Father developing paranoid tendencies

ppm

Registered User
Jun 10, 2014
52
0
My father is 83 and was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment about 18 months ago. He is now showing many signs of dementia, among the most problematic being a tendency towards paranoia.
He deduces the worst possible explanation for everything that happens. If he loses something then it's because someone else (usually my mother) has hidden it. If he has problems with his computer (which he barely knows how to use any more) it's because it's being hacked by someone. Most worryingly, since my sister and I arranged a Lasting POA for him he is convinced that we are all trying to steal his money. When the gas man came to repair the boiler last week he removed all of his papers and bank statements from the drawer and hid them under lock and key, concerned that the engineer would try to steal them.
I've seen general advice here that agreeing with everything someone says/thinks can be a good approach when dealing with dementia sufferers, but in this case I think that would fuel his fears and make matters worse.
I was wondering whether anyone had any ideas for how to deal with this? I live 90 minutes from my parents, so only see them once a month.
 

jen54

Registered User
May 20, 2014
240
0
yes - I agree, mum has become increasingly paranoid- understandable as she is laone and forgetting - we cannot go along with these fears, we go laong with thigns htat don't matter or appease her, comfort her - BUT no way can we agree that someone is hiding in the house- eating her food, stealing her knives etc.
on one occasion she had phoned me after a bad ream, which she relate to me - some days later she told me she knew she had been right..and took me to show me the empty drawers..which were obviously still full - it was clear she had the dream now muddled with a real memory/event, so I reminded her she had told me about this dream and how it had obviously got into her mind and come back as a memory of something real :( this comforted her- so usually I try to re assure her that she has had a dream, or show her that rubbish is hers.ie food in the pantry etc, or that no one can get in the house as the deadlock is on, etc etc- and show her statements etc to reassure her when she cant recall what money she has and what account etc.
Not sure what else to do, it seems it's very common..and I understand really when you have no memory and things "aren't working" and no one tells you anything..
 

ppm

Registered User
Jun 10, 2014
52
0
My usual approach when my dad loses something, and is accusing my mother of hiding/stealing it, is to explain to him that he has simply put it down somewhere and forgotten where he has put it - i.e. attributing it to his short-term memory problem, which is clearly the explanation. Unfortunately he never believes me, and consequently there is constant friction and conflict with my mum. I think he still trusts me (probably because he only sees me once a month), but no longer trusts my mother, sister and nephew, so it's becoming a real problem.
My mother is 89 and I think the stress of living with him is taking its toll.
 

hshc

Registered User
Oct 9, 2013
3
0
My grandmother is in a carehome with dementia and shows signs of paranoia now too - especially over some of the carers treatment of her etc which can be difficult for a number of reasons. I've tended to try a combination of a)making sure she feels heard on the subject, b) saying that I will definitely do something about that (whether I mean it or not) and using very positive voices to change the conversation on to a more upbeat level, and then c) try and quickly distract her by moving the subject along to something else. It may not help for those occasions when you're not there, but when you are I have found that distractions are a good way of bringing my nan out of her worried phases and to focus on something else.
 

Lizzie L

Registered User
Dec 1, 2014
10
0
My Dad sounds very similar to yours PPM - and locking documents away feeds this paranoia. Our current strategy is that we use the printer to copy important documents - one set for my Dad and one set for my stepmum to keep locked up. I also live a 2+ hours drive away so really do sympathise.
 

Rose2

Registered User
Nov 16, 2014
3
0
Hi, I am new here. I am twenty-seven years old and I was born to older parents. My father was diagnosed with the beginning stages of Alzheimer's, and he has started hiding things as well and has no memory of doing so. He thinks that people are stealing from us, and curses the person who "has done so", and in reality, unbeknown to him, is cursing himself.

It is a very hard thing to go through, and when the missing object is found, he says that he does not know how the missing object got there. Inevitivably, he wants to talk about it to us all, probably to find out who did so, and thankfully, forgets about it, because it would be very awkward. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time in your life.


Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point