My mum is 70 and has vascular dementia and many medical problems (heart surgery, diabetes, poor vision, etc.). She's been in and out of hospital this year, sometimes in a terrible way, with hallucinations and delusions and forgetting how to walk. We moved her to a care home mid year and initially this was ok. It was more like a hotel than a home and this had good as well as bad aspects. Mum got mobile, joined in activities, made a friend and then wanted to go home.
She then got ill (i feel partly because staff did not know her well enough to notice her deterioration), spent 3 weeks in hospital and begged us to let her go home. When we said it wasn't possible she asked us to take her to another care home she'd seen earlier. We arranged this (first taking her to see it again to make sure she knew what she was doing)and shortly afterwards she moved.
She has been in new place for just over a week now and it's not going well. We have a lot of faith in the staff and feel this is a better place for her, but she is begging us to get her out, saying she would rather be dead than stay. One of the main problems is that most of the other residents seem to be asleep/in silence in their seats all day, and mum is not. She may be super frail, but she is very lucid at the moment and is clearly freaked out by the others around her. She talks of suicide, criticises everything, can't believe she made the decision to go there.
We are really confused. We could arrange for her to go home, but would have to get 24-hour help and make changes to the flat...but she really is so weak at the moment it would be mad to take her out. She thinks she is dying, but there is nothing to suggest this is true. She is only just out of hospital and needs proper monitoring, which I think would be done more effectively in a care home than by new carers in her flat. Is it cruel to make her stay there? Can it make her even worse to be somewhere that she hates? Does anyone have any experience of how the more lucid residents cope in a care home with others who have more advanced dementia? I'd really appreciate any advice. At moment am trying not to ring/visit as it distresses us both.
thanks, peppa
She then got ill (i feel partly because staff did not know her well enough to notice her deterioration), spent 3 weeks in hospital and begged us to let her go home. When we said it wasn't possible she asked us to take her to another care home she'd seen earlier. We arranged this (first taking her to see it again to make sure she knew what she was doing)and shortly afterwards she moved.
She has been in new place for just over a week now and it's not going well. We have a lot of faith in the staff and feel this is a better place for her, but she is begging us to get her out, saying she would rather be dead than stay. One of the main problems is that most of the other residents seem to be asleep/in silence in their seats all day, and mum is not. She may be super frail, but she is very lucid at the moment and is clearly freaked out by the others around her. She talks of suicide, criticises everything, can't believe she made the decision to go there.
We are really confused. We could arrange for her to go home, but would have to get 24-hour help and make changes to the flat...but she really is so weak at the moment it would be mad to take her out. She thinks she is dying, but there is nothing to suggest this is true. She is only just out of hospital and needs proper monitoring, which I think would be done more effectively in a care home than by new carers in her flat. Is it cruel to make her stay there? Can it make her even worse to be somewhere that she hates? Does anyone have any experience of how the more lucid residents cope in a care home with others who have more advanced dementia? I'd really appreciate any advice. At moment am trying not to ring/visit as it distresses us both.
thanks, peppa