Hi - feeling rather guilty as I have not visited the Forum for a while…… just finding the time is such a challenge. Sorry I have not been in to support others….
I was reading Redpoppy's thread New Behaviour (begun 29-09-14) as we had some stuff in common a year ago - and again found quite a lot in this thread that is akin to where I am at now, and which also touches on the area in which I am wondering if anyone has any experience to share.
Bit of background: My wife has deteriorated quite a bit over the past 12 months, still picks endlessly at spots/bites but the ploy of using sticking plasters on the resultant infections plus using a tiny amount of Elidel cream keeps further problems at bay. I now have to supervise pretty much everything - showering, hygiene, clothing (btw M&S have been brilliant at assisting us in store with choosing the correct sizes of clothing such as bras etc!), and she cannot go out on her own any more. Two major sadnesses in this period: A. Our eldest daughter has moved to Oregon with her husband's job - we miss them and our grandson very much. Now 2 of our 3 children - and 3 of the grandchildren are living abroad. Wonderfully our youngest daughter is till just 30 miles away and has had a baby which Sue adores and he likewise. B. We have had to sell our sailing boat - Sue just stepped off into the sea as we were approaching our marina berth, which if it hadn't been for 2 passers-by could have been serious. This may seem to be peripheral, but sailing, cruising and racing, has been our passion for 40+ years so this is a very real blow to me. Our retirement plan was to go cruising long-distance but the AD began, I now realise, as soon as Sue retired 9 years ago; so that plan had to be aborted just 2 years in. The last few years, with a smaller boat, we stayed in the Solent with the kind help of friends and also harbour / marina operators who fell over themselves to assist, so we stretched it as far as I dared in line with what I have tried to do: keep life as normal as possible as long as possible!
So now we are going to be much more home-bound I guess - which prospect gets me down as Sue always wants to be with me at every turn - which is mostly fine, but it would just be nice sometimes to have someone to share the responsibility, the frustrations, and indeed the work. As the thread mentioned above noted, doing any activity that does not directly engage Sue is frustrating for her - she will usually "disappear" into the bedroom to shuffle her clothes / handbags / drawers etc etc.
Thinking abut respite, our daughter-in-law mentioned that when they had been looking for an au pair she had noticed that some agencies are now offering au pairs for "elderly care". I searched on line and sure enough there are some such agencies around and indeed some prospective au pairs offering to work with the elderly / dementia sufferers. Some of those seeking positions are from outside the EU which might mean visa problems, but there are also some from within the EU. The usual form seems to be that the pay is expected to be more than if they were working with kids, but compared with homes / agencies it would seem to be more realistic given the available budget. We have a suitably large room with TV and bathroom upstairs (we live down and have our own en suite).
I can see some potential advantages: the same person around and living en famille rather than different people every visit. A contract might be for a year. It would be great to have some rational conversation around the house!
I can see some potential disadvantages: the person might "do a runner"; they will probably be untrained (but so am I!); Sue might not take to them or the idea - though she is pretty amenable and friendly.
So…. has anyone any experience to share please? or advice?
Regards to all..
I was reading Redpoppy's thread New Behaviour (begun 29-09-14) as we had some stuff in common a year ago - and again found quite a lot in this thread that is akin to where I am at now, and which also touches on the area in which I am wondering if anyone has any experience to share.
Bit of background: My wife has deteriorated quite a bit over the past 12 months, still picks endlessly at spots/bites but the ploy of using sticking plasters on the resultant infections plus using a tiny amount of Elidel cream keeps further problems at bay. I now have to supervise pretty much everything - showering, hygiene, clothing (btw M&S have been brilliant at assisting us in store with choosing the correct sizes of clothing such as bras etc!), and she cannot go out on her own any more. Two major sadnesses in this period: A. Our eldest daughter has moved to Oregon with her husband's job - we miss them and our grandson very much. Now 2 of our 3 children - and 3 of the grandchildren are living abroad. Wonderfully our youngest daughter is till just 30 miles away and has had a baby which Sue adores and he likewise. B. We have had to sell our sailing boat - Sue just stepped off into the sea as we were approaching our marina berth, which if it hadn't been for 2 passers-by could have been serious. This may seem to be peripheral, but sailing, cruising and racing, has been our passion for 40+ years so this is a very real blow to me. Our retirement plan was to go cruising long-distance but the AD began, I now realise, as soon as Sue retired 9 years ago; so that plan had to be aborted just 2 years in. The last few years, with a smaller boat, we stayed in the Solent with the kind help of friends and also harbour / marina operators who fell over themselves to assist, so we stretched it as far as I dared in line with what I have tried to do: keep life as normal as possible as long as possible!
So now we are going to be much more home-bound I guess - which prospect gets me down as Sue always wants to be with me at every turn - which is mostly fine, but it would just be nice sometimes to have someone to share the responsibility, the frustrations, and indeed the work. As the thread mentioned above noted, doing any activity that does not directly engage Sue is frustrating for her - she will usually "disappear" into the bedroom to shuffle her clothes / handbags / drawers etc etc.
Thinking abut respite, our daughter-in-law mentioned that when they had been looking for an au pair she had noticed that some agencies are now offering au pairs for "elderly care". I searched on line and sure enough there are some such agencies around and indeed some prospective au pairs offering to work with the elderly / dementia sufferers. Some of those seeking positions are from outside the EU which might mean visa problems, but there are also some from within the EU. The usual form seems to be that the pay is expected to be more than if they were working with kids, but compared with homes / agencies it would seem to be more realistic given the available budget. We have a suitably large room with TV and bathroom upstairs (we live down and have our own en suite).
I can see some potential advantages: the same person around and living en famille rather than different people every visit. A contract might be for a year. It would be great to have some rational conversation around the house!
I can see some potential disadvantages: the person might "do a runner"; they will probably be untrained (but so am I!); Sue might not take to them or the idea - though she is pretty amenable and friendly.
So…. has anyone any experience to share please? or advice?
Regards to all..