Indecisive

[Memori]

My Mother is in denial too, I arranged for carers to come in at lunchtimes to warm up a meal for her as she seems to be eating so little and cant remember what she has eaten when I ask , she was very against it at first and I have to phone her before they arrive so she can let them in but I thought she was getting used to it then tonight I phoned my mother as usual and she was very confused about who had been in the house, and whose house she was in and how to get home to where she lived as a child, I try not to, but do get cross that she is unable to realize that she is in her house, and I started talking quite loudly to her just trying to explain that everything is as it should be, it is so frustrating though I know she cant help it, I even suggested to her that maybe she should see her doctor to get some tablets to her calm down but she said no that will make things worse, then I rang back an hour later hoping that she would have become her old self again, as she does change very quickly, but no she was still on about where was I as she had just been talking to me and she had been looking for me, and that there was a girl there, she seems to think someone else is in the house a lot and does it when I am staying with her, is this usual with dementia? but in the morning she does not remember saying anything about it, how can I agree with her to calm her down when she goes on about getting the bus home and non existent people being in the house, she was fine this morning and I felt I could relax for a change and last night I slept the longest I had in weeks, now I feel shaky again wondering what is the best thing to do, though from past experience I’m sure she will be fine in the morning again its just the not knowing, and being the only one trying to care for her.

 

[Doreen99]

It must be so difficult for you when you're on your own doing the caring, especially since your mum won't accept there's a problem.

Have you tried going to see your mum's doctor so you tell him/her about your concerns? I believe that medical etiquette means the doctor is not allowed to discuss your father's medical problems with you, but you can certainly explain how difficult things are.

I'm sorry I can't be more help, I hope somebody else with more experience/knowledge will be able to come up with something more useful.

 

[pink]

Hi ,
I have no advice and am a baby to this forum , however I can relate to what you are going through with your mother . My nan has dementia and is constantly thinking her house is not hers and is always wanting to get back to the house she grew up in . She also has 'other' people in her house with her and sometimes the things she says are so believable that I sometimes doubt myself !!!! Depending on her general mood determines how I deal with it , some days I correct her and have to run through her whole life with her and other days I just let her think what she likes and just nod and say yes in the right places . I know it's exhausting going over and over again with the same details . Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone ..
luv pink

 

[Grannie G]

: she was very confused about who had been in the house, and whose house she was in and how to get home to where she lived as a child, .

Dear Memori,

If it`s any consolation, this confusion about own home/childhood home is common with many sufferers of dementia. My husband is in this confused state of mind a few times a day.

Does your mother have the same carers each day? I know some agencies find it impossible to provide consistency of care, especially at the weekend, and even if your mother does have hallucinations, an assortment of carers is likely to add to the confusion.

It is very hard when you are not there, as your mind works overtime, worrying about the `what if`s.

Does your mother attend any day centres? That could make life a bit easier for you, and she might enjoy going out and having some company.

Take care xx

 

[Memori]

Thank you for your help, my Mother has only started having a carer in last week to warm up her lunch, and it is not the same one every time, I ring her before they come to make sure she is awake and answers the door, and twice they have been early and she was not ready for them, some days she cannot remember if they have been, but as they sign in a book I could see that they have, today they came to the door as I was speaking to her on the phone, she was very tired today and went back to bed when they left, before I had phoned her tonight I had a call from the call centre to say that her alarm box was bleeping and she may have unplugged it, she has done this about three times before, so I rang her to get her to plug it in again and she went to do it but didnt put the phone back on the hook so I couldent ring her back to see if it was ok, so after about three hours of trying I rang her neighbour to go round and tell her to check the phones were on the hooks, she did manage to get her to the door but said that she was very sleepy, so I tried ringing again and about two hours after that I got through, only for the phone to cut out three times as she had not had it charging, anyway she has plugged the alarm box in and gone back to bed I hope!, please can someone tell me where to get more patience, I know that things will probably get worse sorry for the long message this was the short version of events, and Mum will be getting a new Doctor as I have heard from another patient that her Doctor that she has had for years has left. And I cannot get her to go to a day centre not her sort of thing she says.