Hi Daisy
I am sure others will be along shortly to share their experiences/tips on this. I have used respite care for my twice (the second time leading to a permanent stay). The first time, Mom was quite amenable to "her going on holiday while I had to go away for work for a few days", it was a new care home, very plush - and I think Mom genuinely saw it as a bit of a holiday. Seemed to cope and enjoy her time, but happy to come back home at the end. Second time, Mom was much further down the dementia path, becoming aggressive, very poor communication, etc. Unfortunately, this time, we simply "went out for a drive". I prattled on about us staying in a B&B for a few days - and when we arrived, we found "her" room first, and then I went off to "find my room". My moms communication is so poor that I don't know how much of this she actually took in. I know she enjoyed the drive (we took kind of a long route - as much to enjoy the autumn scenery as anything else). When I visit or leave - its mean getting "back from work" or "heading off to work". Again, she rarely responds to these phrases, so I don't know if she understands/believes me. But she has not asked to come "home" nor does she seem to ask the staff about my whereabouts.
I suppose it depends on your Mom. What would work with her? I know others have used the "work needing to be done on the house" suggestion. Others, like myself the second time, have simply got their loved one into a car and headed off without much explanation at all. Feels very underhanded but the alternative (fighting, etc) could be worse.