A life in the day of.........................

[paris07]

Dear Sylvia,
This is my first time on this thread although I read it all the time . I too ,think you are a remarkable woman and I appreciate all the support you have given me.
My mum (as I have posted before) hates me giving attention to my granddaughter and makes the situation very upsetting .I am glad you had quality time with your granddaughter I am looking forward to some of that at Christmas time, my 2 sons and wives also.
I hope you and your family have a Happy and Healthy Christmas and New Year.
Paris07

 

[jeanierec]

guilt

Hi Sylvia
You mentioned guilt and I have to say I`m consumed by it, nobody forces it on me it is entirely of my own making ... its that old monkey on the shoulder thing again but maybe worth mentioning for anyone new to this awful disease.

Basically you`re damned if you do and damned if you don`t but always you feel guilty. This is so hard to express but I`ll try. In the normal scheme of things you would just live your life but when AD enters your life normal goes out of the window and all you can do is your best whatever that may be. I was totally taken by surprise when mum developed A D and you cope on a day to day basis but when you take time to reflect the bigger picture is so scary that it really doesn`t pay to go there .

But this is Mum ,not a partner so to everyone coping with losing (but not yet lost) their partner I hope for you , I pray for you and I wish you the best you hope for yourselves now and in 2008.

God bless and lots of love

Jeanie x x

 

[Grannie G]

Thank you, Jeannie and Paris. Parent or partner, we are all still singing fron the same hymn sheet.

Dear Connie, thank you for asking.
The trip to the dentist went without a hitch. It was all over in 15 minutes, with no adverse effects.
So the actual event was fine, but afterwards...........

This evening has seen a deeply depressed Dhiren who has no recollection of going to the dentist, and is amazed he has had a tooth out. But this news hasn`t just hit him once, it has repeaded itself thoughout the late afternoon and evening, and each time was heard for the first time.
He mustn`t have any warm food or drink till tomorrow, but because I can`t make him understand that the blood clot mustn`t be disturbed, we have had numerous `differences` when he has wanted a hot drink, or some warm food and I have had to put him off.
I have managed to keep him on cold food and drink, but at the expense, once again, of being considered bossy and dominant.

Never mind, it was better than expected, and hopefully the last dental trip for a while.

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Dear Sylvia,
Just catching up with your news. I'm glad the dental appointment went well but I'm saddened to hear of your day-to-day struggles. The behaviour does get easier eventually but at the expense of the AD patient's personality and abilities.

You do a marvelous job under the most extreme circumstances. Here at TP we all know how hard it is to care for someone 24/7. I wasn't able to do it. My very deepest admiration, respect and much love & hugs.

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Joanne,
Thank you for your kind words. I too was unable to `do it` for my mother. It is different with my husband and although I hope you are never put in that position, I think you would agree.
Love xx

 

[Grannie G]

Just now............
D `This is Whitefield isn`t it?`
S `No. This is B**********.`
D `Where is Whitefield?`
S `Whitefield is next to Bury.`
D `Paul lives in Whitefield, doesn`t he?`
S `No. Paul lives here in B**********.`
D `Paul lives here? I didn`t know that.`
S `That`s why we came here. To live near Paul.`
D `How far is it to Whitefield?`
S `About 300 miles, the same distance as Manchester and Bury.`
D `I`ve got it now.`

 

[gigi]

Hello Sylvia
Glad Dhiren's visit to the dentist was uneventful-at least for the time he was there. Hope the gap is healing and not giving him too much trouble.
I recognise that type of conversation so well-not the content-but the way it goes:
Eric was fretting about buying me a christmas present so my daughter offered-again -to go and do his "shopping" for him(she did it last year too but he's forgotten that-is convinced he went on his own last year...)
E: Whose are those presents in that bag?
Me: they're mine-H. bought them on your behalf-you thought it was a good idea
E: Did I? So who are they for?
Me: They're for me-from you
E: Well how many are there?
Me: I'm not allowed to look-it's a surprise
E: Oh-I'm sorry-I didn't realise. Who are they for then?
We went on like this for a good half hour.His sitter came thismorning and "helped" wrap them while I was at work-I thought it would be good if he could see what he'd "bought" me.She wrapped them all-he doesn't remember any of it now.
I don't need any further evidence(I didn't need it anyway but my brother is trying to make me feel I've made the wrong decision)that it's time to give up work and be here

 

[Grannie G]

No Gigi, I think you made the right decision for you.

If you had made any other decision you would have been left wondering for ever, whether or not it was right or wrong.

This way, you will have no guilt, the monster that eats everyone up. You will have as much time with Eric as you need and not be left wondering how he`s coping with carers.

This way you will be left in no doubt that you did your best.

Your brother should support you, not criticise you. Send him to me and I`ll tell him.

Love xx

 

[Grannie G]

This morning on waking...........
D `Where`s mum?`
S `Mum`s not here.`
D `Our mum? Where is she? She switches the television on`[pointing to the computer]`every morning when she gets up.`
S `It`s a computer, not a television. I`m the one who switches it on.`
D `That`s right, a computer. Mum always switches it on.`
S `No. I switch it on.`
D `I thought it was mum. Where is she then?`
S `We had two different mothers. Yours and mine. They are both dead now.`
D `Dead? Oh no. When did she die?`
S `Both our mothers died a long time ago. You are 75 and I am 65. Not many people of our age still have mothers living.`
D `Who does all the cooking and cleaning and washing then?`
S `I do.`
D `You?`
S `Of course. There is no-one else to do it. You know who I am don`t you?
D `You are Sylvia. You are my wife.`
S `That`s right.`
D `We live alone in this house? Just you and me?`
S `Yes.`
D `Our mothers are dead?`
S `Yes.`
D `I didn`t know that.`
S `You must have forgotten.`
D `And Paul? Where is he?`
S `He lives just down the road.`
D `It is coming back to me now. How can I get so mixed up?`

 

[BeckyJan]

Sylvia:
Snap yet again. Earlier this week I was ironing when D came in and asked 'where is J..?' I am here!! No, where is J ..?
So I said 'who do you think I am?' I have no idea, I am in such a muddle. So where is my Mum and my Dad? ............

This a.m., I said 'just popping out to get the bird (I meant for Christmas Day). OK is it Good Friday then! No, I replied, it is Saturday today - so he said 'Oh it was Good Friday yesterday then!!.

At least he knows that Friday precedes Saturday.

If I did not laugh I think I would cry buckets.

On a more serious note - are you finding these incidents are happening far more frequently, Sylvia? If so, is it too obvious to assume we are going down another stage more quickly? I just feel they are, but there is no change with regard to memory testing. This all sounds a bit daft now I have read it through, but I think it illustrates my depair at the realisation that things 'aint good'.

Must get back to the cooking.

Best wishes Jan

 

[Grannie G]

On a more serious note - are you finding these incidents are happening far more frequently, Sylvia? Jan

It seems there is much more confusion now, although less aggression and less wandering. The reduction in wandering is because it`s so cold it takes him all his time to go for the papers. What takes me 20 minutes there and back, takes Dhiren well over half an hour, which is 50% longer.

He doesn`t know what to do with himself. I`ve been trying to have a `clean up`, and he doesn`t know where to sit, what room to go in, obviously feels in the way, although I`ve told him I can work round him. He washed a cup, just one cup, and was standing in the kitchen looking from cupboard to cupboard, wondering where to put it.

It doesn`t help his self esteem.

 

[Grannie G]

We went to our son`s for Christmas Lunch. There were 11 round the table. Dhiren sat between me and Paul, so he would feel safe. He enjoyed his food but ate in silence, unable to join in the general chat. As soon as he`d finished eating he wanted to come home.

Our DIL`s mother spoke directly to Dhiren, asking how he was. He responded to her, and I was grateful to her.

I managed to delay leaving while we had coffee. We stayed for nearly 3 hours which was more than I`d hoped for.

The saddest thing was Dhiren pulling his own cracker with himself.

 

[gigi]

Hello Sylvia-I'm pleased you had a "sort of good day"-for your sake.
Christmas is always a landmark somehow-something we measure time by-and if for no other reason that's important.
Eric has coped well with visitors today-even played the piano for a while which was lovely. He doesn't make good conversation but it didn't matter today as we were all prepared for that.
The saddest thing is -as you say- Dhiren pulling his own cracker-nothing can prepare you for that-I feel for you.
Thoughts and prayers and love... Gigi x

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Gigi.
I hope Eric`s skill at the piano compensates for lost skills for ages to come. It will help his confidence so much.

My grandmother used to play for the silent pictures. She didn`t have dementia, but at 91, her memory was going, she walked with a zimmer frame and was riddled with arthritis. But she had no arthritis in the joints of her fingers, and was still playing the piano at her NH until the day she died.

I`m glad Eric enjoyed your visitors.

Another milestone over. Who knows what next Christmas will bring.

Love xx

 

[Grannie G]

More Maths

A month ago I posted some Maths tests, the Daily Express kindly gave me permission to copy.

This morning, we tried the latest.

Beginner`s Level
4
Times 6
Divide by 8
Times 9
Reverse the digits
Divide by 12
Double it
Reverse the digits
Divide by 3
Double it
Answer?

Intermediate
3
Cube it
Take away 3
Reverse the Digits
Divide by three
Reverse the Digits
Double it
Reverse the digits
Multiply be three
Divide by 7
Answer?

Advanced
18
Times four
Plus seven
Multiply the digits together
Add one
Take the square root
Times 12
Reverse the digits
Add sevcen
Double it
Answer?

[Compiled by Norman Locke ebooks available]

The difficulties came when asked to

• 
  Reverse the digits
  Cube it
  Take the square root

Otherwise he was fine.


Only the challenge is;

• 
  for the very young or arithmetically rusty, to complete the Beginner task in 30 seconds
  for others, to complete the Beginner and Intermediate tasks in 30 seconds
  for the `true mental gymnasts` to complete the Intermediate and Advanced tasks, together, in 30 seconds.

I thought some of you would like to take up the challenges, instead of playing Charades.

 

[Westie]

Sylvia, I'm so glad that you and Dhiren were able to spend some time at your son's for Christmas. It must have been very special.

"The saddest thing was Dhiren pulling his own cracker with himself."

But, it is also hard to be reminded so visibly of more decline. You could have been describing Peter. He sat in silence between myself and our son and, like Dhiren, pulled his own cracker. So very sad to see. After eating he put on his coat and just stood by his own front door waiting to be taken back to hospital.

Hope you've both had a peaceful day today.

M-A
x

 

[Grannie G]

Oh Mary Ann, I feel for you. At least Dhiren stood by our son`s front door, waiting to come back here, to his own home.
Love xx

 

[Grannie G]

For four hours Dhiren has been glued to the TV watching news of the assassination of Mrs Bhutto.

He came into the kitchen to help me prepare vegetables for dinner.

He returned to the living room and shouted for me to come. `Mrs Bhutto has been assassinated.!` he said.

 

[connie]

I was going to comment how frustrating it must be for him, but of course, not all the time.

He obviously though he was hearing the news for the first time.
How sad though to have the awareness to be able to follow the news, and yet not be able to control his own thoughts.

Like living in a fog. Feel for you both Sylvia.

 

[Grannie G]

It shocked me, Connie, I must admit.

It isn`t a trivial piece of information, it is of significant importance, from Dhiren`s neck of the woods, and comparable to the deaths of Diana, Mrs Gandhi and Kennedy, in his eyes anyway.

I don`t think I`ll ever understand this condition.