I gave up my part time job and became a full time carer for Mum who has Vascular Dementia. She still lives at home with Dad who has Vascular Parkinsonism and is very frail. Getting outside carers in would confuse and upset Mum and Dad wouldn't be happy either. He still tries to do the garden and has ended up sprawling in the flower beds on two occasions recently, despite me pointing out that if he breaks a hip we are in deep doo doo as he'll end up in hospital (which is a truly horrendous one under special measures) and I'll have to move in with Mum as she can't be left alone. He just laughs it off. It seems denial is NOT just a river in Egypt.
I get Carer's Allowance of £62.10 a week and get a 'top up' of Income Support which is about £45. The government reckons I can live off £107 a week. I have a mortgage on a house which I share with my brother who works full time in a low paid job (and is my rock, I couldn't do this without his help and support). I am in the process of applying for a Council Tax reduction of 25% and, if I can fathom out the forms, can also apply for Mortgage Interest Tax Relief which will be about a tenner a week.
I will also get free prescriptions and free dental treatment from the NHS.
My bills alone come to over £400 a month so how could I possibly live unless a magic pixie was letting me have some money? Luckily I have, officially anyway, learned to live without food, recreation, social interaction and clothing. Amazing what can be achieved.
As far as the personal impact of being a full time carer is concerned, I do really crave adult conversation. I don't have kids but I should imagine this, in part, is how it feels to be a full time mum - my days are filled with 'baby talk' ie I have to watch everything I say to my Dad in case he gets upset about 'burdoning' me and I have to talk to my Mum like she's a child ('Have you cleaned your teeth? Do you need to use the loo before we leave?' etc etc). I chose not to have kids and yet I have two octogenarian children.
Although I've had to give up work I do try to maintain a social life of some kind for my sanity. It's a fraction of what it used to be but I see it as vital to keep a part of the old me alive. My brother is fantastic and steps in to give me respite for when I have a couple of days away seeing friends even though he works really hard too. I do find that I enjoy my time away far more than I used to because I value it far more than when it was much more frequent and a given. I also find I go a bit more crazy on those occasions too - I certainly make the most of my respite days!
I had to attend a 'Work Based Interview' at the job centre a few weeks ago as part of my application for Income Support. It was horrendous and humiliating but necessary. The woman who interviewed me was new and it was tempting to tell her that I had over 15 years' experience as a recruitment consultant and employment consultant and was more qualified to do her job than she was... I resisted of course as I need the extra money and am keen to stay 'off radar' as much as possible. I have worked in management positions and high pressure sales jobs in my career but those days are behind me now. As and when I go back to work I want to do something that won't give me any stress as I have high blood pressure, same as my parents did at my age. Obviously I'm worried about what lays ahead for me too.
But there is no way I wouldn't have stepped up. They sacrificed so much for us while they were raising us this is the very least I can do. And if I wasn't doing this they would almost certainly need residential care which, given their very different needs, would almost certainly mean they would have to go into different care homes and be separated after 50 years. Well, you might as well shoot my Dad through the heart and give my Mum a total lobotomy. I will do everything in my power to keep them together in their own home for as long as possible.
So, to summarise, what you are proposing is a tough road but you know in your heart if it's the right one, or indeed the only one - for as long as you can manage it anyway.