Coping with the confused times

Amelie5a

Registered User
Nov 5, 2014
122
0
Scotland
This is my first post. Dad's diagnosis of AZ and Vascular Dementia was made back in March (he's 87). To date he's coping pretty well - the short term memory is awful, but he will happily talk about older memories. Dad can still do a lot of things for himself.

But in the last few weeks, there've been instances when he's been confused about how long he's been in his home. He's lived in it for 14 years, but now seems to think he only moved in recently. But then, other times, he 's pretty much on the ball.

Today though something happened which really threw me and I'd be really grateful for any insights those of you who are further down the road, can offer.

We'd had an active morning, sorting his clothes into something more manageable. Dad was part of it, deciding which ones to go on the hanging rail so that he can access them easily. But then early afternoon, we went for a walk in a nearby park. His choice and he directed me on how to drive there. But, after a few minutes as we walked, he turned to me and said something along the lines of 'so what's the arrangement now? Am I in some kind of residential facility?' to which I tried to reassure him he was still living in his home of 14 years . And then the bit that really threw me, was he then said: "well, who are you?" I almost thought he was pulling my leg as I replied with my name " I'm xxxxx, I'm your daughter' And he denied it and said something like 'no,no - you're not xxxx'

Inside I just wanted to run away, but tried to remain calm, spoke to him a bit about my sisters - anything to try and get him some kind of reference point. And then he just moved on and talked to me about the park. He wasn't upset or angry at all, and I'm not sure at what point he 'came back' - but we've been together all evening and he certainly had me back as his daughter again within a short time of arriving home.

This is the first time he hasn't known me. It's not like I just turned up - I've been with him since Sunday!

But since it happened I've been wracking my brain trying to work out what triggered it. Was it because I hurried him out of the house after lunch, so we'd get to walk before the sun went down? Was the blood supply to his brain less because it was cold outside? I just find it weird that it seemed to come from nowhere and then dissipate again, not long after.

There's some suspicion of a UTI at the moment (sample went off today), so maybe that was the cause - but if so, why only for such a short time? (Thankfully)

His GP is coming round tomorrow so I'll definitely ask her more about this - but is this drifting in and out of confusion over such a short time frame, typical of the illness?
 

Ann Mac

Registered User
Oct 17, 2013
3,693
0
Hi Amelie,

Welcome to TP x

I care for my Mil (Mum in Law) who is, by the sound of it, quite a lot further along in her dementia than your dad, but I can relate to what you are saying. We have had many instances of Mil having brief moments, going back over a year, when the confusion was suddenly intense, and then her suddenly 'coming back to reality'. Its a good idea to check for a UTI, because sometimes an infection can be responsible - but sometimes its sadly just the dementia too.

She now struggles a lot of the time to recognise me as the 'Ann' who is her daughter in law, and even often asks my OH, her son, where her son is - and I got a horrible sinking feeling a couple of weeks ago, when not only did she not remember that she had grandchildren or their names, when we were talking (Which has happened before), but for the first time ever, even seeing photographs of them failed to remind her - she said that they looked 'nice', but no, she had never seen them before, didn't know their names and no one had ever told her that she had Grandchildren :( And yet, at other times, she is very clear about who we all are. So yes, in my experience, the level of confusion can change - sometimes within minutes - with no obvious reason.

Take care Annx
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,820
0
UK
Morning Amelie, if not a UTI, then it does sound normal behaviour for dementia suffers, at least it is with my mother, she has over the time, not recognised me [her daughter and main carer] lots of confusion with other family members, trying to work out who they are and where they fit in her life. At the moment she does see me as her daughter but she cannot connect me with the photos of a younger me. There has also been '2' of me, one good one bad. I have never been able to work out the trigger and I know how you must be feeling, the first time it happened with mum I was just so upset and could not hold back the tears. At the moment I'm happy that she knows who I am. Have courage, he will 'find' you again.
 

Oxy

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
953
0
As already said, it could be UTI. Unfortunately these moments do eventually become more frequent until tables turned. Enjoy every moment with him. It may probably be only relationship that is forgotten but he actually knows that you are very close to him and mean so much to him. When he talks to you, the love will show through and indeed he will let you do things re personal care, he wouldn't accept from others. When things are said that are out of character that are hurtful because of who they emanate from, they have no recollection when discussing it at a later point. So it was a 'dementia 'moment or period'. It is extremely upsetting and we should really let it go, but oh so hard! Trying to convince reality can be a futile exercise at these times, though at others I find reasoning can still work up to a point.
I hope this was just a little infection, but if not , that it was a rare thing and that it will be a long time changing to more frequent. Can fully empathise.
 

Laine5

Registered User
Jun 15, 2013
44
0
It is hard coping with these times of confusion, my first and probably worst incident was (middle of the night ! ) when she said that she wished I was the daughter that she had never had....
I was hoping her latest confusion over her war time memories was a UTI but the results were negative so its the dementia progressing. So sad she had been relatively stable for quite a while.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,449
0
Scotland
Confusion, delusion, forgetfulness? This seems to be the norm. I have a CPN coming this morning so looked at Johns notes for the last eighteen months to see how things have changed. The delusions in the mornings are everyday and increasing. Not remembering our grandchildren's names is constant. Wondering where he is and when we are "making our escape" is frequent. A casual observer would see little wrong with my husband who is shiny clean, continent and well dressed but little by little his grip on reality is going. What a shame!
 

Amelie5a

Registered User
Nov 5, 2014
122
0
Scotland
Thank you all for replying and sharing your own experience. It's been really reassuring reading these replies today. What a weird and perplexing illness! The researcher in me desperately wants to know what causes these 'absences' - it's so difficult trying to accept that the answers aren't to be had.

But I'm working hard at trying to live in the moment and to enjoy the good times when they happen - and thankfully they do still! Dad is currently enjoying David Attenborough's Life Story on TV with real relish, and that's lovely to see.

The more I read of the different stages of this horrendous disease and the things that carers have to handle, the luckier I feel for the time we have now.

One thing I didn't say in my first post above was that Dad has been on codydramol for joint pain in recent weeks. As the reason for the stronger painkillers appears to be settling, we agreed with the GP today that it would be worth seeing how he is off them, using paracetamol instead. Fingers crossed. Meanwhile, today I seem to have been his daughter all day, for which I'm very grateful.
 

Grandma Joan

Registered User
Mar 29, 2013
276
0
Wiltshire
Hi there

My Dad used to be okayish in the mornings but in the afternoons he would start sniffing and then say "well how are we going to manage this then?" and we could never really understand what he meant by that.

Then he would worry about his parents (dead about 30 years prior) finding him in bed with his wife of 60 years. The police were after him, he was going to get into trouble. He was always much worse in the afternoon and we put it down to him being tired but you will learn about sundowning too which happens in the afternoon or sometimes all the time. Just overwhelming confusion and delusions. So very scary & upsetting for everyone.

Good luck and treasure the moments you have x
 

Tomjo

Registered User
Oct 27, 2014
56
0
My mum is usually okay during the day, if a bit vague at times but often does and says really weird things in the evening. People are telling her to stand up, I'm telling her to do things, she sees imaginary items and asks me what to do with them. Tonight she asked me for a cup of tea and when I got back with it she shouted that I still hadn't brought her her 'Deep Heat' (rheumatism cream). On a more upsetting scale, she has been down to the residents lounge in her sheltered accommodation and taken her clothes off to go in the washing machine (that she doesn't own.)

Mum is in the early stages of something but nobody seems able to give us a diagnosis...