So bizarre !

[Rageddy Anne]

Morning all,

Grinning here at the variety of expressions that are used 'Face like a smacked bum' is one I've used a lot - 'cats bum' and the 'bulldog sitting on a thistle' are both new to me, though

Mil tends to 'plant' herself in awkward places and obstruct, Anne - sometimes I am sure its deliberate, other times I think its a lack of awareness of others, IYKWIM. Trying to get through doorways with her can be a real pain - she can't see that she has to move to give you space to open a door, for example. You have to tell her very firmly to 'move back please' or 'give me some space please' - then as soon as whatever door is open, she barges straight ahead, never mind if you or anyone else is coming or going through it. You see it as well with the car - she stands right in front of the car door, waiting for you to open it for her and can't seem to figure out that until she steps back, it can't be opened. There's an increasing lack of either awareness or consideration (not sure which) for others personal space too, with her often standing so close to you as she waits for something that you have trouble moving without bumping into her - I doubt that there is ever a day when, whilst I am helping her wash, that I don't have to ask her to 'Move back please love', as she tends to crowd so close to me at the sink that I can't move without knocking into her. The tendency to bend forward as she stands makes it worse

Yesterday had a bit of a 'bumpy' start with Mil obviously having had some sort of dream or delusion that had her really upset to start the day - and it upset me too, to see the state she was in . She was guenuinely fearful that I was helping her get washed and dressed ready to be hung! And she was so scared. Horrible, horrible, horrible to see. I quickly reassured her and the relief on her little face was huge, but she remained tearful and very shakey right up to the point that I helped her start getting dressed and then left her to go sort her brekkie. I was so relieved when she came downstairs and it was clear that she had forgotten the whole episode. But what a terrifying and dark delusion for her - you could almost feel the waves of fear coming off the poor woman. Just awful, I found it very disturbing

Thank goodness that over porridge and toast she perked up - and she seemed to enjoy watching dau open her birthday presents too, though asking when it would be her birthday was a bit of a feature then till we left the house

Dropped her off with no problems (no mini bus at weekends), then on to the zoo, meeting up with oldest and her BF who had travelled down in his car. Couldn't have ordered better weather for the time of year, dry and fairly sunny, and even warm enough to wander round in sweatshirts and jumpers, without the coats.

And the animals obviously decided that they would be as well behaved as the weather! I've have had several trips to the zoo where I've failed to spot even one of the big cats. But yesterday was the first time when every single one of them posed for me! Lions, tigers, cheetah's, jaguars and even the serval allowed me to take their pictures - my idea of photography heaven Oldest - who loves the bears - was also over joyed when not only Bernie the spectacled bear (who to be fair, is definitely a bit of a poser on most visits), but also the little sun bear came out and showed themselves. The giant otters and the komodo dragons thrilled youngest by also being very cooperative.

The only 'low' point was me being very stupid and forgetting to pack my pain killers - and that zoo is now extremely huge with the addition of the 'Islands' section, we walked miles and still didn't see everything. Still, even with the discomfort, it was a brilliant day and at the end of it, before she and her BF headed back to Stockport, oldest informed us that this had been her 'best birthday -ever' - which kind of helped the pain as much as the meds would have done Literally hundreds of pics to go through, but will share some when I've sorted them

We headed home, picking Mil up on the way. Not as calm as the previous 2 nights, as soon as she was in the car it was 'Where's the baby?' and despite OH straight away trying to curb her, she persisted in that one for several minutes. She then moved on to a descrption of how she had 'made a chair' in 'school' today - she didn't use wood like everyone else, she doesn't like woodwork - so she 'sewed' a chair instead, she told me. We stopped for OH and youngest to nip into a shop to pick up some odds and ends I needed, and Mil - prompted I guess by me explaining that the odd firework we could see was probably to do with Halloween parties - launched into a tale about the Halloween party she went to last year in 'Cormontally' - no, no idea where 'Cormontally' is - I can't link it even to a mispronounciation of any place I can think of!.

Back home and we did get a lot of the repetative 'pestering' about going in the kithen in particular. That's very much an obsession with her, one of her loops at the moment. However, annoying as it was, we've had a lot worse, so we coped OK. What she seemed oblivious to and never mentioned once, was the fact that oldest dau and son were no longer here - I don't know why, but her forgetting things about them is the thing that most saddens and continually surprises me . Just after 9, off she went to bed and all quiet since up to about 3 minutes ago, when I heard her shuffling round her room - hoping she heads back to bed and settles!

Going to do a quick tidy round, sort the Sunday lunch prep - then spend the day with the photo's if I can.

Hope you all have a good day xxxxxx

Where on earth do those primitive terrors come from? Poor MIL.( did she see Wolf Hall, by any chance? Anne Boleyn going to the scaffold was pretty awful, I thought) My husband has lately started to be very frightened around bedtime, seems terrified that he'll be punished if he doesn't obey, but doesn't really know what he's supposed to be doing. No amount of reassurance that he has nothing to fear and nothing to worry about works. The TV makes it worse, we must avoid the news and all dark dramas, soaps are too full of violent emotions that he can't understand. Even Strictly is a bit too bright, confusing and emotional for him. Thank heavens for Monty Don, and country file, and that nice prog about restoring Landmarks. He also likes Antiques roadshow.... But heaven help us if the weather forecaster mentions any sort of warning!


Yesterday had a bit of a 'bumpy' start with Mil obviously having had some sort of dream or delusion that had her really upset to start the day - and it upset me too, to see the state she was in . She was guenuinely fearful that I was helping her get washed and dressed ready to be hung! And she was so scared. Horrible, horrible, horrible to see. I quickly reassured her and the relief on her little face was huge, but she remained tearful and very shakey right up to the point that I helped her start getting dressed and then left her to go sort her brekkie. I was so relieved when she came downstairs and it was clear that she had forgotten the whole episode. But what a terrifying and dark delusion for her - you could almost feel the waves of fear coming off the poor woman. Just awful, I found it very disturbing

Oh dear, forgetting the painkillers, poor you! Can't wait for the pictures. A Komodo dragon? Wow! Which zoo was it?

 

[Ann Mac]

It was just awful, Anne - her fear was so real that at odd moments during the day I found myself returning to the incident and feeling so sad and upset for her. Several times in the bathroom, even after I'd promised her that she wasn't going be to hung, she gripped my hand and asked 'Are you sure you aren't taking me to the hangman?' and her relief each time was so immense when I reassured her. We are really careful about what she watches - soaps - well, we more or less try to turn the TV over before she realises they are about to start. She used to love 'crime' shows - everything from Agatha Christie's 'Miss Marple' to the American CSI type programmes - no way will we put them on now. Jeremy Vile, anything thats potentially scary, like sci-fi or horror (including Dr Who - we record that and watch it when she is in bed!) is banned and even the news is avoided. BUT - TV's are on in a couple of lounges in day care, and I can't 'police' what she watches then

And I've just had a thought - she also loves old westerns - I guess that there is a chance she has seen something on one of them. I guess that means we will have to consider taking them off the viewing list too - oh, don't you all get sick of curtailig and stopping things for your loved ones, even when its really for their own good? It seems to me that we make the decision to stop Mil doing this or having that on at least a weekly basis - her choices are getting ever more limited all the time

The zoo was Chester Zoo - I really love that place. Its conservation record is really good and I think that they have put so much thought into all the new enclosures - the animals all look so healthy and contented. Yep - Komodo's - they have, I believe, actually managed to breed them there! There were 3 dragons we saw yesterday - a large one that I assume is one of the parents, and two smaller ones - at first, the smaller ones were moving rapidly through branches and I couldn't get a shot - but then one came down, and put himself directly in front of me, his forearms resting on a conveniet log and staring stright at me - you would swear it was posing deliberately!

 

[MrsTerryN]

I am still considering stopping mum's papers but I am not sure whether how much she can read our absorbed. I actually wonder if it is TV related as you say Ann.
Days like you just had Ann is were I think sedation may help. I don't know

 

[Ann Mac]

I am still considering stopping mum's papers but I am not sure whether how much she can read our absorbed. I actually wonder if it is TV related as you say Ann.
Days like you just had Ann is were I think sedation may help. I don't know

At times when delusios like that last for hours, then oh yes! I'd opt for sedation on her behalf - it has to be less cruel than the fear!

She came downstairs about 30 minutes ago, 'Starving' she said because the people in that other house didn't let her have any food yesterday! I made her tea and toast (she refused both her usual egg and the porridge) and the whole time it was being prepared and she was eating, she barely stopped talking - firstly a monologue about how my husband looks like her son - when I explained that they were the same person she gently told me - 'I doubt you are often wrong, Ann - but on this occasion, you are very wrong!' - so I just let her get on with going on about how odd it was that she thinks they went to the same school too. The she started fretting that she was going to have to 'deal' with my youngest daughter and make her write and apologise for not coming to mine and OH's wedding! It was one of those 'not connecting the dots' moments - Mil accepted that OH and I had been married for 23 years, she accepted that youngest was our daughter and she even accepted that youngest is just 14 - but couldn't add those facts together to get to the conclusion that youngest coudn't possibly have been at our wedding! Thankfully, 5 minutes later, when daughter got up, Mil had forgotten that she wanted to 'deal' with her, and moved onto something else. She has now headed back to bed - she said she may as well as I've told her we have no plans to go out anywhere, and she would rather sleep than just be stuck around this house all day - like she is everyday! Hoping she stays in bed for another couple of hours !

 

[Slugsta]

I do hope you got your wish Ann! So glad that you had a good time at the zoo.You were very lucky that all the animals came out to be photographed - not like the old Kitkat advert Sorry you forgot your pills, I know from experience what that can be like! I carry a mini pharmacy in my bag these days

How terribly distressing that delusion must have been for MIL, I'm glad it didn't last any longer. I wonder what triggers that kind of thing? Yes, it might have been TV - but my MIL had a couple of strange delusions when she was terminally ill and she was not watching TV at that stage. First she decided that she had killed someone and blamed her oldest daughter. We had to get a minister to see her in the end, even though she had never been religious, as it was recurrent. Then she had an episode of believing that she must kill the 2 older daughters, even though she knew who they were and that it was not something she should do

Raggedy Anne, it must be horrible to see your man so frightened too,especially at the end of the day when you are both tired.

I would certainly want to be sedated if I became distressed like that and couldn't be reassured!

I do recognise the thing about standing in front of doors! Mum will stand by the car and not realise that I cannot open the door with her standing there.When I point this out, she will say 'Yes, of course' which is one of her 'stock' phrases these days (along with,'Oh I don't know'). We have ordered a rollator for her, decided on one with a seat, it will take up to 10 days to arrive, although we could have paid extra for next day delivery. I don't think she will come to grief while we are waiting for it!

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all,

It must have been awful for both your Mil to experience, and for you and her family to witness such 'dark' delusions, Slugsta So frightening for her and distressing for you. Did the Minister help your Mil? I've actually played with the idea of taking Mil to see a priest once or twice (not sure if she could cope with attending a full service) - although she only went to church on 'high days and holidays' from when I first met her, I believe that right up till OH started secondary school, she was heavily involved with her local church and went often. After Fil died, she began to go and be more involved again for a while - it was her health (the angina and COPD initially) that caused her attendence to tail off again. But now, when she so often thinks that she is in anything from her teens to her 30's, I wonder if some sort of contact would be a comfort to her?

Talking about descriptive sayings and phrases, there was another one that kept popping into my head here yesterday! When I was young, I remember both my Mum and my Gran saying that if I or my sibs were being particularly demanding of attention with our behaviour, or pestering a lot, that we would 'Mither a nest of rats'!. That about summed Mil up, all day. She was very child like, I felt like every two minutes I had to stop whatever I was doing and go and sort out something to do with her. I would put the recliner up for her to elevate her bad leg, 2 minutes later she would be calling for me to either put it down, or because she had (somehow) managed to put it down herself and wanted it back up again. Or she would ask for a 'film' to watch, so I'd find one and a few minutes later she would have got up, got the remote, turned over - and be shouting for me to put the film back on. When I tried putting the remote out of sight, she would be shouting for me to turn over for her. Lots of picking up things from around the room and bringing them to me in case I 'needed' them - a random book from the shelf, OH's phone, one of the ornaments from the fireplace - really silly things. We had a spell in the late afternoon, when I was busy in the kitchen where she started pestering youngest who was sat plugged into her laptop, trying to listen to music. Mil kept pulling on her arm and asking her to go a fetch a suitcase for Mil to pack her things as she said her son was 'taking me home later'. She was being very 'sneaky' about it, saying to my daughter that she and OH had decided she was going home and that I wasn't to know about it. Daughter told her that she didn't know where there was a case, and when that didn't work andMil continued to nag and pester, she came and told me. I went through and told Mil to please stop, that I was busy cooking and that there was no use her pestering, because I knew that OH hadn't told her he was taking her anywhere. I left the doors open when I went back and could hear her start up again at daughter within moments. For nearly half an hour I was back and to, as she continued to nag at daughter to get the case (denying that she had said anything, each time I came back and asked her to stop) - we had the 'Face like a smacked/cats bum', the determined glare, the folded arms - eventually, whe I heard her tell daughter that 'You've got me into trouble now - you're a big fat liar!', I sent her upstairs. Back down for tea, she was very petulent and child like, and after tea was really rude to all us of in turn. Continuous nagging about things - 'Where's the blue blanket?' and then - when not surprsingly, no one could produce the 'blue blanket' (that didn't exist in the first place), going on and on and on 'I know you had it. Where is it? S*** - you told me to fetch it here and I did - where has it gone?'. When OH old her firmly to be quite, we had the 'under the breath chunnering', exactly as a child would do. It was maddening! Eventually, OH said 'enough' - and he told ehr to go upstairs. She was stil there at 8.30pm, so I took up her meds and got her sorted for bed - and that was it thankfully.

Some of this behaviour I think is boredom, at times - but I'm at a loss on how to entertain her, because other than the TV (which requires no more effort from her than sitting and watching) she either can't sustain interest or has lost the ability to do so much She can't read more than a line or two of anything now, so books are no use. Even Magazines are flicked through in 30 seconds and she loses interest. I've tried playing cards - because she used to love patience - nope, again, after 30 seconds she loses interest. Knitting, she gets in a tangle after just a couple of stitches then gets frustrated and won't continue. Music doesn't hold her attention and any little jobs I suggest she immediately says she will do 'later' or stops after a couple of minutes, saying she is too tired. I have a 'penny jar' that she used to like to empty out and count - not any more, and its the same story with the old sewing box that i used to ask her to sort out for me. Her eyes are 'too sore' she says to attempt even big print word searches (I just don't think she can do them now) and I have even suggested colouring in (saying we could frame things and put them on her wall so she had her own 'art work' in her bedroom, to make it seem less childish) and was rudely refused on the grounds that she isn't '10 years old you know!'. If we take her out, give it 10 minutes tops and she wants to 'go home'. I feel really sorry for her because she must get so bored - but I'll be blowed if I've been able to find anything that she is either capable of or that can hold her interest for more than a minute at a time

DN again today - I have no idea how long this will go on for, but am already fed up - not just because its a chunk out of day care and more running round for me, but mainly because it seems to put her in such a bad mood. They are simply changing the dressing - which I can do, no problem, myself! I'm going to ask today if its necessary that she go twice a week. I don't see the point in dragging her there for something that i can handle, when it simply puts her in a foul mood!

Right - better go and get her up and sorted! Hope you all have a good day xxxx

 

[jugglingmum]

Hope you are all well on here - half term and being grounded by bug have meant whilst I've managed to read typing a long reply was beyond my brain. Not managed to do things I'd hoped with kids over half term, really annoyed.

Ann - glad you had a good day out at the zoo and daughter and her boyfriend enjoyed themselves. He sounds really good to have dealt with MIL and her behaviour.

Really upsetting that delusion she had, but she will have completely forgotten very quickly. There is only so much you can limit her access to things and maybe daughter's boyfriend staying threw her off kilter as well, as anything out of routine is disturbing.

Seems a waste of time to go to DN for change of dressing, guess you needed to go to start with to sort out correct dressings. Suppose as she has frail skin they need to keep an eye on it. Sorry but did find it funny that she couldn't pick at dressing due to bruised hands.

Grace, sorry for delay on knee op, don't think you've got anything to lose by keep pestering SS. I'd wondered about the jeans as didn't know how old your MIL is.

Red - I am continually getting angry with my mum for all the things she did in the past that were 'wrong' - sorting out the final items I brought back from her house have brought all that back. I suspect she was depressed for a lot of her life which made some of her ways of doing things very odd, I remember her mum (my gran) telling her off for behaving in a certain way, which when I was grown up I too could see was wrong and irritated me.

Spamar - glad you are getting on with the paperwork. Book NZ now before you can change your mind, it is somewhere I'd love to go.

Inset day - so doing stuff with son and hope to get mum round here later, with one thing and another kids haven't' seen her for ages, and aim for more paperwork tonight.

 

[Grace L]

jugglingmum...

Yes I was a little disappointed about my knee op being delayed.
They never did promise to have my op done by Christmas, it was just my wishful thinking.
I asked the Nurse in clinic, and she said possibly, but don't get you hopes up, you want Dr X to do the op...and he has a long waiting list.
I am seeing the Pain Nurse , which I think they are only sending me to 'keep me happy'.
While it is nice to see someone, she does not really do a great deal,
but, she can change my medication and offer alternative 'holistic' therapy while I wait for surgery.


I had a new MRI last week, and from what I understand the Docs will be in touch
to see me in 3-4 weeks.
I was thinking you wouldn't do a scan and then keep someone waiting too long for surgery...
Last thing I need is to have surgery when we have 6" on snow on the ground.

 

[Spamar]

Grace, when I had my hip/ knee done I went on what is called round here the Short list. This meant that I would be available at short notice for op if there was a cancellation. This of course means that this has to be a viable option for you. For the first op, they phoned late pm to get to hospital for 19:00 for op next morning, for the other I had a weeks notice, as one surgeon cancelled his list just before a bank holiday and the orthopaedic surgeons grabbed it, they did 3 ops off the list that afternoon.

I have no idea if this idea is suitable for you or whether the system is still in operation, but it might be worth an investigation. Probably not before Xmas though.

 

[Ann Mac]

I'm sorry to read that the 'bug' messed up the half term for you, JM Hope you are a lot better now, hun x Yep, i think having the oldest two home, plus the new BF (if only for one night) did through Mil a bit - but, I'm not turning my home into a no go zone for visitors so both she and we will have to just somehow cope with the odd strange face, lol!

I really hope that the surgery isn't delayed for too much longer, Grace - having to wait so long is so unfair

Just picked Mil up and by all accounts (and using the exact words that one member of staff greeted me with) its been a day of 'Tears and Tantrums' She went out to a coffee morning first thing, was fine there, but as soon as they got back she was off. Demanding that they open the door and let her out, wanting to phone us, accusations of keeping her prisoner, constant pestering. She dozed on a sofa for about an hour, and they hoped she would be calmer afterwards. Apparently, they hoped in vain - she picked up where she had left off! I think she must have been very bad because no less than 3 staff spoke to me, whilst I was waiting for her to get coat and bag sorted and all said a variation of the same thing - that she just will NOT listen to anything that is said to her when she is like that, that she is determined and fixated beyond belief.

We have a right pea souper of a fog going on here, so rush hour traffic was not fun. Within minutes of getting Mil in the car and driving off, I stopped and told her off - straight into had I heard from her Dad? Did he come and see me like he said he would? Where was the babby? I haven't left the babby at home by itself, have I?

I drove off - and pulled over again before I got to the end of the road, as she went straight back to 'But where is the babby, Ann?'. I was very deliberately 'shouty' and cross this time, really gave her 'what for'. Silence when I drove off - for a whole two minutes, before she asked 'Ann . . . . Ann - can I sing?' . Looked in the mirror, big grin on her face. Stopped the car, got out, opened her door and invited her to get out and walk - pointing out how foggy it was and that she had no money in her purse for a bus. The grin vanished. She said she would behave.

She was quiet for the rest of the journey home - Thank the lord because the roads, once I hit the town, were absolute bedlam Some real numpties out there, switching lanes without indicating and driving right up the backsides of the cars in front. Was glad to get home!

Finished off the zoo pics, so going to bore you senseless with a few

 

[canary]

Oh what gorgeous photos - I love the bear

 

[Ann Mac]

And some of the big cats Serval, Cheetah, Tigers and lion first

 

[Ann Mac]

And feeding times for the lions!

 

[Ann Mac]

Oh what gorgeous photos - I love the bear

Thank you - that's the sun bear - a particular favourite of my oldest, and not always so obliging when it comes to posing for a picture x

 

[Essie]

Oh Ann, fab photos as always! I love the big cats, lions are always so magnificent but cheetahs are so gorgeous and tigers always impress - they are just so powerfully built. And the ellies...with the baby ellie trying to find his feet, sooo sweet! A treat for us all!

Thank you for doing that even after struggling home in the fog - I have to confess to a perverse liking for fog - not to drive in but the way it quiets everything down and makes everything seem different. OH and I went for a long walk in our local country park yesterday whilst the fog still down and it was so beautiful, cobwebs covered in dew and views changed by aspects just disappearing.

And I'm glad the stern warning stopped Mil's chunnering but isn't it amazing what she can and can't process "I can't speak eh?....hmmmm....can I sing then??".... as you often say, the speed at which she still reacts and responds to some things is truly baffling.

 

[jugglingmum]

Lovely photos Ann. Must get to the zoo soon. Less than 10 mins from locking front door to being in zoo on a quiet day (including sorting out child seats when kids were little).

The can I sing bit - that is the sort of thing my kids did when they were little, when I would tell them to stop talking, so perhaps that is where her brain is.

Also coffee morning out may have disturbed her routine to make her unsettled at day care? What we see as a treat isn't always so.

As well as a few other half term catch ups (Clarks for shoes, conker collecting, late blackberry picking) I managed to bring mum back here. She insisted that pumpkin daughter had done was a fox (it was a very good wolf). Daughter told her it was a wolf and she said oh yes, I can see that, then a minute later, is it a fox?, it should be a fox as the pumpkins the right colour at which point dau just nodded.

Bonus of the day - Clarks now have wifi whilst you wait for kids shoe fitting, (they hadn't realised a lot of schools would be on inset day and assistant was already frazzled at 11.00) and I found a nice pair of boots and they had an extra 20% off the outlet price

 

[Ann Mac]

Morning all.

Essie, I don't mind the fog at all - in fact its back today, by the looks of it and if I can find the time, I'm going to take a run to Llangollen, and the Horsehoe Pass, for some photo's. But Fog + heavy traffic + Mil 'pestering', banging the back of the seats and fiddling with seat belts and windows is just NOT a good mix Reading back what I did sounds awful, but she can be so distracting and the driving conditions were so much worse than usual, that I honestly felt that it was either that - or run the very real risk of an accident.

Glad that you like the pics - the baby nellie was gorgeous, and sadly the only one out of 3 recent arrivals to have survived in the Nellie Clan at the zoo Not sure if the zoo has discovered why the other two babies didn't make it yet, but got fingers crossed that this little one - a girl, I believe - will be OK. As for the big cats - I've been to the zoo a few times and not seen any of them at all, so getting and photographing them all in one day was a real thrill. I even managed a couple of shots of the jags too, though not good ones as I couldn't get the angle right to avoid the reflections through the glass - but at least I saw them all, so I was delighted

It may have been the coffe morning JM - though Mil quite often goes out on the activities there, 'singing for the brain' once a week and even on full day trips out to the seaside and so on. But yep, that could be what has thrown her - so hard to know. I do think the DN visit didn't help - it disrupts the routine and anything that involves any sort of medical appointment generally unsettles her too. Thankfully, when I asked yesterday, they agreed that I would be able to change the dressings and advised that I simply phone the GP if either I have concerns about possible infection or if I need more dressings. Nice one on the 'bonus of the day' - I do love a bargain And it seems only fair that you get something nice out of a shoe buying trip for the kids - I loath taking youngest (or any of mine) for new school shoes, because nothing that is suitable for school is ever anything that they actually like the look of

It was a long, long evening with Mil last night. Completely and utterly fixed on the belief that I was holding her prisoner because I wanted to take her baby off her and keep it for myself - the baby she insisted she had late last year and who was waiting for her at home with her Dad. And I don't think it would matter what I said in response to her, because she simply would not/could not listen to or take in and understand a word that came out of my mouth. She was just so certain that she did have a child and that I was trying to 'take it for myself' that she simply could not be reassured or distracted. Believe me. I tried. Even sending her to her room didn't work, because within 5 minutes she was back down and straight back into 'I don't understand Ann - if you want a baby so much you can go and get one from an orphange - why are you so hell bent on taking mine?'. And I'm typing that and not for the first time I'm thinking how utterly unbelievable it is on so many levels She accepted that she was 74 (I had to tell her her age as she 'couldn't remember') and she also accepted that she was a widow and (when I asked her to think about it) she seemed clear that her Dad had died - but it was that 'joining the dots' thing again, not able to link her age to it being impossible for her to have given birth, never mind the fact that she 'couldn't remember' who the father was (she said) or how her Dad could possibly be looking after 'her' baby when her dad is dead. Predictably, as the evening wore on (with prn not touching her at all) she got more and more abusive towards me - the usual stream of unpleasant names and the assurances that I would 'burn in hell' for being so cruel, the threats to phone the police or to tell her 'S***' about how evil I am. By 7.30, any patience I had had flown out the window, and I was simply saying 'not discussing' through gritted teeth - and occasionally telling her to just 'shut up!' . Just before half 8, I was ready to explode - talk about dripping tap torture, she was sat there just chunnering on and on about how frightened her baby was because she wasn't home, how she couldn't understand why I was so 'desperate to keep' her from her baby, that I must be a very sick person to enjoy 'torturing her' like this. I got her meds, and forget polite she was ordered to take them, then told to go to bed. Thank God, I must have been stern enough to actually get through to her and she went ! OH came home about half an hour later, and 5 minutes after that we had a banging on the door when a kind neighbour knocked to let us know he had left the lights on in the van - Mil came downstairs, wanting to know if the person banging had hit OH - he reassured her and sent her back up and thankfully, thats the last we heard of her last night.

Hoping I can get my 'jobs' list cleared early and get out with the camera to the Pass - its high enough to be usually above the fog and so you find yourself looking down on the cloud filled vale, with hills rising out of it, like Islands in a white sea. I haven't been up to photograph it for years, but with the new camera, reckon I coulod get some lovely shots, so I want to make it up there if I can

Hope you guys all have a good day xxxxx

 

[Grace L]

Oh Ann... what an evening you had.
It always amazes me how your MiL (most of the time) goes to bed when you tell her.
My late husband ever would, he was never tired , and was determined to stay up as long as possible.

OOOO I love the photos. Tigers will always be my favourite.

My knee Op....
My surgeon (he's only young) is semi-retired. but works for a lovely Private Hospital a stones throw away from my NHS Hospital.
I'm sure he could fit me I before Christmas.

But paying Private .... I would have to pay for all of the after care, several weeks physio etc.... which would almost double the costs of the operation.

I'm a worrier , I think what if something went wrong? (drastically wrong), and I needed ICU...
I'm waiting till the NHS call for me. I've told them I am available at short notice.

I hope MiL is more settle tonight Ann.

 

[Slugsta]

Cakegate

Ann, I do hope you were able to get out with your camera, you deserve it - especially after the time you are having with MIL at the moment! It really sounds as if her behaviour is getting more trying Your zoo photos are great. I love tigers but couldn't really pick my favourite photo, they are all so good. I do miss living near to a zoo, it was just a bus ride to Dudley when I were a lass.

Jugglingmum, sorry to hear that you have been fighting the lurgy. Those boots sound a really good buy, I hope they are comfy.

(((Grace))) waiting for surgery is so hard, isn't it? It feels as if like is on hold until afterwards. A wise friend of mine once said 'life is not about waiting for the storms to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain'. Unfortunately I haven't really got to grips with that I was told in April that I should expect to wait around 6 months for my surgery, then my surgeon when off sick in July and is now only working part-time. Heaven knows how much longer I will wait.

Ann, MIL did seem calmer once she had seen the minister. I guess it is different though, because she knew she was dying (although she didn't always remember that) so the idea of an afterlife was important to her. It was nice that the minister moved his appointments around so that he could officiate at the funeral, it was nice to have the service taken by someone who actually knew her a bit.

The wardens where Mum lives told me today that Mum had been found taking cakes from the communal fridge (left over from a Halloween evening). We are not talking about one or two cakes but both pockets stuffed and hands full. 3 separate times So the residents' kitchen now has to be locked when the wardens are not there. Some of the residents were a bit peed off by the quantity of stuff Mum took but the wardens are very good and understand that this is the dementia. This is the first time that anyone else has actually used the word 'dementia' Mum never buys cake when we shop on Fridays (chocolate, biscuits, mints and toffees but no cake), I will have to suggest that she gets some and see how things go.

We are going to the Harry Potter place tomorrow, hubby had the choice of birthday treat, and staying overnight. I will probably be around again on Friday. Play nicely while I'm away

 

[learningcurve]

Ann your photos are excellent, wish my photos came out like that.

Slugsta that did make me laugh...your Mum stuffing her pockets with cakes that sounds like the sort of thing my Mum would do.

Went to see Mum yesterday in her care home, the first time since we took her there a month ago. It's so hard not seeing her for so long as she's so far away from us now but she gets lots of visitors as she is nearer the rest of the family.

She has settled in extremely well and we had no requests from her to take her home. She has been taking part in all the activities much to our surprise!! She had a little dance with her carer and had her hair dyed pink for a breast cancer night

We have certainly chosen the right place for her, the staff are really good with her and she told us they are all lovely with her.

I did have a couple of minor concerns and not sure whether to say anything or not. The first was when we arrived we couldn't find her for a while, she is in the residential part of the home which was quite deserted, we only saw one gentleman in the lounge and no-one else. We eventually found her on the EMI unit in a lounge which was very busy with most of the residents at a far more advanced stage than Mum. I can't put my finger on why but I felt a little uncomfortable at her being in there. But that may have been because it was a Sunday and not as many staff on duty. The second concern was that she had her hair done and I was looking forward to seeing her new hairdo, I had tried my best to keep her hair nice bit did struggle when she wouldn't co-operate and trying to wash her hair wasn't easy when she wouldn't put her head anywhere near the basin in the bathroom, which ended up with me aiming the shower at her head and soaking everything in sight, including me
I was expecting a nice wash and set but it was horrible, they had cut it ok but it was brushed flat to her head with no curl or wave and needed fluffing up at least. It just didn't suit her at all and didn't look like my Mum.

Oh and I just remembered another thing..... when she went in I made a point of telling them she was known by her middle name and not her first name, but no they call her by what they think her first name is and they haven't got that right!!

But I must say she has blossomed in there and we are satisfied that we have done the right thing and chosen the perfect place for her. I was worried that she wouldn't recognise us after a month, but her face lit up when she saw us. She also laughed a lot which was lovely to see as she hadn't laughed very much for the last few weeks she was with us.