My wife has, every 4/5 days, a complete blank day. Apart from the difficult couple of hours getting a daily wash and dress (most days) she is now inclined to do nothing, every few days. She seems content to sit and watch tv, or just sit there fiddling with her handbag. No interest in going out for a walk, even on a nice day. She is physically fit and well and, was recently diagnosed and cleared from a UTI. My powers of persuasion are such that the response is "No, I don't want to" Times like this make me feel like an inadequate carer. Love her to bits, and will never give up trying to keep some quality of life for her. But it is wearing. I wish for her to spend her years at our home, but on days like today Ifeel totally lost.
Blank Days
- Thread starter velo70
- Start date
I stopped asking if mum wanted to do this and that as I always got a negative answer. Instead I just got her ready to go out and said right we are going out and she didn't bat an eyelid.
I also just gave her jobs to do and left her to it. For a long time we just put her tapestry in her hands and said there you go.
Going out still works that way with no panics but tapestry has stopped now as she thinks she can't do it.
Your not an inadequate carer. Your just like the rest of us wading around trying to find ways to deal with dementia and all the curve balls it throws us. Your doing a great job.
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I also just gave her jobs to do and left her to it. For a long time we just put her tapestry in her hands and said there you go.
Going out still works that way with no panics but tapestry has stopped now as she thinks she can't do it.
Your not an inadequate carer. Your just like the rest of us wading around trying to find ways to deal with dementia and all the curve balls it throws us. Your doing a great job.
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
What a lovely response from Emomam 
Life got so that my hubby refused, and still does, to come out for a walk. Since the dementia happened, he's never been anywhere, apart from hospital visits, and the like. Your wife, Velo, is far more able to still get stuck in, whereas my hubby seems content enough to have something to read, or tuck himself underneath his headphones with the radio on.
You're doing all right, mate. On "those" days, just let her do as she wants to. Thumbs up to you
Life got so that my hubby refused, and still does, to come out for a walk. Since the dementia happened, he's never been anywhere, apart from hospital visits, and the like. Your wife, Velo, is far more able to still get stuck in, whereas my hubby seems content enough to have something to read, or tuck himself underneath his headphones with the radio on.
You're doing all right, mate. On "those" days, just let her do as she wants to. Thumbs up to you
Velo-so sorry that you feel inadequate-you are far from that.
My OH stopped wanting to go out; in his case he was frightened of the great outdoors. He had lost his confidence you see. He felt safe in the home-it was like a comfort blanket in his limited world. Outside, in his eyes, was dangerous-busy roads-people he didn't know.The most I could do was get him from the house to the car when it was time for daycare. Sometimes we could go for a drive to a viewpoint-but that was it.
If your wife is content to sit then there is no doubt that she feels comfortable in your company-and that is priceless.
Take care
Lyn T
My OH stopped wanting to go out; in his case he was frightened of the great outdoors. He had lost his confidence you see. He felt safe in the home-it was like a comfort blanket in his limited world. Outside, in his eyes, was dangerous-busy roads-people he didn't know.The most I could do was get him from the house to the car when it was time for daycare. Sometimes we could go for a drive to a viewpoint-but that was it.
If your wife is content to sit then there is no doubt that she feels comfortable in your company-and that is priceless.
Take care
Lyn T
My hubby spends most of his day in front of the TV, he watches things he wouldn't have wanted to see a few years ago, he does still walk the dog every day, that's an ingrained habit, and he will come to the shops with me, but I think that's because he panics when I go out without him, he has lost all interest in his 'hobbies' dont feel lost, or inadequate, sounds as if you have been doing great, focus on the good days, and try and accept the bad ones. Wishing you well mabbs
To be honest we have elderly neighbours, no dementia, who often spend virtually the whole day sitting on the sofa watching TV.
My mother never wanted to do much else after dementia kicked in. I think she just couldn't cope with anything more demanding, and had developed a sort of agoraphobia, so it was almost impossible to get her out of the house. And even if I did ever manage it, she would start fretting so badly half a mile down the road that I would have to take her back.
It must be so much harder with a spouse, though - I am so sorry.
My mother never wanted to do much else after dementia kicked in. I think she just couldn't cope with anything more demanding, and had developed a sort of agoraphobia, so it was almost impossible to get her out of the house. And even if I did ever manage it, she would start fretting so badly half a mile down the road that I would have to take her back.
It must be so much harder with a spouse, though - I am so sorry.
Thanks for responding. I guess we just have to keep on learning, eh! I shall have a look around the area where we live, and see if I can find others who have similar situations. I am sure there will be many.I have decided to make a purchase of a Combi tv, in order to play some favourite muscals. I have an older set, and have to spend 30 minutes plugging in and connecting the dvd player. Regards to you all.
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