Hello 3shirley. We all deal with these situations in our way, but please try to look at it positively. Love is letting go too. We have let go of the care of our loved ones to those carers who are best to look after them. They are not emotionally involved as we are.
Ask yourself, could I coped with him at home? Would I be making myself ill if he was at home? I found eventually that I was actually having more quality time with Mum, leaving carers to care for her physical needs. I was fortunate I visited every day, and worked with the carers on her care plans etc, I shared the responsibility of her care with them, and to the last few days I took all decisions following discussions with GPs etc, I couldn`t allow carers alone to make decisions. I also belief the sooner we accept a situation the earlier we can move on -that is be positive. Relatives suffer more than the patients. Just talk things through with yourself, we quite often have the answers ourselves but just need to bring it forth. This is a disease that we not only have no control over but one we cannot reason with. Dementia is an intriguing condition if it wasn`t so tragic, so please don`t beat yourself up. Let the tears flow, its good to do this otherwise you make yourself ill. Treat yourself to a little something each day. I know its hard when they don`t know you, but I found that Mum treated everyone the same as me-I wasn`t special to her anymore -yes I was upset by this, but again turned into a positive, it actually helped me, if she was happy without me, then this was good for her - then I felt happier at leaving her and especially when going on holiday with my family. It took some of struggle to come to terms off me. She was still Mum to me, we remained very tactile to the last. I think she knew deep down I was special (carers kept telling me she recognised something in me, but couldn`t express it) but I wasn`t always convinced. She had a happy demeanour, so our time was spent with hugs, kisses and some lovely back scratches, and giggles (speech lost - but she could still make a noise)So I have now a pocket full of happier memories of "walking the path with her" and although it is only 3 months since her passing, the positive experience is still uppermost in my memory, and any negatives I quickly file away in bin13 in my head.
I hope this helps you.
Take care
Heatherx