Seeing things

[Felix123]

I have recently joined the forum and finding it very helpful. My mum is at end of stage heart disease and has been diagnosed with dementia. She believes there is nothing wrong with her which is great to a point. At night she is seeing smoke in her room, at first it was coming out of the bedside light and it really did upset her, she has since moved this away and the smoke went. Now it is back when she switches the TV off. I have tried to reassure her by saying you have fire alarms fitted so they would go off if there was a fire. That seems to have reassured her a little. Mum also says that angels visit in the night, there are normally three of them all dressed in white. She says she is not scared, they just talk between themselves, she doesn't know what they say but she wishes they would sometimes shut up. She will switch the TV on and that will get rid of them. She said to me I bet you think I am making this up or I am mad, I told her I certainly do not think that whatsoever.
I do also worry about her when pops out, she is very independent and will go out on her own, she always gets home ok but she told me she went to town the other day and a lady took her in the pub and mum had to talk about the fire brigade and then mum offered her money, which she did not take. My father thinks it was the air ambulance as they were in town getting people to sign up to direct debits. I will check with her bank but things like this do worry me. I cannot stop her from going out as this is what she loves to do. She will pop to town with something in mind to get then gets to town and cannot remember what she popped in for. It is hard to see her struggling to pay for things when we pop to the shops, she does not understand money anymore. If I am there I obviously help her but not there all the time as working full time. Dad and mum do not have the best relationship so she likes to get out, it's her time away from him. Wish I did not worry as mum as I do but cannot help it.

Are the smoke and angels normal?

Thank you

 

[Ann Mac]

Hi Felix,

I think almost anything is 'normal' when it comes to the delusions and hallucinations that our loved ones can experience with dementia. My Mil (Mum in law) has a variety of recurring delusions/hallucinations, mainly revolving around small children - she is absolutely convinced, on a very regular basis, that the baby/little/little girl who were definitely here just a few moments ago have now vanished - and she really worries about them. She often claims - particularly when she is at an appointment at the hospital, for example - that a 'little girl', who has been with us all day, is currently running away, off up the corridor or out a door way.

She also often gazes through the patio doors and comments about how foggy it is - even on a bright, clear day - and most evenings we go through a series of delusions where she is suddenly convinced that an item she has had all day/all evening has gone missing, or (for example) that she has been baking and she needs to get something out of the oven. Occasionally, what she sees/thinks she sees, is scary - we have had tears and panic over gun men, women running amok with knives and even dragons, waiting outside to burn her up

Where we can, we distract or use love lies to reassure her. They don't always work, sometimes she is so fixated on these delusions that nothing will stop her getting angry and upset over missing items or people, but its the only response we have that has some success at calming her.

I can so understand your worry over your Mum going out and about solo - the last few months Mil lived alone, we had very similar fears, especially as we knew that she would get mixed up over bus stops and buses, or would sometimes be confused thinking she should be in Ireland, when she actually has lived in Wales for over 50 years. Its scary and worrying, but all you can do is be aware of the dangers and be prepared as much as is possible to step in and deal with any crisis - its a balance between enabling independence for as long as possible and keeping someone safe - and it is not easy We also had massive issues with Mil being the victim of cold callers - she signed up to pay direct debits to so many charities (to the tune of over £100 per month) and she was talked into purchasing many uneccessary but expensive items and services. All we could do was sort out each issue as we became aware of it - once she moved in with us, we discovered we had missed an awful lot.

It is a really difficult situation for you, and you have my sympathy xxx

 

[Felix123]

Sorry I have not been on here for a while and appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Sorry to hear you MIL had signed up to so much but she is lucky to have you looking after her.

Last night mum said her mum was calling her to join her, this terrifies me as the people she has seen before she does not know. She has never mentioned dead relatives visiting up until last night.

 

[Amber 3]

Sorry I have not been on here for a while and appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Sorry to hear you MIL had signed up to so much but she is lucky to have you looking after her.

Last night mum said her mum was calling her to join her, this terrifies me as the people she has seen before she does not know. She has never mentioned dead relatives visiting up until last night.

My husband often tells me he has been visited by his mother who passed away many years ago. It depends on your beliefs but I would not discount the fact that the deceased can draw near when someone close to them is ill. My husbands sister passed away with Motor Neurone Disease and often had "visits" from her mother
which gave her great comfort...

 

[Felix123]

Thank you, I am off to see mum in a bit as long as it gives her comfort and she is happy, that is all that matters.

 

[patsy56]

Last night mum said her mum was calling her to join her, this terrifies me as the people she has seen before she does not know. She has never mentioned dead relatives visiting up until last night.

Oh dear I hope not, I know when my father died, (renal cancer) he used to chat to his mother

 

[Felix123]

Sadly she passed away on the 23rd August, I got there before the ambulance did and she was trying to talk, I am almost certain she said mum so perhaps she was being prepared for this a few months ago. Who knows? One thing I do know I miss her so much

 

[LYN T]

Sadly she passed away on the 23rd August, I got there before the ambulance did and she was trying to talk, I am almost certain she said mum so perhaps she was being prepared for this a few months ago. Who knows? One thing I do know I miss her so much

I'm so sorry to read that your Mum has passed away Felix. Who knows what happens at the end? Of course you miss her but I hope that you find strength in knowing that your Mum is now at peace.

Don't forget to take care of yourself

Love,

Lyn T XX

 

[Cat27]

I so sorry Felix.

 

[Ann Mac]

So sorry, Felix - sending much love and sympathy x

 

[1mindy]

Felix sorry to hear your news but thank you greatly for starting this thread.
As some may know I have been struggling with my OH and his out bursts to the point of considering going my own way but his condition seems to be deteriorating apace.
Yesterday I got home and he told me his mother had been round and she had stayed for a while. They had a good chat. She has been dead for 26 years. Last night he was talking to me most of the evening but looking high up the wall never looking at me. Then he said he was going to bed came down shuffling with his trousers round his ankles with his pjs under his arm . Any ideas please as to what is going on. Does anyone think he had really had a visit from his mum. Reading this thread I'm not sure !

 

[Felix123]

Felix sorry to hear your news but thank you greatly for starting this thread.
As some may know I have been struggling with my OH and his out bursts to the point of considering going my own way but his condition seems to be deteriorating apace.
Yesterday I got home and he told me his mother had been round and she had stayed for a while. They had a good chat. She has been dead for 26 years. Last night he was talking to me most of the evening but looking high up the wall never looking at me. Then he said he was going to bed came down shuffling with his trousers round his ankles with his pjs under his arm . Any ideas please as to what is going on. Does anyone think he had really had a visit from his mum. Reading this thread I'm not sure !

Sorry for what you are going through. I wouldn't know to be honest. Mum said she saw her mum 5 months before she passed away. When in hospital a year or two ago she was always seeing a cat by the bed but only her mum appeared in March. Sorry I know I haven't answered your question here. Thinking of you 1mindy.