How do you deal with mean and hurtful responses ?

[Witzend]

I used to pretend I'd left something in the car, go and sit in it and put Bohemian Rhapsody on loud, and have a really good scream.

Although I did once tell my mother very sharply that if she didn't stop saying such horrible things I was going home NOW - and I meant it, and she must have known I did, because she did stop, at least for that evening.

 

[canary]

Had a good swear last night but still annoyed this morning so swearing didn't work. Have a strong urge to start throwing things around the house - feel china against walls might help. Problem is I know who would have to clear up and it might upset the dog. Wish I had some rocks and a lochan.

I know the feeling. I dont have a lochan, but I have got a nearby beach with lots of stones.......

 

[Mrsbusy]

When I'm in a really stressed mood sometimes hoovering does the trick, poor Hoover gets my vengeance instead of me throwing something.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

I think the naughty step will become very crowded

I think a naughty staircase is required.

When my mother was nasty and unpleasant, I would walk away. We once went to visit her in the nursing home and she started on me immediately when I walked in the room. I walked out and said to my husband "We're leaving." He was astonished and said "But we just got here" I responded with "And now we're leaving".

There was more than once when I snapped back at her and I always felt badly about it afterwards. Easier to walk away, at least for me.

 

[1954]

I walk out and say nothing..........



Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[CollegeGirl]

I never really did find a way of dealing with my mam's nastiness and aggression towards me. It was absolutely horrible, and I really feel for you.

However, it was a phase that she eventually came out of (with the help of very low dose anti-psychotics). Perhaps you could explore medication to tackle this behaviour with his GP?

 

[Slugsta]

When I'm in a really stressed mood sometimes hoovering does the trick, poor Hoover gets my vengeance instead of me throwing something.

If you find that your anger hasn't quite dissipated by the time you have finished, you are welcome to come here and use my carpets...

 

[MrsTerryN]

It's a regular event now, I don't think it's something you can get use to, no matter what you tell yourself - during these times I swear my Mum hates me. I liken it to a form of mental cruelty because you can't do anything about it - except walk away, but sometimes you can't do that. I tend to get out my laptop and ignore her when it happens.

I can so relate to this

 

[DMac]

Flak jacket and tin hat on!

As well as leaving my logical brain in the porch (when entering MIL and DIL's home), I put on my imaginary flak jacket and tin hat. I imagine I look like and extra from Dad's Army!

When the unwelcome comments start, I imagine them pinging off my hat. I usually respond with some kind of apology, and quite often plead forgetfulness. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot I shouldn't feed the cat/ wash those pants/ use that saucepan".

Lately, MIL has been agitating about me 'taking' something from her Xmas card making kit. She used to make the most beautiful home-made cards, and I have been trying to encourage her to pursue this hobby. Unfortunately, my efforts have backfired, and she now thinks I have taken something vital from her kit. Sadly, she can't articulate what it is I have taken! If only I knew, I'd go and buy it for her! This morning, she told me I was NOT to go upstairs into her card-making room. So, I have been told! I'm very definitely on the naughty staircase!

When I'm back at my own home (I realise how lucky I am to have a bolt-hole), I use exercise to de-stress. My favourite thing is going for a swim, but I like walking, jogging (at a gentle pace!) and going to the gym. I find exercise of any kind is the best thing for clearing my head. But there are times when it all seems to get too much, and I can't seem to stop cursing myself for whatever mess has occured - even when it is patently not my fault. Those times, I take myself off for a walk, and find something inanimate to abuse so that I can vent my frustration. Kicking an empty plastic milk bottle usually does the trick.

 

[Bear44]

I have to say thank you to all your wonderful comments and suggestions.

I have mainly bitten my tongue although sadly I have lost it with him a few times. I also walk to another room cussing him out under my breath. I love that I am not alone in my feelings. I sometimes feel awful for feeling the way that I do at times.

I feel so unappreciated by him ( I know I should not), I am not sure what stage he is in as we have only seen the GP and got a generic diagnosis. Although he dr deemed him incapable of making decisions. He can't remember the name of restaurants, roads, etc. When I am there we barely speak he kind of just sits there watching tv and huffs a lot.

I got cussed at today and told I was fing stupid cause I didn't know what restaurant he was talking about on the corner. (the one he was speaking of wasn't on a corner.)

Anybody care to take a guess at what stage he is in???? If it helps I do everything for him from clipping his nails, laundry, shopping etc

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Bear, it can be very difficult to determine what stage a person is at, simply because people go through stages differently. My mother was able to tell time long after people normally cannot.

Here's the Reisberg Scale of Dementia, which I found quite useful. http://www.relinkdevice.com/reisberg-scale-role-in-dementia-stages.html

This is a much more detailed explanation of the Reisberg Scale.
https://www.alzinfo.org/understand-alzheimers/clinical-stages-of-alzheimers/

 

[JackieJames]

Me too, I stand outside the door making rude signs and muttering all kinds of things I would not normally say. If someone saw me they would probably get a straight jacket. Sometimes I go outside and throw rocks into the lochan behind our garden.

lolol. just had a great laugh .. I know it is not funny.