Hi Suebees,
It's a difficult one. Care homes / GP's / Social team etc etc all have a DUTY of CARE and this means they have to ENCOURAGE food / fluid, or at least be seen to be OFFERING..... No one can be FORCED to eat or drink, fact. Your Mum will decide what she wants and when. Make sure everything is logged on a diet / fluid record sheet, and if Mum is bed bound or sat in a chair for extended hours, a record of turns/ pressure relief should be written too. Good hygiene and turns /pressure relief along with the correct antibiotic should make the pressure sores more manageable. There are also really good creams and cleansing washes available, again through the District nurse / GP( Pro shield plus is excellent ) Does Mum have pressure mattress ? If not, they can be ordered via the district nurse.
I think at some point, we all get or have gotten to the point where we question whether it is right to carry on with the whole food situation. We know our loved ones better than any one else and for me and my family personally, we battled with this for such a long time. In the end I took Mum out of her care home and had her to live here with me. We had the most wonderful 7 months with her, she was happy, relaxed an might I add, NO infections / pressure sores at all. She decided when she'd had enough and spent the last 6 weeks or so, with hardly any food, but managed very small amounts of her thickened fluids right up until the 2 days before she passed away peacefully, with no intervention or struggle. I know not everyone could or indeed would be able to do the same, I guess it helped that I knew what I was doing ( 15 years of working in Residential and Dementia care ). I miss her like mad. Every day.
I guess what i'm saying is, sometimes we have to question whether it is best to have QUALITY life for the time one has left or do we just keep prolonging, at what cost ? I know what I think but I also know that people don't want to let go. It's hard, Damn hard. I'm sorry if any of what I have written has upset you, it's not my intention at all, I just think sometimes we need a different perspective.
Take care and hopefully your Mum will be made a bit more comfortable once she has the correct antibiotic etc.
Vicky x