I have to get this off my chest so I can hopefully let it go, and I know this is the only place to offload without repercussions. I apologize now if it turns into a long rant.
My OH and I had a nice evening out last night out at our friends place, lots of chat and laughter. He was having problems finding his thoughts and articulating as usual, but he had some good conversations non the less. As always they aren't connected and his thoughts jump all over the place, but we have all learned to go with the flow.
We were driving home around 10:45 (a 15 minuted drive home), and one minute he was talking about how happy he is my son is enjoying the spring league hockey and doing well, the next he throws out that he is not happy I never say thank-you for what he does. I asked him to explain, and by the time I got home he was crawling on the kitchen floor trying to link the cupboard to the dishwasher - making no sense at all, and then I figured out the he was saying a few days ago he had put the soap in the dishwasher, ran it, and put the dishes away and I didn't say thank-you.
Yup, he did that - with a stack of dirty dishes on the counter and about 12 dishes in the dishwasher. I have asked him about 20 times not to run the dishwasher until it is full, so when he did it I didn't say anything and let it ride. I told him that last night, and like all other times he said - "oh, now I know not to run it until it is full".
When he blind-sided me with this though, I went into defensive mode and just told him it is part of running a household and he doesn't thank me for all the things I do to keep the house running. Not the right thing to say!! What I didn't say is that I do thank him when he cleans the bathrooms (and I have to finish it or redo it), when he washes the floors (and I have to put everything back in its place or put the cleaning supplies away), when he empties the dishwasher (and I have to put away the dozen or so things he can't remember where they go). I do say thank you quite often actually, and 90% of the time he doesn't acknowledge me when I am talking to him. I didn't say any of that out loud, but it fueled my anger.
Next thing I know we are yelling at each other about trading places, and my 27 year old son came up from downstairs to quiet us down as he realized we had reached personal attack mode. I felt so bad that he had to witness that scene. He told me that just because his dad swerved into the road with this, I had to grab the steering wheel back from him as I am the only one who can. It stopped the argument, put my OH in tears, and left me fuming that the day ended this way.
My son gave us hugs and went back downstairs with the argument stopped. My OH sat on the couch and for 20 minutes mumbled "thank-you" about 50 times, and in my head I was screaming at him to shut up and let it go. My son doesn't witness those types of fixations that come over my OH frequently. Still upset and fuming I went to bed to get away from his mumbling.
I woke before 6 am, and found I am still quite upset this morning; mad at myself for letting it get out of control, mad at what this disease brings out in both of us from time to time, mad that I can't let this go.
I am trying to let it go, I know it is the disease, but some days it is harder to, and like a bruise it takes time to fade to the back of my mind. For him, today is just another day, and who knows what he is really thinking.
My OH and I had a nice evening out last night out at our friends place, lots of chat and laughter. He was having problems finding his thoughts and articulating as usual, but he had some good conversations non the less. As always they aren't connected and his thoughts jump all over the place, but we have all learned to go with the flow.
We were driving home around 10:45 (a 15 minuted drive home), and one minute he was talking about how happy he is my son is enjoying the spring league hockey and doing well, the next he throws out that he is not happy I never say thank-you for what he does. I asked him to explain, and by the time I got home he was crawling on the kitchen floor trying to link the cupboard to the dishwasher - making no sense at all, and then I figured out the he was saying a few days ago he had put the soap in the dishwasher, ran it, and put the dishes away and I didn't say thank-you.
Yup, he did that - with a stack of dirty dishes on the counter and about 12 dishes in the dishwasher. I have asked him about 20 times not to run the dishwasher until it is full, so when he did it I didn't say anything and let it ride. I told him that last night, and like all other times he said - "oh, now I know not to run it until it is full".
When he blind-sided me with this though, I went into defensive mode and just told him it is part of running a household and he doesn't thank me for all the things I do to keep the house running. Not the right thing to say!! What I didn't say is that I do thank him when he cleans the bathrooms (and I have to finish it or redo it), when he washes the floors (and I have to put everything back in its place or put the cleaning supplies away), when he empties the dishwasher (and I have to put away the dozen or so things he can't remember where they go). I do say thank you quite often actually, and 90% of the time he doesn't acknowledge me when I am talking to him. I didn't say any of that out loud, but it fueled my anger.
Next thing I know we are yelling at each other about trading places, and my 27 year old son came up from downstairs to quiet us down as he realized we had reached personal attack mode. I felt so bad that he had to witness that scene. He told me that just because his dad swerved into the road with this, I had to grab the steering wheel back from him as I am the only one who can. It stopped the argument, put my OH in tears, and left me fuming that the day ended this way.
My son gave us hugs and went back downstairs with the argument stopped. My OH sat on the couch and for 20 minutes mumbled "thank-you" about 50 times, and in my head I was screaming at him to shut up and let it go. My son doesn't witness those types of fixations that come over my OH frequently. Still upset and fuming I went to bed to get away from his mumbling.
I woke before 6 am, and found I am still quite upset this morning; mad at myself for letting it get out of control, mad at what this disease brings out in both of us from time to time, mad that I can't let this go.
I am trying to let it go, I know it is the disease, but some days it is harder to, and like a bruise it takes time to fade to the back of my mind. For him, today is just another day, and who knows what he is really thinking.