A life in the day of.........................

[connie]

Sylvia, each and every time I read your conversation posts with Dhiren it takes my mind back to the relatively short time when Lionel was at that stage.

I just take my hat off to you for the way you handle the situation for the two of you.

My love and admiration goes out to you.

 

[Grannie G]

4pm.
D `How long are we staying here?`
S `We live here?`
D `Are you sure?`
S `Of course I`m sure.`
D `How much rent do we pay?`
S `We don`t pay rent. This is our house.`
D `I`m not happy about that. I have a house in Manchester.`
S `We had a house in Bury and we sold it and bought this house here.`
D `I`m going tomorrow.`
S `Ok. That`s fine. Whatever you want.`

5pm....
D `When are we going home?`
S `We are home. This is our home.`
D `Hmm.` Shrugs...`I don`t like it here. I`m sitting all day like a Zombie. I`ve got to do something with my life. Tomorrow I`ll go.`

 

[BeckyJan]

Sylvia: My heart goes out to you and everything else feels for you!!!!!!!!!!! -

it sounds funny in print but my gosh how awful is it????

Love Jan

 

[Margarita]

Hoping now as it nearly 8 PM , Dhiren settled ?

 

[sue38]

Sorry you've had a bad day Sylvia.

We've had problems today too. It seems my Dad went to the petrol station this morning and tried to buy one of the cars on forecourt. They don't sell cars, it was just people filling up. He said the owner didn't understand him because they are Pakistani.

At lunchtime he had packed his bags and was moving out, back to the part of Wigan where he used to live. My mum called the surgery and one of the doctors (not his regular GP) came to see him, but could only recommend that we give him some valium as the new prescription has not arrived from the mental health team following the appointment on Friday.

I had to cancel appointments and go and see him. He was very confused, talking mostly rubbish, but seemed to calm down and was reasonably OK. My sister and niece then arrived and my sister told him it's not us that say he can't drive but the government. He went off on one again and said she had really upset him. I think it was just her turn to get it.

He calmed down again when offered a gin and tonic (well a tonic and tonic - he can't tell the difference).

I said we would try and sort out getting his licence back tomorrow, I hate lying but it seems to be the only way to give him hope and to stop him from threatening to shoot himself/jump in the canal.

He then settled down to watch a documentary on the First World War, which when finished said was really interesting. My mum then rang me to say he was watching University Challenge and was happy again. The doctor suggested we give him 2 valium before bed and we'll see what tomorrow brings.

 

[BeckyJan]

Sue: I cannot help, but, I do sympathise with your 'lot'. Your poor Dad - what a bl.. awful disease.

Hope the medication helps.

Best wishes Jan

 

[Cliff]

Sylvia, Sue, Jan,

What can I say - I just feel for you.

love to you all.


Tomorrow I leave the house at 08.00 for an eye problem consultation leaving a carer, Dee in bed and a workman in the bathroom finishing the bath installation. And at 08.01 I will be on the road listening to Classic FM leaving it all behind..............lovely three hours of peace.

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Jan and Maggie.

The two episodes I posted lasted as long as they took to write, so it hasn`t been a bad day, just a couple of upsetting incidents in a relatively calm day.

After I`d posted, I went back and he was sleeping. He slept for 45 minutes and woke with a smile on his face. He knew his head had been `funny`, and wanted to know how long it had lasted.

Sue,
It sounds as if your father is where Dhiren was a while ago, still fighting for his independence. If it`s any help, Dhiren no longer wants to drive. He is wistful about driving and even carries his old red driving licence in his wallet, thinking it`s a current one.

Dhiren is taking Trazadone, an anti-depressant. It is also sedating. When I told the consultant how worrying his day time activities were, he split the dose and now he takes a low dose in the morning and a higher dose at night. He is much calmer now during the day. The testing time will be when the weather warms up and he feels like going out.

I hope your mother has a peaceful night.

Dear Cliff
Have a lovely peaceful drive tomorrow and relax with the music. I hope your eye problem isn`t serious.

Love xx

 

[jude1950]

Hi Sylvia.

Just touching base I see things are still the same with Dirhan.
I took Jim to a new NH today the other one couldn't fulfil his needs(their words not mine) turns out although the home was EMI registered none of the staff were trained in handling dementia patients.Keeping my fingers crossed that the move doesn't unsettle him too much.I keep checking on TP on how everyone is doing I don't seem to have much time to contribute these days.

love Judith

 

[Margarita]

He knew his head had been `funny`, and wanted to know how long it had lasted.

Its good to read that Dirhan he still has insight .

I forgot to gets mum medication from
chemist , so took dog with me
then walk home as traffic was chocka block, poor dog not been out all day .

when I got home my younger daughter said to me "" I am never looking after Nanny angina , she would not stop asking for you "

I told her its just she forgets that she ask the question in the first place , sure she in denial .

beside that mum sleeping like a log now , Day center really take it out of her .

Wishing you all the best for 2morow Clive

 

[Mrs Mop]

Mood swings

I am new to Talking Point and until reading some of the problems others are having thought I was unkind when told by my partner and felt hurt when given the silent treatment. It has helped me reading the posts. I never mean to be short with him but at times it is like having a toddler and I find myself explaining things to him as I would a child then when he complains I feel really guilty.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome to Talking Point [TP] Mrs Mop,

It`s a long slow learning process to realize the mood swings are part of the illness and however we handle them doesn`t make that much difference, they still happen.

But I`m slowly learning with my husband, the best thing to do within reason, is to agree with everything he says. If what he says is too hurtful, I just walk away. By the time I walk back, even if I haven`t forgotten what has been said and I`m still hurting, he is likely to have forgotten and peace is restored.

We can`t always do the right thing, as the 24/7 caring really takes it out of us. We have all felt guilty at some time or other, but we shouldn`t, because we are all doing our best under very difficult circumstances.

It will help you to read the posts, as you will realize how many have similar situations. TP has helped so many of us, I hope it helps you too.

Keep posting

Love xx

 

[Grannie G]

This morning.....
D `Have we still got a house in Manchester?`
S `No. We sold it to buy this one.`
D `Good. We don`t need two houses.`
S `We couldn`t afford two houses.`
D `It`s better here, near Paul, near the seaside. I`m glad we came.`

 

[gigi]

Hello Sylvia,

Just catching up!

The boiler going on the blink threw Eric-as you can imagine.

It's your worst nightmare because not only are you trying to sort things out yourself( I was trying to relight the pilot light) first thing Sunday morning..Eric is stumbling around the kitchen dismantling the hob....because there is a pilot light on there...logical!!!

Then he was convinced we would need a new boiler..and this is when I realised how much he has changed..so accepting.."if we have to have a new boiler we'll have to have one.."..no mention of cost..but maybe that would have come later..in fact I'm sure it would..

Hope all ok with you and Dhiren..it's good to be back in touch.

Love Gigi xx

 

[Cliff]

This is a lovely thread to hook onto.

So many contributors with dear Sylvia and Dhiren at the centre and we can all express our problems while waiting for Sylvia to come back with the next episode.

My eye problem is an ageing problem and the Consultant was of the old school with bow-tie and superbly cut suit and polished shoes. I felt so drab: open neck and velcro shoes. But they are trying new things but I had three hours of peace and Classic FM.

And the carer had everything under control when I got home.

Day to remember,

Love to you all,

 

[BeckyJan]

And the carer had everything under control when I got home.

Well done, Cliff. Pleased to hear you had a restful time. Open neck shirt and velcro shoes - you sound very 'with it' to have an ageing problem.

Best wishes all. Jan

 

[Grannie G]

Do you have the carer on a regular basis Cliff? Just being nosy.

I had a lovely morning and as it was such a nice day, I persuaded Dhiren to come out with me for a trip to Ramsgate.

Because the house was warm, he was dressing in unsuitable outdoor clothes for even the nicest and brightest and sunniest January day.

So I suggested ,very tactfully, he might be warmer with a thicker sweater and proper coat [bearing in mind he`d spent the morning wrapped in a blanket, with the central heating and gas fire on].

He hit the roof......he knows how to dress himself.....he`s not a child....I want to take over his life....he doesn`t know why he came to this place....he wished he was dead.....and so we didn`t go out to Ramsgate, we didn`t go anywhere, and I`m afraid I`m still cross with him and he doesn`t know why.

 

[Grannie G]

This morning...........
D `When do I have to go home?`
S `You are home.`
D `Are you sure?`
S `Of course I`m sure.`
D `Where is my wife then?`
S `I`m here. I`m your wife.`
D `Are you? I didn`t know. How could I forget that?` Then he began to cry, `What`s happening to me? I don`t know what`s happening to me. I can`t remember anything.`
S `It`s because you have Alzheimers. You can`t help it.`
D `Where`s Paul?`
S `He`s at home in his own house.`
D `I remember he used to wear a blue blazer with grey stripes. I used to take him to school, I taught him to drive. Now I can`t do anything.`
S `You can do things. You are just upset .`
D `I remember that light, we bought it in Manchester.`
S `That`s right, we did.`
D `How long have we been here?`
S `Five years.`
D `And how long have you been married to Paul?`
S `I`m not Paul`s wife. I`m Paul`s mother. I`m your wife.`
D `Are you?`

 

[Skye]

D `And how long have you been married to Paul?`
S `I`m not Paul`s wife. I`m Paul`s mother. I`m your wife.`
D `Are you?`

Heartbreaking, Sylvia!

John sometimes looks puzzled when I go in to see him, but because he can't talk, I've never had to hear that question. A hug and a kiss, and we're all right again.

It must be so difficult for you.

 

[Grannie G]

Thanks Hazel.
The confusion is always worse first thing, on waking or just after, and then late afternoon, early evening.
During the day, generally he knows who`s who.
What I find so hard to understand is on the few occasions he doesn`t know me, I`m in bed with him.


How`s John now? Has the latest infection cleared? And how are you?

Love xx