Hi,
My Grandma has had Alzheimer's for a few years now. She still remembers family members and long term memories but her short term memory is deteriorating and she cannot remember things from 5 minutes ago anymore.
She is quite a character, but has been stubborn in the past, refusing hip operations when she needed them and now is very immobile and is in immense pain from it a lot of the time. She's been given various medication including morphine that we give her every couple of hours along with other medication to try and ease the pain.
She lives with my Grandad who is 86 and as fit as a fiddle. He's her primary carer and is fully able to care for her in a physical sense but mentally I feel that it's starting to take it's toll. My mum, dad, brothers and sister live 5 houses down the road from my grandparents which is very handy and I live a 10 min drive away. My mum helps out my grandad most days and me and my siblings also go down a few days a week to look after her so my mum and grandad can take breaks. On paper, there is a lot of people around her to support but in reality it's my grandad and mum who have a 24 hour job caring for her between them. Especially my grandad who is 86 and has to administer her pain killers every couple of hours through the night and take her to the toilet multiple times. He sleeps a lot during the day when we're around to try and catch up on lost sleep but he's always so tired and drained, as is my mum and rest of family after looking after her for a day. Everyone is so willing to help, my younger brothers are 16 and still will go and sit with her on evenings and weekends when they're needed rather than going out with friends etc. I sit with her twice a week and after a full day I feel emotionally drained and can see a similar thing in my mum and siblings when they come back from looking after her. For me a few days a week is manageable but for my younger brothers (due to their age), my mum and grandad (due to time spent and lack of proper breaks and emotional drainage) I feel that it's becoming more and more difficult to cope.
One of the hardest things is that she thinks she needs the toilet all the time , even literally when she's just been and she has almost no mobility so it's hard work getting her to and from toilet, especially in the night and especially as she's insisting more frequently.
Also when she wakes up from sleeping (tends to drift off for an hour or so at any point, due to the medication), she panics cause she's in so much pain and can't remember why she's in pain, she either thinks she's had a fall or thinks she's dying, works herself up into a state and needs calming down and reassuring by one of us. I think this is one of the main reasons why my grandad and mum are reluctant to look into a care home. They both have hearts of gold and I don't think can bear to think of her panicking and being in pain without one of us to reassure her. But seeing my grandad so tired and weary all the time and my mum so emotionally drained and torn by what's best to do, I can't help but feel she'd be best off in a nearby private care home where between us we could visit her most days but in the nights she'd be cared for and the rest of my family would be able to sleep properly and have a better quality of lives themselves...
It would be really helpful to hear people's opinions about what is for the greater good before approaching my mum and grandad with the idea. They are struggling to cope more and more now (emotionally, rather than physically) and at the moment there's enough family members to share the load during the days, but there isn't at night and also in time the rest of our family will have more commitments that may limit our time available to help.
The main things that would be useful to hear opinions on are;
- care homes ability to cater for someone in physical pain a lot of the time as well as having Alzheimer's, ( she can be a difficult customer at times and has refused carer's help before even in her own home - however, now she thinks she needs the toilet all the time she is more willing to accept help in fear of having an accident in her chair - so that could potentially help as she's at the stage where she knows she needs help
Physically)
- is there anything we could tell her to help if she did go into a care home, as she would probably be kicking and screaming if we told her the truth! We have things we tell on repeat to reassure her at the moment as she forgets 5 minutes later.
- is it morally the right decision? She spends a lot of her day sleeping, going to the toilet and having the same few conversations on repeat, so is it time to prioritise my grandads day to day life?
The thought of her being without one of us 24/7 is heartbreaking to think about,but it's getting to the point now where seeing the rest of the family so tired , stressed and drained is becoming even more heartbreaking... Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
My Grandma has had Alzheimer's for a few years now. She still remembers family members and long term memories but her short term memory is deteriorating and she cannot remember things from 5 minutes ago anymore.
She is quite a character, but has been stubborn in the past, refusing hip operations when she needed them and now is very immobile and is in immense pain from it a lot of the time. She's been given various medication including morphine that we give her every couple of hours along with other medication to try and ease the pain.
She lives with my Grandad who is 86 and as fit as a fiddle. He's her primary carer and is fully able to care for her in a physical sense but mentally I feel that it's starting to take it's toll. My mum, dad, brothers and sister live 5 houses down the road from my grandparents which is very handy and I live a 10 min drive away. My mum helps out my grandad most days and me and my siblings also go down a few days a week to look after her so my mum and grandad can take breaks. On paper, there is a lot of people around her to support but in reality it's my grandad and mum who have a 24 hour job caring for her between them. Especially my grandad who is 86 and has to administer her pain killers every couple of hours through the night and take her to the toilet multiple times. He sleeps a lot during the day when we're around to try and catch up on lost sleep but he's always so tired and drained, as is my mum and rest of family after looking after her for a day. Everyone is so willing to help, my younger brothers are 16 and still will go and sit with her on evenings and weekends when they're needed rather than going out with friends etc. I sit with her twice a week and after a full day I feel emotionally drained and can see a similar thing in my mum and siblings when they come back from looking after her. For me a few days a week is manageable but for my younger brothers (due to their age), my mum and grandad (due to time spent and lack of proper breaks and emotional drainage) I feel that it's becoming more and more difficult to cope.
One of the hardest things is that she thinks she needs the toilet all the time , even literally when she's just been and she has almost no mobility so it's hard work getting her to and from toilet, especially in the night and especially as she's insisting more frequently.
Also when she wakes up from sleeping (tends to drift off for an hour or so at any point, due to the medication), she panics cause she's in so much pain and can't remember why she's in pain, she either thinks she's had a fall or thinks she's dying, works herself up into a state and needs calming down and reassuring by one of us. I think this is one of the main reasons why my grandad and mum are reluctant to look into a care home. They both have hearts of gold and I don't think can bear to think of her panicking and being in pain without one of us to reassure her. But seeing my grandad so tired and weary all the time and my mum so emotionally drained and torn by what's best to do, I can't help but feel she'd be best off in a nearby private care home where between us we could visit her most days but in the nights she'd be cared for and the rest of my family would be able to sleep properly and have a better quality of lives themselves...
It would be really helpful to hear people's opinions about what is for the greater good before approaching my mum and grandad with the idea. They are struggling to cope more and more now (emotionally, rather than physically) and at the moment there's enough family members to share the load during the days, but there isn't at night and also in time the rest of our family will have more commitments that may limit our time available to help.
The main things that would be useful to hear opinions on are;
- care homes ability to cater for someone in physical pain a lot of the time as well as having Alzheimer's, ( she can be a difficult customer at times and has refused carer's help before even in her own home - however, now she thinks she needs the toilet all the time she is more willing to accept help in fear of having an accident in her chair - so that could potentially help as she's at the stage where she knows she needs help
Physically)
- is there anything we could tell her to help if she did go into a care home, as she would probably be kicking and screaming if we told her the truth! We have things we tell on repeat to reassure her at the moment as she forgets 5 minutes later.
- is it morally the right decision? She spends a lot of her day sleeping, going to the toilet and having the same few conversations on repeat, so is it time to prioritise my grandads day to day life?
The thought of her being without one of us 24/7 is heartbreaking to think about,but it's getting to the point now where seeing the rest of the family so tired , stressed and drained is becoming even more heartbreaking... Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
