Self funding? Local authority funded? I don't understand!

[garnuft]

William, people who love the person they care for are not looking for medals, a round of applause, gratitude from tax-payers, a big, fat bank balance or dibs on a house.

They want the person they love not to have the problem they have, they want help and support that is helpful and supporting.
They want not to have their hearts broken and their body and mind ripped to shreds.

They would sell their soul for a ha'penny if it could make the person they love well (and they believed they had a soul to sell).

They care because they love, everything else is immaterial.

 

[2197alexandra]

William, people who love the person they care for are not looking for medals, a round of applause, gratitude from tax-payers, a big, fat bank balance or dibs on a house.

They want the person they love not to have the problem they have, they want help and support that is helpful and supporting.
They want not to have their hearts broken and their body and mind ripped to shreds.

They would sell their soul for a ha'penny if it could make the person they love well (and they believed they had a soul to sell).

They care because they love, everything else is immaterial.

I echo every word.

 

[LYN T]

Another point I have just thought of is only a minority of the elderly finish their life in care and it is often only for a short time.

William

William it may be a minority-but it's a sizable one.


Over 9.3 million UK adults (19 per cent) know someone with dementia in a care home*.

The above statement comes from the Alzheimer Society.

I briefly looked on line to find statistics as to the average length of stay but couldn't find any. As you have stated it is often only for a short time I bow to your greater googling skills. Could you point me in the direction of where you found this information as I'm interested.

Lyn T

 

[LYN T]

William, people who love the person they care for are not looking for medals, a round of applause, gratitude from tax-payers, a big, fat bank balance or dibs on a house.

They want the person they love not to have the problem they have, they want help and support that is helpful and supporting.
They want not to have their hearts broken and their body and mind ripped to shreds.

They would sell their soul for a ha'penny if it could make the person they love well (and they believed they had a soul to sell).

They care because they love, everything else is immaterial.

Gwen,

I totally agree.

I've experienced Carer burnout once and even though I'm no longer a 24 hour a day carer I feel as though I'm heading for that state again. You see my heart is broken through being full of grief.

No I don't want a medal, a big house or a big bank balance. I want my Husband as he was. Full of life and interested in the world.

I know you will understand.

Love from

Lyn T XX

 

[Izzy]

I know you will understand.

I understand that too Lyn. x

 

[Chemmy]

William it may be a minority-but it's a sizable one.


Over 9.3 million UK adults (19 per cent) know someone with dementia in a care home*.

The above statement comes from the Alzheimer Society.

I briefly looked on line to find statistics as to the average length of stay but couldn't find any. As you have stated it is often only for a short time I bow to your greater googling skills. Could you point me in the direction of where you found this information as I'm interested.

Lyn T

Average length of stay in a CH is two years, Lyn. My mother, on the other hand, beat the odds and was in hers for eight. and I didn't begrudge her a penny of my 'inheritance'.

I hope for your sake, William, your children take a compassionate view towards any of your future care needs. What goes around, comes around, as they say. I like to think I've set mine a good example of how I wish to be treated myself. I'd opt for self funding over state care any day.

This is slightly out of date (2010) but it gives an idea of the figures:

http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/pensions/article-1707291/Elderly-care-what-you-uneedu-to-know.html

 

[LYN T]

Average length of stay in a CH is two years, Lyn. My mother, on the other hand, beat the odds and was in hers for eight. and I didn't begrudge her a penny of my 'inheritance'.

I hope for your sake, William, your children take a compassionate view towards any of your future care needs. What goes around, comes around, as they say.

This is slightly out of date (2010) but it gives an idea of the figures:

http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/pensions/article-1707291/Elderly-care-what-you-uneedu-to-know.html

I know you didn't begrudge spending your inheritance Chemmy That's as it should be. Thank goodness for compassion. Also thanks for posting the link-interesting reading.

I wonder how many people who contribute on TP have made provision for their own possible care in the future? My daughter knows my wishes; a nice CH will do me. As will one visit a week. It needs to be spoken about.

Love,

Lyn T

 

[Chemmy]

I wonder how many people who contribute on TP have made provision for their own possible care in the future? My daughter knows my wishes; a nice CH will do me. As will one visit a week. It needs to be spoken about. T

Couldn't agree more. I've had that conversation too. My parents made their views clear long before they needed care and that was a huge help in assuaging the guilt monster when I ended up with sole responsibility for my mum.

I tried to engage my MIL in discussions about her future needs, but really that wasn't my place and my OH and his sisters wouldn't start the conversation. The results of the head in the sand approach have been evident this year when the inevitable crisis occurred, and everything had to be decided in an almighty rush, compounding the pressure on the family.

My son and his new wife have just bought a house next to a CH. Funnily enough, I was checking it out on CQC a couple of days ago...that'll do for me. I can wave at them from the window if they can find me a room at the back....

 

[Pete R]

They care because they love, everything else is immaterial.

I do agree with the first part but with the greatest respect I have to disagree with the second.

Thinking I was immaterial was a mistake I made 11 years ago when I first started caring for my Mom. I have only recently realised my mistake and there is nothing I can do now to rectify it.

If this forum was around 11 years ago I wish I had found it and maybe with the lessons learnt from others, and especially some from WILLIAMR, I wouldn't be finding myself homeless when Mom passes away. Homeless and with a great share of my savings gone because it never occurred to me that instead of spending my own money on her I should have used the little that Mom had or even opted to buy a share of her house so she would have had more. The care and love would not have changed but my situation would be different.

Mom has not wanted for anything nor will she in the future as I will continue to make sure of that but she would be devastated if she knew what was going to happen. Dementia does have its very minute advantages.

So I for one will continue to give advice on here to people that don't understand that by taking perfectly legal and morally right decisions before it is too late they could find themselves in a similar situation to mine. The state doesn't give a jot for those who become carers or what happens to them when their task is over. Many carers feel the same till the day comes when they have to think only of themselves for the first time in years and realise that there is not much of their own left as no account is taken of the time, effort and sacrifice that has been given.

And for those of you that think the advice is given to help squander loved ones money, to get "dibs" on any inheritance or for any other nefarious means should think long and hard before they press that "enter" key in future.

Some of the snide comments and innuendo on this thread have been very distasteful indeed.

 

[LYN T]

Some of the snide comments and innuendo on this thread have been very distasteful indeed.

Pete R

If you feel any posts are distasteful you can report them to the Moderators by clicking on the 'report post' button.

 

[jeany123]

Thank you Peter If advice was given in a more understanding and sensitive way, the same as you have I don't think anyone would complain at all,

 

[Pete R]

Thank you Peter If advice was given in a more understanding and sensitive way, the same as you have I don't think anyone would complain at all,

Unfortunately I think "anyone" still would.

This is the Legal and Financial Issues forum and in any walk of life, and even without the added stress of coping with Dementia, it will always be contentious. I prefer straight talking when it comes to both...........Others may not but I don't see the need for it to get personal.

 

[jeany123]

I agree with straight talking, it was made personal, I do not want the same smug, bragging, personal stories time after time after time the advice can be given without this,

 

[Pete R]

I agree with straight talking, it was made personal, we do not want the same smug, bragging, personal stories time after time after time the advice can be given without this,

Who exactly are we? I hope you are not including me as I am reading things a little different to you.

Stories do get repeated by many regular users of this forum but I would imagine that is only noticed by those that tend to read every thread.

Some, especially newbies, may not have done a search before posting their question which may have been already answered many, many times. Does that mean that those previous answers which may be of help to the OP should never be repeated just in case you have read them before?

There is an "ignore list" is there not?

 

[jeany123]

Who exactly are we? I hope you are not including me as I am reading things a little different to you.

Stories do get repeated by many regular users of this forum but I would imagine that is only noticed by those that tend to read every thread.

Some, especially newbies, may not have done a search before posting their question which may have been already answered many, many times. Does that mean that those previous answers which may be of help to the OP should never be repeated just in case you have read them before?

There is an "ignore list" is there not?

Ok I will change it to I but obviously there are a lot of other people thinking the same thing or nothing would have been said ,
There is a ignore but it means that further posts don't make sense,

 

[Chemmy]

For those looking for the ignore facility, click on the following links:

My Contacts & Inbox (at top of page)
Friends & Contacts
(LH column) Edit ignore list.

 

[WILLIAMR]

I do agree with the first part but with the greatest respect I have to disagree with the second.

Thinking I was immaterial was a mistake I made 11 years ago when I first started caring for my Mom. I have only recently realised my mistake and there is nothing I can do now to rectify it.

If this forum was around 11 years ago I wish I had found it and maybe with the lessons learnt from others, and especially some from WILLIAMR, I wouldn't be finding myself homeless when Mom passes away. Homeless and with a great share of my savings gone because it never occurred to me that instead of spending my own money on her I should have used the little that Mom had or even opted to buy a share of her house so she would have had more. The care and love would not have changed but my situation would be different.

Mom has not wanted for anything nor will she in the future as I will continue to make sure of that but she would be devastated if she knew what was going to happen. Dementia does have its very minute advantages.

So I for one will continue to give advice on here to people that don't understand that by taking perfectly legal and morally right decisions before it is too late they could find themselves in a similar situation to mine. The state doesn't give a jot for those who become carers or what happens to them when their task is over. Many carers feel the same till the day comes when they have to think only of themselves for the first time in years and realise that there is not much of their own left as no account is taken of the time, effort and sacrifice that has been given.

And for those of you that think the advice is given to help squander loved ones money, to get "dibs" on any inheritance or for any other nefarious means should think long and hard before they press that "enter" key in future.

Some of the snide comments and innuendo on this thread have been very distasteful indeed.

Hi Pete

I can only agree with what you are saying. The social worker just kept on that I should sell the bungalow my step mother was living in even though I was the legal and beneficial owner even saying after NHS funding had been approved a special meeting would have to take place which could not be held for 2 weeks and the room could be lost.
She even said if my step mother was let out she could have seriously hurt a child because of her strength.
In my view she was a danger to the public so the tax payer was responsible for her care fees.

William

 

[LYN T]

I agree with straight talking, it was made personal, I do not want the same smug, bragging, personal stories time after time after time the advice can be given without this,

I'm going to join you in this viewpoint Jeany.

I think the problem arises with not only repetition but lack of empathy and how the repeated stories are quite often attached to any thread. It's all very well reading about someones big house/financial clout/tax affairs/private medical policy etc.but I would rather these people, just now and again. offer sympathy and relate to the heartbreaking scenarios on this site. Perhaps offer sympathy to someone whose relative has passed away.

Maybe it's more difficult to relate to people on a Forum-but so many people do. They offer a shoulder to cry on, sympathy and advice about all kinds of things-but very few say the same thing over and over again.

I think that what I call 'grown up emotions' comes to most of us as we experience life-empathy is one of those emotions. We Feel (or as near as we possibly can) other people's pain. If we haven't been down one particular road we can generally imagine how bad it is for some people. For a few people empathy and sensitivity appear alien to them and that can come across in posts.
Whether this is true of them in life away from this Forum, obviously I have no idea.

I hope your days have been as good as possible Everyone,

Lyn T X

 

[miggie]

I agree wholeheartedly with Lyn and Jeany.

I find the repetition of personal stories regarding the safeguarding of inheritance etc. etc. often unnecessary and, to me, somewhat distasteful.

My Mother recently died after spending two years in a dementia care home. She was self funding and the majority of her savings were used for her care.

Did my brothers and myself ever worry that our "inheritance" was disappearing?

Never.

All that mattered to us was that our Mother had the best possible care.

 

[LYN T]

I agree wholeheartedly with Lyn and Jeany.

I find the repetition of personal stories regarding the safeguarding of inheritance etc. etc. often unnecessary and, to me, somewhat distasteful.

My Mother recently died after spending two years in a dementia care home. She was self funding and the majority of her savings were used for her care.

Did my brothers and myself ever worry that our "inheritance" was disappearing?

Never.

All that mattered to us was that our Mother had the best possible care.

Hi Miggie

I'm so sorry to read that your Mum has recently passed away. This must be a very difficult time for you and your brothers. Take pride in having looked after your Mum in the very best way by finding the right care for her.

I hope you find the strength to get through this very difficult time

Love,

Lyn T X