I have been to a couple of funerals since my Mum`s 3 months ago, deaths not through dementia, but long term illnesses and am now appreciating our "long-goodbyes".
I knew there must be some positives from this terrible disease and I feel I have discovered one which is not only a release for the patients but ...
Those who loose their loved ones, suddenly, or through long term illness don`t start closure on house sale/clearance/clothing and personal effects until after the funeral to start this process, whereas, for me and maybe others on TP, we have been clearing items over years, Moved my Mum twice, so downscaled her belongings over these two moves, then finally after her "passing", just a few personal effects, although it was heartbreaking to do this at the time, that job was done and dusted before her passing. People like us have had to say "goodbye" gradually not only to the person, but their homes/clothes personal effects. I expect either way, it is a very painful thing to have to do whenever you do it, but for me, dementia and its long goodbyes help to me "recover" (I don`t mean forget/ grieve) quicker, because generally everything has been sorted. I just had to make the "£phone calls" to authorities etc. Not sure I`m being very clear here, but I think you understand my meaning.
I also have watched the "Dementiaville" programmes so far and have drawn comfort from the 2nd showing, where it was explained, dementia sufferers may loose us, family etc, but they don`t loose their emotions which now explains quite a bit of my experience with Mum. She didn`t know who I was or the carers, but she knew deep down I was special, as the carers kept reasuring me of, she gave a lot of love, affection to everybody and received it in return. She had cardio vascular, and remained in a happy demeanour throughout her illness.
Anyway these are my thoughts for today and hope somewhere out there someone may take comfort as they recover from their loss, there has to be something positive about this experience.
I wrote earlier about my body crashing, 4 weeks after her passing - severe vertigo - well 10 weeks later, and lots of sports back/neck massages/exercises & tia chi breathing exercises, undoing years and years of body muscle tension,(I would described as an elastic band at full stretch just waiting to snap) the vertigo has almost left me. Only using medication to suppress the symptons. I now understand the term "A death is still a shock even when expected" I think I`ve now worn the t-shirt. My body is at lasting learning (with the help as described) to relax, my mind too, not looking back to often now, I`m focussing on looking forward. Based on the "Live for the moment - the NOW" philosophy. I have my moments of course, but inbetween I`m getting there keeping busy, reading more, working in the garden and enjoying more quality time away with my husband caravanning - he deserves my time now, god knows he has been at the bottom of my agenda for some years.
Byee for now
Heather
I knew there must be some positives from this terrible disease and I feel I have discovered one which is not only a release for the patients but ...
Those who loose their loved ones, suddenly, or through long term illness don`t start closure on house sale/clearance/clothing and personal effects until after the funeral to start this process, whereas, for me and maybe others on TP, we have been clearing items over years, Moved my Mum twice, so downscaled her belongings over these two moves, then finally after her "passing", just a few personal effects, although it was heartbreaking to do this at the time, that job was done and dusted before her passing. People like us have had to say "goodbye" gradually not only to the person, but their homes/clothes personal effects. I expect either way, it is a very painful thing to have to do whenever you do it, but for me, dementia and its long goodbyes help to me "recover" (I don`t mean forget/ grieve) quicker, because generally everything has been sorted. I just had to make the "£phone calls" to authorities etc. Not sure I`m being very clear here, but I think you understand my meaning.
I also have watched the "Dementiaville" programmes so far and have drawn comfort from the 2nd showing, where it was explained, dementia sufferers may loose us, family etc, but they don`t loose their emotions which now explains quite a bit of my experience with Mum. She didn`t know who I was or the carers, but she knew deep down I was special, as the carers kept reasuring me of, she gave a lot of love, affection to everybody and received it in return. She had cardio vascular, and remained in a happy demeanour throughout her illness.
Anyway these are my thoughts for today and hope somewhere out there someone may take comfort as they recover from their loss, there has to be something positive about this experience.
I wrote earlier about my body crashing, 4 weeks after her passing - severe vertigo - well 10 weeks later, and lots of sports back/neck massages/exercises & tia chi breathing exercises, undoing years and years of body muscle tension,(I would described as an elastic band at full stretch just waiting to snap) the vertigo has almost left me. Only using medication to suppress the symptons. I now understand the term "A death is still a shock even when expected" I think I`ve now worn the t-shirt. My body is at lasting learning (with the help as described) to relax, my mind too, not looking back to often now, I`m focussing on looking forward. Based on the "Live for the moment - the NOW" philosophy. I have my moments of course, but inbetween I`m getting there keeping busy, reading more, working in the garden and enjoying more quality time away with my husband caravanning - he deserves my time now, god knows he has been at the bottom of my agenda for some years.
Byee for now
Heather
