First my mam, now my dad

[pru]

I originally joined back in 2011. I have found this website so useful, somewhere that I can come to get tips (from others' who post), to be reminded that I do need to keep an eye on my own needs too and also to reduce the loneliness that can come about in a carer's role. I have made a decision that I need to become more active here to gain support to help me keep caring for both of my parents as we face more and more challenging times ahead.

My mam was diagnosed with vascular dementia a good few years ago. Since then told she has alzheimers, on medication for 4 years! She has worsened, needs more and more prompting to do simple things eg setting the table.. needs help working out what goes on the table, where to find some of the items etc. She goes to daycare on tuesdays but only talks when one of the helpers addresses her. So heartbreaking as she was always v chatty & witty!

My dad was diagnosed 3 years ago with dementia. Last month, he had a tia, tests showed evidence of a previous tia a few years ago. He's now banned from driving. He was so angry, the doctor agreed to see him every 2 months & in 6 months to review the driving situation. This has meant the car can't be sold yet, is currently at my house so he cant be tempted but now says he hasn't being banned, just the doc said maybe try not to drive for a little while.

The last 12 months have been so hard, at times some crisis' proved much worse than some of my worst fears I try not too worry about what may happen now - I tell myself what ever happens today, I will deal with it!I feel this post is long so I will share more over time! Thank you for reading this! x

 

[IzzyJ]

pru I just wanted to reply to offer some support at this time of the night, and to say what an amazing daughter you are being. This is so very tough, I struggle with only my mother to worry about, but you are incredible. Xx

 

[pru]

Thanks IzzyJ for replying so late! I felt really flooded on wed, thurs but thankfully it has passed! I've been putting off posting my message for a while and thought tonight since I feel a bit better I would go for it! I love the way everyone here is so genuine and you can feel the strong bond that exists between the members! x

 

[Shedrech]

Hi pru - good to hear from you.
What a lot your family have to deal with - my dad always says he's doing everything 'step by step' and 'bit by bit', makes me chuckle, but it does slowly get us through.
Time to sleep ready for whatever tomorrow brings.
Sweet dreams

 

[janey106]

Hi Pru, glad you found the forum again!

In most other parts of my life I try to be so positive about everything as I do have so many things to be glad about and so try to be 'solution focused' but supporting a Loved One with these diseases is like trying to hold a bag of eels, you think you've got a grip on it then something moves. You have my utmost admiration, as do others here with the same circumstances, that you are caring for two Loved Ones. You are right, it is so important to have your own needs met and TP is great for this.

Your determination and willingness to ask for help shines through your posting ...... Look forward to hearing from you again

 

[pru]

Thanks everyone for replying! I'm working on bringing more balance into my life. I've signed up for a drama class on Mon afternoons.. it's not serious acting, just for laughs It starts tomorrow but I have to miss it as my dad has 2 hospital appt. On Fri afternoons I'll be doing 1hr relaxation & mindfulness then a cbt class. These last few months my stress levels have been high so I'm aware I have to mind me too!