Twice sectioned

[supporter1]

Yes your experiences sound very familiar esp the hospital trying to discharge

In the end with our situation the SW and Psych insisted that dad try extra care sheltered ( we were clear in our view it would not work ) I think they really thought we would step in which would have been a disaster as we could not have provided anywhere near the level of support he needed. Anyway with dad the cracks appeared after 8 hours , by 12 hours he was distressed and disorientated ( SW told him to behave so he could stay there as if he would even remember that conversation !) anyway he then hit the carer's and tried to leave ( they managed to stop him ) and then finally he left and there was a police search for him ...) . After that b***** fiasco they fianlly conceded he needed res care. As he was sectioned under section 3 he has 117 funding and guess what ! the psych at the last review ( dad has been in there several years now) said we should tyr him in extra care sheltered housing
He obviously had not read dads notes So , what I am trying to say is BE STRONG ! find that inner strength because i am sure it is there after all you have taken a lot of abuse from your mum by the sound of it and it takes a strong inner self to survive that

You may have a battle on your hands but all I can say is dig your mental trench now so that you become the immovable object for the NHS and the SS . You deserve a life and I am sure that is what your mum would have wanted for you if she were not in the hands of this dreadful disease.

You some how need to find the strength to be her advocate and in this instance although it hurts like hell as you obviously love her you need to make it clear that she needs 24/7 care.

Be clear the amount of stress you are under and do not be afraid to say you rang the samaritans. It demonstrates very clearly that you have significant needs and they should be addressing those too. Things have obviously reached a point where things are untenable but it takes a strong person to accept that.

As a carer I feel that I hold the hand of grief with respect to my dad on a daily basis . At times it is unbearable but there is nothing I can do but accept the pain it causes me and the guilt associated with my dad being in a care home ( expect that feeling).
You need to hold on to the fact that there really is no alternative for your mums safety and your sanity.

Sending you some cyber huggs too

 

[Badgeman]

Grrr!! That's just rubbish, you've struggled on as long as you can and you really need now to hold on a bit longer and MAKE the authorities take responsibility for your Mum because you CAN'T look after her any more. It's not that you WON'T, but her dementia has beaten you down and you need to look after yourself for a bit or you'll both end up in hospital. Nobody needs this kind of stuff when they're dealing with the things you're dealing with.


Not many people know this but my first husband had mental health problems and had a massive breakdown when I was pregnant with our daughter. He convinced ALL our friends that I was the one with the problem - it was very difficult to deal with. I'm sure your friends and neighbours will come round in time, but it is very, very hard to deal with, I know. Sending you a big virtual hug 'cos you need one just now

OMG!

Forgive me, I never hear of anything like my own case. What you went through is awful :-( terrible. I am truly sorry.

Nobody will come round to my case. I'm sorry, but it's true. Mum was sectioned for a month,and I sat in my house alone. When I get lonely, I ring the Samaritans as everybody I know gets a cold/a phone call/toothache/swine flu or broken limbs.

I do not say this easily but at least people on this forum don't bull**** me. And I thank them all.

 

[Badgeman]

Yes your experiences sound very familiar esp the hospital trying to discharge

In the end with our situation the SW and Psych insisted that dad try extra care sheltered ( we were clear in our view it would not work ) I think they really thought we would step in which would have been a disaster as we could not have provided anywhere near the level of support he needed. Anyway with dad the cracks appeared after 8 hours , by 12 hours he was distressed and disorientated ( SW told him to behave so he could stay there as if he would even remember that conversation !) anyway he then hit the carer's and tried to leave ( they managed to stop him ) and then finally he left and there was a police search for him ...) . After that b***** fiasco they fianlly conceded he needed res care. As he was sectioned under section 3 he has 117 funding and guess what ! the psych at the last review ( dad has been in there several years now) said we should tyr him in extra care sheltered housing
He obviously had not read dads notes So , what I am trying to say is BE STRONG ! find that inner strength because i am sure it is there after all you have taken a lot of abuse from your mum by the sound of it and it takes a strong inner self to survive that

You may have a battle on your hands but all I can say is dig your mental trench now so that you become the immovable object for the NHS and the SS . You deserve a life and I am sure that is what your mum would have wanted for you if she were not in the hands of this dreadful disease.

You some how need to find the strength to be her advocate and in this instance although it hurts like hell as you obviously love her you need to make it clear that she needs 24/7 care.

Be clear the amount of stress you are under and do not be afraid to say you rang the samaritans. It demonstrates very clearly that you have significant needs and they should be addressing those too. Things have obviously reached a point where things are untenable but it takes a strong person to accept that.

As a carer I feel that I hold the hand of grief with respect to my dad on a daily basis . At times it is unbearable but there is nothing I can do but accept the pain it causes me and the guilt associated with my dad being in a care home ( expect that feeling).
You need to hold on to the fact that there really is no alternative for your mums safety and your sanity.

Sending you some cyber huggs too

I don't always understand what other people have been through. Your story touched me, but in a way that made me feel better.

I am beginning to understand the heartache of being a carer, outside of the normal everyday care. Mum was/ is becoming incontinent, and it didn't bother me, but the abuse during the clear up was awful. As I have said, I was told I have lost her. This is true, she is lovely with people outside, and is an expert at making me feel guilt. This forum and all the responses have at least made me understand that it's not just me who feels guilty, and this **** ing awful disease destroys the brain and relationships, regardless of who or what they are.

I'm disappointed with humankind. People who could have made my life better have used my mums Alzheimer's to score points off me, and I'm disgusted with them. I have not seen my family since 2010, and they won't respond.

I thank all the members of this forum who have given me comfort. They are my family in the nicest ways they are the only people who understand what I'm going through.

Thank you all.

B.

 

[pins tony]

Just took a phone call. The hospital wanted to bring her home. I refused. I have had four days of hell, and she only left hospital last Thursday. I don't think I can look after her any longer. I feel a ****, and a ****, and no doubt a ****. But I can't do it any more. I need her in a nursing home, and I will try to get a flat etc, as close as possible.

I'm broken hearted.

This is a really bad time for you, STICK TO YOUR GUNS thy will tell you anything believe me they have resources for you and your mum, unfortunately its only for people who make a real nuisance of there self as I said, STICK TO YOUR GUNS
TAKE CARE Tony pins

 

[Badgeman]

This is a really bad time for you, STICK TO YOUR GUNS thy will tell you anything believe me they have resources for you and your mum, unfortunately its only for people who make a real nuisance of there self as I said, STICK TO YOUR GUNS
TAKE CARE Tony pins

I'm such a gentle man. And I think that has left me in bad stead.

I agree, I must become a pain in the proverbial, for my sake and my mothers.

Thanks,

B

 

[Badgeman]

I just had a phone call from Prince Philip hospital Llaneddli.

The police came at around 6-8am this morning, and mum has just only now been admitted.

It's a disgrace.

 

[Onlyme]

Do the Crisis team know the hospital are trying to get you to take her back? If not then I would ring them to ask their advice. Surely they can't want a replay of yesterday anymore than you do.

Tell the hospital she needs an assessment before they discharge her and you will hold them responsible if anything happens as she is a vulnerable adult.

 

[supporter1]

The NHS is struggling at the moment BUTthis is not your problem it is theirs. Vulnerable people in this country have a right to care. If the hospitals cannot cope then SS must make a bed available somewhere some how.


My dad was very convincing to outsiders at times. Just because your articualte does not mean to say that everything is normal

Unfortunately when someone is that articulate then the family gets all sorts of accusations thrown at them as the 'professionals' tend not to want to believe families over the person with mental health issues . I know we did .

The psych in my dads case hated the fact that we initiated the enduring power of attorney for money once dad was sectioned ( that was on the advice of our solicitor who said we had no choice but to do at that point, it it was the law). Mum did not and could not manage in the house on her own and there was no money to heat or look after the house. Mum wanted it sold and to move into sheltered which we sorted for her ( she has the right to live without fear ) .

Anyway the house went up for sale and the psych had a hissy fit .. made all sorts of accusations that we were money grabbing ect... set off an investigation for the protection of vunerable adult and all sorts of things. I had to sit down with her in a meeting and explain that there was no money as the house had been equity released by dad and mum had no money to heat , repair or eat even if she continued to live there . It was a horrible few months with the psych team .

To this day we still get that under current and it really is not pleasent and totally uncalled for. Looking back I think that the psych hated us becuase we took away the possibility of dad returning home and us continuing with an untenable situation which was the easy option for her, as she said to us it was our 'duty ' to care for dad ! Family not the state should be looking after him

You can probably tell we are quite embittered about things but we are not the only ones.

Being a carer is s*** sometimes..

Main thing to survive this is be strong and concentrate on the here and now. Tackle your own needs head on. Do not be passive or you will get trodden on by the professionals.

Good luck with everything.

 

[Arbie]

Hang on in there Badgeman. Stick to your guns - from what you're saying you definitely cannot cope anymore. It sounds like a nursing home is the best option - although it will be hard and a logistical nightmare you might find that once she's in and being looked after 24 hours a day, that a big weight will be lifted off your shoulders. You will still feel guilty - I feel horrendously guilty as my mum moved into a nursing home 8 weeks ago because me and my dad just could not cope with her irrational behaviour anymore. I still worry about her every day but at least we can all have a bit of rest now. Keep posting xx

 

[Badgeman]

I'm sorry I can't respond properly to the terrible stories being shared with me. I sympathise deeply, and admire and respect what has been shared with me. I feel a bit tearful at the moment.

I have been sent to Coventry. I know people think I'm the violent one, and I'm the one abusing Mum. The only friend/acquaintance I have in the village has said she's too busy to give me any support, or do the little things that make my life easier (pick up my prescriptions from the chemist 3 miles away), and the gossip is I'm putting her away to get the house. That's stupid as I've been disabled all my life and only get the attendance allowance, and I will certainly lose my house. People I've known 30 years ignored me this morning. It made me feel very bad. I was given 'Advice', by a so-called friend, that it would be best if I left the village.... For my own sake!

Strangely in my case the nurses and the consultant have been very understanding. I was reprimanded by the ambulance service for getting them out for 'a domestic incident'. I was very polite, but is it a domestic when you own mother is pulling doors out by there hinges and butting and spitting at you? The SS are also poor. I've been promised help, but it never materialises. They are only willing to take her to day care once a week, and the tell me (in a lovely way of course), that's all the resources allow, and if she did go, then maybe they could take it from there?

Sorry moaning, and weepy. I feel very, very alone. I do feel very sorry for the situations that fellow members have been in. I don't know how we all cope.

Thanks people,

B

 

[Badgeman]

The NHS is struggling at the moment BUTthis is not your problem it is theirs. Vulnerable people in this country have a right to care. If the hospitals cannot cope then SS must make a bed available somewhere some how.


My dad was very convincing to outsiders at times. Just because your articualte does not mean to say that everything is normal

Unfortunately when someone is that articulate then the family gets all sorts of accusations thrown at them as the 'professionals' tend not to want to believe families over the person with mental health issues . I know we did .

The psych in my dads case hated the fact that we initiated the enduring power of attorney for money once dad was sectioned ( that was on the advice of our solicitor who said we had no choice but to do at that point, it it was the law). Mum did not and could not manage in the house on her own and there was no money to heat or look after the house. Mum wanted it sold and to move into sheltered which we sorted for her ( she has the right to live without fear ) .

Anyway the house went up for sale and the psych had a hissy fit .. made all sorts of accusations that we were money grabbing ect... set off an investigation for the protection of vunerable adult and all sorts of things. I had to sit down with her in a meeting and explain that there was no money as the house had been equity released by dad and mum had no money to heat , repair or eat even if she continued to live there . It was a horrible few months with the psych team .

To this day we still get that under current and it really is not pleasent and totally uncalled for. Looking back I think that the psych hated us becuase we took away the possibility of dad returning home and us continuing with an untenable situation which was the easy option for her, as she said to us it was our 'duty ' to care for dad ! Family not the state should be looking after him

You can probably tell we are quite embittered about things but we are not the only ones.

Being a carer is s*** sometimes..

Main thing to survive this is be strong and concentrate on the here and now. Tackle your own needs head on. Do not be passive or you will get trodden on by the professionals.

Good luck with everything.

Thank you. You must have been through utter hell!

 

[Badgeman]

I've been reading around on the forum. It's heartbreaking what people are going through.

Strange that I've never seen anything on television or media about what carers actually go through.

I feel very guilty, but I think I need to speak to my GP about getting some help for myself. That past month or so have been bad, and I feel extremely depressed, and I'm having difficulty coping with it. When mum was section the first time, I didn't have a conversation with anybody for three weeks. I don't think I can do that again, considering this time Mum will be away for a long time.

Sorry I'm moaning,,but I feel very down.

 

[Badgeman]

Sorry people.

I won't post again.

Goodbye.

 

[jenniferpa]

Please don't feel you shouldn't post. Of course you feel down, it would be abnormal if you didn't. And I think it's a good idea to talk to your GP. But never feel that you can't share here.

 

[chick1962]

I second that ! We are all here to listen and share . We know how difficult and hard it can be and how isolating ! Sending hugs your way xxx


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

 

[supporter1]

We are all here to support one another I could not have survived without a little support from other carers

There is always someone to listen to you on here and your never alone even if it is 2am in the morning as one of us will be having a sleepless night.

Please do keep in touch with us all

 

[Badgeman]

I feel too down.

I'm alone.

Thanks everybody but, I no longer have anything to say without repeating myself.

 

[jeany123]

I feel too down.

I'm alone.

Thanks everybody but, I no longer have anything to say without repeating myself.

Nobody minds if you repeat yourself Badgeman, I am sorry you feel so alone and down i hope that the kind people on here can help in some small way,

Jeany x

 

[brambles]

Jeany is right......repeat away.....we don't mind at all!
I am sorry you are not feeling any better but you are not alone
Please keep posting and let us know you are ok.

How is your mum doing?

Brambles x

 

[sistermillicent]

I think with all you have been through it is hardly surprising that you feel so down, and I think you would be doing a good thing by going to see you GP for some help. Please try not to be hard on yourself, you need quite a lot of time to recover from everything and lots of rest and some decent food and some nice TV or a book if you like reading.
Don't expect too much from yourself, it's very hard to bounce back from this.
Sending you a hug