I don't know what is going to happen?

[Silver Lining]

My Husband is not settling in a Care/Nursing Home and is becoming very agitated and "difficult", he is there for 30 days whilst they can assess his needs.
Apparently when I left yesterday while he was out of the room,( because he made it clear I wasn't going to leave without him ) he was banging on the door to be let out. He is 68 the majority in the home is 75+. He is going into other Residents rooms talking and becomes aggressive to the Carers when they want him to leave the room.

He looked very poorly yesterday and is definitely losing weight, they tell me he is not eating a lot, not self caring like he usually does and frankly looks a shadow of his former self.

He was discharged from Hospital 3 days ago because he would not agree to essential investigations and was troublesome in Hospital too because he says there is nothing wrong with him, when in fact he has complex health needs. I can only liken it that he feels "caged", he doesn't want to be there.

I asked the Nurse in charge (on the phone today) what is going to happen if he doesn't improve, she said they could end up sending him back to Hospital.

I don't know what is going to happen, he was getting difficult before he went into hospital on the 9th December and I have to keep reminding myself of this fact, because in reality I think he should be at home, but I am just a pensioner with a Cardiac problem, and I felt unwell with the situation at home.
Can they send him back to Hospital? and for what sort of treatment.

 

[Jessbow]

So has he only been there three days? Thats no time at all- I am sure the staff are well versed at this sort of situation occuring- give it time.

 

[canary]

I was thinking the same thing jessbow. It usually takes 2 or 3 weeks

Silverlining, I know it sounds awful, but he may be better if you dont actually visit for a week or so as your visits may make him more agitated.

 

[Kevinl]

I was thinking the same thing jessbow. It usually takes 2 or 3 weeks

Silverlining, I know it sounds awful, but he may be better if you dont actually visit for a week or so as your visits may make him more agitated.

Agreed, hard as it my sound giving it at least a week to let him settle in might be the best thing, it will give both of you a chance to adapt to your new situations, he has to adjust to the home and you need a chance to have some "you time" no point in you ending up in a hospital bed too.
K

 

[TinaT]

I understand your feelings of being between a rock and a hard place and how emotional you must be feeling. You do have to harden your heart at the moment and let the situation play itself out. I can see that you are very understanding of your husband's feelings and this in itself will make you ill. You have to resign yourself to the situation as much as he does although it is harder for you because you feel for the both of you.

This illness is not of your making and just as cancer destroys a family, so this illness changes your life together for good. Your husband is very ill although he cannot come to terms with his condition. The way he is behaving about being away from you and his home is very normal and it will take time for him to come to the understanding that although you still love and care about him, his needs are far greater than you can cope with alone with him at home.

All of this is out of your hands and you can do no more than you are doing at the moment. It will take time and courage to see it through.

Take care of yourself and my love to you at this very difficult time.

xxTinaT

 

[Raffles]

I know just how you feel. You end up in a situation that you have no control of. There's the guilt that you are not able to look after him yourself plus the loneliness and the worry for how he is feeling and worrying yet you can do nothing about it. There's not much I can say to help, I do hope the situation sorts itself out for you soon I have no doubt you have many a quiet cry when there's no one about. Do you live on your own or are you lucky enough to have family or friends to stay with you. We all need support and at least we can always find it on 'Talking Point' where there are people in, or who have been in the same situation and understand what you are going through.
I send a virtual hug and hope things are improving by the time you read this.

 

[Silver Lining]

Thank you

I know just how you feel. You end up in a situation that you have no control of. There's the guilt that you are not able to look after him yourself plus the loneliness and the worry for how he is feeling and worrying yet you can do nothing about it. There's not much I can say to help, I do hope the situation sorts itself out for you soon I have no doubt you have many a quiet cry when there's no one about. Do you live on your own or are you lucky enough to have family or friends to stay with you. We all need support and at least we can always find it on 'Talking Point' where there are people in, or who have been in the same situation and understand what you are going through.
I send a virtual hug and hope things are improving by the time you read this.

Thank you everyone for your caring comments, it is so hard to watch this and know the only difference I can make would to bring him home. I know it is not the answer because I have to try to remember how hard it was before he went into Hospital initially. Now he has refused any treatment and he is in his worst nightmare and that he cannot do anything about it, and I am watching him deteriorate before my eyes.

I agree it is not a good thing to go back yet, our Daughter will be here on the 12th for a few days and a do have support via the phone with my Family and of course I do have you all at Talking Point who are so wise. Thank You Silver Lining

 

[chick1962]

Thank you everyone for your caring comments, it is so hard to watch this and know the only difference I can make would to bring him home. I know it is not the answer because I have to try to remember how hard it was before he went into Hospital initially. Now he has refused any treatment and he is in his worst nightmare and that he cannot do anything about it, and I am watching him deteriorate before my eyes.

I agree it is not a good thing to go back yet, our Daughter will be here on the 12th for a few days and a do have support via the phone with my Family and of course I do have you all at Talking Point who are so wise. Thank You Silver Lining

aww silver lining, I am so sorry you have such a worry. Cant offer advice as we are not at that stage yet but I wanted to send you lots of hugs and let you know I am thinking of you x

 

[mabbs]

hello silver lining, my OH is no where near this stage as yet, but Mum was, she spent 10 weeks in hospital, before going into a nursing home, it took weeks for her to settle, I agree with the others a few days is far too soon for him to settle, and one day she just seemed to click into place, and knew she was in her new home. Hope your OH settles in soon best wishes x

 

[Silver Lining]

Well tonight I phoned the Care Home and they stated my OH had been just as aggressive as yesterday, no improvement, kept asking for me. I told them how concerned my Family are about what is happening and his apparent decline and wasn't feeling very confident about how things are going. About an hour later they phoned me to say my OH had had a fall in his room but was "OK"

I have now written to our GP who visits the Home and spelt out our concerns.

Watch this space.

 

[Raffles]

It's good you still have your own GP, the only home I felt at all confident in putting my husband it is outside out county so they got a local Doctor in. I am not at all impressed with his treatment or concern. I hope things are getting better for you now and you are not as worried as you were.

 

[TinaT]

It is always a good idea to have a meeting with the doctor concerned. He can advise you what medication he is prescribing and if anything more can be done medically for your husband.

From your last post I feel that you have also some concerns about the care given at the home he is in. Is this so?

xxTinaT

 

[Louaholic]

Hi Silverlining-my mum is in a similar situation my dad is 68 and she is his primary carer although she is 74 and really struggling. We had to have dad sectioned in July as he was becoming aggressive and wouldn't take medication and he was in for a week whilst they got his meds right. My mum found it really hard but like the others say it's all out if our control and we can only do what we think is for the best. He's out now but rapidly declining and I'm going to have to see if we can get him reassessed as mum really can't cope now she's giving him 24hr care and he won't sleep at night so she's exhausted. It's hard to think of them not being at home but the carer is just as important and you need to look after yourself and do what's right for you too. Hopefully they can get him sorted for you xx


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