Please help me - ive started new thread

[sistermillicent]

You are quite right that if your mum can't walk or weight bear you can't manage to look after her.
But I would seriously suggest that you don't tell them you need a hoist etc otherwise they will be thinking that you will take it all on if they provide the equipment. Just don't even mention what you would need to look after her, keep telling them you can't.
Good luck, I hope so much you get your mum properly cared for full time and have some peace yourself.

 

[annie h]

Sue,
A complaint to MP or Councillor isn't a formal complaint as far as a hospital is concerned. You'd need to complain under the hospital's official complaints procedure. Then, once the complaints process is completed you have the right to refer it to NHS Ombudsman if your complaint hasn't been resolved. But this is all a long process. If you do submit an official complaint tonight you might want to cc it by email to the CQC (enquiries@cqc.org.uk) and to the team you are meeting with otherwise it'll carry no weight at the meeting.

 

[jasmineflower]

Hi Sue
I'm not an expert but I would suggest that you don't confuse the issue with your complaint to your MP.

I think your stance has to be very simple:

- I am not responsible for my mother's care

- my mother is immobile so at risk if you discharge her, particularly after the first failed discharge

- I will hold you responsible for anything that happens to my mother if you decide to discharge her.

Just repeat these three facts until they get the message.

Stay strong!
J x

 

[Witzend]

Sue, if it is going to be several of Them against just one of you, and if you are feeling fragile and maybe all too susceptible to 'persuasion' then maybe it would be best not to go to the meeting at all - unless you have someone really tough with you to stick up for you. Maybe you could just email the SW briefly with your reasons, e.g. 'We have been through all this before, she is not fit to come home and I CANNOT cope any more.'

I am assuming you have her house keys, so that they can't take her home anyway. I do so wish you would not have to go through all this. X

 

[CollegeGirl]

Whatever you decide to do, Sue, I (and I'm sure everyone else here) will be thinking of you today. xxx

 

[Dazmum]

Thinking of you too, today Sue. I hope that things go the way that you want them too. I think it's a good idea to put everything in a letter, so that if it is just too such for you, you can just hand it over. Many hugs xxx

 

[jeany123]

I will be thinking of you today Sue and hope the meeting goes well x

 

[angelface]

Any news? Thinking of you.

 

[angecmc]

Hoping things have gone ok for you today Xx

Ange

 

[nellbelles]

Hope you are Ok Sue xx

 

[CollegeGirl]

I keep checking - no news yet? Hope all is okay xx

 

[Dazmum]

Me too, I keep popping in hoping for some positive news for Sue and her mum x

 

[SueShell]

No meeting but call from care worker at hospital

Had call just as I was leaving for hospital. I was crying my eyes out on phone so obviously caller realised how very stressed I was. In a nutshell she is coming home, but they know that I have relinquished my caring role and will only being doing her shopping, washing clothes and paying her bills, nothing else! They are arranging for a hoist to be installed and a fall alarm she wears on her wrist. Apparently it alerts them and someone comes in response. She is having 2 carers 4 times a day. She asked me about doing the injections myself and I refused so DN will have to come in and do them. I told her she is not coming home until everything is in place and seeing as Xmas is a few days away I told the staff nurse on the ward today that I do not want her home for Christmas as I am not caring for her with no support in place as once she is home I would be stuffed basically so not agreeing to it until I am satisfied all the support is ready. At hospital mum was sitting out in chair moaning that she wanted to be put back in bed. I said go on then, here is your zimmer. She couldn't even stand up! Got nurses to put her to bed. A physio came over to me and said she's making some progress - you could have fooled me! I told her I'm not letting mum come home until after Christmas when everything in place and physio said she doesn't need hoist. Don't care I said cause I'm not looking after her anymore so you can all battle it out amongst yourself.

This is not the outcome I wanted. However, I must stay strong because I am not going to weaken and care for mum. Emotionally I'm totally exhausted. GP appt at 9am tomorrow.I am giving him a letter about all this and telling how upset, drained and Ill I feel. Battle not over yet, once Christmas eve goes I'll feel better cause then I will know they're not sending her home for Christmas. One wonders, just how bad do things have to get before they consider a care home? Thanks so much everyone for your unswerving support. Sue xx

 

[min88cat]

Hi Sue, well done! A result as far as I can see!! Let them get on with it. We were told that the four double handed care visits are the maximum that a person can have.

With MIL this failed as well, and she was admitted from hospital (eventually) to a nursing home.

So it would seem that they have reached last chance saloon now with regard to sending her home this time. Make the most of the GP appointment tomorrow!!

Hugs from me

 

[angelface]

Oh dear Sue, this is an awful outcome. Please try not to get pulled back into caring again. Even washing and shopping could be done by carers, and the more you are with your mother, the more she will expect.
Hoping you get some peace over Christmas.
Gx

 

[CollegeGirl]

Gosh Sue, I really don't know what to say. However, I'm so glad that you stood firm and told them you weren't doing the caring any more.

I'm a bit concerned though, that you will still be shopping, washing and paying her bills. This will obviously involve you seeing your mum often, and I do worry that you will be dragged gradually into doing other things until before you know it, you'll be doing just as much as before, so do please be careful.

xx

 

[halojones]

Dear Sue, I am sorry that you are not being helped properly.its terrible, .and you are being let down....I do hope you can get some help from the doctor and hopefully some rest, try and look after yourself ...(all easier said than done., ).and its Xmas time as well, it must be awful for you..... But do keep posting, as we all want to hear from you....Thinking of you, hugs xxx

 

[RedLou]

This is not the outcome I wanted. However, I must stay strong because I am not going to weaken and care for mum. Emotionally I'm totally exhausted. GP appt at 9am tomorrow.I am giving him a letter about all this and telling how upset, drained and Ill I feel. Battle not over yet, once Christmas eve goes I'll feel better cause then I will know they're not sending her home for Christmas. One wonders, just how bad do things have to get before they consider a care home? Thanks so much everyone for your unswerving support. Sue xx

Don't be sucked back in, Sue. You need and deserve time, space and your own health. Don't engage with them and they'll be forced to sort it out satisfactorily. We're all with you.

 

[Moonflower]

It is so unfair. They know you've relinquished your caring role but would you like to give the injections?
I have a horrible feeling they are relying on you stepping in.

If you can't go and stay in a hotel or with a friend when your mum comes home, do they need to know this or could you tell them you are away for a couple of weeks?

 

[angecmc]

Just as everyone else has said stand firm, also well done for being brave and letting them know you were no longer being carer for Mum, I also feel you should not be doing shopping, washing etc these are all jobs that should be taken on by carers you should just be visiting your Mum now. I don't think this new system will be enough for your Mum, I would expect it will not be long before she is back in hospital and being sent to a nursing home from there, fingers crossed for you, hopefully your GP will offer to write a letter of support for you, I feel you are in Carer breakdown. Doesn't it just amaze you that they are hiring 8 people per day to do all the things you have done alone all these years? xx

Ange