Tough decisions ahead

[andypandy]

More developments with mum, her TIA's seem to be taking chunks each time they happen not just little bits. Had a bad weekend with her, first she broke something glass, and really did an amazing job of clearing it up so much so we have no idea what broke but she's ended up cutting all her arms as some tiny bits were in the washing up sponge and she sometimes cleans the dishes then cleans herself with the same sponge, all superficial but she's made a mess of her arms. Then the next day she's mistaken the laundry basket for the loo and she's fallen. Paramedics have checked her out and she's fine just sore but we now know it's time to maybe give in and start looking at homes.

I hate this we promised her years ago we would do everything in our power to keep her at home and I feel I'm betraying her trust in us, but things seem to be speeding ahead in terms of deterioration. One place we've looked at so far is wonderful and is better than some hotels I've stayed in and smelled like a spa, but the cost is nothing the authorities would go anywhere near as mum has no assets. So the search continues.

I've trawled the internet looking for anywhere that caters for 24/7 care so mum can stay in her own home, as mum has no savings to speak of and no assets are we just looking at care homes??

So very sad about this all.

 

[sonia owen]

Hi,

So sorry you are having to deal with the same problem that we are dealing with at the moment. We as a family had a meeting with our CPN the other week, to voice our concerns and worries, after mum had spent the night on the floor. Then we all spoke to mum, she can still make her own mind up, there was no way she was having any of it. After the meeting she said to me out right would you like to go into a home yes or no.
Its so hard and worrying just trying to keep them safe. Like your mum our mum takes a big dip in her memory too.
Just wanted to say hello. Take care
Sonia

 

[andypandy]

Hi,

So sorry you are having to deal with the same problem that we are dealing with at the moment. We as a family had a meeting with our CPN the other week, to voice our concerns and worries, after mum had spent the night on the floor. Then we all spoke to mum, she can still make her own mind up, there was no way she was having any of it. After the meeting she said to me out right would you like to go into a home yes or no.
Its so hard and worrying just trying to keep them safe. Like your mum our mum takes a big dip in her memory too.
Just wanted to say hello. Take care
Sonia

I'm sorry to hear about you too, it is really hard isn't it. We've got our meetings later this week and I should be having some calls back today. We've not broached it with mum yet and are dreading it.
Take Care

 

[Delphie]

Hi andypandy

As far as I know, it's not usual for local authorities to fund 24/7 care at home. It's very expensive. The approach tends to be carer visits first (up to 4 a day if I remember correctly, but maybe that varies) and then a care home that meets the person's needs, if the carer visits aren't enough.

 

[Isabella41]

Hi Andypandy. I'm so sorry to hear how quickly your mum is deteriorating. I think it is highly unlikely that an local authority would provide 24/7 care in someone's home. I think that most authorities will have a maximum number of hours they are willing to fund and then once this threshold is passed a care home becomes the most economic option for them to fund. Have you asked the LA how much they are willing to contribute to fees and also what homes in your area accept the LA funding as full payment. Armed with this information you would at least save yourself alot of time as you would only need to visit the ones you know you can afford.

 

[Shedrech]

"we promised her years ago we would do everything in our power to keep her at home and I feel I'm betraying her trust in us"

Andypandy, I just want to reflect your own words back at you - You HAVE kept your promise, you ARE keeping your promise - you have done and are doing everything you can possibly do to keep her at home - but 'home' is a safe secure place where your mum is cared for and supported and if her own house is no longer that place then all those years ago she also implicitly trusted you to find the best 'home' for her.
So do all your research and make all the necessary contacts and don't broach it with until or unless you must to keep her as comfortable, emotionally as well as physically, as is possible. Remember, sometimes 'love lies' and even complete ignorance are kinder in the long run.
It's a heartbreaking time, I know, dad moved to a care home earlier this year and I'm so saddened but it just had to be.
You are not betraying her trust, you are proving that you are worthy of it.