You could be talking about my Mum here
I read your post and thought, at last, someone who appears to have the same problem as me. Having said that, I realise that we are all on different journeys but it is heartening to know that there are some similarities and none of us are on our own. I am actually not my Mum's main carer, that would be my Dad. At 89 though, and having coped virtually single handedly for 7 years, due to his strong independent streak (also know as stubborness!!) the family feel he is struggling and needs some "me" time. But he won't give in and won't let anyone else help so we are fighting a losing battle. Mum is, and always has been, in total denial. She converses only with my Dad and totally ignores anyone else who tries to talk to her. If she doesn't understand something you are saying she turns to Dad for clarification. She also has a hearing problem which she totally denies too. This means that anything and everything is repeated 2 or 3 times. A hearing test is out of the question and would be a waste of time anyway as "there is nothing wrong with my hearing and I am not having hearing aids" It is very wearing to try to deal with Mum's problems and try to get through to Dad that this complete dependancy by Mum on him is going to be a real problem if anything happens to incapacitate him. Ah well, sometimes we just have to accept defeat and jump in when there is a crisis!
You've hit the nail on the head there, Danbar - it is the ONLY way to cope. Take each day, each moment, each problem, as it comes and deal with it then and there - then try to forget about it until the next time. I've had many a sleepless night (like now - 1.40am!) worrying about my Mum, and what to do, how to help a stubborn, independent woman, who is now nothing like the Mum that I used to know, and is is total denial, and refusing any help her carers offer.
I read your post and thought, at last, someone who appears to have the same problem as me. Having said that, I realise that we are all on different journeys but it is heartening to know that there are some similarities and none of us are on our own. I am actually not my Mum's main carer, that would be my Dad. At 89 though, and having coped virtually single handedly for 7 years, due to his strong independent streak (also know as stubborness!!) the family feel he is struggling and needs some "me" time. But he won't give in and won't let anyone else help so we are fighting a losing battle. Mum is, and always has been, in total denial. She converses only with my Dad and totally ignores anyone else who tries to talk to her. If she doesn't understand something you are saying she turns to Dad for clarification. She also has a hearing problem which she totally denies too. This means that anything and everything is repeated 2 or 3 times. A hearing test is out of the question and would be a waste of time anyway as "there is nothing wrong with my hearing and I am not having hearing aids" It is very wearing to try to deal with Mum's problems and try to get through to Dad that this complete dependancy by Mum on him is going to be a real problem if anything happens to incapacitate him. Ah well, sometimes we just have to accept defeat and jump in when there is a crisis!