Hi there,
I’m not sure where to start on this one – basically the problem I have is that my mum is in early to middle stages of Alzheimers, and I’m an only child, and live the other side of the world in Australia. We’ve always had a very close relationship indeed, to the point where I can’t remember us having an argument since I was a child, but now the communication has completely broken down, and pretty much out of nowhere, and not the result of a disagreement. Unfortunately she is convinced that a) I want to put her in a care home, and b) I want to sell her house. Apparently this is quite a common side-effect of the disease. I'm hoping this goes without saying but I have no intention of doing either!
To compound the problem, she has now moved in with very well meaning, but ultimately elderly friends of hers, and the communication issues have kind of mirrored the timings of her moving in with them. Although they say all the right things to me that they are trying to convince her that this isn’t the case, I can’t be absolutely sure they’re helping the situation.
It’s now got to the point where I haven’t been able to speak to her for months because it makes her agitated and upset for days and even weeks afterwards. I’ve tried writing a letter explaining (using validate, reassure and direct) that I honestly don’t want to do either course of action (and I’m not quite sure how I would even be able to sell her house from under her given I don’t have financial PoA) – but whatever I try just isn’t cutting through, and I don’t want to upset her any more than she is.
I’m going back to the UK at Xmas with my wife and two daughters, and really want her to see and interact with the girls. However she’s absolutely beside herself with panic that I’ve come back specifically to put her in a home, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
I’m just wondering if anyone else has got any experience of this and anything that might have worked. I’m at my wits end what to do, and want to try and make the most of my trip back so that mum can get some long overdue quality time with her granddaughters.
Alan
I’m not sure where to start on this one – basically the problem I have is that my mum is in early to middle stages of Alzheimers, and I’m an only child, and live the other side of the world in Australia. We’ve always had a very close relationship indeed, to the point where I can’t remember us having an argument since I was a child, but now the communication has completely broken down, and pretty much out of nowhere, and not the result of a disagreement. Unfortunately she is convinced that a) I want to put her in a care home, and b) I want to sell her house. Apparently this is quite a common side-effect of the disease. I'm hoping this goes without saying but I have no intention of doing either!
To compound the problem, she has now moved in with very well meaning, but ultimately elderly friends of hers, and the communication issues have kind of mirrored the timings of her moving in with them. Although they say all the right things to me that they are trying to convince her that this isn’t the case, I can’t be absolutely sure they’re helping the situation.
It’s now got to the point where I haven’t been able to speak to her for months because it makes her agitated and upset for days and even weeks afterwards. I’ve tried writing a letter explaining (using validate, reassure and direct) that I honestly don’t want to do either course of action (and I’m not quite sure how I would even be able to sell her house from under her given I don’t have financial PoA) – but whatever I try just isn’t cutting through, and I don’t want to upset her any more than she is.
I’m going back to the UK at Xmas with my wife and two daughters, and really want her to see and interact with the girls. However she’s absolutely beside herself with panic that I’ve come back specifically to put her in a home, which couldn’t be further from the truth.
I’m just wondering if anyone else has got any experience of this and anything that might have worked. I’m at my wits end what to do, and want to try and make the most of my trip back so that mum can get some long overdue quality time with her granddaughters.
Alan