Hi ladies and gents. I'm hoping you might be able to give me some advice.
My grandad has been in and out of hospital since the end of last year. It ended with him having a small stroke. Grandma died suddenly four years ago and he became more and more forgetful after that. Resulting in us having to leave notes for him to remind him to do things. Short term memory is very bad and long term is okay but with frequent changes depending on his mood! He failed the memory test in hospital and due to his issues with mobility he went into a residential home.
At first he hated it and was determined to get home but gradually he accepted it as long as he could go out once a week and go to church on a Sunday. This was fine and with visitors multiple times a day he was content.
He spent a bit of time in his room at the start but then he mingled a bit and met another resident and this is how our issues started. Before I go on we are really happy that he has a friend in the home it makes it easier to know he's happy and with someone to talk to.
But he is obsessed. Over the last two months it has gotten to the stage where she is all he thinks of. He will follow her around the home, even walking her to the toilet and waiting for her. She was dancing with another lady when I visited once and he walked up to stand by her and I just sat on my own! He makes excuses like he wants to stretch his legs or he normally goes to sit in another room etc.
The carer told us the other day that he won't eat if she isn't eating or go to the loo if she doesn't need it. He now waits up until she goes to bed before he will go to bed himself. He doesn't listen to us if we say put a pad on but will if she says to. He no longer goes to church and it's got to the stage where my cousins are cutting down their visits as he either ignores them or brings this lady in on every conversation. I asked if he wanted to go for a day out but he said he'd only go if this lady went and it didn't matter how many times I or the carer explained that legally we can't he still wouldn't have it. He actually told my mum and cousin to leave the other day as they were talking and "spoiling <lady's> time" she even turned round and said they weren't but he was frustrated that she was talking to someone else and he couldn't hear!
Gosh. Wall of text. I am sorry. So! Tl;dr Grandad is becoming increasingly obsessed with a lady in his residential home to the point he doesn't do anything without her and we worry about her getting annoyed or God forbid dying as we don't know what would happen. I just would like someone else's viewpoint.
Thank you.
My grandad has been in and out of hospital since the end of last year. It ended with him having a small stroke. Grandma died suddenly four years ago and he became more and more forgetful after that. Resulting in us having to leave notes for him to remind him to do things. Short term memory is very bad and long term is okay but with frequent changes depending on his mood! He failed the memory test in hospital and due to his issues with mobility he went into a residential home.
At first he hated it and was determined to get home but gradually he accepted it as long as he could go out once a week and go to church on a Sunday. This was fine and with visitors multiple times a day he was content.
He spent a bit of time in his room at the start but then he mingled a bit and met another resident and this is how our issues started. Before I go on we are really happy that he has a friend in the home it makes it easier to know he's happy and with someone to talk to.
But he is obsessed. Over the last two months it has gotten to the stage where she is all he thinks of. He will follow her around the home, even walking her to the toilet and waiting for her. She was dancing with another lady when I visited once and he walked up to stand by her and I just sat on my own! He makes excuses like he wants to stretch his legs or he normally goes to sit in another room etc.
The carer told us the other day that he won't eat if she isn't eating or go to the loo if she doesn't need it. He now waits up until she goes to bed before he will go to bed himself. He doesn't listen to us if we say put a pad on but will if she says to. He no longer goes to church and it's got to the stage where my cousins are cutting down their visits as he either ignores them or brings this lady in on every conversation. I asked if he wanted to go for a day out but he said he'd only go if this lady went and it didn't matter how many times I or the carer explained that legally we can't he still wouldn't have it. He actually told my mum and cousin to leave the other day as they were talking and "spoiling <lady's> time" she even turned round and said they weren't but he was frustrated that she was talking to someone else and he couldn't hear!
Gosh. Wall of text. I am sorry. So! Tl;dr Grandad is becoming increasingly obsessed with a lady in his residential home to the point he doesn't do anything without her and we worry about her getting annoyed or God forbid dying as we don't know what would happen. I just would like someone else's viewpoint.
Thank you.