Dad gone walkabout this evening.
- Thread starter Sheepteach
- Start date
These nasty decisions creep up on us. I hope they can find your dad a bed somewhere easier for you....
Telling someone "it won't be very nice" doesn't help at all. What a foolish thing to say....Dementia ISNT very nice. Neither is worrying when you're not near the person wandering.
Of course, your well meaning neighbours weren't to know what would happen. If it were me I'd apologise sweetly for disturbing their sleep, and say it was a headless chicken situation, ( your own words) and it certainly won't happen again. I bet they'll be sympathetic and more understanding.
Sorry you're having all this worry.
Telling someone "it won't be very nice" doesn't help at all. What a foolish thing to say....Dementia ISNT very nice. Neither is worrying when you're not near the person wandering.
Of course, your well meaning neighbours weren't to know what would happen. If it were me I'd apologise sweetly for disturbing their sleep, and say it was a headless chicken situation, ( your own words) and it certainly won't happen again. I bet they'll be sympathetic and more understanding.
Sorry you're having all this worry.
Thanks Raggedy - peace has been made with the neighbours - they apologised for "being curt" and I apologised for my "headless chicken" moment, though I don't think I will ask them for help again if I can at all help it.
Dad has had a few normal days after a short course of antibiotics, but last Thursday his late evening carer found him on the main road again so he is back on the antibiotics - a longer course this time.
We visited to do his gardening today and he was still very confused, wanting to know who was picking him up for a 'concert' at 6pm, so I had to tell him I had cancelled it because he wasn't well enough - he seemed relieved - thank goodness.
Fingers crossed the AB's work soon.
Dad has had a few normal days after a short course of antibiotics, but last Thursday his late evening carer found him on the main road again so he is back on the antibiotics - a longer course this time.
We visited to do his gardening today and he was still very confused, wanting to know who was picking him up for a 'concert' at 6pm, so I had to tell him I had cancelled it because he wasn't well enough - he seemed relieved - thank goodness.
Fingers crossed the AB's work soon.
It sounds like a care home is going to be needed very soon I'm really sorry to say. Of course he is fine and he doesn't need to go there...... In his head he is but the reality is that his progression has got so far that he is putting himself in danger and is vulnerable. The biggest problem is that he won't remember himself being cold or distressed or putting himself in danger. Did anything come back to say he did have a UTI? To have them this close together is worrying. This might be a frequent occurrence. In the mean time are the police aware that he may be a wanderer?
As for getting him to respite/permanent care, have a look round the homes where you want him to go, possibly nearer to you or your brother. When the day comes take him out and deliver him don't explain what you are doing just go away on a holiday there, check the room out an the place itself and above all talk to the manager of the place and take their advice on how to go about it all. This will probably be a distressing time for all unfortunately but as he won't/can't accept that there is a problem here this is all you can do. Talk to the SW about a deprivation of liberty order for when he goes into the home and see what comes back.
This is such a hard time for you. Best wishes. X
As for getting him to respite/permanent care, have a look round the homes where you want him to go, possibly nearer to you or your brother. When the day comes take him out and deliver him don't explain what you are doing just go away on a holiday there, check the room out an the place itself and above all talk to the manager of the place and take their advice on how to go about it all. This will probably be a distressing time for all unfortunately but as he won't/can't accept that there is a problem here this is all you can do. Talk to the SW about a deprivation of liberty order for when he goes into the home and see what comes back.
This is such a hard time for you. Best wishes. X
Further update
Hello again, I haven't updated before as I haven't had the head-space to do so over the last couple of weeks.
Dad finished his 2nd course of AB's and then started wandering and annoying the neighbours at night - one rang me to tell me that he was making her ill. I have had so many meetings with GP's, SW's, OT's and Mental Health Team etc that I'm rapidly losing the plot myself!
Anyhow, Social Services offered Dad a sleeping carer for a week, and he now also has a mattress sensor and door alarm - so far still intact!
My brother and I have been to look at several care homes and have found two that we think are nice for Dad - not that he will ever agree to residential care.
The night carer is working well so I spoke with a Care Navigator today to investigate costs of keeping this on as Dad is very happy at home, OMG it's so expensive about £700 per week. Dad's savings will only last about two months at that rate - with his day care the total cost is around £3,000 per month to him.
So we now have to make a horrible decision to make whether to keep Dad happy for a couple of months but knowing that really we are postponing the inevitable which I know he will never accept and will only ever go in care against his will even if it is in his best interests.
Hello again, I haven't updated before as I haven't had the head-space to do so over the last couple of weeks.
Dad finished his 2nd course of AB's and then started wandering and annoying the neighbours at night - one rang me to tell me that he was making her ill. I have had so many meetings with GP's, SW's, OT's and Mental Health Team etc that I'm rapidly losing the plot myself!
Anyhow, Social Services offered Dad a sleeping carer for a week, and he now also has a mattress sensor and door alarm - so far still intact!
My brother and I have been to look at several care homes and have found two that we think are nice for Dad - not that he will ever agree to residential care.
The night carer is working well so I spoke with a Care Navigator today to investigate costs of keeping this on as Dad is very happy at home, OMG it's so expensive about £700 per week. Dad's savings will only last about two months at that rate - with his day care the total cost is around £3,000 per month to him.
So we now have to make a horrible decision to make whether to keep Dad happy for a couple of months but knowing that really we are postponing the inevitable which I know he will never accept and will only ever go in care against his will even if it is in his best interests.
So sad that we have to make these decisions for our parents, but we have to. As hard as it was my siblings and I had to make a similar decision for my mum and that was to move her from an area she had lived in all her life and a home she absolutely loved, to live with me, 120 miles away. Doing the actual move and telling her it was just for a 2 week break with me, broke my heart. Wandering was a big part of this illness for mum, but at least she was with me and I could act immediately if she went walk about. These days she still wanders a little but mainly to the garden gate and back, just to check its closed and then reports back to me.
