Somebody stop me crying and being angry

[LYN T]

Not a good place to be. But yes, if I ever found out afterwards that someone else was going through it, I'd be the first to offer support.

Much love and strength to you.

I'm with you there Chuggs. When I move to Devon I will be about 16 miles away from Pete's relatives. The Husband of one of Pete's cousins has been diagnosed with AD; when I met up with them a few weeks ago I would say he is in the early stages. I'm already planning to take him out for walks to give his wife some time to herself.

AND I will fight the uncaring services on their behalf when needed.

Deita2-I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down and sad. I've now accepted that I will never be as carefree or happy again. My anger wells up every so often even though my Oh is no longer with me. I'm angry how we were treated -at times with total disregard for our own safety let alone emotional needs.

I hope we can make a difference to those who reach out for help.

Love

Lyn T XX

 

[Chuggalug]

I'm with you there Chuggs. When I move to Devon I will be about 16 miles away from Pete's relatives. The Husband of one of Pete's cousins has been diagnosed with AD; when I met up with them a few weeks ago I would say he is in the early stages. I'm already planning to take him out for walks to give his wife some time to herself.

AND I will fight the uncaring services on their behalf when needed.

Deita2-I'm so sorry that you are feeling so down and sad. I've now accepted that I will never be as carefree or happy again. My anger wells up every so often even though my Oh is no longer with me. I'm angry how we were treated -at times with total disregard for our own safety let alone emotional needs.

I hope we can make a difference to those who reach out for help.

Love

Lyn T XX

I wouldn't know how to fight anyone, now, Lyn. Some have heard my rants over our situation. It all goes in one ear and out t'other. Still, if they really don't care that much, I don't want them near us.

I need people I can trust. There's no one I now trust for anything, except those who cared for, and about us both, when hubs went in a couple of times after a stroke. Mind you, even then, nobody wanted to address the dementia. They all avoided it like the plague, and still send letters to hubby, expecting him to reply to them and contact them.

Disaster all round, I'd say! Nopes. Don't wanna even bother to continue fighting that. Absolutely no point in it. But to offer a helping hand to someone else who might be drowning? Yup, that's for me.

 

[LYN T]

Know how you feel Chuggs. I've got a little bit of fight back as a couple of nights ago I found Pete's file where I had put all of the paperwork. I read through a bit of it and it made me angry. I never actually had anyone come to the house to help-even though we were paying for everything. Pete was classed as 'too violent' for carers to come in. I remember one time I was told that Pete could go for emergency respite but where they told me to take him had just had a damming report from the CQC -there was no way he was going there. So the file says I refused help!! (he was sectioned 2 days later as he attacked me)

Another time I was offered the chance for Pete to go to a centre in the Town-it was for people with drug/alcohol addictions with an open door policy. AN OPEN DOOR POLICY for someone with Dementia!!!!!! Again I refused on the grounds it wasn't safe. Yet again the comment was I refused help.!!!! After that the was an insertion that 'they' were considering appointing Pete an independent mental health advocate!!!! I was his advocate!!!! -however, I wasn't playing ball by accepting help which could be dangerous/substandard!!!! At no stage was it mentioned the kind of 'help' that was offered. I could go on. I was going to shred the file=but I've kept it. I may write to the Prime Minister once I have moved to show him how Carers are treated and how 'they' manipulate their bogus offers of help to show that 'they' are doing something.

Sorry, I've gone on a bit Chuggs. It's terrible what 'they' expect us to put up with. I will continue to fight in Pete's memory. It's all I can do.

Love

Lyn T

 

[chick1962]

Know how you feel Chuggs. I've got a little bit of fight back as a couple of nights ago I found Pete's file where I had put all of the paperwork. I read through a bit of it and it made me angry. I never actually had anyone come to the house to help-even though we were paying for everything. Pete was classed as 'too violent' for carers to come in. I remember one time I was told that Pete could go for emergency respite but where they told me to take him had just had a damming report from the CQC -there was no way he was going there. So the file says I refused help!! (he was sectioned 2 days later as he attacked me)

Another time I was offered the chance for Pete to go to a centre in the Town-it was for people with drug/alcohol addictions with an open door policy. AN OPEN DOOR POLICY for someone with Dementia!!!!!! Again I refused on the grounds it wasn't safe. Yet again the comment was I refused help.!!!! After that the was an insertion that 'they' were considering appointing Pete an independent mental health advocate!!!! I was his advocate!!!! -however, I wasn't playing ball by accepting help which could be dangerous/substandard!!!! At no stage was it mentioned the kind of 'help' that was offered. I could go on. I was going to shred the file=but I've kept it. I may write to the Prime Minister once I have moved to show him how Carers are treated and how 'they' manipulate their bogus offers of help to show that 'they' are doing something.

Sorry, I've gone on a bit Chuggs. It's terrible what 'they' expect us to put up with. I will continue to fight in Pete's memory. It's all I can do.

Love

Lyn T

It breaks my heart to read things like this! All we ask for is dignity and empathy for our loved ones and we get ..... Nothing!!!! I would give everything to support all my friends on here . The system is so wrong and flawed when I think about our future it fills me with dread and the dark cloud is always there hovering! I am lucky up to now that John still has some capacity and apart from nights we manage just fine . I do also get angry sometimes but it's quickly suppressed . Got to make the best of each day we have still got xxxxxx


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[Chuggalug]

It got to a point, Lyn, where I was forced to comment that my husband wasn't a criminal, but a sick man. Everything was put down to domestic violence. There's a word beginning with 'B' which goes next to the word 'ridiculous'.

I know exactly where you're standing. Yet, we're expected to put up with violence alone? Must stop there, or I'll go into one of my own rants.

 

[Mossyanne1]

I feel so sad for you, some days can be so difficult emotionally can't they. Many many emotions can go through us all each day. I cry sometimes and feel that the tears will never stop, but they do and we pick ourselves up again and carry on because that's what we do. Anger is normal. I have 2 dogs who I take out in the woods each day for an hour, this is my space and it gives me the peace to get through the day. Hugs to you both...xxx


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[chick1962]

It got to a point, Lyn, where I was forced to comment that my husband wasn't a criminal, but a sick man. Everything was put down to domestic violence. There's a word beginning with 'B' which goes next to the word 'ridiculous'.

I know exactly where you're standing. Yet, we're expected to put up with violence alone? Must stop there, or I'll go into one of my own rants.

((( hugs chuggs xxx


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[Chuggalug]

I feel so sad for you, some days can be so difficult emotionally can't they. Many many emotions can go through us all each day. I cry sometimes and feel that the tears will never stop, but they do and we pick ourselves up again and carry on because that's what we do. Anger is normal. I have 2 dogs who I take out in the woods each day for an hour, this is my space and it gives me the peace to get through the day. Hugs to you both...xxx


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Thanks so much, Mossyanne. I used to feel sorry about it all. Now, I feel better in that I've had to learn to cope alone, even with my own health issues; most of which were never properly addressed. I don't owe anyone. I've bought my own equipment for my disability, and Mum has helped as well, along with my husband, when he was able.

Others brag about the help they got, as we stood, waiting for a train out of the village! Some bragged about their private health insurance. Best of British luck to them all. I don't envy them, because I don't need to. My life has been a struggle, but a worthy one where I've fought for things too. Just on a different level, and I've got by. Not very well a lot of the time, but I have got by, so far. I think there are likely many people in that situation. Best of luck to us lot, too

 

[Raggedrobin]

It is so terribly hard for so many people. Delta, going back to your original post, of course it is understandable to grieve for the person who is no longer as they were, but if you find you are constantly in tears, it may be an idea to visit your GP. Sometimes we can end uo with an underlying depression/grief that just won't go away and sometimes it is worth considering a small amount of medication - anti-depressants can just take the edge off. While crying can be good, it can also leave you exhausted, too, so maybe worth just a chat with your GP to say how you are feeling.

 

[Mossyanne1]

Totally agree with that, if a little medication helps you it will be worth it. I have ME and life, like yours, can be difficult having to be a carer as well. Some days are just awful some days are a little better,but always exhausting. It is so lovely to chat to you all, makes me feel less lonely. Thank you all...xxx


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[WIFE]

I read all your comments with such sadness - the only real hindrance I experienced during my husband's fight with dementia was from his family and several long-standing close friends who all refused to believe me when I tried to tell them things were not right. He fell and fractured his hip, the beginning of the end before he became really difficult to manage - just a few bouts of violence so I suppose I could say I was "lucky" that all his really bizarre behaviour happened at the Nursing Home. I feel for you all a great sadness that sufferers of this devastating illness, and their Carers are in so many cases still treated as second class citizens. Drug addicts and alcoholics seem to get better treatment! Loving thoughts for you all WIFE

 

[truth24]

So sorry to read again of all you both went through WIFE and Lyn, together with what is now happening to others. This horrible disease has so much to answer for.

 

[mems]

Let it all out when you need to Delta. I know sometimes you just want to cry and rant, you'll feel a bit better for it. Big Hugs

 

[Caz60]

I don't know why but I can't stop crying. I care for my beloved husband of 47 yrs who FTD.
The changes are now showing so much.
My heart is breaking for him.

My heart breaks for you and I send you a massive hug xxWe also have been married 47 years and my hubby has LB Dementiia .He is 68 .heart breaking but grabbing every moment that we can frustrating as it may be .Keep your chin up ,you are not alone xx

 

[julientuareg]

I know how this feels. At one point I think I cried for 2 days straight. Then it goes away for a while then it comes back again. Every time you suddenly realise that another thing has been lost. If you love someone, and sometimes even if you don't, you have every right to cry and feel angry.

 

[technotronic]

Know how you feel as i ho through it myself daily with looking after my wife with Onset Dementia.
Sending you a BIG hug n hope it helps.
John x

 

[deita2]

It is so terribly hard for so many people. Delta, going back to your original post, of course it is understandable to grieve for the person who is no longer as they were, but if you find you are constantly in tears, it may be an idea to visit your GP. Sometimes we can end uo with an underlying depression/grief that just won't go away and sometimes it is worth considering a small amount of medication - anti-depressants can just take the edge off. While crying can be good, it can also leave you exhausted, too, so maybe worth just a chat with your GP to say how you are feeling.

thank you. I was trying to avoid the tablets!!! but it seems inevitable that I try. coming from such a strong background I thought I could manage, but , I think your right.

god bless you for that