He won't have memory test

[pamcasey]

Hi, I am fairly new on here, and just would like someone else's opinion, please.
My brother in law is suffering from severe memory loss and is now losing words. Cannot remember what things are called.."that disc on the wall, isn't doing anything"...the clock.
I visit his doctor with him, and after 2 years of trying, have finally got him referred to a memory clinic. Yay! He has just phoned me and said he has decided not to bother with this as he is getting his head round things and is getting better.
The first visit will be at his home, better than taking him to the Hospital, but he is still very reluctant to go ahead with it. The appointment is 4 weeks ahead, and I had decided not to tell him till nearer the time, but they have written to him too, so that's a shame.
I so much want him to agree to this, they may be able to help him, but can do nothing if he flatly refuses. I've reminded him that he promised me he would do it, but now he's backing down.
I'm just afraid that if we don't get some help from the system for him, he will just get worse and worse, and not know us...oh I could go on...sorry people...help!

 

[brambles]

Hi Pamcasey,

I had the same problem with my mum.

When she got the appointment letter (which I had asked to be posted to me) she phoned and cancelled the appointment without telling me.
Luckily the memory clinic phoned me and I rebooked it.
I told her what I had done, said her Gp would be cross if she didn't have the test as he had gone to so much trouble to arrange it, but then didn't mention it again until the day when I turned up half an hour before,

Luckily she took it well and I think actually enjoyed being the centre of attention for a couple of hours.

I also told her that hopefully the test would show there was nothing wrong and if there was she would probably be given some pills to stop it getting worse.

This may not be any use, just my own experience.
Good luck
brambles x

 

[Lindy50]

Hi pamcasey and welcome

I had a similar situation with my mum, she cancelled the appointment, but maybe they're used to this, because I got another one for her in the post

Anyway I did much as brambles did, told her about it, she forgot what I'd said, and then I just gave her a couple of hours notice and took her, saying "these appointments are like gold dust, you know, I don't think it's fair to let your GP down after he's worked so hard to get you the consultation", etc. And she also quite enjoyed the appointment (which I'd been dreading). It so happened that the consultant was very nice, and also good looking....he became known to us as "that dishy doctor"

I don't think mum benefitted much from the appointment, but I did. It helped me feel less alone and that there is someone to whom I can turn in extremis.

That said, I have to somehow get mum there again in a couple of weeks......

Good luck, hope it works out for you

Lindy xx

 

[pamcasey]

Hi Pamcasey,

I had the same problem with my mum.

When she got the appointment letter (which I had asked to be posted to me) she phoned and cancelled the appointment without telling me.
Luckily the memory clinic phoned me and I rebooked it.
I told her what I had done, said her Gp would be cross if she didn't have the test as he had gone to so much trouble to arrange it, but then didn't mention it again until the day when I turned up half an hour before,

Luckily she took it well and I think actually enjoyed being the centre of attention for a couple of hours.

I also told her that hopefully the test would show there was nothing wrong and if there was she would probably be given some pills to stop it getting worse.

This may not be any use, just my own experience.
Good luck
brambles x

Hi Brambles, thanks for taking the trouble to reply, and share your experiences too. I shall be seeing him this week and see how things are. I shall remind him that he promised me he would go along with this, I know he has not forgotten, I think he is just pushing his luck...Like your Mum's case, the clinic wrote to my brother in law, I wish they hadn't, I might have been able to spring it on him. Not to catch him out, just to get someone 'on our side' so we can access any help available. At the end of the day, if he flatly refuses, there is nothing I can do. But I shall persevere...Pam

 

[pamcasey]

Hi pamcasey and welcome

I had a similar situation with my mum, she cancelled the appointment, but maybe they're used to this, because I got another one for her in the post

Anyway I did much as brambles did, told her about it, she forgot what I'd said, and then I just gave her a couple of hours notice and took her, saying "these appointments are like gold dust, you know, I don't think it's fair to let your GP down after he's worked so hard to get you the consultation", etc. And she also quite enjoyed the appointment (which I'd been dreading). It so happened that the consultant was very nice, and also good looking....he became known to us as "that dishy doctor"

I don't think mum benefitted much from the appointment, but I did. It helped me feel less alone and that there is someone to whom I can turn in extremis.

That said, I have to somehow get mum there again in a couple of weeks......

Good luck, hope it works out for you

Lindy xx

Hi Lindy, thanks for your kind response. I particularly liked where you said, it benefitted you, in that you feel less alone. I am or was, hoping for the same thing.
Will keep my fingers crossed.
Pam

 

[Canadian Joanne]

Pamcasey, do you think taking the tack of "The test will prove that nothing is wrong" would help? I would also leave it to the absolute last minute as Linday50 suggests.

The first time my mother was sectioned, they wanted to do an MRI. She refused and as I was at work, I wasn't there to talk her into it. I flat out told her that the MRI would have proved that she didn't have AD (okay, I more than stretched the truth there but needs must sometimes). She looked extremely disappointed.

 

[stargirl]

Pamcasey - the only thing I can add is that in my experience, the memory clinic workers are *very* skilled at talking patients round. If you can get your brother in law to meet the worker at the home visit, by any means of trickery necessary , I'm confident they will take the harder job of persuading him to proceed off of your hands.

Good luck!