Hi - I registered sometime ago andhave been looking at the excellent information pages on here. Over about three years I had noticed the decline of my mothers short term memory and we now have a formal diagnosis of AZ and she is to start drug treatment very soon. I am an only child and live about three hourse drive away. Fortunately an older sister is acting as carer and my mother lives on her own and manages well with some help. She is aware she has a memory problem but nothing else and we are hoping the drugs will halt or slow the decline. One of the difficult things is to know what to do and when and living away does not help at all. I'm sure I'll be popping in for more specific advice and it is very good to know this forum exists. Whatever I come across I'm sure others will have met before and it makes a difficult situation more bearable.
Hi! A intro
- Thread starter ElaineMaul
- Start date
Thought I better intoduce myself.
I'm 23, I'm from the lake district but I live in Glasgow at the moment. My mum lives in Perthshire where I spent time growing up (amongst other places). She has had a subarachnoid haemorrhage a few years ago, she was the lucky 33% to survive and even luckyer to be so well afterwards, she has poor concentration and her senses are affected, she tires easily and tends to be even more emotional than before
She hasnt gone back to work full time but there are places she helps out at and she volunteers for a stroke rehab group.
My gran lives in Liverpool, has for a long time. She has vascular dementia. Her concentration is poor and we often go round the same issue many times as she does not remember the previous discussion or in fact the beginning of that one!
Lately we have observed her using the wrong words and she has forgotten that we where coming down to see her, this is a sign her illness has progressed I think. She has emphysema and bronchitis as well.
The carers are good but she dosnet like them to help her and wont allow as many as we and social services think she needs, she tried to sack them sometimes and has sacked various cleaners and meals on wheels You have to admire her spirit
I'm a student nurse, I'm half way though my third year but am on time out due to a few things one of which is the situation with my gran. I have been working with the elderly since I was 18 off and on an lately I have been working in a small dementia unit that has taught me well. It's a great place.
My uncle is very controlling, a few years ago now I designed a care plan for my gran and ways that she could take more control of things. I was going down to talk to her about the things we had observed. My uncle intervened and he has lost his trust. His underhanded and manipulative tactics have upset my gran, my mum (who he has banned voice contact with), me and mum partner.
He outright lies, things that could drive wedges between the family. It's disgraceful. Social services where reluctant to set up an adult protection order as there was no perceivable physical threat and doing so may cause more upset than not.
Him and mum are on the forms for Power of Attorney which has not been filed yet. Personally I think if he would leave me and mum to get on with things we would be fine, I am good at keeping up with doctors and nurses ect and mum is good at talking with my gran but he insists on stirring things up.
My latest idea, as you may have seen in my thread in the forum here is to invite my gran to live with me. We will see.
I like animals, I love dogs but at the moment I have rats who are very sweet. I like dancing and most kinds of music. I have started learning JKD at a local martial arts school recently.
I guess you would take me for an arty hippy kind of person if you would come to my house. I'm dyslexic and very untidy but that's a work in progress
Ive recently left an abusive relationship and enjoying my freedom, this time had also given me the opportunity to think about weather I am bi or lesbian, my gran dosent know about this and I dont think I will tell her unless I get serious with a woman, I think she is of the opinion that any thing that's not hetro should be suppressed but hey she's decided there's no god so who know how her feelings will change!
So know you know a little more about who your talking to
I'm 23, I'm from the lake district but I live in Glasgow at the moment. My mum lives in Perthshire where I spent time growing up (amongst other places). She has had a subarachnoid haemorrhage a few years ago, she was the lucky 33% to survive and even luckyer to be so well afterwards, she has poor concentration and her senses are affected, she tires easily and tends to be even more emotional than before
She hasnt gone back to work full time but there are places she helps out at and she volunteers for a stroke rehab group.
My gran lives in Liverpool, has for a long time. She has vascular dementia. Her concentration is poor and we often go round the same issue many times as she does not remember the previous discussion or in fact the beginning of that one!
Lately we have observed her using the wrong words and she has forgotten that we where coming down to see her, this is a sign her illness has progressed I think. She has emphysema and bronchitis as well.
The carers are good but she dosnet like them to help her and wont allow as many as we and social services think she needs, she tried to sack them sometimes and has sacked various cleaners and meals on wheels
You have to admire her spirit I'm a student nurse, I'm half way though my third year but am on time out due to a few things one of which is the situation with my gran. I have been working with the elderly since I was 18 off and on an lately I have been working in a small dementia unit that has taught me well. It's a great place.
My uncle is very controlling, a few years ago now I designed a care plan for my gran and ways that she could take more control of things. I was going down to talk to her about the things we had observed. My uncle intervened and he has lost his trust. His underhanded and manipulative tactics have upset my gran, my mum (who he has banned voice contact with), me and mum partner.
He outright lies, things that could drive wedges between the family. It's disgraceful. Social services where reluctant to set up an adult protection order as there was no perceivable physical threat and doing so may cause more upset than not.
Him and mum are on the forms for Power of Attorney which has not been filed yet. Personally I think if he would leave me and mum to get on with things we would be fine, I am good at keeping up with doctors and nurses ect and mum is good at talking with my gran but he insists on stirring things up.
My latest idea, as you may have seen in my thread in the forum here is to invite my gran to live with me. We will see.
I like animals, I love dogs but at the moment I have rats who are very sweet. I like dancing and most kinds of music. I have started learning JKD at a local martial arts school recently.
I guess you would take me for an arty hippy kind of person if you would come to my house. I'm dyslexic and very untidy but that's a work in progress
Ive recently left an abusive relationship and enjoying my freedom, this time had also given me the opportunity to think about weather I am bi or lesbian, my gran dosent know about this and I dont think I will tell her unless I get serious with a woman, I think she is of the opinion that any thing that's not hetro should be suppressed
but hey she's decided there's no god so who know how her feelings will change!So know you know a little more about who your talking to
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Hi River
You have given us a lot of info, a lot to think about so I cannot give you any definate advice at the minute.
But, caring for an elderly relative, dementia or not, takes a lot of time and effort, also it is very stressful.
Do you think that maybe this will cramp your style and curtail you, living your life to the full, which at your age of 23, you entitled to do?
If I were you, I would look at getting SS involved, or a care home if you think she cannot manage, on her own, at home, then when you visit you could have some quality time with her and her care needs would be met.
Best of both worlds!!
Good luck
Alfjess
You have given us a lot of info, a lot to think about so I cannot give you any definate advice at the minute.
But, caring for an elderly relative, dementia or not, takes a lot of time and effort, also it is very stressful.
Do you think that maybe this will cramp your style and curtail you, living your life to the full, which at your age of 23, you entitled to do?
If I were you, I would look at getting SS involved, or a care home if you think she cannot manage, on her own, at home, then when you visit you could have some quality time with her and her care needs would be met.
Best of both worlds!!
Good luck
Alfjess
Thanks, I just wanted to let you know who you are talking to.
Yeap SS are involved.
Would it cramp my style? Yes, no more parties at my house but maybe I have cleaned up enough clubbers sick! I could still have a few friends oven and girlfriends no problems, so long as I have a lock on the door.
Would it be worth it? If it was the best thing to make her as happy and comfortable in her last years then yes. I have lots of time ahead of me for parties, if i get my head down and make some money I can get a detached house and make more noise
I dont think it's a decision that needs to be made right now though.
Thanks X
Yeap SS are involved.
Would it cramp my style? Yes, no more parties at my house but maybe I have cleaned up enough clubbers sick! I could still have a few friends oven and girlfriends no problems, so long as I have a lock on the door.
Would it be worth it? If it was the best thing to make her as happy and comfortable in her last years then yes. I have lots of time ahead of me for parties, if i get my head down and make some money I can get a detached house and make more noise
I dont think it's a decision that needs to be made right now though.
Thanks X
Hi
Glad the decision isn't iminent, who knows what the future will bring.
Good luck for your detatched noisey house
OH! to be 23 again, I'm just an old female fart, who is after a quiet stress free life again.
Best of luck, your heart is in the right place
Alfjess
Glad the decision isn't iminent, who knows what the future will bring.
Good luck for your detatched noisey house
OH! to be 23 again, I'm just an old female fart, who is after a quiet stress free life again.
Best of luck, your heart is in the right place
Alfjess
Hello All
I have been around for some time but not got round to posting, until now. I have
read many other heart breaking stories on this board and it has helped me try and come to terms with my grief.
My Mum has AD. Poor Mum has suffered from Rhumetoid Arthritis since in her late 30's, so as long as I can remember really. She is 69 now. She began having memory problems and other symptoms such as "depression" from around 60 maybe earlier. The causes of this were put down to the pain she suffered from the RA. Even the memory loss was attributed to this.
Approx 3 years ago she went to have her 4th hip replacement (No she hasn't got 4 legs, just had them done twice on each leg!) Well what happened next none of us could have predicted. 24hours after the operation she just flipped, she was having hallucinations, paranoia, not aware of where she was. She was getting out of bed and going to he toilet unaided after her major surgery!! She was told time and time again to call a nurse but each time she just got up and went to the Loo, even climbing over the cot bars!! Where the nurses station was they could not see her, We had to make a huge song and dance to get her moved so they could. My sister even had to tell the house doctor to give her Halipelodrol, she is not in medicine but researched the internet. It was all very distressing and very frightening.
When she returned home things calmed down a bit but she didn't remember much about the hospital and she was definatley not the same person when she got home, memory had become much worse but at least the hallucinations and paranoia had gone. It was at this time consultations with Psychiatrist etc were arranged through the GP with much harrasment from my wonderful sister!
Approx 6-9 months later they finally diagnosed AD. In retrospect I think she had been suffering alot longer and the surgery just exacerbated it and made us sit up and take note that something definately wasn't right.
My Dad has done a brilliant job caring for her on his own , until last week, they have just moved in with my amazing sister, her amazing husband and my 2 wonderful neices. They all sold their house and bought a larger home which they will be able to share comfortably.
If you wonder why sis is doing all this amazing stuff, they are all in Glasgow and I am in West Sussex. I miss my Mum terribly, both logistically and emotionally. I'm so proud of my family, my Dad for doing such a great job in looking after mum and my sister for all her hard work and sacrifices she has made. I am lucky enough to work for an airline so I get to go visit as often as possible.
Thank you for reading, if you get this far. I just wanted to share my story with all you lovely people.
Keep smiling,even though your heart is breaking!
Love Lee x
I have been around for some time but not got round to posting, until now. I have
read many other heart breaking stories on this board and it has helped me try and come to terms with my grief.
My Mum has AD. Poor Mum has suffered from Rhumetoid Arthritis since in her late 30's, so as long as I can remember really. She is 69 now. She began having memory problems and other symptoms such as "depression" from around 60 maybe earlier. The causes of this were put down to the pain she suffered from the RA. Even the memory loss was attributed to this.
Approx 3 years ago she went to have her 4th hip replacement (No she hasn't got 4 legs, just had them done twice on each leg!) Well what happened next none of us could have predicted. 24hours after the operation she just flipped, she was having hallucinations, paranoia, not aware of where she was. She was getting out of bed and going to he toilet unaided after her major surgery!! She was told time and time again to call a nurse but each time she just got up and went to the Loo, even climbing over the cot bars!! Where the nurses station was they could not see her, We had to make a huge song and dance to get her moved so they could. My sister even had to tell the house doctor to give her Halipelodrol, she is not in medicine but researched the internet. It was all very distressing and very frightening.
When she returned home things calmed down a bit but she didn't remember much about the hospital and she was definatley not the same person when she got home, memory had become much worse but at least the hallucinations and paranoia had gone. It was at this time consultations with Psychiatrist etc were arranged through the GP with much harrasment from my wonderful sister!
Approx 6-9 months later they finally diagnosed AD. In retrospect I think she had been suffering alot longer and the surgery just exacerbated it and made us sit up and take note that something definately wasn't right.
My Dad has done a brilliant job caring for her on his own , until last week, they have just moved in with my amazing sister, her amazing husband and my 2 wonderful neices. They all sold their house and bought a larger home which they will be able to share comfortably.
If you wonder why sis is doing all this amazing stuff, they are all in Glasgow and I am in West Sussex. I miss my Mum terribly, both logistically and emotionally. I'm so proud of my family, my Dad for doing such a great job in looking after mum and my sister for all her hard work and sacrifices she has made. I am lucky enough to work for an airline so I get to go visit as often as possible.
Thank you for reading, if you get this far. I just wanted to share my story with all you lovely people.
Keep smiling,even though your heart is breaking!
Love Lee x
Dear Cloudwatcher - can I just say welcome and how inspiring it is to hear about a family pulling together, even if one of them can't participate as much as she would like. Often, when dementia rears its ugly head there is a breakdown in family relationships so it's nice to hear about situations where this doesn't happen.
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Thank you Jennifer. I know, having read many of the stories on TP, that it is not always this way. I am very lucky. However it was not entirely without casualties, my Mum's sister has had little involvement since Mum's AD. Very sad for Mum as she misses her and doesn't understand!
Lee x
Lee x
Hi,
Thought as I'm new I'd introduce myself!
I'm 23 and live in Basingstoke with my partner. My mum and dad live about 20 miles away, but I work near them so get to see them a lot.
My Nan lives near London, and has recently been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. Her memory had been getting worse for a long time, I think I noticed it more as I was away at university so wouldn't see her as often. Now we can have the same conversation many times over. We visited my brothers new house on Sunday, and 5 minutes after going into his bedroom she went back in and asked which room it was and who was staying there. When we ring her she won't remember talking to you the next day, sometimes not even that we've visited. Recently she thought that she'd spoken to my mum and that she'd invited her over, my mum got home from work and found her sat on the sofa reading the paper!
She will go to the shop several times a day, and buy the same things as she's forgotten that she's been the first time. Her fridge is overflowing with food, she has more in there that my parents do in theirs. As she's run out of room she just leaves food on the side, which then goes off. As soon as you walk into the house all you can smell is rotting food. My mum goes round and tries to clear it all out, but my nan gets upset and they end up having an argument about it. Her driving licence has now been taken away as well, as she was forgetting where she was driving to, and once left the car a few streets away and walked home, then the next day couldn't remember doing this and rang Mum saying that it had been stolen.
Mum and Dad wanted her to move in with them, but the outreach worker Mum has spoken to has said that this isn't a good idea as her short term memory is so poor, so it's best to leave her where she is until she needs long term care. The only way that Mum has got her to agree to having the kitchen cupboards etc cleared is making her think that she's helping out my mum as she loves organising. We're doing this in 2 weeks time.
My partner wants to come with us, but I don't think he should as she might see that as ganging up on her. He says that whenever Nan sees me at my mums he's with me, so it would be normal, but whenever I visit her house I'm on my own. And to be honest, I don't want him there if mum and Nan get into an argument like they usually do, as they both get really upset and I don't want him around for that, I see it a family thing.
Also, my Nan does drink more than she should, which isn't helping her dementia. It also causes a lot of the arguments between her and my Mum. My Mum gets stressed out by it as Nan is her mum-in-law, but my Dad doesn't help as much as he could, neither does my aunt. They all have power-of-attorney now, which is one good thing. Anyway, we have tried to persuade her to cut down on her drinking, but it doesn't seem to be working. If anyone has any ideas on how to stop her, this would be much appreciated!
Thanks for reading
Thought as I'm new I'd introduce myself!
I'm 23 and live in Basingstoke with my partner. My mum and dad live about 20 miles away, but I work near them so get to see them a lot.
My Nan lives near London, and has recently been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia. Her memory had been getting worse for a long time, I think I noticed it more as I was away at university so wouldn't see her as often. Now we can have the same conversation many times over. We visited my brothers new house on Sunday, and 5 minutes after going into his bedroom she went back in and asked which room it was and who was staying there. When we ring her she won't remember talking to you the next day, sometimes not even that we've visited. Recently she thought that she'd spoken to my mum and that she'd invited her over, my mum got home from work and found her sat on the sofa reading the paper!
She will go to the shop several times a day, and buy the same things as she's forgotten that she's been the first time. Her fridge is overflowing with food, she has more in there that my parents do in theirs. As she's run out of room she just leaves food on the side, which then goes off. As soon as you walk into the house all you can smell is rotting food. My mum goes round and tries to clear it all out, but my nan gets upset and they end up having an argument about it. Her driving licence has now been taken away as well, as she was forgetting where she was driving to, and once left the car a few streets away and walked home, then the next day couldn't remember doing this and rang Mum saying that it had been stolen.
Mum and Dad wanted her to move in with them, but the outreach worker Mum has spoken to has said that this isn't a good idea as her short term memory is so poor, so it's best to leave her where she is until she needs long term care. The only way that Mum has got her to agree to having the kitchen cupboards etc cleared is making her think that she's helping out my mum as she loves organising. We're doing this in 2 weeks time.
My partner wants to come with us, but I don't think he should as she might see that as ganging up on her. He says that whenever Nan sees me at my mums he's with me, so it would be normal, but whenever I visit her house I'm on my own. And to be honest, I don't want him there if mum and Nan get into an argument like they usually do, as they both get really upset and I don't want him around for that, I see it a family thing.
Also, my Nan does drink more than she should, which isn't helping her dementia. It also causes a lot of the arguments between her and my Mum. My Mum gets stressed out by it as Nan is her mum-in-law, but my Dad doesn't help as much as he could, neither does my aunt. They all have power-of-attorney now, which is one good thing. Anyway, we have tried to persuade her to cut down on her drinking, but it doesn't seem to be working. If anyone has any ideas on how to stop her, this would be much appreciated!
Thanks for reading
Hi Charlie and welcome to Talking Point.
You've raised a number of issues that others have had to confront, so I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to copy this post into a thread of its own so that more people see it.
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=9751
You've raised a number of issues that others have had to confront, so I hope you don't mind, but I'm going to copy this post into a thread of its own so that more people see it.
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/talkingpoint/discuss/showthread.php?t=9751
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Incidentally - just in case it wasn't clear - click on the link in my previous post and it will take you to the new thread so you can read the responses.
My Dad was officially diagnosed with AD about 2 months ago, although we think he's been displaying symptoms for a couple of years now. He is 62, and I'm 30.
Luckily for Dad, my Mum is doing an amazing job of taking care of him. She is his primary and only carer at present (until he gets 'in the system' and we can start accessing additional care). I'll be honest - I'm as concerned for her as I am for him. Neither she nor my Dad are particularly sociable, and they don't have a lot of friends or family around to rely on. I'm concerned that as things progress, Mum will become increasingly overwhelmed and isolated. Therefore I have been nagging her a lot lately to get 'out there' and meet other people in their situation. Luckily, there is good provision and support in their city: lots of social drop-ins for both sufferers and carers, as well as other support specific to younger people with AD (a rarity, I'm told). She is beginning to access some of these services now, which is a huge relief. I also suggested that she introduce herself and start posting on TP!
To complicate matters somewhat, I live overseas and am unable to be around to help anywhere NEAR as much as I'd like. My Brother lives close to my parents, and I know he is a good source of support, but he works long hours and has a family of his own, complete with hyperactive 3 year old, so...well you know how it is!
So if I can talk about ME for a second... along with all the feelings of sadness and weird premature grief, I'm also feeling a huge amount of guilt - for not being there and helping my Mum & Dad as much as I (and they) would like. At the same time, part of me is glad that I don't have to be around to witness the painful decline in my Father's health. Which also makes me feel incredibly guilty! It's.... complicated, and very upsetting.
Dad's just been prescribed Aricept, which Mum is weaning him onto slowly - 5mg to start, then more as he adjusts to the drug.
~Catherine
Luckily for Dad, my Mum is doing an amazing job of taking care of him. She is his primary and only carer at present (until he gets 'in the system' and we can start accessing additional care). I'll be honest - I'm as concerned for her as I am for him. Neither she nor my Dad are particularly sociable, and they don't have a lot of friends or family around to rely on. I'm concerned that as things progress, Mum will become increasingly overwhelmed and isolated. Therefore I have been nagging her a lot lately to get 'out there' and meet other people in their situation. Luckily, there is good provision and support in their city: lots of social drop-ins for both sufferers and carers, as well as other support specific to younger people with AD (a rarity, I'm told). She is beginning to access some of these services now, which is a huge relief. I also suggested that she introduce herself and start posting on TP!
To complicate matters somewhat, I live overseas and am unable to be around to help anywhere NEAR as much as I'd like. My Brother lives close to my parents, and I know he is a good source of support, but he works long hours and has a family of his own, complete with hyperactive 3 year old, so...well you know how it is!
So if I can talk about ME for a second
... along with all the feelings of sadness and weird premature grief, I'm also feeling a huge amount of guilt - for not being there and helping my Mum & Dad as much as I (and they) would like. At the same time, part of me is glad that I don't have to be around to witness the painful decline in my Father's health. Which also makes me feel incredibly guilty! It's.... complicated, and very upsetting.Dad's just been prescribed Aricept, which Mum is weaning him onto slowly - 5mg to start, then more as he adjusts to the drug.
~Catherine
Hi Catherine, welcome to TP.
First, about you! That guilt feeling is something we all live with, and which you'll have to get used to as the illness progresses. It's totally illogical, we are all doing everything possible for our loved ones, otherwise we wouldn't be here! But it's such a painful illness to watch, we always feel we should be doing more, be more patient, more understanding, make the awful symptoms go away. But the reality is, we're human, the illness is progressive and incurable, and all we can do is our best.
Talk to us whenever you feel bad. You'll find the 'guilt monster' is a recurrent theme in the threads!
Now, about your parents. Your dad is young to have the disease, and you are lucky that there is provision for that where he lives. So many people fall between two stools, and find there is nothing suitable.
You're doing all the right things, encouraging your mum to get out and join support groups, they can be a lifeline.
So is TP, and it would help her to join, particularly as the disease progresses and she becomes increasingly housebound.
When this happens, and your dad no longer wants to go to meetings, it's important that she has a carers' assessment, to neable her to get out, knowing that your dad is OK.
But that's for the future. In the meantime, I hope you and your mum find lots of help and support here on TP.
All the best,
First, about you! That guilt feeling is something we all live with, and which you'll have to get used to as the illness progresses. It's totally illogical, we are all doing everything possible for our loved ones, otherwise we wouldn't be here! But it's such a painful illness to watch, we always feel we should be doing more, be more patient, more understanding, make the awful symptoms go away. But the reality is, we're human, the illness is progressive and incurable, and all we can do is our best.
Talk to us whenever you feel bad. You'll find the 'guilt monster' is a recurrent theme in the threads!
Now, about your parents. Your dad is young to have the disease, and you are lucky that there is provision for that where he lives. So many people fall between two stools, and find there is nothing suitable.
You're doing all the right things, encouraging your mum to get out and join support groups, they can be a lifeline.
So is TP, and it would help her to join, particularly as the disease progresses and she becomes increasingly housebound.
When this happens, and your dad no longer wants to go to meetings, it's important that she has a carers' assessment, to neable her to get out, knowing that your dad is OK.
But that's for the future. In the meantime, I hope you and your mum find lots of help and support here on TP.
All the best,
thought I'd better introduce myself rather than just lurking.Well I am 25 and although at this moment in time I don't have anyone anymore in my close family that is suffering with the condition,I have previously had my Grandad diagnosed with it and it was only when it became increasingly obvious that it wasn't just the usual expected slight short term memory loss afflicted by age that it was more serious.I
t was also well hidden by him and also by my Grandma as she felt she should look after him although she was being treated for cancer.Eventually with support she realised when he declined in health that she couldn't cope he was taken in to permanent care.Although it included a spell in hospital prior to that and she did everything she could for it not happen due to his intense dislike of hospitals as he was convinced that you go in there you never come back out.
Sad to say he later passed away and my Grandma I think has always felt guilty for having done it although she knew it was the best for both of them as he was getting aggressive with her and falling and she hated to use the warden system as she felt they had better things to deal with than them.
She did make me smile though the night before his funeral I stayed with her so that she wasn't alone told her that if she woke in the middle of the night that she had to wake as I didn't liek the idea of her sat brooding over a cup of tea.Luckily half an hour before she woke I got up to use the bathroom and so was still awake when she woke.I heard her go to the living rooma dn turn the light on then after a few minutes poke her head round the bedroom door and whisper my name.Only for her to be shocked when I replied and got up and made her a cup of tea.She later remarked to the family that I was a really light sleeper.A sad say but with the highlight of catching her whispering at me to which she agreed that she could say with a clear conciense that she had attempted to wake me although it was only half hearted.
Sorry for the long passage there.One of the main reasons I joined was I felt it rude to lurk and not to say hello as I am getting a very clear insight in to what the family and closest people to the sufferer go through and how they deal with certain issues that are caused by the disease.Du eto me being a carer that isn't 24/7 as most of you are on here and the fact that it although to me feels like a vocation this is something that is not with you via choice,like my role is.
Although I have dealt with people with varying stages of the disease previously.Where I work is moving towards changing from respite care for those with old age and frailty to a care home and not sure whether this also includes respite care for those with varying forms and degrees of "dementia".I felt that it was time for me to look a little closer at what it actually is as the previous care home there wasn't much training offered and there will be where I am now.I wanted to also other than know from my training and past personal experience,what the family and what the sufferer has been through and are going through and how somethings are dealt with and more ways of helping with situations (I know every person is different and responds differently) I would just like to know and be as prepared as one can be for the ever changing days that the disease brings.
Oh my goodness sorry for the essay but hello all and if you got through all that you deserve a medal.
Love xx
t was also well hidden by him and also by my Grandma as she felt she should look after him although she was being treated for cancer.Eventually with support she realised when he declined in health that she couldn't cope he was taken in to permanent care.Although it included a spell in hospital prior to that and she did everything she could for it not happen due to his intense dislike of hospitals as he was convinced that you go in there you never come back out.
Sad to say he later passed away and my Grandma I think has always felt guilty for having done it although she knew it was the best for both of them as he was getting aggressive with her and falling and she hated to use the warden system as she felt they had better things to deal with than them.
She did make me smile though the night before his funeral I stayed with her so that she wasn't alone told her that if she woke in the middle of the night that she had to wake as I didn't liek the idea of her sat brooding over a cup of tea.Luckily half an hour before she woke I got up to use the bathroom and so was still awake when she woke.I heard her go to the living rooma dn turn the light on then after a few minutes poke her head round the bedroom door and whisper my name.Only for her to be shocked when I replied and got up and made her a cup of tea.She later remarked to the family that I was a really light sleeper.A sad say but with the highlight of catching her whispering at me to which she agreed that she could say with a clear conciense that she had attempted to wake me although it was only half hearted.
Sorry for the long passage there.One of the main reasons I joined was I felt it rude to lurk and not to say hello as I am getting a very clear insight in to what the family and closest people to the sufferer go through and how they deal with certain issues that are caused by the disease.Du eto me being a carer that isn't 24/7 as most of you are on here and the fact that it although to me feels like a vocation this is something that is not with you via choice,like my role is.
Although I have dealt with people with varying stages of the disease previously.Where I work is moving towards changing from respite care for those with old age and frailty to a care home and not sure whether this also includes respite care for those with varying forms and degrees of "dementia".I felt that it was time for me to look a little closer at what it actually is as the previous care home there wasn't much training offered and there will be where I am now.I wanted to also other than know from my training and past personal experience,what the family and what the sufferer has been through and are going through and how somethings are dealt with and more ways of helping with situations (I know every person is different and responds differently) I would just like to know and be as prepared as one can be for the ever changing days that the disease brings.
Oh my goodness sorry for the essay but hello all and if you got through all that you deserve a medal.
Love xx
Anaemia?
Hi everyone
I've been browsing for a few weeks, but thought I would introduce myself. My mother is 75 years old, and has Vascular Dementia (although the doctors never actually say the name, just refer to her 'memory problem'). I've read so much, and she has all the symptoms, has been to memory clinic and been put on asprin.
It's so good to hear other people's experiences which have helped me to confirm that I am not going mad The repeated conversations, the agression, refusing to wash, paranoia, pacing, etc..! It's still very early stages, and sometimes I feel as if I'm imagining it all and it's just normal for her age, but I know that I'm not.
The most recent event has been a fall, which resulted in bloods and an ECG, and discovering that she is anaemic. I wonder if this is usual, as she doesn't eat very well, in particular meat?
At the moment Mum lives alone in sheltered accommodation, and I visit to check up on her. I deal with all her paperwork, appointments, medication, etc as well as organising her shopping. I get help with the housework, and the Warden pops in 3 times a week. She already gets Attendance Allowance (because of other health problems), and she has a walk in shower.
I am the only carer, and I find it a big strain as I don't have anyone else to turn to being single and her only child. I know one or two people wonder why she doesn't live with me, but I don't think I could cope with her full time. I know that things are not that bad at all right now, especially compared with what others have to cope with, but I do worry about the future. The only thing that keeps me going is my Faith.
I do have lots of questions... mainly, how do I get the doctors to confirm her diagnosis to me? I get frustrated sometimes with how vague they are about it all. We're off to see the GP tomorrow about the anaemia, and following a suggestion on the Forum I managed to pass a note to the receptionist (when she had her blood test) for the doctor about her recent behaviour. Lets hope I'll get some answers...?
Thanks again for the support and information here - it literally has been a God send.
Blessings
Patsy
Hi everyone
I've been browsing for a few weeks, but thought I would introduce myself. My mother is 75 years old, and has Vascular Dementia (although the doctors never actually say the name, just refer to her 'memory problem'). I've read so much, and she has all the symptoms, has been to memory clinic and been put on asprin.
It's so good to hear other people's experiences which have helped me to confirm that I am not going mad
The repeated conversations, the agression, refusing to wash, paranoia, pacing, etc..! It's still very early stages, and sometimes I feel as if I'm imagining it all and it's just normal for her age, but I know that I'm not.The most recent event has been a fall, which resulted in bloods and an ECG, and discovering that she is anaemic. I wonder if this is usual, as she doesn't eat very well, in particular meat?
At the moment Mum lives alone in sheltered accommodation, and I visit to check up on her. I deal with all her paperwork, appointments, medication, etc as well as organising her shopping. I get help with the housework, and the Warden pops in 3 times a week. She already gets Attendance Allowance (because of other health problems), and she has a walk in shower.
I am the only carer, and I find it a big strain as I don't have anyone else to turn to being single and her only child. I know one or two people wonder why she doesn't live with me, but I don't think I could cope with her full time. I know that things are not that bad at all right now, especially compared with what others have to cope with, but I do worry about the future. The only thing that keeps me going is my Faith.
I do have lots of questions... mainly, how do I get the doctors to confirm her diagnosis to me? I get frustrated sometimes with how vague they are about it all
. We're off to see the GP tomorrow about the anaemia, and following a suggestion on the Forum I managed to pass a note to the receptionist (when she had her blood test) for the doctor about her recent behaviour. Lets hope I'll get some answers...?Thanks again for the support and information here - it literally has been a God send
.Blessings
Patsy
Hi Auntiep.
With my doctor I told the receptionist at the doctors that I was my mother carer , as they have know me for a long while they put it in my mother notes so would give me info on my mother . When you go with your mother why not ask that question to the doctor in another note just hand it over to him, or ask at the receptionist desk at the doctors
With my doctor I told the receptionist at the doctors that I was my mother carer , as they have know me for a long while they put it in my mother notes so would give me info on my mother . When you go with your mother why not ask that question to the doctor in another note just hand it over to him, or ask at the receptionist desk at the doctors
Dear vampwillow and Patsy,
First of all, welcome to TP. You will find lots of help and support here and, if you are able to offer the same to others, then that is great, also.
Secondly, this particular thread tends to get overlooked (hence the lack of response to your post, vampwillow, sorry!). May I suggest that you create a NEW THREAD, as opposed to a POST in this particular THREAD. Hope this makes sense. Any problems, just ask anywhere!
Best wishes to you both.
First of all, welcome to TP. You will find lots of help and support here and, if you are able to offer the same to others, then that is great, also.
Secondly, this particular thread tends to get overlooked (hence the lack of response to your post, vampwillow, sorry!). May I suggest that you create a NEW THREAD, as opposed to a POST in this particular THREAD. Hope this makes sense. Any problems, just ask anywhere!
Best wishes to you both.
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