Feeling a little low today. Mum has dementia which she has had since her early 60s. Now 70 and the deterioration is now quite rapid. i'm finding the grief of losing my Mum almost unbearable at the moment. We had a really close relationship. Lots of shopping trips, coffee, memories shared. All that is gone and she now does not really know who I am. She knows my name but has no idea of who I am in relation to her. My Dad thinks she is confusing me with someone else as she has now taken quite a dislike to me, on one occasion talking to her invisible 'friends' that she 'can't stand that woman' clearly referring to me. She is stroppy and sometimes downright unkind to me. I try to see it for what it is ie the illness, not her, but this is so hard now it is personal. My husband tells me to ignore it which I know I should but it is hard to be met with this. I have vey young children who also have felt the lash of her tongue and been left in tears. It's just so hard as it is not her. How do I keep a sense of perspective in these circumstances? Will this be a phase that will pass?
Hi there!..i care for my dad who has dementia. My dad has been my mothers carer for 30 years due to her spine prob and depression..now that his situation has to take priority..my mum kind of developed a dependence on me because i understand my dads disease..and care for him a few days and take him to activities and workshops to give mum a break..my dad does everything in house bills wise shopping etc..so my mum not being confident enough to deal with things...means i have to help out.
My point is that my sister and friends offer to help ..my mum often refuses because they dont really understand how my dad is ...and my mum doesnt talk to them ..or anyone really..
You mentioned your mum has developed a dislike for you..doesnt know you etc...
Have a look at the bookcase senario....as time goes on dementia rocks the bookcase..and the books are recent memories..skills facts..numbers etc..
As the bookcase is flimsy the books at the top representing memories facts now..fall off.
The next shelf is her 60s then 50s then 20s by your knees.
The books by your feet are her childhood memories....
If this has happened it might be that your mums shelf is empty down to her younger years when you were a child!..
It must be so upsetting to be emotionally attached to someone..as would be using different part of the brain..and the flimsy bookcase of memories skills living their life through the age they think they are...
The hippocampus is the flimsy bookcase..facts memories etc
The amygdala is the solid oak bookcase gets rocked but is sturdy and lasting...it represents emotion feelings etc..
In other words they live their life through the year they can recall...but the feelings of today and yesterday are still there tugging at them...
It might be that if you can see her life through her eyes ...you might not be an adult..but a child...maybe spend a day..doing things you wouldve done.....
I know its hard but if it helps her then it might reassure her ..
Best wishes
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