dad goes into care home in monday

bluejag69

Registered User
Oct 3, 2014
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I feel sick thinkin about it, and so sad to see him dissappearing before our eyes, bit by bit, every day.

I do keep getting upset but I have to but a brave face on for mum and for my little boy. And I have to keep telling myself we're doing the best thing for dad and mum.

I hope he doesn't kick up a fuss when I try and get him out of the house. He hasn't wanted to go out in over a week now. Wish me luck!

Its tough just before xmas but mums wiped out, she's 84 and has alzheimers too and she's had enough. She couldnt go on like this and neither could dad.

Well I'm off to gullivers world tomorrow , try and have a normal family day ahead of monday.

Thanks for listening,

Jackie xxx
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
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I totally understand. My mum went to the home of her own accord but I still got "how could you do this to me?!" The following day. I was badly torn but it was time and I don't regret it. I too have young children and I was spending far too much time worrying about mum.

Good luck, stay strong.

Have a fab day at Gulliver's World xxx
 

Tomjo

Registered User
Oct 27, 2014
56
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My mum went into a home ten days ago and it felt like the worst day of my life taking her there, even though she went of her own accord.

Ten days on and so far so good - she seems reasonably happy. The relief is enormous, just knowing she's safe.

Good luck on Monday. You know its the right thing.
 

bluejag69

Registered User
Oct 3, 2014
67
0
thanks guys

Had a fab day today with my boy at gullivers world. Went on a few rides, just what I needed.

I know I'm doin the right thing , I just want tomorrow to be over as I don't know what he's goin to be like.

Think glass of red wine is in order for me!

Xxx
 

WILLIAMR

Account Closed
Apr 12, 2014
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I don't think anybody wants to put a relative in a care home.
I am afraid it was necessary in my step mother's case as she was a danger to herself and the public.
All you can do is make sure you visit them regularly.
My step mother was visited most days by her son as he is early retired and I visited on the day he could not go because of a hospital appointment.
Sadly she only lasted a week in care.

William
 

halojones

Registered User
May 7, 2014
438
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Him bluejag, you have my sympathy for such a difficult situation....i really feel for you, and obviously it being xmas, :(....I wish you all the best with it all, your dad obviously needs the c.h. so it has to be done....M mum has taken unwell, (she has seen the doc, has a uti )and I am dreading it if she worsened and needs the hospital:eek:she is on antibiotics, so I will just look after her and worry, worry....Its always a worry, you are doing your utmost best, and your dad is lucky to have you helping him.....All the best, xxx
 
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Chook

Registered User
Jun 14, 2013
238
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Westcountry
Mum went into a ch a couple of weeks ago so I kinda know what you're going through. I felt like I'd left my child to preschool for the first time. The care home should help you through it. They've done it all before. I stayed with mum and watched tv with her but I wish I'd stayed longer. Not easy when you've got kids eh.

Good luck x x
 

bluejag69

Registered User
Oct 3, 2014
67
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thankyou

Its so good to know that you are all on here for each other, and take the time out to help each other feel better and give advice.

You are all special people, thankyou.

Jackie xxx
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
I hope today isn't as bad as you dreaded. I went through this experience in July....very rocky first few months start....couldn't tell dad why or where...5 months on he has accepted to a degree....still walks a lot round the home but doesn't ask or demand to go with me so often now. I don't believe anyone who posts on TP finds this stage easy some settle better than others but we all know we have taken this heartbreaking step because it is in our loved one's best interest to be safe and looked after.:eek:
 

keywest67

Registered User
Mar 19, 2012
169
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Coventry
Hope everything goes well for you today, it is very difficult , I had to do the same for my Dad but it was necessary for my Mums health as well as my own sanity.......I know it was the right thing to do as we could never look after him with the same expertise as care home staff could and to be honest he never once asked to go home......he was in late stages of the disease and just forgotten I think.
Hopefully your Dad will settle in well and enjoy the attention and company in the care home x
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,034
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74
Durham
I hope everything goes well today and your dad settles quickly, come back and tell us how he gets on xx
 

jaymor

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Jul 14, 2006
15,604
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South Staffordshire
Good luck for today and please remember for everyone moving somewhere new it is traumatic and takes some getting used to.

Dementia is an added complication so give him that extra time needed to settle and try not to worry because it is slow to happen. He may take to it like a duck to water, my husband did. He went from an assessment unit to the nursing home. He walked through the door sat in his armchair and had tea. From that day to this he has been settled. His condition was quite advanced but never the less it was a very good transition. Fingers crossed you experience the same.

Jay
 

bluejag69

Registered User
Oct 3, 2014
67
0
Hiya. Well I got dad to the home. All the way I got " where am I goin?, what's happening?" But he didn't listen to the answer. It did smell there but the cleaners were just doin the rounds. The staff seem really nice so far. He had a cup of tea in the lounge, I found that a bit upsetting seeing the other residents in a worse state than dad and thinking, thats goin to be him! You cant help it can you?

Anyway it was horrible leaving him, I just said we are goin to the shops. Omg how bad do you feel? Like youve abandoned them.

I rang this afternoon and wished I hadn't , I could hear him calling for mum, broke my heart!
I rang tonight and they said that he was asking for her and they told him she'd gone home for a rest and he asked when she was comin back. They said he was ok and not too distressed, but would they tell me otherwise?

Mum is doin ok at the moment, not sure its sunk in yet, but she was so ready for it, she had a bad night with him last night. Bet she sleeps tonight, no carers waking her up, no dad shouting where are you jn the middle of the night.

Must be weird though after nearly 60 years married, to be apart.

Fingers crossed he's ok tomorrow.

Thanks guys xxx
 

starryuk

Registered User
Nov 8, 2012
1,323
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Well done. It is so so hard having to leave your parent like that isn't it.
Fingers crossed indeed for tomorrow and the next little while.
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
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You've done the hardest part xx

My mum wore her coat for the first month in the home and packed her things daily. That was nearly a year ago now and there's been good times and bad in that time.

Try to get some rest tonight xxx
 

bluejag69

Registered User
Oct 3, 2014
67
0
Omg he seemed not to bad when we went in today then when my sis went in later in, diff story, I want to go home, shoot me, I don't like it here, what can I do while I'm waiting for someone to come and see me? S**t what do you say to that? I would love to be able to put him somewhere really nice with a view, but we didnt have much choice. I just want to bring him home, but then we are back to square one. Wow this is so hard!

J xxx
 

Anongirl

Registered User
Aug 8, 2012
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Can I just say to not beat yourself up about whether you found a home with a view. I worried about getting my mum a home with a lovely garden but I have to say that in all honesty if my mum was sat on a beach in the Caribbean she would still be the same. My mum said all the same things as your dad but she adjusted to her new life and surroundings. Being well cared for is worth a hundred lovely views!

By the way I got her a home with a lovely garden but the kindness of the carers is the thing that helped her settle.

Hang on in there xxx
 

Mufti

Registered User
May 11, 2012
107
0
Kent
hi

Oh it is hard! I took my partner of 43years to a home two weeks ago and the first visit was heart breaking - I,d been advised to leave it for a week. He looked so sad -or was that me? He hasn't,t really known who I am for a couple if years but there is a familiarity and trust. The second visit was worse - asked me to get him home. I was devastated I visited today and he seemed more settled - even gave me a hug and kiss today but it,s no easier cor me - I feel like I,'ve abandoned him but after seven years I needed to make a decision so that I could keep myself well and hopefully oversee his care in the home. But it not easy to be logical when your heart is breaking. Hope your dad settles. I don't know if it gets easier as I,m being told - only time will tell. Take care. Mufti