Hello, I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing today - I think I'm looking for some reassurance.
My Dad has Alzheimers, and my Mum has been caring for him at home for years. Dad's 71 and has probably been ill for around 10 years. This summer he has deteriorated very quickly, and Mum has miraculously continued caring for him even when it became impossible - she's very determined. I have of course become extremely worried for Mum's mental and physical health, as she gets no sleep and so much stress. When I care for him to give mum a break I can last only 4 days and nights before I'm a wreck, and i'm in my 30s! Anyway the past few weeks everything has really escalated - and then on Sunday Dad fell over (yet again) and cut his head open very badly. Of course the hospital just stitched him up and sent him home with Mum. However, the good news is that having looked at care homes a few weeks ago and put ourselves on various waiting lists, something came up. And Dad goes into a CH tomorrow afternoon for 2 weeks respite. It would be one of two first choice homes for permanent care, so this is good. And they have said that the 2 weeks respite will possibly turn into something permanent. I'm now worried about several things:
I'm worried about how mum will cope with this all. Dad has never been in respite, (we tried a few weeks ago and chickened out because Mum didn't like the CH and couldn't bear leaving him) and I know how awful it will be for mum to have to leave him tomorrow and walk away to an empty house. I live a long way away (500 miles) and told mum I would fly up today to help - but she wouldn't let me. My brother is going for tonight, and then a friend will be with her all day tomorrow. Then I have booked her a flight for Thursday to come down here to be with me for a week. Then next thursday I'll fly back to Scotland with her for a few days. Is there anything else I can do to help her? I know how heartbroken she will be and how alone she will feel. I feel devastated about it and I can't imagine what Mum must be feeling, specially in her exhausted state.
Secondly, I'm worried that the CH won't let Dad stay after the 2 weeks. I know they are going to assess him to see if they can manage him. It's not a specialist EMI home - and a few weeks ago we were very confident that this wouldn't matter, because Dad, though demanding, was not a wanderer and would eat meals well etc. But since then we can't keep him still. He can't really walk well so he gets out of the chair constantly (often every few minutes) and then falls over. And at mealtimes he struggles to move all the time, so you have to physically hold him down, restrain his arms and legs and spoon-feed him (a few weeks ago he would be able to feed himself - badly - with a spoon, but at least he was feeding himself). I'm scared this is too much for the CH to deal with and that they will recommend taking him to another place with specialist EMI care. And we haven't found any EMI units locally that are nice. I know the CH have dementia residents, but I guess it depends how demanding they are... Do you think they will sedate him?
I know nobody has an answer for me - I think I just needed to voice my worries.
Thanks
Lesley
My Dad has Alzheimers, and my Mum has been caring for him at home for years. Dad's 71 and has probably been ill for around 10 years. This summer he has deteriorated very quickly, and Mum has miraculously continued caring for him even when it became impossible - she's very determined. I have of course become extremely worried for Mum's mental and physical health, as she gets no sleep and so much stress. When I care for him to give mum a break I can last only 4 days and nights before I'm a wreck, and i'm in my 30s! Anyway the past few weeks everything has really escalated - and then on Sunday Dad fell over (yet again) and cut his head open very badly. Of course the hospital just stitched him up and sent him home with Mum. However, the good news is that having looked at care homes a few weeks ago and put ourselves on various waiting lists, something came up. And Dad goes into a CH tomorrow afternoon for 2 weeks respite. It would be one of two first choice homes for permanent care, so this is good. And they have said that the 2 weeks respite will possibly turn into something permanent. I'm now worried about several things:
I'm worried about how mum will cope with this all. Dad has never been in respite, (we tried a few weeks ago and chickened out because Mum didn't like the CH and couldn't bear leaving him) and I know how awful it will be for mum to have to leave him tomorrow and walk away to an empty house. I live a long way away (500 miles) and told mum I would fly up today to help - but she wouldn't let me. My brother is going for tonight, and then a friend will be with her all day tomorrow. Then I have booked her a flight for Thursday to come down here to be with me for a week. Then next thursday I'll fly back to Scotland with her for a few days. Is there anything else I can do to help her? I know how heartbroken she will be and how alone she will feel. I feel devastated about it and I can't imagine what Mum must be feeling, specially in her exhausted state.
Secondly, I'm worried that the CH won't let Dad stay after the 2 weeks. I know they are going to assess him to see if they can manage him. It's not a specialist EMI home - and a few weeks ago we were very confident that this wouldn't matter, because Dad, though demanding, was not a wanderer and would eat meals well etc. But since then we can't keep him still. He can't really walk well so he gets out of the chair constantly (often every few minutes) and then falls over. And at mealtimes he struggles to move all the time, so you have to physically hold him down, restrain his arms and legs and spoon-feed him (a few weeks ago he would be able to feed himself - badly - with a spoon, but at least he was feeding himself). I'm scared this is too much for the CH to deal with and that they will recommend taking him to another place with specialist EMI care. And we haven't found any EMI units locally that are nice. I know the CH have dementia residents, but I guess it depends how demanding they are... Do you think they will sedate him?
I know nobody has an answer for me - I think I just needed to voice my worries.
Thanks
Lesley