Acceptance that it will take as long as it takes

[Laine5]

Days they said.
It has been 5 weeks since the first call to the out of hours Dr when her pain was so bad that I could not help her move.
Fantastic support from DN and the Care team for end of life (Age UK) and rapid response nurses and Mum is not in pain. Family good too, come when they can.
But it is so hard. I just want it to be over too. You are never prepared for The emotional roller coaster.
She has not eaten in all this time and barely drinks, swallowing is difficult. Sleeping mostly.
This morning I have accepted that she will go when she is ready and not to take any notice of what the professionals say. (I was told not to bother picking up the next prescription of diamorphine because she wouldn't need it) That was on New years eve when I was trying to be prepared for the closures on the bank holiday and weekend.
So pleased she could stay at home though, it has been worth it

 

[Grannie G]

However hard it is you are doing so well.

 

[Tin]

Doing a great job, Just how I am hoping to be when my mum hits that final stage. Take care, thinking of you.

 

[VickyG]

You are in my thoughts. I like so many others and yourself, have been through exactly the same.
I drove myself mad with trying to guess when Mums time was to be. Checking her constantly.Mum was a stubborn lady and she went when she chose. 6 weeks of not eating and minimal fluids. The body / mind is a powerful thing.
The morning Mum decided she'd had enough, I just knew. She passed very calmly and peacefully and I held her right through to the end. It's the best thing, albeit heart breaking and truly emotional thing that I could of ever done. 5 months on and I re-live those last few hours usually once I get into bed at night. I'm not sure why, maybe throughout the day there are everyday interruptions, and in the dark quiet of night I can have my thoughts........
Hope things don't go on for too much longer for you ( that sounds awful but I mean it with the best of intentions and kindest of meanings )

Take Care and keep strong xx

 

[Soobee]

That acceptance will help you. I was waiting for my mum to go this time last year. She was barely eating or drinking for a long time. I can only offer hugs and understanding of the difficulties of waiting, and a pain-free peaceful time for your mum.

 

[Laine5]

Thank you for the replies, it does help. I have had so much help from fellow TP members over the last few years, on all the little issues that crop up. (Cutting Mum's nightie up the back being one of the simple but best ideas, saved so much trauma when trying to change it)
The smile is ready now for the Carers when they come in and 'Yes I am fine this morning'.
Another day
Thanks again.

 

[Gigglemore]

So glad you are getting good support from the end of life team. You are so close to your Mum you will miss her terribly when she passes but I do hope that she is at peace soon.

Take care of yourself, you are a wonderful daughter.

 

[CJW]

I remember what it was like and the numerous times I thought Mum wouldn't last another day and the strange joy and dismay combined when somehow she managed to hang on. In the end even though she wasn't eating or drinking I almost convinced myself she wasn't dying. On the morning of the day she died however, there was something different although I couldn't say what. I just knew that she was leaving. I think that you will know too. Take care of yourself and remember to tell her that everything is all right and that you will miss her but that you will be fine without her. Sending much love...

 

[VickyG]

Just thought i'd stop by and ask how things are............ x

 

[Laine5]

Thank you for asking
Mum is having a sleep day today, hardly a flicker when the Carers came to wash and change her. I don't know if she will wake or is this it and she will slip away.
I have thought on numerous occasions that things were different and it might be the time only for her to perk up the next day.
She is still drinking a little when awake, cannot manage to suck up the straw so we use a little syringe.
She certainly isn't following the usual pattern, a strong constitution and no infections I suppose. I feel this is becoming my normal now.....

 

[cragmaid]

Thanks for the update......the will to survive is such a strong one...I know because my Mum is hanging in there too. Not quite as severe but lurching from one crisis to the next.x.x.

 

[VickyG]

Thank you for asking
Mum is having a sleep day today, hardly a flicker when the Carers came to wash and change her. I don't know if she will wake or is this it and she will slip away.
I have thought on numerous occasions that things were different and it might be the time only for her to perk up the next day.
She is still drinking a little when awake, cannot manage to suck up the straw so we use a little syringe.
She certainly isn't following the usual pattern, a strong constitution and no infections I suppose. I feel this is becoming my normal now.....

My mum didn't follow the 'usual' pattern either, not from my experience anyway. Mum only slept for half a day, then almost a full day just 2 days before she passed away. A lot of people I've cared for over the years tended to sleep a lot, some for quite a few weeks before they passed. Mum didn't have any infections or pressure sores either, as is the case for most. I guess Mum was actually one of the 'lucky' ones and there was no struggling at the end either. I hope your Mum is comfy and when her time comes, it's peaceful for her x

 

[Laine5]

Mum has not had any fluids for nearly 48 hours now, her breathing is erratic and noisy. The DN has put something in the syringe driver to help with that. She is sleeping all the time, not opened her eyes today at all.
Hope I can keep it together over the next few hours, could still be days I suppose......
She is pain free and comfortable and I hope that will continue to the end.

 

[angecmc]

Thinking of you xx

Ange

 

[Pickles53]

Thinking of you, we have been there too not so very long ago. It's so hard, but I hope your vigil continues to be peaceful.

 

[Gigglemore]

Hope your Mum stays peaceful. Wishing you strength to cope with the terrible strain you are under. Take care.

 

[CJW]

Thinking of you...

 

[Gigglemore]

Hope you have been able to get some rest Laine - and wondering how things are today?

 

[Laine5]

At peace

Mum died at 1.35 this morning. It was what we hoped for, peaceful and pain free to the end. I never thought I would sense the time but I did and was able to sit and hold her hand and talk to her, through the last moments. Something to treasure in the future.
I feel numb and quite unemotional at the moment. Will try to keep busy for a while.
So many of you have been on this journey and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts and support. I have been lucky in the support we have had from professionals, family, friends and neighbours. A hard and challenging time was made easier. I truly wish it could be the same for everyone.
xx

 

[Pickles53]

My love and deep sympathy to you as you reach the end of one journey. And now a new journey begins, I wish you peace and strength on your way.