I am really sorry to hear this. I hope it works out for you but my experience of going to court ( not in the same circumstances- my husband's first wife of over 20 years ago is the beneficiary of a very generous monthly payment of over £500 which my husband offered her as he did not at the time realise he would end up with dementia which would incur unexpected costs. This was for her only as their children were over 30 and independant. He also gave her the family home which has left her with a 3 bed semi very similar to ours all paid for. I went to ask the court for a variation to reduce the monthly payment in view of our changed circumstances and the costs of daycare and four hours additional assistance. I had approached her but she was not having any as she said she needed the money. She has her state pension plus two other small occupational pensions plus assets in excess of £220,000 in addition to the property.We are approaching the £23k limit having spent money to adapt the house so I can keep him at home. She has a new partner but is canny enough not to live wiith him and told the court he was just a companion despite them having been together for over ten years and his having funded a three week holiday to New Zealand. She has since then been on a trip to the states costing over £2,000 but she told the court she relied on the money. She said if it is too hard for me to look after him to put him in residential care in which situation I know he would be desperately unhappy, not get the one to one care he needs, and likely not last long. Ironically, if he dies her money stops so you would think she would help. Anyhow,rant over, except for me telling you the outcome. We went before a judge for a preliminary hearing and she said that she was very sorry for our situation and to come back when he was in resdential care as in he was not bad enough. To go to court at all I had to put him in respite as he was too bad to attend court. All this cost us £11,000 in court fees for nothing so I have no faith in the justice system as it is only for the rich. We gave up and I would not try again even if he did end up in residential care.)
So when you say , although not of your choosing, you are starting down the legal route my heart sank for you. I am desperately looking for something positive to post but in my experience it is really stressful and horrible. I think those family members who are putting you through this are doing so out of money grabbing self interest although they are trying to make out they are concerned for your mum. If they were really concerned about your mum they would be doing the hands on caring stuff that you are doing. All I can say that you know you love your mum and you are doing the best thing for her.
Tre