over Christmas, having found your Mil too hard to deal with and try to palm her off on you. It is ridiculous, as you say, but being away seems to be your best chance at having some peace. Like Spamar, I hope there is no way that anyone has keys to or can get access to your home in your absence xxxx
Thanks Essie - so far, can't say that there is any change that could be called an 'improvement', but I know it can take a couple of weeks to really get an idea of how any new meds will impact.
Slugsta, this is where I'm lucky - when Mil does push me 'too far', most of the time I can step right back and let OH deal with her. I don't do it often, but now and again, stepping away from her like that saves me from really crashing. I don't know how solo carers, without the safety net of 'another' that they can do that with, manage!
Mil came down at about 9 yesterday, and was still throwing dirty looks in my direction. When I left the room, or she thought I was out of earshot, she kept trying to make comments about me to OH , telling him that 'she' (me) hated her or saying that I was being 'nasty' to her again - I actually hadn't said a word beyond a polite 'Good Morning' (which she ignored). OH got her the toast and tea she wanted, which she took without so much as a 'please' or 'thank you'. Once she had eaten, she stomped back off to bed! OH then took dau and her friend to Chester for their panto, and I got stuck into the house. Mil remained in bed. When he got back, I shot off to the shops, finally managed to finish off getting the last bits I wanted for my mates' Christmas gift, and also got quite a bit of the 'Christmas food shop' done. When I came back, she was up - and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. I later found out that she had come down the stairs and started calling me names and saying nasty things about me again. And OH had absolutely blasted her, because here's the strange thing - she seemed to remember that there had been words exchanged the morning before, was clear that she and I had had a falling out and knew she had been rude to me because I 'didn't let her' do what she wanted, I didn't let her get up exactly when she wanted too. Which was really accurate but a big change from the usual fabricated resons she tend to produce to explain why she is cross with either OH or myself. Given her mood, OH had added the diaz to her morning meds, but to be honest, I thik the sudden stilted politeness I was treated to was more to do with her realising that actually, OH was not going to be on 'her side' (her words, not mine) if she carried on behaving like that.
I was able to get her washed, dressed and even get her teeth cleaned - that was a relief because her breath was foul!. While she was washing, she again referred to the day before, saying that she was 'just fed up' that she couldn't get dressed and go out by herself. Again - that was pretty accurate compared to her usual recall of events. By now it was lunchtime, so OH made lunch for the two of them, whilst I wrapped the very last of the pressies. OH didn't let her away with anything, correcting her when she failed to say 'Thank you' (for some reason, it really annoys him when she so often fails to be polite or even acknowledge when someone does something for her). Daughter came home, I got her lunch, did the last of the days ironing while OH watched Mil, then I took dau for her haircut and we then went shopping, daughter for the last pressie she wanted to get (fancy soaps, and a new scarf and glove set for Nana, to go with the slippers and various other bits and bobs from the kids), and I wanted to pick up a couple of Christmas ornaments and some new placemats.
When we got back, OH was now the villain of the piece, judging by Mil's attitude. As soon as I walked through the door, she said she was getting her coat and I could 'take her home now'. I very politely but firmly said that no, I wouldn't be doing that and OH reminded her that she lives here. 'No, I do not' she said, then seeing that neither of us were going to take her anywhere she announced 'I'm going to my room'. And off she went. Tea was nearly ready when she came down again - she asked me was I going to give her some bread and butter to eat? Or was I going to 'starve' her - again! I didn't rise, told her her meal would be ready in 10 minutes then ignored her as I carried on with cooking. She went and sat down, now refusing to acknowledge OH speaking to her - so she got another 'Come to Jesus' lecture from him before I served up the food. She also got the second dose of the diazapam! We did manage to eat in peace, but after tea, with a haughty 'I'm going to my room', Mil headed upstairs again. OK by me
7pm, she was down again - and she was off with the fairies. Where was the other dog? She had better get those pies out of the oven! She wanted to get me the key she had put in that cup. She had better get ready for the 'hop' she and her friends were going to. And eventually, where was the little one? Was the little chap hiding? What had happened to him? I was very, very polite but very firm. Just kept repeating that there was no little one, no little chap, no babbie. Eventually she announced that if I wasn't going to tell her what I'd done with him, she was going to bed - and off she went. At 8.30, I took up her meds and got her to change her pull ups - shades of the previous morning as she very deliberately took her time and faffed around, but eventually sorted. 10 pm, she was back down - and OH marched her back up again.
So, so far, not seeing much of a difference with the new meds, other than a couple of brief times when she did seem to be very much more aware of 'reality' than usual. She has been up once this morning (just after 6) and I got the usual daggers when I explained it was Sunday, too early to be up - and that the kitchen wasn't open yet. But she has gone back and settled - for now at least.
A pootling round day today, with a bit of flumping thrown in, if Mil behaves
Hope you all have a good day xxxx
Thanks GL - the day didn't seem quite as busy as I thought it would, to be fair
Everything got 'done' without any rushing or hiccups, so all good I can sympathize with being the 'other woman', Grace - as you know, that's an intermittant fixation for my Mil, and it really isn't nice to deal with
I too wondered if they would 'turn up' at your home over Christmas, having found your Mil too hard to deal with and try to palm her off on you. It is ridiculous, as you say, but being away seems to be your best chance at having some peace. Like Spamar, I hope there is no way that anyone has keys to or can get access to your home in your absence xxxxThanks Essie - so far, can't say that there is any change that could be called an 'improvement', but I know it can take a couple of weeks to really get an idea of how any new meds will impact.
Slugsta, this is where I'm lucky - when Mil does push me 'too far', most of the time I can step right back and let OH deal with her. I don't do it often, but now and again, stepping away from her like that saves me from really crashing. I don't know how solo carers, without the safety net of 'another' that they can do that with, manage!
Mil came down at about 9 yesterday, and was still throwing dirty looks in my direction. When I left the room, or she thought I was out of earshot, she kept trying to make comments about me to OH , telling him that 'she' (me) hated her or saying that I was being 'nasty' to her again - I actually hadn't said a word beyond a polite 'Good Morning' (which she ignored). OH got her the toast and tea she wanted, which she took without so much as a 'please' or 'thank you'. Once she had eaten, she stomped back off to bed! OH then took dau and her friend to Chester for their panto, and I got stuck into the house. Mil remained in bed. When he got back, I shot off to the shops, finally managed to finish off getting the last bits I wanted for my mates' Christmas gift, and also got quite a bit of the 'Christmas food shop' done. When I came back, she was up - and you could cut the atmosphere with a knife. I later found out that she had come down the stairs and started calling me names and saying nasty things about me again. And OH had absolutely blasted her, because here's the strange thing - she seemed to remember that there had been words exchanged the morning before, was clear that she and I had had a falling out and knew she had been rude to me because I 'didn't let her' do what she wanted, I didn't let her get up exactly when she wanted too. Which was really accurate but a big change from the usual fabricated resons she tend to produce to explain why she is cross with either OH or myself. Given her mood, OH had added the diaz to her morning meds, but to be honest, I thik the sudden stilted politeness I was treated to was more to do with her realising that actually, OH was not going to be on 'her side' (her words, not mine) if she carried on behaving like that.
I was able to get her washed, dressed and even get her teeth cleaned - that was a relief because her breath was foul!. While she was washing, she again referred to the day before, saying that she was 'just fed up' that she couldn't get dressed and go out by herself. Again - that was pretty accurate compared to her usual recall of events. By now it was lunchtime, so OH made lunch for the two of them, whilst I wrapped the very last of the pressies. OH didn't let her away with anything, correcting her when she failed to say 'Thank you' (for some reason, it really annoys him when she so often fails to be polite or even acknowledge when someone does something for her). Daughter came home, I got her lunch, did the last of the days ironing while OH watched Mil, then I took dau for her haircut and we then went shopping, daughter for the last pressie she wanted to get (fancy soaps, and a new scarf and glove set for Nana, to go with the slippers and various other bits and bobs from the kids), and I wanted to pick up a couple of Christmas ornaments and some new placemats.
When we got back, OH was now the villain of the piece, judging by Mil's attitude. As soon as I walked through the door, she said she was getting her coat and I could 'take her home now'. I very politely but firmly said that no, I wouldn't be doing that and OH reminded her that she lives here. 'No, I do not' she said, then seeing that neither of us were going to take her anywhere she announced 'I'm going to my room'. And off she went. Tea was nearly ready when she came down again - she asked me was I going to give her some bread and butter to eat? Or was I going to 'starve' her - again! I didn't rise, told her her meal would be ready in 10 minutes then ignored her as I carried on with cooking. She went and sat down, now refusing to acknowledge OH speaking to her - so she got another 'Come to Jesus' lecture from him before I served up the food. She also got the second dose of the diazapam! We did manage to eat in peace, but after tea, with a haughty 'I'm going to my room', Mil headed upstairs again. OK by me
7pm, she was down again - and she was off with the fairies. Where was the other dog? She had better get those pies out of the oven! She wanted to get me the key she had put in that cup. She had better get ready for the 'hop' she and her friends were going to. And eventually, where was the little one? Was the little chap hiding? What had happened to him? I was very, very polite but very firm. Just kept repeating that there was no little one, no little chap, no babbie. Eventually she announced that if I wasn't going to tell her what I'd done with him, she was going to bed - and off she went. At 8.30, I took up her meds and got her to change her pull ups - shades of the previous morning as she very deliberately took her time and faffed around, but eventually sorted. 10 pm, she was back down - and OH marched her back up again.
So, so far, not seeing much of a difference with the new meds, other than a couple of brief times when she did seem to be very much more aware of 'reality' than usual. She has been up once this morning (just after 6) and I got the usual daggers when I explained it was Sunday, too early to be up - and that the kitchen wasn't open yet. But she has gone back and settled - for now at least.
A pootling round day today, with a bit of flumping thrown in, if Mil behaves
Hope you all have a good day xxxx
Yup!
Shortly after my last post, I could hear her crashing round her room - went up, bed soaked, she had managed to get the sheet and pillow cases off and was trying to take off the duvet cover. She said she had 'spilt water' at first
I stripped off the rest of the bed, wiped down the mattress and made it up with fresh covers, got her into the bathroom, quick wash of her lower 'bits' and fresh pull ups. Glad I had gloves on when I went to gather the wet bedding as I put my hand straight in the pull up's 'hidden' in the fold of the sheet (I had assumed she had binned it!) - nope, there is was - dry, but filled with poo She must have had an accident, and I think that she had taken off the pull ups, dumped them on the floor, got back into bed and wet, then dumped the bedding on top. Not exactly the start I was hopng for to a 'pootling' and 'flumping' type of day *sigh*
Yup!
Shortly after my last post, I could hear her crashing round her room - went up, bed soaked, she had managed to get the sheet and pillow cases off and was trying to take off the duvet cover. She said she had 'spilt water' at first
Not exactly the start I was hopng for to a 'pootling' and 'flumping' type of day *sigh*
I'm tempted to say:'things can only get better' but unfortunately 'Tone' has discredited that one. I don't know how you do it Ann! G L
Morning....
Its OK, family in laws don't have keys to mine ....
They 'might' take MiL back to her bungalow on Boxing Day, if they have had a hard time.
If this happens, at least she will be safe, warm, I don't think they will just drop her off at the door and run.
I am planning on giving my niece a bag of Christmas food/ goodies to give to MiL when she goes over to collect her, before she takes her over to her sons/ DiL.
When MiL gets back from her Christmas/ Boxing day visit... her fridge and cupboard will be full.
Told me niece to say the food is from HER , not me ....
I'm planning on seeing her sometime between Christmas and New Year .... pop-in.
Holding my breath to see what happens...
Ann.... hope MiL calms down with the new meds.
Its OK, family in laws don't have keys to mine ....
They 'might' take MiL back to her bungalow on Boxing Day, if they have had a hard time.
If this happens, at least she will be safe, warm, I don't think they will just drop her off at the door and run.
I am planning on giving my niece a bag of Christmas food/ goodies to give to MiL when she goes over to collect her, before she takes her over to her sons/ DiL.
When MiL gets back from her Christmas/ Boxing day visit... her fridge and cupboard will be full.
Told me niece to say the food is from HER , not me ....
I'm planning on seeing her sometime between Christmas and New Year .... pop-in.
Holding my breath to see what happens...
Ann.... hope MiL calms down with the new meds.
Sorry Ann and all I had a lovely long post and then TP said nope not connected
Ann i do hope you have had some flumping (ok my auto correct knew that word)
Grace i so hope things go well/badly for the inlaws . Hope you get a nice break
GL hope today is settled for you
Ann i do hope you have had some flumping (ok my auto correct knew that word)
Grace i so hope things go well/badly for the inlaws . Hope you get a nice break
GL hope today is settled for you
Ann, words are inadequate to say how amazing your resilience is - as you say though for those coping alone it is a different level again, so glad you were able to get out and have a reasonably good day and do some shopping for Xmas stuff.
Weird Mil being so lucid - and saying what I had felt was behind a lot of her 'acting up' - that she is just 'fed up' with the limitations imposed by her illness - are you, or OH, able to respond to that directly in that moment or is she not lucid enough to be able to have an actual back and forth factual conversation? Sorry, that sounds really nosy.....
And MrsTerryN, I too hope that things go well badly for Grace's in-laws over Xmas....
Weird Mil being so lucid - and saying what I had felt was behind a lot of her 'acting up' - that she is just 'fed up' with the limitations imposed by her illness - are you, or OH, able to respond to that directly in that moment or is she not lucid enough to be able to have an actual back and forth factual conversation? Sorry, that sounds really nosy.....
And MrsTerryN, I too hope that things go well badly for Grace's in-laws over Xmas....
No respite...
My husband was supposed to start a week's respite in a nice Care Home yesterday. But after an hour and a half we were asked to take him out! He can be hard work, but I thought they'd give him a better chance than that. He's deceptively articulate and sociable, but very confused and frightened, with no short term memory. It seems he could read the number, written clearly above the pad by the door, but the rest is a bit uncertain. My daughter in law, who went to pick him up, said the person in charge was insisting he leave, although others felt they should persevere, but were over ruled.Whatever can he have done to offend in such a short time?
So much for all my lovely plans, which were mostly for a good rest. Everyone who might be able to help will be otherwise engaged this week, so I'll be solo again.
( this is duplicated on my thread "Begging to go home".)
My husband was supposed to start a week's respite in a nice Care Home yesterday. But after an hour and a half we were asked to take him out! He can be hard work, but I thought they'd give him a better chance than that. He's deceptively articulate and sociable, but very confused and frightened, with no short term memory. It seems he could read the number, written clearly above the pad by the door, but the rest is a bit uncertain. My daughter in law, who went to pick him up, said the person in charge was insisting he leave, although others felt they should persevere, but were over ruled.Whatever can he have done to offend in such a short time?
So much for all my lovely plans, which were mostly for a good rest. Everyone who might be able to help will be otherwise engaged this week, so I'll be solo again.
( this is duplicated on my thread "Begging to go home".)
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Morning all x
Words just fail me, Anne - I am totally devastated for you. An hour and a half? Surely to God, they could have tried just a bit harder! Given the poor man chance to settle, given it a try? I'm disgusted with them, and so angry on your behalf. Too many times I've read posts from carers who report that a home - supposedly staffed and run by "professionals" - have suddenly announced that they cannot cope with a L.O.'s behaviour and have insisted that the relatives remove them, either from respite or a permenant placement. And I feel furious every time, because like so many others my reaction is - "So if you can't manage, how the hell do you expect the family/carer to cope?". I don't even know what to advise, other than screaming at SW's and the like and demanding that they sort an alternative. Now. And as I type it, I also know two other things - that finding the energy to 'scream' is easy to type but sometimes impossible to actually do. And that it might be a case of there are simply no homes left in your area that can cope with extremes of behaviour, which is apparently the case here as well as in other places. They have been closed by the LA and private homes don't find 'difficult cases' cost effective to provide for - so they don't.
Where the hell is the support for those individuals, and their carers, who don't 'live well with dementia'? Where's the acknowledgement of how hard it is and who is fighting on their behalf? Why isn't this sort of issue better publicised? The price of ignoring that a lot of PWD's simply can't 'Go to Africa, anyway', or be magically reassured by a pat on the hand, is that those who are dealing with the repercussions and reality of extremely challenging behaviour are left high and dry. I'm damn near in tears at the thought of how you must be feeling Anne and at the situation you are in. I just don't know what to advise or how to help. I'm so, so sorry xxxxxx
In the face of Annes dreadful situation, I'm not going to bang on about Mil. Suffice to say we had a rough day, with sundowning and 'home' playing a major role for a good bit of it, yesterday. We also had her up and down, in and out of bed till nearly midnight. And again, times when she openly acknowledged that she was 'causing trouble' (her words) or 'behaving badly' (again her words).
Essie, we both (OH and I) tried to get through to her whilst she was being so 'lucid'. But the bottom line for Mil is that no matter that its not our fault, she feels that she is perfectly justified to behave badly when she can't have what she wants and insisted that 'anyone else' in her situation would do exactly the same. And yes, she acknowledged that she has a lot of health issues and a 'bad memory' and needs help. And that those things are not our fault - but her not liking it seems to 'trump' any other consideration in her head. As OH said, its all about 'her' in her mind - she doesn't have the capacity to really empathise or consider anyones needs and wishes, but her own.
Lol Angelface - 'A come to Jesus lecture' is a real, ranting, stern, no-holds-barred telling off. Over and above a usual 'telling off'. A friend years ago also asked what it meant - I came up with it basically being a lecture that translates to 'Repent and atone, or prepare to meet thy maker' - basically a very forcible 'Buck up - or face very serious consequences'. !
Got to try and deal with the near-by orthopeadic hospital, this morning, on behalf of my son who is waiting for minor surgery on his knee. Despite, after him explaining that he is in uni and a fair distance away and him being assured that he would be given at least a couple of weeks notice about any appointment, on Saturday he got a letter telling him he has a pre-op appointment - for this afternoon! He also already has a group presentation for his course this afternoon and there is no way it can be changed. I'm hoping that I can sort it without him losing his op date - which they also sent - for 15th of Jan.
Also need to fit in a hair dressing appointment, and try and chase up whats happening with the respite bed - despite promises, guess what? No one has got back to me to let me know what the heck is going on
Anne, I'm sending you massive {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} and hoping that all manage (somehow) to have a good day xxxxxx
Words just fail me, Anne - I am totally devastated for you. An hour and a half? Surely to God, they could have tried just a bit harder! Given the poor man chance to settle, given it a try? I'm disgusted with them, and so angry on your behalf. Too many times I've read posts from carers who report that a home - supposedly staffed and run by "professionals" - have suddenly announced that they cannot cope with a L.O.'s behaviour and have insisted that the relatives remove them, either from respite or a permenant placement. And I feel furious every time, because like so many others my reaction is - "So if you can't manage, how the hell do you expect the family/carer to cope?". I don't even know what to advise, other than screaming at SW's and the like and demanding that they sort an alternative. Now. And as I type it, I also know two other things - that finding the energy to 'scream' is easy to type but sometimes impossible to actually do. And that it might be a case of there are simply no homes left in your area that can cope with extremes of behaviour, which is apparently the case here as well as in other places. They have been closed by the LA and private homes don't find 'difficult cases' cost effective to provide for - so they don't.
Where the hell is the support for those individuals, and their carers, who don't 'live well with dementia'? Where's the acknowledgement of how hard it is and who is fighting on their behalf? Why isn't this sort of issue better publicised? The price of ignoring that a lot of PWD's simply can't 'Go to Africa, anyway', or be magically reassured by a pat on the hand, is that those who are dealing with the repercussions and reality of extremely challenging behaviour are left high and dry. I'm damn near in tears at the thought of how you must be feeling Anne and at the situation you are in. I just don't know what to advise or how to help. I'm so, so sorry xxxxxx
In the face of Annes dreadful situation, I'm not going to bang on about Mil. Suffice to say we had a rough day, with sundowning and 'home' playing a major role for a good bit of it, yesterday. We also had her up and down, in and out of bed till nearly midnight. And again, times when she openly acknowledged that she was 'causing trouble' (her words) or 'behaving badly' (again her words).
Essie, we both (OH and I) tried to get through to her whilst she was being so 'lucid'. But the bottom line for Mil is that no matter that its not our fault, she feels that she is perfectly justified to behave badly when she can't have what she wants and insisted that 'anyone else' in her situation would do exactly the same. And yes, she acknowledged that she has a lot of health issues and a 'bad memory' and needs help. And that those things are not our fault - but her not liking it seems to 'trump' any other consideration in her head. As OH said, its all about 'her' in her mind - she doesn't have the capacity to really empathise or consider anyones needs and wishes, but her own.
Lol Angelface - 'A come to Jesus lecture' is a real, ranting, stern, no-holds-barred telling off. Over and above a usual 'telling off'. A friend years ago also asked what it meant - I came up with it basically being a lecture that translates to 'Repent and atone, or prepare to meet thy maker' - basically a very forcible 'Buck up - or face very serious consequences'. !
Got to try and deal with the near-by orthopeadic hospital, this morning, on behalf of my son who is waiting for minor surgery on his knee. Despite, after him explaining that he is in uni and a fair distance away and him being assured that he would be given at least a couple of weeks notice about any appointment, on Saturday he got a letter telling him he has a pre-op appointment - for this afternoon! He also already has a group presentation for his course this afternoon and there is no way it can be changed. I'm hoping that I can sort it without him losing his op date - which they also sent - for 15th of Jan.
Also need to fit in a hair dressing appointment, and try and chase up whats happening with the respite bed - despite promises, guess what? No one has got back to me to let me know what the heck is going on
Anne, I'm sending you massive {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}} and hoping that all manage (somehow) to have a good day xxxxxx
Anne - I'm speechless at your situation
Ann - I'm speechless at your situation
Hugs, big squishy ones, to you both xxxxxxx
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Ann - I'm speechless at your situation
Hugs, big squishy ones, to you both xxxxxxx
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Anne and Ann you have to wonder what it would take sometimes? Perhaps we need to learn from other Groups how to get attention and stop this nonsense where care partners are continually brought to their knees.
