Have been thinking of you a lot today, DG. You've taken a brave and selfless step. Be kind to yourself as well now.
EG x
EG x
I'm dreading Friday
- Thread starter dumpygirl
- Start date
Been reading through your thread tonight and truly hope the day hasn't been traumatic. It's a big, big change when our loved ones go into care. I never thought I'd see the day when it happened to my hubby, and I have missed him so much.
Having busy plans helps stop the thinking process, but the nights are hard for a time. Being able to choose what to do and how to do it was strange for me. I'm more used to it now as I have lived alone before, but that was a long time ago. I don't think I'll ever get used to not having someone here any more, but we learn new habits all the time. I can only advise you as I was advised yesterday to pick up whatever threads of your own life you can, after you've rested a while, and taken stock. Take up a hobby, get out and meet people when you're not visiting, or otherwise busy. Don't allow yourself to stagnate and not go out.
I truly wish you well, Dumpy Girl, and hope things settle down soon for you and your loved one. There's always a listening ear on here when you need one, xxxx
Having busy plans helps stop the thinking process, but the nights are hard for a time. Being able to choose what to do and how to do it was strange for me. I'm more used to it now as I have lived alone before, but that was a long time ago. I don't think I'll ever get used to not having someone here any more, but we learn new habits all the time. I can only advise you as I was advised yesterday to pick up whatever threads of your own life you can, after you've rested a while, and taken stock. Take up a hobby, get out and meet people when you're not visiting, or otherwise busy. Don't allow yourself to stagnate and not go out.
I truly wish you well, Dumpy Girl, and hope things settle down soon for you and your loved one. There's always a listening ear on here when you need one, xxxx
I am also thinking about you and wonder how your day has been - not an easy one but hope the move went as well as could be expected.
I guess we are all anxious to hear how you are.
I guess we are all anxious to hear how you are.
the start of a new phase in my life
I cannot tell you how touched I was to read all your lovely and helpful and supportive comments.
I know it is late but I will try and tell you how it went yesterday when I took Grahame to the Care Home.
My eldest daughter came and picked us up in her car as she said I was not allowed to drive because I might be emotional and not quite myself so I went along with this.
We told Grahame that we were going to a nice Hotel for coffee and he liked this idea. My daughter drove the scenic route to the care home and Grahame loved going through places he had not seen for a long time.
My youngest daughter was waiting for us in the car park.
When we knocked on the door a lovely kind young lady opened it and said "Oh hello, you must be Grahame, we are expecting you. Come in and we will go down to the Quiet Lounge and I will bring you some coffee"
So off we went to the quiet lounge. There were four ladies in this lounge all relaxing and the chairs looked very comfortable and inviting.
The coffee came and we drank that and chatted for a while.
Then Grahame said "how much is it to stay in this place? and I said "Oh I think it is about fifty pounds". I said why, would you like to stay here and he said "Not at that price thank you". That really made me smile.
Then my eldest daughter looked at me and said "shall we go to the room now" and I said Yes I think we should" So off we all went. His room number was 13 but that did not bother any of us. As he went into the room the first thing he noticed was the Welsh Duvet Cover and he commented on that. Next thing he noticed was a lovely picture of his father next to the t.v. He lingered for a little while and then suddenly turned round and made for the door saying "I want to go home now" This was the cue for his carer Hannah to take him by the elbow and lead him out into the garden and she then indicated for us to slip away which we did.
Later that evening my eldest daughter had to go back to the Care Home because we had forgotten to take the remote control. She was told by Hannah that Grahame seemed quite happy until about 5 p.m. when he started asking to go home. Well I used to get that most days at about that time and of course this is the "sundowning" which I am sure you are all familiar with.
We all went back to my eldest daughter's house for lunch and afterwards a trip to Dunelm to get a new Duvet as my old was the worse for wear.Today they were having a garden party at the Care Home and I think Grahame would join in with that.
Youngest daughter phoned today and was told that he was quite happy and was in the quiet lounge reading the daily paper which he will get every morning as usual.
I went home after that and got myself a ready meal, watched some t.v. and had an early night. I felt quite relaxed and just relieved that it had gone so well and I hope and pray that it will continue that way.
Today I went and had my hair cut and coloured and feel more like my old self again.
Tomorrow I will go to Church in the evening and that will feel strange because he has always been with me right up to last Sunday.
Sorry for the long post but I wanted you to know all about the "day I was dreading"
Once again THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR LOVING THOUGHTS AND SUPPORT.It really does make a difference to know that so many of you have been in the same position as myself.
Anne.
I cannot tell you how touched I was to read all your lovely and helpful and supportive comments.
I know it is late but I will try and tell you how it went yesterday when I took Grahame to the Care Home.
My eldest daughter came and picked us up in her car as she said I was not allowed to drive because I might be emotional and not quite myself so I went along with this.
We told Grahame that we were going to a nice Hotel for coffee and he liked this idea. My daughter drove the scenic route to the care home and Grahame loved going through places he had not seen for a long time.
My youngest daughter was waiting for us in the car park.
When we knocked on the door a lovely kind young lady opened it and said "Oh hello, you must be Grahame, we are expecting you. Come in and we will go down to the Quiet Lounge and I will bring you some coffee"
So off we went to the quiet lounge. There were four ladies in this lounge all relaxing and the chairs looked very comfortable and inviting.
The coffee came and we drank that and chatted for a while.
Then Grahame said "how much is it to stay in this place? and I said "Oh I think it is about fifty pounds". I said why, would you like to stay here and he said "Not at that price thank you". That really made me smile.
Then my eldest daughter looked at me and said "shall we go to the room now" and I said Yes I think we should" So off we all went. His room number was 13 but that did not bother any of us. As he went into the room the first thing he noticed was the Welsh Duvet Cover and he commented on that. Next thing he noticed was a lovely picture of his father next to the t.v. He lingered for a little while and then suddenly turned round and made for the door saying "I want to go home now" This was the cue for his carer Hannah to take him by the elbow and lead him out into the garden and she then indicated for us to slip away which we did.
Later that evening my eldest daughter had to go back to the Care Home because we had forgotten to take the remote control. She was told by Hannah that Grahame seemed quite happy until about 5 p.m. when he started asking to go home. Well I used to get that most days at about that time and of course this is the "sundowning" which I am sure you are all familiar with.
We all went back to my eldest daughter's house for lunch and afterwards a trip to Dunelm to get a new Duvet as my old was the worse for wear.Today they were having a garden party at the Care Home and I think Grahame would join in with that.
Youngest daughter phoned today and was told that he was quite happy and was in the quiet lounge reading the daily paper which he will get every morning as usual.
I went home after that and got myself a ready meal, watched some t.v. and had an early night. I felt quite relaxed and just relieved that it had gone so well and I hope and pray that it will continue that way.
Today I went and had my hair cut and coloured and feel more like my old self again.
Tomorrow I will go to Church in the evening and that will feel strange because he has always been with me right up to last Sunday.
Sorry for the long post but I wanted you to know all about the "day I was dreading"
Once again THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR LOVING THOUGHTS AND SUPPORT.It really does make a difference to know that so many of you have been in the same position as myself.
Anne.
I'm glad it went so well Anne and that you had your two daughters to support you. It must be such a comfort to you that Grahame has settled so well on his first couple of days. I hope this continues. Wishing you well as you both settle into your new routines. x
Thank you for letting us know how Friday went. It sounds very positive and I hope it carries on in that vein. The care home sounds good and how wonderful to have your daughters with you to accompany your husband to his new home. You obviously have great support there.
Wishing you well on this new stage of your'sand Grahame's life. xxx
Wishing you well on this new stage of your'sand Grahame's life. xxx
I think you managed this amazingly well Dumpygirl. I was living it through with you while reading your post.
Well done you, at such an early stage , to identify Grahame's wanting to go home with sundowning and to know he would have been exactly the same wherever he was.
The home sounds excellent . It sounds as if you too have found someone with whom to share the caring.
Well done you, at such an early stage , to identify Grahame's wanting to go home with sundowning and to know he would have been exactly the same wherever he was.
The home sounds excellent . It sounds as if you too have found someone with whom to share the caring.
So pleased to hear that things are working out, It was obviously great that you had the support of your daughters and you and the home had obviously given a lot of thought to the process of settling him in. It seems that you've struck lucky with the home. And so nice that Grahame is able to read his own morning paper!
So happy that your worst fears did not come true. It will be hard to nit have your husband with you at home, but now you get to spend happy times with him. It can all work out if the care home is a good one. I fiund it has enriched my relationship with my mum as i am no longer nagging her every day about washing, eating, drinking, dressing etc etc. Lots if live to you and fingers crossed it will all be calm now.
Before things happen, we are in trepidation. After the rush of the first few days, things begin to settle and I'm glad the first day went so well for you, and that your family piled in with help. Sometimes, it's the small things that mean the most.
He'll be cared for well now, Dumpygirl, and you can rest assured that the home will keep in touch with you if they need advice on anything. Ours is a fantastic place, too. I wouldn't mind living there myself.
All the best and many, many blessings.
He'll be cared for well now, Dumpygirl, and you can rest assured that the home will keep in touch with you if they need advice on anything. Ours is a fantastic place, too. I wouldn't mind living there myself.
All the best and many, many blessings.
Your hubby would be so proud of his brave girl. It's a hard step to take, and we all know how much you were dreading it, but you've done it, and I hope you now try to enjoy the strange, and totally forgotten period, of having Some Time To Yourself. 
I'm so glad to hear that things went well, it sounds as though you all played a big part in it going so smoothly. I'm also pleased to hear that you have so much support from your daughters too. The care home sounds great. Well done you xxxx
Thank you all so very much for your lovely and supportive comments.
I really appreciate it.
On Saturday morning I had a hair appointment and followed this with a trip to Dunelm to get a new duvet and duvet cover. Also saw some nice wallpaper and matching duvet covers etc. lovely quality Dorma all at half price. I managed to get enough at this special price to decorate my bedroom. Daughter Sally has very kindly offered to come and do the decorating. I am so lucky. Also a friend from church has offered to come and do a built in wardrobe. Wonderful to have such lovely supportive friends.
Grahame always had the best bedroom all to himself and now I will be moving into it. Until now I had the box room so will really appreciate this. It has an en suite too.
Felt very strange this evening (Sunday) going to church and not having Grahame beside me. Quite a few people asked if he was alright and I had to tell them that he had gone into care. Walking home instead of driving (Grahame could not walk far) felt strange but I will get used to it.
All for now and once again thank you all so much for your lovely postings.
Anne
I really appreciate it.
On Saturday morning I had a hair appointment and followed this with a trip to Dunelm to get a new duvet and duvet cover. Also saw some nice wallpaper and matching duvet covers etc. lovely quality Dorma all at half price. I managed to get enough at this special price to decorate my bedroom. Daughter Sally has very kindly offered to come and do the decorating. I am so lucky. Also a friend from church has offered to come and do a built in wardrobe. Wonderful to have such lovely supportive friends.
Grahame always had the best bedroom all to himself and now I will be moving into it. Until now I had the box room so will really appreciate this. It has an en suite too.
Felt very strange this evening (Sunday) going to church and not having Grahame beside me. Quite a few people asked if he was alright and I had to tell them that he had gone into care. Walking home instead of driving (Grahame could not walk far) felt strange but I will get used to it.
All for now and once again thank you all so much for your lovely postings.
Anne
