My poor poor Mummy, who I have been caring for for 5/6 years was getting terribly terribly agitated the last 3 months and started imagining people in her house stealing things. She called the police three times telling them I'd stolen jewellery and other things. She had been verbally abused to me over all the years and I think I lost sight of my mummy in all of this because Alzheimer's twists things so much. Actually I always really loved her so much. Anyway she got sectioned on Thursday. I was with her in her home, two psychiatrists came with a social worker and it is horrific for poor Mummy who was desperately trying to sound lucid but not able to keep it up and we had to wait while they decided on sectioning her under section 2 of the MHA. I was in a terrible state (have been for years) and I had to go and pack her a bag. It was all very surreal and frightening. She's gone into a ward with people who are much for advanced and she is now being assessed. Since she went in on Thursday I have spent as much time with her as possible and she seems totally anxious and so so much more muddled. I know changing environment is awful for people with Alzheimer's but she's now in (a) a new environment (b) lots of noise and activity and (c) she was talking so incoherently yday that it seems 100 times worse already. I can't stop crying and I feel so guilty but leaving her at home was not possible as I was taking so many hundreds of calls a day and worrying about her. I don't want her to stay in this place and we have money to fund her a nice residential care home, does anyone knows what happens in this situation, after an assessment has carried out. If I move her to a lovely care home (which I have sourced) would that be for the best? Will she ever be able to see her lovely home again? She keeps asking me about the keys and her jewellery which I reassure her every 1 minute. I also just feel so exhausted after all these many years I think. Any advice or anything at all please let me know. Sarah :'( :'( :'(
My Mum got sectioned, I feel terrible guilt and now she's terrified and worse
- Thread starter SarahL
- Start date
You shouldn't feel guilty. Truly. Remember this is a transition phase for you, too. Just as your mother is finding it a little odd and unsettling, so are you. But as things get sorted out and you realise she is safe, you will also come to realise it was for the best. On the practical questions, I can't advise you as my father is abroad - but I also had him being admitted to hospital, ward with people worse than himself (which he secretly loves because it reinforces his denial) etc. He has stabilised there whereas he was deteriorating rapidly in an independent living with carers (four and a half hours a day of them) at home. I know now there was no other choice.
Don't know what to say to you, Have not experienced this, but know everything possible is being done for your mother and maybe soon you will be able to move her to a home you have picked for her, concentrate on that start talking to the care home. Keep strong, Know you are doing the very best for your mum.
Sarah, my mother spent four months in a mental health hospital. This was at the start when she hadn't been diagnosed yet with dementia, and was at that time misdiagnosed with a psychotic episode. I understand how awful it is. She wasn't sectioned, but the docs said if she tried to leave they would section her to keep her there. I was so relieved she was being watched 24 hours a day, but at the same time the other people in the hospital were seriously disturbed and I used to worry about her in there. I couldn't stand the thought of her being frightened, worrying they might hurt her. It was very frightening but if it helps at all, despite giving her the wrong diagnosiss, the docs did give her meds which calmed her symptoms and anxiety, and she is now in a care home, for the most part quite content. The raving and delusions are a thing of the past. I hope things settle down for you and you are able to arrange the move soon.
That sounds really distressing for you.
My mum sees a psychiatric community nurse who has told me sectioning her is a near possibility.
When I asked her about it she just said it would be to see what's really going on with her.
So hopefully your poor mum won't be in there long.
Have the doctors given you much information?
Also my dad has seemed extremely confused and incoherent in different environments but once he's there a while and settles he improves. So hopefully her new state of my mind is just temporary.
My mum sees a psychiatric community nurse who has told me sectioning her is a near possibility.
When I asked her about it she just said it would be to see what's really going on with her.
So hopefully your poor mum won't be in there long.
Have the doctors given you much information?
Also my dad has seemed extremely confused and incoherent in different environments but once he's there a while and settles he improves. So hopefully her new state of my mind is just temporary.
Oh dear Sarah,how awful for you all..I hope that your mum gets the right help and that you can move her into the CH as soon as possible...others have had to go through all this, but seem to have gotten some help ,so I do hope it all gets calmer and settled for your mum as soon as possible....You do need to make sure your mums property is secure and I would put any jewellery in a safe place as well...All the best xxx
I'm so sorry to hear about your mother being sectioned. I can really understand how scared and worried you must be feeling, as exactly the same thing happened to my own Mum two years ago - strangely enough, it was on 1 Dec 2012, so it all tends to come back into my mind at this time of year. In my Mum's case, she was sectioned in the middle of the night via the ambulance service (I lived 250 miles away and had called out NHS 24 to check on her, as I had sensed something was very wrong during my usual late-night call to her). My Mum was 89 at the time and was clearly having major difficulties (did not know day/night, could not longer cook or use household appliances, no longer washed or changed her clothes, would not let anyone in her house and was very suspicious of all of her neighbours, the GP etc). I had been her long-distance carer for 6 years, also visiting as often as I could, but as she totally refused all help from anyone other than me, she had no formal diagnosis.
Being sectioned was, in my Mum's case, the first step in getting proper medical help for her, and because she was actually in a mental health assessment unit in a large hospital, she had immediate access to expert care in all areas. When I visited her the day after she was admitted, she was scared and upset (particularly as some of the other patients were very noisy and were much more obviously disturbed than her). After a few days, however, she really began to improve - physically because she was eating properly and had begun to accept help with washing, but also mentally (for the first time she admitted in a session with her consultant psychiatrist that she did have difficulties, both with her memory and with managing on her own at home). Once my Mum started to accept care, the section was lifted and she became a voluntary patient. After a month of assessment, she was diagnosed with moderate AD and started on donepezil and zopliclone. For the first time in years she started to have a normal day/night routine, and to become much more content. She was in the assessment unit for ten weeks, and then was moved to a community hospital for another two months while a social services assessment was done to see if she could return home with a care package, or if she needed to go into a care home. It was decided that she did need 24-hour care, and arrangements were then made for her to move to a care home. She wanted to be near me, which meant a move from Scotland to England (hence the need to involve Social Services although she was self-funding, as the Scottish LA agreed to pay the personal care element normally only available in Scotland). She moved to the care home four months after being sectioned, without ever going back to her house (which by then she had forgotten, although she could still recognise it in photos). In the care home, she was well looked after, happy and I was able to see her every day - her quality of life was vastly improved in comparison to before her time in the mental health assessment unit. Sadly she caught norovirus, then a severe UTI in June 2014 and died in hospital, but before that she had over a year when she enjoyed many aspects of life again.
I still miss my little Mum dreadfully, and over the past few years have had many times when I have felt full of despair and guilt - but mostly these times were before she was sectioned, because then it was so difficult to get support for her and I felt I was struggling on my own. After she was sectioned, the paths/options for Mum became clearer and I did finally have access to a lot of expert help. I really hope that it will be the same for you, and that although things are really difficult at the moment, your mother will get the appropriate treatment/medication and that her quality of life will improve. Two years ago at the start of December I felt truly at rock bottom, but the sectioning was a turning point and things honestly did get better quite quickly - by January Mum's medication was working and she had become much calmer and more accepting of help. By May when she moved to the care home, she had recovered quite a bit of her old personality again, and enjoyed doing many activities (singing, crafts, growing plants). So I would say that although the sectioning process is truly awful, you are at least past the first stage of it and your mother is now in the system and will hopefully be getting the assessment/medication she needs. I wish you and your mother the very best.
Being sectioned was, in my Mum's case, the first step in getting proper medical help for her, and because she was actually in a mental health assessment unit in a large hospital, she had immediate access to expert care in all areas. When I visited her the day after she was admitted, she was scared and upset (particularly as some of the other patients were very noisy and were much more obviously disturbed than her). After a few days, however, she really began to improve - physically because she was eating properly and had begun to accept help with washing, but also mentally (for the first time she admitted in a session with her consultant psychiatrist that she did have difficulties, both with her memory and with managing on her own at home). Once my Mum started to accept care, the section was lifted and she became a voluntary patient. After a month of assessment, she was diagnosed with moderate AD and started on donepezil and zopliclone. For the first time in years she started to have a normal day/night routine, and to become much more content. She was in the assessment unit for ten weeks, and then was moved to a community hospital for another two months while a social services assessment was done to see if she could return home with a care package, or if she needed to go into a care home. It was decided that she did need 24-hour care, and arrangements were then made for her to move to a care home. She wanted to be near me, which meant a move from Scotland to England (hence the need to involve Social Services although she was self-funding, as the Scottish LA agreed to pay the personal care element normally only available in Scotland). She moved to the care home four months after being sectioned, without ever going back to her house (which by then she had forgotten, although she could still recognise it in photos). In the care home, she was well looked after, happy and I was able to see her every day - her quality of life was vastly improved in comparison to before her time in the mental health assessment unit. Sadly she caught norovirus, then a severe UTI in June 2014 and died in hospital, but before that she had over a year when she enjoyed many aspects of life again.
I still miss my little Mum dreadfully, and over the past few years have had many times when I have felt full of despair and guilt - but mostly these times were before she was sectioned, because then it was so difficult to get support for her and I felt I was struggling on my own. After she was sectioned, the paths/options for Mum became clearer and I did finally have access to a lot of expert help. I really hope that it will be the same for you, and that although things are really difficult at the moment, your mother will get the appropriate treatment/medication and that her quality of life will improve. Two years ago at the start of December I felt truly at rock bottom, but the sectioning was a turning point and things honestly did get better quite quickly - by January Mum's medication was working and she had become much calmer and more accepting of help. By May when she moved to the care home, she had recovered quite a bit of her old personality again, and enjoyed doing many activities (singing, crafts, growing plants). So I would say that although the sectioning process is truly awful, you are at least past the first stage of it and your mother is now in the system and will hopefully be getting the assessment/medication she needs. I wish you and your mother the very best.
Last edited:
How awful, and I shan't say "don't feel guilty" because you will! But please do try to remember you did not section your mummy - this was a decision by the social worker and two independent doctors.
A section is never done lightly - it is always a last resort, when no other way forward can be seen. As I said, it has to be approved by a specially qualified social worker (who is actually the person who makes the "application to section") and two doctors, normally one of the doctors will have known your mummy well so it may have been her GP or assigned consultant, although this requirement can be waived if necessary.
They may have asked if you approved, but this is not necessary - your approval is not required. They ask because (1) it's a good idea to ask a Nearest Relative (Mext of Kin) their opinion, but also because (2) as Nearest Relative (if you are eldest child and your mummy is widowed with no current civil partner or husband) you do have the authority to remove her from hospital (although this can be blocked by the physician in chareg of her case there).
So please try to remember - this decision was not yours, it was out of your hands, and if the doctors and social services had thought anything else was workable they would not have issued the section order.
Your mummy will almost certainly have been detained under a section 2 - called "assessment". This lasts for a maximum of 28 days (after which, she must be discharged, moved to a section 3 or remain as a patient voluntarily. A section 3 lasts a maximum of six months but can be renewed.
What happens now depends on how things go at hospital. Sometimes the process of finding the right treatment can be long and frustrating, as the response to the different medications and doses is very individual, so it can be a lengthy trial and error...but then again, it may not. Lots of people are discharged from section quite quickly, and are improved.
What section your mummy is discharged from has a big effect. I believe that anyone discharged from a 3 can only be released after there has been a "best interests" meeting, which includes doctors, social services and some to represent the person (probably you) to work out a plan on how the patient's care needs are to be best met. Also, someone discharged from a section 3 (but not a 2) is entitled to "aftercare" funding which means it is all paid for by the NHS (whether it;s at home with carers, a care home, or nursing home)
If the plan is to discharge to residential care, and you have the funds to pay for that, then the choice of placement is yours. However, you would need to be sure that the prospective care home is willing to take a resident with such a history. It would almost certainly need to be a care home that accepts residents known to have dementia and "challenging behavior", or possibly even an EMI (Elderly Mentally Infirm) one.
EMI care homes are more secure, have a higher staff to resident ratio and specially trained staff.
If you are nearest relative then you should be sent leaflets detailing what sections are, how they work, and both your and your mumm's rights (which change depending on the type of section).
My dad was sectioned as we could no longer cope. Unfortunately we shall never know the outcome, as he had a fall in hospital, fractured a hip and passed away shortly after that from surgical complications and a heart attack.
A section is never done lightly - it is always a last resort, when no other way forward can be seen. As I said, it has to be approved by a specially qualified social worker (who is actually the person who makes the "application to section") and two doctors, normally one of the doctors will have known your mummy well so it may have been her GP or assigned consultant, although this requirement can be waived if necessary.
They may have asked if you approved, but this is not necessary - your approval is not required. They ask because (1) it's a good idea to ask a Nearest Relative (Mext of Kin) their opinion, but also because (2) as Nearest Relative (if you are eldest child and your mummy is widowed with no current civil partner or husband) you do have the authority to remove her from hospital (although this can be blocked by the physician in chareg of her case there).
So please try to remember - this decision was not yours, it was out of your hands, and if the doctors and social services had thought anything else was workable they would not have issued the section order.
Your mummy will almost certainly have been detained under a section 2 - called "assessment". This lasts for a maximum of 28 days (after which, she must be discharged, moved to a section 3 or remain as a patient voluntarily. A section 3 lasts a maximum of six months but can be renewed.
What happens now depends on how things go at hospital. Sometimes the process of finding the right treatment can be long and frustrating, as the response to the different medications and doses is very individual, so it can be a lengthy trial and error...but then again, it may not. Lots of people are discharged from section quite quickly, and are improved.
What section your mummy is discharged from has a big effect. I believe that anyone discharged from a 3 can only be released after there has been a "best interests" meeting, which includes doctors, social services and some to represent the person (probably you) to work out a plan on how the patient's care needs are to be best met. Also, someone discharged from a section 3 (but not a 2) is entitled to "aftercare" funding which means it is all paid for by the NHS (whether it;s at home with carers, a care home, or nursing home)
If the plan is to discharge to residential care, and you have the funds to pay for that, then the choice of placement is yours. However, you would need to be sure that the prospective care home is willing to take a resident with such a history. It would almost certainly need to be a care home that accepts residents known to have dementia and "challenging behavior", or possibly even an EMI (Elderly Mentally Infirm) one.
EMI care homes are more secure, have a higher staff to resident ratio and specially trained staff.
If you are nearest relative then you should be sent leaflets detailing what sections are, how they work, and both your and your mumm's rights (which change depending on the type of section).
My dad was sectioned as we could no longer cope. Unfortunately we shall never know the outcome, as he had a fall in hospital, fractured a hip and passed away shortly after that from surgical complications and a heart attack.
Dear Blackcat20
Dear Blackcat20,
I cannot thank you enough for your wonderfully supportive and reassuring email, which has truly given me hope in this despairing time. I am so sorry to hear your little Mum died in June of this year, but so pleased to hear she became calmer and that you saw more of her old self, happy and engaging, before she died after all the years of difficulties. I am also aware that I am now writing this on the 1st December so I am sending you a virtual hug and again huge thanks for sharing your story with me. I, too, have had all the years of my Mum totally refusing any help from anyone and I have had the blame for everything and anything I tried to do to help. It took me a long time to get to diagnosis, after which she was prescribed Galantimine and Mirtazipine, but she then refused to take the medication as the flatly refused to admit she had Alzheimer's - and she still does to this day. Also she could not comprehend how to take the medication as even then she had lost the ability to follow instructions, bless her. She since got more and more angry, isolated, suspicious and paranoid which built up to where we are now (with me getting abused by the disease and very depressed along the way). She has had a few bad nights in the system but it is definitely where she needs to be and I am so inspired, again, to hear of your experience and am now hopeful for Mummy and me for the future. I, too, will move her near me and go and see her every day. I cannot wait for her to have a much less agitated life and to get her involved with gardening, activities, having a good meal every day, company from the staff etc - all the stuff I had been trying to get her to embrace for so long... We are not out of the woods yet, I have a review meeting on Thursday with the consultant psychiatrist but I have the place at a fantastic care home ready, so I can see light at the end of a very long road now. I am very relieved to hear the situation your Mum adjusted to not ever going back to her home and that has given me strength too. Again, I cannot thank you enough, I wish you the very best and hope you are coping ok after the loss of your Mum. Sarah x
Dear Blackcat20,
I cannot thank you enough for your wonderfully supportive and reassuring email, which has truly given me hope in this despairing time. I am so sorry to hear your little Mum died in June of this year, but so pleased to hear she became calmer and that you saw more of her old self, happy and engaging, before she died after all the years of difficulties. I am also aware that I am now writing this on the 1st December so I am sending you a virtual hug and again huge thanks for sharing your story with me. I, too, have had all the years of my Mum totally refusing any help from anyone and I have had the blame for everything and anything I tried to do to help. It took me a long time to get to diagnosis, after which she was prescribed Galantimine and Mirtazipine, but she then refused to take the medication as the flatly refused to admit she had Alzheimer's - and she still does to this day. Also she could not comprehend how to take the medication as even then she had lost the ability to follow instructions, bless her. She since got more and more angry, isolated, suspicious and paranoid which built up to where we are now (with me getting abused by the disease and very depressed along the way). She has had a few bad nights in the system but it is definitely where she needs to be and I am so inspired, again, to hear of your experience and am now hopeful for Mummy and me for the future. I, too, will move her near me and go and see her every day. I cannot wait for her to have a much less agitated life and to get her involved with gardening, activities, having a good meal every day, company from the staff etc - all the stuff I had been trying to get her to embrace for so long... We are not out of the woods yet, I have a review meeting on Thursday with the consultant psychiatrist but I have the place at a fantastic care home ready, so I can see light at the end of a very long road now. I am very relieved to hear the situation your Mum adjusted to not ever going back to her home and that has given me strength too. Again, I cannot thank you enough, I wish you the very best and hope you are coping ok after the loss of your Mum. Sarah x
Dear SarahL
I can second Blackcat20's experience, so to speak. After months of confusion, my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's - and then sectioned for his own safety very shortly afterwards, before my family and I had even had time to settle on suitable care for him. It was a horribly upsetting and stressful experience, not least because he and I are very close (I am his only child, and my mum died 40 years ago and he never remarried), and I felt that we as a family should have done more, and sooner. (In reality, I don't think we could have - he was fiercely independent, and denied that anything was wrong with him.)
He was kept in hospital for 2 days, and then discharged to a care home near his house, which we'd previously looked at. He was there for three weeks. At that point, I moved him to a home very near me.
As much as I will probably never get used to the idea of my dad being in a home, I must say he is doing really well there. Now that he's eating and drinking properly again, and has a routine, he looks much better in himself. The care staff are fantastic with him - he is terribly deaf as well as suffering from Alzheimer's - but they have been patient and kind and always ready to have a laugh and a joke with him. He seems genuinely fond of most of them, and speaks highly of them. And he's also been seen by medical staff who have been so much better than those in his home area. He has brand new hearing aids already (he's only been there 5 weeks), and his hearing has improved significantly - so much so that I feel we've got some more of the 'old' Dad back, which is a real bonus. The GP visits once every week (more if needed) just to check all the residents over, and is my own GP, so I know, too, that Dad is being well monitored health-wise.
It is by far the hardest thing I've ever done, to 'put Dad into a home', but so far I have absolutely no regrets. It is the best place for him, I go and see him pretty much every day, and we have real quality time together, free of any other worries.
I hope that you get the same outcome for your mother. It sounds as though you've already found a good place for her, so it all sounds promising. Good luck, and take care.
I am sorry to hear about this happening to your Mum also. It is all so frightening and I'm really now hoping I am at the start of a much more calm and happy stage in Mum's life now, after all the delusions, suspicions and paranoia. It has been so awful and reading your message helps me feel positive for the future, thank you so much. I'm so pleased to read your Mum is content now in the main. It has been a long road and now Mum's in the system both she and I can both move forward. All the very best, Sarah
Thank you. What you said has helped me to see this as a transitional phase for Mum and me and I'm hoping it will bring calmness and some happy quality of life back for both of us. It is good your father stabilised in hospital, it seems sometimes this is the only way forward. Best wishes. x
Dear Nebiroth
Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. The information you shared is very useful and confirms my experience. I think my poor Mum had got to the point where sectioning was the only way of providing some intervention. I think I had had caregivers burnout for many years although I always did my very best but no matter how hard I tried and tried, I just could not make any progress with the services and my Mummy's life was becoming so desperately unhappy and unsafe.
Mum was sectioned under section 2 of the MHA and so she does have 28 days to be assessed. I do have the right to appeal but, having thought about it for a few days after the initial shock and taken advice on the ward, I think it is best now she is in the system to let the services do a full assessment so that she can become calmer and we can work out the best way forward for her. I am having a review meeting on Thursday with the consultant psychiatrist, a social worker who has been assigned to Mum and other members of the team. I do have a beautiful care home lined up as this may be the way forward and I will discuss it with them. I am very worried about getting her to the care home if she is allowed to go, as it will no doubt provoke terrible anxiety and I keep imagining myself driving her there on my own again which will cause me awful guilt and sadness. Anyway, that is me imagining things at the moment, I will see how the meeting goes first. I think I am traumatised by all these years and by witnessing the sectioning and having to take mum to hospital after that on Thursday.
I am so sorry to hear your father died after suffering a fall and being sectioned and hope you are managing with your grief and adjusting to a different life now. It's not what we want in life to see our parents suffering.
Thank you again, Sarah x
Hi SarahL
I said it was a likely possibility my mum was going to be sectioned too. Well, it is happening at 9.30 tomorrow morning.
it's so sad to think she knows nothing about it. She feels her life has been ruined since my dad became ill, this will feel like the last straw for her I know.
In a way I am glad and hopefull she may get some help in there but I am scared for what it means for her future.
The plan was for a live in carer to stay with both my parents. With my dad being in a care home for so long they've spent such a long time apart which has greatly added to both their confusion.
Now my mum is being sectioned God knows when she'll see my dad again.
It's so sad.
Trying to look at the positives , she may be less depressed with appropriate medication, it may make her more receptive to a live in carer, the police won't keep putting demands on me all the time.
But I have this horrible feeling she'll really kick off in there and won't be allowed home. I hate the thought of them in two separate care homes never seeing each other when they've been married for so many years.
This whole process is the biggest emotional roller coaster. You think you're going to feel a certain way about something and you don't.
I've never had a good relationship with my mum and have always longed for a Christmas with just my husband and children. I never thought I could say I wouldn't see my mum Christmas Day as she would never forgive me.
Though it's looking like this Christmas is going to be very strange with her in hospital and my dad in care home. Suddenly the idea of it being just us doesn't seem so appealing!
I said it was a likely possibility my mum was going to be sectioned too. Well, it is happening at 9.30 tomorrow morning.
it's so sad to think she knows nothing about it. She feels her life has been ruined since my dad became ill, this will feel like the last straw for her I know.
In a way I am glad and hopefull she may get some help in there but I am scared for what it means for her future.
The plan was for a live in carer to stay with both my parents. With my dad being in a care home for so long they've spent such a long time apart which has greatly added to both their confusion.
Now my mum is being sectioned God knows when she'll see my dad again.
It's so sad.
Trying to look at the positives , she may be less depressed with appropriate medication, it may make her more receptive to a live in carer, the police won't keep putting demands on me all the time.
But I have this horrible feeling she'll really kick off in there and won't be allowed home. I hate the thought of them in two separate care homes never seeing each other when they've been married for so many years.
This whole process is the biggest emotional roller coaster. You think you're going to feel a certain way about something and you don't.
I've never had a good relationship with my mum and have always longed for a Christmas with just my husband and children. I never thought I could say I wouldn't see my mum Christmas Day as she would never forgive me.
Though it's looking like this Christmas is going to be very strange with her in hospital and my dad in care home. Suddenly the idea of it being just us doesn't seem so appealing!
Hi SarahL
I said it was a likely possibility my mum was going to be sectioned too. Well, it is happening at 9.30 tomorrow morning.
it's so sad to think she knows nothing about it. She feels her life has been ruined since my dad became ill, this will feel like the last straw for her I know.
In a way I am glad and hopefull she may get some help in there but I am scared for what it means for her future.
The plan was for a live in carer to stay with both my parents. With my dad being in a care home for so long they've spent such a long time apart which has greatly added to both their confusion.
Now my mum is being sectioned God knows when she'll see my dad again.
It's so sad.
Trying to look at the positives , she may be less depressed with appropriate medication, it may make her more receptive to a live in carer, the police won't keep putting demands on me all the time.
But I have this horrible feeling she'll really kick off in there and won't be allowed home. I hate the thought of them in two separate care homes never seeing each other when they've been married for so many years.
This whole process is the biggest emotional roller coaster. You think you're going to feel a certain way about something and you don't.
I've never had a good relationship with my mum and have always longed for a Christmas with just my husband and children. I never thought I could say I wouldn't see my mum Christmas Day as she would never forgive me.
Though it's looking like this Christmas is going to be very strange with her in hospital and my dad in care home. Suddenly the idea of it being just us doesn't seem so appealing!
I said it was a likely possibility my mum was going to be sectioned too. Well, it is happening at 9.30 tomorrow morning.
it's so sad to think she knows nothing about it. She feels her life has been ruined since my dad became ill, this will feel like the last straw for her I know.
In a way I am glad and hopefull she may get some help in there but I am scared for what it means for her future.
The plan was for a live in carer to stay with both my parents. With my dad being in a care home for so long they've spent such a long time apart which has greatly added to both their confusion.
Now my mum is being sectioned God knows when she'll see my dad again.
It's so sad.
Trying to look at the positives , she may be less depressed with appropriate medication, it may make her more receptive to a live in carer, the police won't keep putting demands on me all the time.
But I have this horrible feeling she'll really kick off in there and won't be allowed home. I hate the thought of them in two separate care homes never seeing each other when they've been married for so many years.
This whole process is the biggest emotional roller coaster. You think you're going to feel a certain way about something and you don't.
I've never had a good relationship with my mum and have always longed for a Christmas with just my husband and children. I never thought I could say I wouldn't see my mum Christmas Day as she would never forgive me.
Though it's looking like this Christmas is going to be very strange with her in hospital and my dad in care home. Suddenly the idea of it being just us doesn't seem so appealing!
Dear Jess
I am thinking about you having read your message on my post, and please know I understand completely how you feel about the fears. I know all our individual experiences are different in life but it has helped me so much hearing other people's stories on here. It is five days since Mum was sectioned now and I have to say that I am feeling calmer. I really do not like where she is in hospital at the moment but I have finally come to terms with seeing this situation as a necessary intervention where she is at least safe and being monitored from all her anxieties and agitation which were making her life unbearable, even though she she didn't know it all the time. I have also been able to rationalise that having an assessment is the best best thing for her at this time so that she can be stabilised and a plan made to move forward. Being totally honest, it will possibly be incredibly painful for you seeing her go through the sectioning; I keep remembering the look on the psychiatrists faces and then looking at my Mum and knowing what was going to happen and feeling so awful. But I keep reminding myself of the long term goal, which is to get my Mum in a happier place where she is safe and cared for. I have had terribly mixed confused feelings myself over the years as Alzheimer's twists everything and I did lose sight of my Mum for a while. Now I feel as though I can get some part of her back and I hope this will be the case for you. It must be so upsetting knowing that your Mum and Dad may not be together again. It sounds like you have done your utmost for them both and you should really be proud of yourself, we didn't choose them to get these awful diseases or to be left to deal with them, even though it is out of love and a sense of duty we do care, and we certainly have no idea how to deal with it as we go along with all the twists and turns it entails, it is a steep and painful learning curve, especially if we do it on our own (which I have and you by the sounds of it). I feel as though I have gone absolutely mad and have also been so depressed by it all, but with the sectioning it can help to recover both them and us I feel. I do actually feel traumatised by it and think I am now processing it and all the years that have gone by, but I believe we (you and I and all the other carers and relatives) can get respite from this sectioning process, respite for both you and your Mum in your case. I will be thinking of you and do let me know how you get on as it was only so recent for me and if we can give each other support it will make things a bit better. Everyone who commented on my post really gave me strength. Good luck. Sarah x
Hi Sarah
Thanks for your kind supportive message.
Glad 5 days into the sectioning you can see benefits. Do you know what the plan is for when she comes out?
What type of medications have they put her on? Was she very depressed?
I am scared of what the other people on the ward will be like too!
Unfortunately all the professionals and myself turned up at her house this morning at 9.15 but she had already gone out!
She goes out so early it isolates her. When I go there after I've dropped my kids at school she's often already out! This has meant she's only seen my dad a handful of times since he went into a respite care home 3/4 weeks ago! That's made her depression and confusion so much worse. I think she feels she's lost everything.
So the psychiatrist said he may try and go there very early one morning to check on her. Other than that we have to wait until the police pick her up. They know her well and have been told to take her directly to the hospital as it is so difficult to pin her down otherwise.
So it's a waiting game at the moment.
Let me know how your experience progresses.
Thanks
Recent Threads
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Early onset Dementia and Pacemaker replacement. I don’t want to do it.
- Latest: bunnylovevol