Yet ANOTHER fall, and in hospital and poorly

[Scarlett123]

You are all so kind, and supportive. I don't know what is worse - when John just lays there and doesn't open his eyes, or when he does and looks terrified. I've now discovered that the phrase he used that upset my daughter so much was "where are you, Mummy", and she said the cry he made was plaintive.

John had a lousy childhood, evacuated at 2, and his Mum only lived for 6 months after the war was over, and died of TB at the age of 28. His Dad remarried very quickly and John and his sister, younger by a year, permanently felt in the way. John left school the week before he was 15, worked on a farm for a couple of years and then joined the Army.

His sister married a GI, when she was 16 - the man was 38! She died last year, having been married 6 times. She always said that she never knew her Mum at all, and couldn't remember anything about her, but John had memories. Whenever he talked about his childhood, both my kids were very upset, so he didn't talk about it to them very much.

Yesterday, John was having trouble transferring from the armchair to the wheelchair, even with 3 carers and me helping him. One of the carers asked him if he wanted to get up, or stay in the armchair - and he said "yeah". It just reminded me of Dustin Hoffman in Rainman, and when I got home I sobbed.

Love to everyone on TP and hope things are bearable for you all. xxx

 

[Izzy]

Oh Scarlett how terribly sad. On all counts.

Wishing you continued strength x

 

[LYN T]

Some people have lousy lives. John's early years sound so sad. Thank goodness he met you Scarlett. His luck changed for the better when that happened. I'm so sorry that John is struggling to be mobile; it's horrible to see. I must admit that I look away when Pete is hoisted; the sight is just so sad.

Take care of yourself my lovely


Lyn T XXX

 

[NOVONACHO]

its hard to cope with what your going thru.its like the nhs don't seem to kno wat to do with dementia patients,whether thru lack of training ,money or it seems very bad management.my dad got taken in to a and e,.the paramedic arrived swiftly but the ambulance didn't as there were queues in corridor when he finally arrived.11 pm, we stayed all night with him ,he was on a trolley with the few young nurses on duty rushed off their feet.i knew there were no beds but they didn't admit to it until 5 am,we decicded to go home and my dad didn't get a bed in a ward till 1pm finally. that was march this year.he could not return home so then the hunt for a nursing home started.while in hospital he fell 3 times breaking ribs upper arm and wrist.as you cant restrain patients in this country he would try to get out of bed all the time and if no one was watching him he would obviously fall.we got fed up of complaining and it was hard and stressfull for us to see him in this state.they said he could have a step down before having to pay for social care,this didn't hapopen due to various mix ups with local social services and the hospital ones.any way after 2 return stays in hospital and him having to pay £6000 for a months stay in one care home,then finally getting free nhs care when it was obvious he wasn't goin to last more than a couple of weeks he died in august 2 days before his 84 birthday.
you just seem to come up against a brick wall when dealing with a person with demerntia.my dad had vascular and alzheimers.even in hospital the consultant berated the nurses for not x raying my dads whole arm instead of just his elbow .finding out ltr his wrist was broken...the care homes not training their staff properlygiving my dad solid food when on a soft diet causing him a lung infection the back into hospital.the list goes on.
im still feeling guilty that I cudnt help my dad more and it was so hard to see him obviously suffering I broke my own wrist in july so know wat some of the pain he went trhu.
at least he is at peace now. I don't envy anyone going thru what I and my family did but things in the nhs don't seem to improve and it keeps rolling on like a headless monster.you just have to muddle thru it all I guess.but that's no comfort to anyone.
I don't know what the answer is maybe the nhs is stuck in the 1950s still .

 

[Scarlett123]

I wish the NHS was still stuck in the 1950s - I think the care was better. John has Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis, and sees a consultant every few months. The visits involve John blowing into tubes, answering questions, and then seeing the consultant.

He has an appointment booked for a fortnight, so I cancelled the ambulance transportation, and cancelled the appointment. Then I was asked if I wanted to rebook, but explained why he couldn't attend, and asked what happened in such cases. Silence. So I asked what the procedure was for someone in John's position. More silence.

I said I'd phone the consultant's secretary. I explained the problem to her, and she suggested, that I take John's place at the appointment! After I'd banged my head, hard, against the wall several times, I said I thought this would be futile, as my tube blowing activities would not reflect John's position, and questions put to me, as to whether it hurt when I coughed, were also not indicative of John's problems.

You couldn't make it up! I will need to talk to the GP. Off to visit John now.

 

[Dazmum]

Oh for goodness sake.... what planet are these people on?
Hope for a good visit with John for you and that he is peaceful, take care xxx

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Scarlett, you've left me speechless, and that's not easy. Hope your visit is some comfort to you and John.

Stephanie, xxx

 

[truth24]

Sad to read of John's troubled childhood. As has been said, thank goodness he has such a loving wife. Think secretary probably wondered if you wanted to keep John's appt with the consultant so that you could talk to him, bring him up-to-date, etc. But you never know. Hoping you have both had a peaceful day. Loving thoughts.
Verityxx
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[pamann]

Hello scarlett my hubby had a terrible upbringing, our mental health Dr. Said it is why my hubby is like he is it all stems back to childhood, his step father used to beat him with his leather belt, his two sisters used to get him in to trouble, they got away with it, he was a sergeant Major in the army, bought the army into the home. I feel so angry thinking about it, l do hope you are having some rest, your promblems are kuch greater than mine thinking of you ♥♥♥

 

[bemused1]

This is deja vu Scarlett. Ohs dad died at the age of 45 when oh was 11. His wife remarried v. Quickly and husband felt very in the way. Went in the army at the ripe old age of 15. He came out at 40, the army ran in his family, his dad was regular army. No wonder he had a drink problem, the army has much to answer for. We met when he had been out about four years but it was a whole new world and he took to it like a duck to water. So sad that he learned so much and mellowed so much, only for it all to run through his hands like sand.

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[Scarlett123]

No recognition, and eyes closed the whole time. So at least I didn't have to see the terror in them.

 

[jeany123]

Scarlet I am so sorry sending you strength and a hug x


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[pony-mad]

A sad beginning and a sad ending; but he found you in the middle,
And even through cyberspace,
You emanate such warmth and love

Holding your hand very tight right now x


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[Izzy]

Oh Scarlett. You must feel wrung out.


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[lilysmybabypup]

Scarlett, how distressing for you. I understand the difficult emotions you're experiencing, I used to want to wrap Dad up in my arms and take him home every time I visited, and he was only there for 3 weeks.

I wish you strength as you walk through these dark days.

Stephanie, xxx

 

[Jinx]

Love and hugs Scarlett at this very difficult time, and wishing you strength to get through it. x


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[LYN T]

No recognition, and eyes closed the whole time. So at least I didn't have to see the terror in them.

Oh Scarlett. I'm so sorry.

Thinking of you and hoping that today will bring you peace.

Love from

Lyn T XX

 

[truth24]

Loving thoughts and hugs from me too. Verityxx

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[Scarlett123]

I was kindly granted a telephone appointment with the GP, who said she will include John's name on the Community Care list, as he cannot respond to the consultant. Then when I visited John he said "hallo Rose" and had opened his eyes fully.

Rose was my Mum's name, been dead 20 years, but at least he spoke. Small mercies, but something to cling hold of.

 

[Scarlett123]

When I visited John earlier, a lady came up to me and started having an animated chat about what time she was leaving to go shopping. I hadn't seen her before, and apparently she was there for respite, to see how her experience was, but her daughter had made it clear that her Mum was staying.

Eileen asked me what happened in "this place", so I said it was a lovely hotel, with lots of kind staff who would be looking after her. An Elvis CD was playing and she said "is Elvis going to be in Marks & Spencers?", so I said that he had probably been seen there.

She wanted to know who John was, and why he wasn't talking to me, so I said he was very tired, and she launched into an involved story about when she scrubbed the floor and there were monkeys walking over it.

All this reminded me of how John was a couple of years ago, when he was able to have nonsensical conversations, but conversations all the same. And how much further down this lousy road we've travelled.

Could you all please tell me to stop feeling guilty because I'm going out for dinner with a few friends tomorrow evening - my second outing in 6 months. It's ridiculous that I'm thinking that perhaps I should cancel!!