Another confused question

[abijac]

Dad has been in respite Enhanced unit since before xmas prior to that he spent three weeks in a dementia home as Mum had to go into hospital. He has been unable to go home and he has deteriorated quite badly. Not sure if this is the medication or dementia related. His mobility is poor and has had several falls over the last few weeks. He was brought back from hospital yesterday with a fractured pubic bone. Staff were told to keep him in bed but were unable to put up a bed guard or crash mat because he might cause himself more injury.
Anyway the home have only recently informed me that they don't think he meets the enhanced criteria and are looking to reassess it. They only took him in before as he had been unable to settle at the previous home and was verbally aggressive and constantly trying to escape.
The problem is as I live three hours away and also do not have POA I am unsure where we go from here. Dad was mostly calm at home although did have a tendency to wander down the street and as mum was disabled she was unable to stop him. I am worried if they move him to another less staffed home we will be back where we started.
Mum has recently gone for a temporary spell in a care home after going in and out of hospital and respite for 5 months. The best case scenario for Dad is that he could be with mum although not at home. But one problem is she hopes her stay at the home will be temporary, although I doubt that as she has a lot of medical problems. So it would seem unsettling to put him with her for her to leave again. Also I'm not sure she will want him with her. Sorry for the ramblings just want to do the best for Dad but not sure if there is an answer. Been a long and stressful day!

 

[Essie]

Hello abijac, I have just read your post and really feel for you and you haven't had any replies yet. I don't think i have any useful advice but I'm sure others much more knowledgeable than me will post very soon.

I hated that point when I was looking after Mum when it was all questions and no answers and not knowing which way to turn for the best, or even if there was a way to turn! I would say try and break things down into manageable chunks rather than looking at all the issues together - that's what I tend to do (look at everything I mean) and then I get overwhelmed, feeling I have to sort everything out in one go. Bullet point individual issues and try and see who can help you with each bit, SW, Mum and Dad's respective care home, MHT, CPN etc. and try and make it somebody's else's problem too ie. "how can you help with that?" rather than trying to sort out all the answers yourself.

Big hug abijac and keep posting, there is so much support here.

 

[abijac]

Thank you for replying I probably rambled to much so hence the reason no one else replied. It's difficult when your mind is racing with all the questions.

 

[Grey Lad]

Thank you for replying I probably rambled to much so hence the reason no one else replied. It's difficult when your mind is racing with all the questions.

Hi abijac what a challenging situation. I am sure you are not rambling this is a very difficult situation for you to try to resolve. The only thing I can suggest is your parents moving to some type of sheltered or assisted living complex. Sorry if this suggestion is not viable but I can't think of an alternative that might help.