Mum has been in her care home for 3 months and still talks about going home constantly. We have elected not to lie to her. Some think this is cruel but it's a personal ethical issue the family feels strongly about. Her memory is patchy but she does remember things that she is pleased to hear and going home would be one of them.
She concedes the food is wonderful which is something as mum was always impossible to please unless she cooked it herself and the care, she says, is excellent. Why she would want to return home is beyond me but I think it has to do with the status of being independent. She balks at being a nursing home patient as she perceives it as insulting to her intelligence. The dementia of course impairs her judgement which she is naturally unaware of.
The puzzling thing is how coherent and reasonable she is with the doctor. She says "I think something has happened but I can't be sure it has" which leads him to comment how self aware she is. Not so with the family to whom she declares things have occurred and is adamant and gets angry when we question it.
The latest is the belief she is being stolen from. She has $20 with her and has taken to stuffing her bra with it and wearing it under her nightie while she sleeps. Then she forgets, wakes up and finds her purse empty. She gets irate and demands the police be called. She now believes someone enters her room and feels under her pillow and around her body trying to get her money.
Yesterday I bought a personal safe and put it her room and stashed her money and credit cards in there. "They'll steal that safe" was her first response. "Then they'll lose their job, won't they?" I told her. She actually seemed annoyed, not relieved at the safe solution. Made me wonder if she enjoys believing the staff are after her money. It's a game to outwit them.
I refuse to tell her the combination because I know she'd remove her purse and hide it elsewhere. I wrote a big notice in my handwriting and left it there for her to be shown saying how her money is now in the safe and only I can retrieve it.
I'm not kidding myself of course. As I left she said "they're stealing my clothes too". We will now replace on paranoid belief with another no doubt
She concedes the food is wonderful which is something as mum was always impossible to please unless she cooked it herself and the care, she says, is excellent. Why she would want to return home is beyond me but I think it has to do with the status of being independent. She balks at being a nursing home patient as she perceives it as insulting to her intelligence. The dementia of course impairs her judgement which she is naturally unaware of.
The puzzling thing is how coherent and reasonable she is with the doctor. She says "I think something has happened but I can't be sure it has" which leads him to comment how self aware she is. Not so with the family to whom she declares things have occurred and is adamant and gets angry when we question it.
The latest is the belief she is being stolen from. She has $20 with her and has taken to stuffing her bra with it and wearing it under her nightie while she sleeps. Then she forgets, wakes up and finds her purse empty. She gets irate and demands the police be called. She now believes someone enters her room and feels under her pillow and around her body trying to get her money.
Yesterday I bought a personal safe and put it her room and stashed her money and credit cards in there. "They'll steal that safe" was her first response. "Then they'll lose their job, won't they?" I told her. She actually seemed annoyed, not relieved at the safe solution. Made me wonder if she enjoys believing the staff are after her money. It's a game to outwit them.
I refuse to tell her the combination because I know she'd remove her purse and hide it elsewhere. I wrote a big notice in my handwriting and left it there for her to be shown saying how her money is now in the safe and only I can retrieve it.
I'm not kidding myself of course. As I left she said "they're stealing my clothes too". We will now replace on paranoid belief with another no doubt