Why are the "professionals" so keen to get my MIL into a home|?
- Thread starter Doreen99
- Start date
Hi Doreen,just caught up with your post.omg who do they think they are?(s/w).Go for it!give them all you have,who you are and what you are prepared to do for you MIL can make the difference to what may happen to her.Stick with it and good luck,don't let the b****** grind you down.your sexual orientation doesn't make a difference.100% with you.love elainex
Doreen, sorry can't offer any ideas as to why such opposition ..... money sounds like a factor ....... cost of supporting in the home I gather is not a 'cheap' alternative to residential care ........ yet you sound like you need so little support at this stage - simply cannot understand why your hand is not 'being snatched off'?????
Good luck for Monday ......
Love, Karen, x
Good luck for Monday ......
Love, Karen, x
Doreen, this is too late to catch you before your meeting. One thing I know is that if I had been in the position of not working and wanting to have a go at looking after my mum I would have fought tooth and nail to do it. I wasn't in the position, so I perhaps took the "easy way out", but I'd certainly have given it a go if I'd been in a position to do so.
Let us know how you go on. The powers that be might have other ideas.
Much love
Margaret
Let us know how you go on. The powers that be might have other ideas.
Much love
Margaret
Fighting
Doreen, One of the worst things I've found being a carer was the added burden of fighting to get the kind of help we required. There was also the fact that most people's inputs were negative. In chosing to dispence with the whole negative atttude of the 'professions', I found, and concentrated on the positives. It's no wonder I was left alone to get on with it, but they were blind to the fact, that should I have wanted support, their systems of providing it only created the unwanted burden of stress.
If you want to have your M-I-L home to care for go for it, all you can do is your best. Good luck. Padraig
Doreen, One of the worst things I've found being a carer was the added burden of fighting to get the kind of help we required. There was also the fact that most people's inputs were negative. In chosing to dispence with the whole negative atttude of the 'professions', I found, and concentrated on the positives. It's no wonder I was left alone to get on with it, but they were blind to the fact, that should I have wanted support, their systems of providing it only created the unwanted burden of stress.
If you want to have your M-I-L home to care for go for it, all you can do is your best. Good luck. Padraig
Meeting went better than I expected! It was just the Social Worker and the Charge Nurse. I like the Charge Nurse, he's a straight talker and doesn't waffle about as much as the SW!
They seemed to be taking me a bit more seriously in terms of taking Meg home - I went in with a ring binder, looking all officials and threw around phrases like Community Care Assessment and NHS Continuing Care Assessment, so they knew I'd done some homework!
The Charge Nurse was very honest about Meg's current state - she's in end stage dementia and is very unpredictable. She can be co-operative and quite happy for a while and then has a really bad spell, where she won't eat or take her meds and throws her drinks at the nurses. And she's had a couple of "dirty protests", where she's been smearing excrement around and peeing on the floor.
But she usually sleeps at night, which is very good. I can't see there being as much of a problem with her removing her incontinence pads once she's at home. After all, I might not be the most obvservant of people, but if I'm in the same room as her, I think even I would notice if she starts to remove her trousers!! The hospital obviously can't give her this one-to-one supervision, which I can.
The SW suggested a home that does day care and respite for EMI patients and I'm going to check it out. Also, a couple of residential homes, just in case.
Next step is Meg seeing a specialist Psychiatrist. They are going to ask her to assess Meg in terms of how she thinks she'd cope if she went to a Day Centre, whether she'd have problems with the change of environment, etc. One of the reasons they seem so keen to get her into a residential home is to cut down on the amount of change and upset she has to go through.
Anyway, if possible, I am going to be there when she sees the psychiatrist, so I can translate!
The SW thought bringing Meg home for a few days, to see how she (and I) coped, was a good idea and is going to speak to the medical staff about it
I'm feeling a lot more positive now, because I think they are taking me seriously, rather than dismissing what I want as unfeasible.
Thanks again for all the help and support.
They seemed to be taking me a bit more seriously in terms of taking Meg home - I went in with a ring binder, looking all officials and threw around phrases like Community Care Assessment and NHS Continuing Care Assessment, so they knew I'd done some homework!
The Charge Nurse was very honest about Meg's current state - she's in end stage dementia and is very unpredictable. She can be co-operative and quite happy for a while and then has a really bad spell, where she won't eat or take her meds and throws her drinks at the nurses. And she's had a couple of "dirty protests", where she's been smearing excrement around and peeing on the floor.
But she usually sleeps at night, which is very good. I can't see there being as much of a problem with her removing her incontinence pads once she's at home. After all, I might not be the most obvservant of people, but if I'm in the same room as her, I think even I would notice if she starts to remove her trousers!! The hospital obviously can't give her this one-to-one supervision, which I can.
The SW suggested a home that does day care and respite for EMI patients and I'm going to check it out. Also, a couple of residential homes, just in case.
Next step is Meg seeing a specialist Psychiatrist. They are going to ask her to assess Meg in terms of how she thinks she'd cope if she went to a Day Centre, whether she'd have problems with the change of environment, etc. One of the reasons they seem so keen to get her into a residential home is to cut down on the amount of change and upset she has to go through.
Anyway, if possible, I am going to be there when she sees the psychiatrist, so I can translate!
The SW thought bringing Meg home for a few days, to see how she (and I) coped, was a good idea and is going to speak to the medical staff about it
I'm feeling a lot more positive now, because I think they are taking me seriously, rather than dismissing what I want as unfeasible.
Thanks again for all the help and support.
Well done Doreen, at least they treated you with respect.
Their arguement for a residential place is logical and fair, less change, less disruption for Meg, but if they are willing to support you, you can give care at home a try, just to satisfy yourself. Only then will you know if you can do it or not.
It`s good to be prepared isn`t it?
Love xx
Their arguement for a residential place is logical and fair, less change, less disruption for Meg, but if they are willing to support you, you can give care at home a try, just to satisfy yourself. Only then will you know if you can do it or not.
It`s good to be prepared isn`t it?
Love xx
From what I've read here so far, I'm left thinking: "So that's why no one bothered visiting us except for our yearly flu jab".
It was cost effective to keep my wife at home for her final five years of life. We paid a lot of money to keep her in a NH for the both of us to be put through hell.
The one home help we did have was the DLA, which in the last year was £81.60 a week, she was on the lower rate of mobility allowance! She couldn't move, never mind stand for the final five years.
We must have saved 'them' loads of money over the years, when we were out of sight and mind.
I'd like to think those savings would go towards others who can't cope alone. If all the energy, efforts, keeping accounts, talking at meetings and all the paperwork, was put into the sharp end of loving care, society would be better served.
After years of caring on my own I'm now left with the feeling as though we never existed. Padraig
It was cost effective to keep my wife at home for her final five years of life. We paid a lot of money to keep her in a NH for the both of us to be put through hell.
The one home help we did have was the DLA, which in the last year was £81.60 a week, she was on the lower rate of mobility allowance! She couldn't move, never mind stand for the final five years.
We must have saved 'them' loads of money over the years, when we were out of sight and mind.
I'd like to think those savings would go towards others who can't cope alone. If all the energy, efforts, keeping accounts, talking at meetings and all the paperwork, was put into the sharp end of loving care, society would be better served.
After years of caring on my own I'm now left with the feeling as though we never existed. Padraig
I like to share something .
when mother was in that stage , smearing excrement around and peeing on the floor , not knowing what toilet was for .......... "dirty protests" could be just the confusion that going on in her mind with the diseases , because when it happen to my mother I thought she doing it on purpose , but them ,
I only say this , because of my experience in seeing the change in my mother behavior when she took the medication Exbixa .
I am not saying get the medication Exbiza , just telling you what I experience in the change of behavior .
All those behaviors where gone and I mean Gone .
Now 6 years its coming back , but not in the harsh way it happen, before she was put on medication.
she still now urinate , excrement in the toilet ( does have accident of urine , so now wears pads ) needs supervision at home with me in getting up from toilet wiping herself .
I ask AZ day Center does she ask for help when she go to the toilet , they said No she does not need it , which I find strange , but then she could be just be feeling shame so just forcing herself, or maybe our toilet small and she can't maneuver herself around so good .
When my mother was emergency NH, A man was calling for help in his room I went into his room , he was laying in bed , had taken his pad of , his hands where full of excrement it was on the floor all over the place , his hands reaching out to me , asking me to help him .
I told him I'll get help
I left called staff for help . Ask staff in Nursing homes you visit for tips in how to cope in those situation, as I feel you can't tell them of as its not they fault . I did notices while they , that if he was not supervise in front room at all times he would take pads of , so we all keep an eye on him when staff was not around , we would just start talking to him hold his hand he was fine , but he would reach for his belt now then , I would smile at him saying no don't do that , but when he wanted to do it they was not stoping him we call staff , then they just talk to him nicely taking him into his room .
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Good Luck
My heartfelt wishes go to you
Give it a try, and don't let the Bug---s get you down.
Luv Barb XX
My heartfelt wishes go to you
Give it a try, and don't let the Bug---s get you down.
Luv Barb XX
Doreen,
I'm late coming into this thread (as ever), but I'm so pleased that you are being taken seriously. Perhaps they do have a point in that the least amount of change might be better for Meg, but then you seem to be offering her so much more. Yes it's a gamble, but you've thought it all through and you clearly have her best interests at heart. Give it your best shot!
Lesley
I'm late coming into this thread (as ever), but I'm so pleased that you are being taken seriously. Perhaps they do have a point in that the least amount of change might be better for Meg, but then you seem to be offering her so much more. Yes it's a gamble, but you've thought it all through and you clearly have her best interests at heart. Give it your best shot!
Lesley
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