Hello everyone, I'm new to the forum,
Not sure what I want to ask or if this is the right place to ask. My Dad has been treated initially for vascular dementia and recently the family doctor told us it is Alzheimer’s disease. My dad’s state has dramatically changed within 5 years. But recently his mind has deteriorated and now he is confused most of the time, where until a month or so ago he would have days where he seemed alert and as though there wasn’t much wrong, those days have now gone. Having seen my Granddad (Dads, Dad) suffer this awful illness we are all aware of how the disease can develop though we understand each person has different experiences.
My main concern at this stage is not my dad, but my Mother’s health. Until recently she has been coping fairly well, there have been periods where she has found it hard to cope but has always pulled through those periods.
We have all talked to some degree and I know mam and dad still talk through their feelings and experiences (when dad is able to). I Know Dad doesn’t want to go into a care home, and that Mam will do everything possible to avoid that happening. They have talked about possible day care or even periods of respite care in the future.
What is bothering me is I feel now that it may be time to at least be thinking about day care a couple of days a week if possible. I just don't know how to approach the issue. So far my parents have pretty much refused to get Social Services involved. My sister and I have slowly been working on my Mam, trying to get her to focus on the long term as well as the here and now. And though she is still adamant about not putting Dad in a care home, she does see that day care and possibly respite care will possibly be useful.
She is close to breaking point, so much so that she has recently been suffering a form of blistering due to stress. Our GP has been very supportive of my Mam, and has also suggested Respite care, which my Mam has turned down.
I think Mam compares herself to Grandma and feels that because Grandma coped well (at least what we saw) that she has to too.
Mam like me is very sensitive so I don’t want to upset her but, I feel useless watching her getting more stressed and depressed, and I can see something has to give.
My sister and I have been doing our best to support Mam and also to be there for Dad, but I am myself disabled so physically I am limited to what I can do, and my sister works fulltime and has a son to look after as well, so her time is limited.
I think what makes things worse is that Dad is in what I would call the middle ground, he is still aware of what is happening now, but gets awfully confused and very forgetful of present day events. But is still aware of where he is and who everyone is at present.
I was just wondering if anyone could suggest ways of approaching the above situation and causing as little stress and upset as possible.
Not sure what I want to ask or if this is the right place to ask. My Dad has been treated initially for vascular dementia and recently the family doctor told us it is Alzheimer’s disease. My dad’s state has dramatically changed within 5 years. But recently his mind has deteriorated and now he is confused most of the time, where until a month or so ago he would have days where he seemed alert and as though there wasn’t much wrong, those days have now gone. Having seen my Granddad (Dads, Dad) suffer this awful illness we are all aware of how the disease can develop though we understand each person has different experiences.
My main concern at this stage is not my dad, but my Mother’s health. Until recently she has been coping fairly well, there have been periods where she has found it hard to cope but has always pulled through those periods.
We have all talked to some degree and I know mam and dad still talk through their feelings and experiences (when dad is able to). I Know Dad doesn’t want to go into a care home, and that Mam will do everything possible to avoid that happening. They have talked about possible day care or even periods of respite care in the future.
What is bothering me is I feel now that it may be time to at least be thinking about day care a couple of days a week if possible. I just don't know how to approach the issue. So far my parents have pretty much refused to get Social Services involved. My sister and I have slowly been working on my Mam, trying to get her to focus on the long term as well as the here and now. And though she is still adamant about not putting Dad in a care home, she does see that day care and possibly respite care will possibly be useful.
She is close to breaking point, so much so that she has recently been suffering a form of blistering due to stress. Our GP has been very supportive of my Mam, and has also suggested Respite care, which my Mam has turned down.
I think Mam compares herself to Grandma and feels that because Grandma coped well (at least what we saw) that she has to too.
Mam like me is very sensitive so I don’t want to upset her but, I feel useless watching her getting more stressed and depressed, and I can see something has to give.
My sister and I have been doing our best to support Mam and also to be there for Dad, but I am myself disabled so physically I am limited to what I can do, and my sister works fulltime and has a son to look after as well, so her time is limited.
I think what makes things worse is that Dad is in what I would call the middle ground, he is still aware of what is happening now, but gets awfully confused and very forgetful of present day events. But is still aware of where he is and who everyone is at present.
I was just wondering if anyone could suggest ways of approaching the above situation and causing as little stress and upset as possible.
