Can I ask your advice?

turmoil

Registered User
Feb 3, 2013
239
0
West Yorkshire
Hi, thank you.

Dad was sent away from his family at the age of 8 to go to a blind school in Shropshire, I thought initially that maybe he had suffered whilst there, but he spoke highly of this time and told me they were always kind to him, he tells stories how the soldiers used to visit the school and give them chocolate.

Dad has worked all his life and he has really worked hard on the land, being head gardener for local hospitals, he was also called upon as porter when various diseases broke out, the rest of the time he would be in the pub and if he was at home it usually was not pleasant. There would be violence/abuse to mum and us.

Dad was feared where we lived as he was strong and fuelled with alcohol, now things are different and I think that is why he has the tools/weapons, he is a very weak man.

Dad would not let me move the crowbar and spades, but he went off to look through his neighbours wheelie bins, so I gathered them up and hid them on the top floor.

Turmoil x




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Oxy

Registered User
Jul 19, 2014
953
0
I really feel for you there-you must have so many mixed emotions through your past.
Is he really dry now? If not This would have a very deleterious effect on him. If nothing else it might not mix well with any of his drugs. And as a previous poster said, is he really capable of taking antibiotics or any others he is prescribed correctly.
I do hope you will find the strength to make a lot of noise to get help for a vulnerable adult who is at risk to himself and possibly others if he actually uses his 'weapons' in the mistaken belief that he is being attacked.
Blindness is important to mention too because although it is from a young age, he may forget how to use coping strategies with his dementia. That certainly counts as an extra vulnerability.
 

turmoil

Registered User
Feb 3, 2013
239
0
West Yorkshire
Hi, Dad is not drinking at home as I count the cans he has and he has not touched them, I think it is a combination of not being able to see the beer and forgetting it is there, I try to sneak it out when I can, but I am confident he is not drinking at home. The trouble is he wants to go out all the time but going out means buying junk and going to the pub. The anger starts when I do not take him.

Dad is not capable of taking his medication, thankfully the carers are still going and giving him his tablets 3 times a day. The crow bar issue seems to have been forgotten about for now.

The district nurse comes twice a week to dress his toes but he takes the dressing off and starts cutting away again. The doctor has given him another week of antibiotics, but I think the big toe nail will have to come off.

I stayed away for 3 days and thankfully his mood was better towards me but I know it will not last.

It is an awful situation, he has dermatitis on his head which is infected then his foot, he goes through the bins and doesn't wash his hands, picks at the sores on his head then messes with his foot. Nightmare!

Thanks again

Turmoil x




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Pepper&Spice

Registered User
Aug 4, 2014
116
0
Oh Turmoil what a time you have had. I am so sorry things have got so bad for you and that no one is stepping up to help you the way they should. Our local authority have a safeguarding number you can contact for vulnerable adults, which your dad definitely is. Sounds like most of them are scared to get involved - I think you have performed miracles already. It's so hard to keep pushing I know - have you spoken to your own doctor about the effect it's having on your health ? Do keep pushing if you can, you need this resolved for your own peace of mind. Threaten the papers - none of the services involved would like the bad press they would get and as they all have to be regularly inspected and will have to answer to your local councillors in the case of SS the MP as suggested previously will certainly have some powers to push for you.
Take care and keep strong we are all rooting for you.
 

turmoil

Registered User
Feb 3, 2013
239
0
West Yorkshire
Hi sorry for not replying, I was tethering my phone to iPad but apparantly I used all my entitlement so no wifi.
I need to get to grips with this tech stuff.

Thank you again, I have been to my doctors several times, they are aware that I look after Dad and oversee my UIL care, plus Mum. They asked me last time I went, "How long can you carry on like this before you have a serious health issue?" I am on antidepressants but I do not take the dose they diagnosed as I want to feel. I have pulled back and that is being honest but how can you walk away from someone so vulnerable in a old house no carpets, heating, running hot water, he has no idea what day, season ect it is, I have to be there as no one else will be.


I feel quite guilty today as Dad was so pleasant and thankful of my help, I even took his little fat dog to see him, she has lost 4kg so not too barrel like, he didn't recognise her, said I'd had her clipped.

However I have made an appointment with the mental health team, telling them that Dad is a monster at times and I need some support from them. God I feel bad now, but I know my Dad has rarely been pleasant in his life so I hope I'm doing right. They will only give medication I'm sure, but will see.


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Pepper&Spice

Registered User
Aug 4, 2014
116
0
You are definitely doing right Turmoil - don't lose sight of yourself in all this mess. Stepping back is hard but necessary at times for your own self preservation. I know it sounds futile but do try the political angle. I work for our local authority and all Councillors have areas they have to head up committees for, transport, education and adult care etc Your local Councillor will have influence over these faceless people that are ignoring your pleas for help and can get things moving ( even if your not keen on their politics - make them earn their keep) & if your lucky your Councillor may have a desire to help the people they're appointed to serve.
Take care - there is light at the end of the tunnel & it's not always an oncoming train ;)
 

stanleypj

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
10,712
0
North West
I think most people reading through this thread would conclude that your dad should not be living alone, given all his health problems. He surely needs more than you and/or visiting care workers can give him.

It's clear that he and you have really been let down by the SS locally. I agree with Pepper & Spice that the local councillor(s) should be approached. If you get no joy there try the local paper (if there is one).

Are you in touch with the Alz Soc at all? Do you know where your nearest branch is?:

http://alzheimers.org.uk/localinfo

You need people in your corner, helping you to fight for your dad - and yourself.

Please keep us posted.
 

dottyd

Registered User
Jan 22, 2011
1,063
0
n.e.
I'm just shaking my head in bewilderment at the dreadful treatment your dad is receiving at the hands of the SS, which must stand for secret service as they appear to be a law unto themselves.

No one should be living in those conditions, just because they don't want to be anywhere else.

My aunt would be in the same boat if her daughter hadn't fought tooth and nail to get her better accommodation.

It's awful, it's shocking, it should not be happening. Your dad needs to be I. Some assisted living place or a care home.

I could weep for him .

Truly wrong! But then we let people sleep on our streets......
 

bemused1

Registered User
Mar 4, 2012
3,402
0
You are doing the right thing getting mental health team involved, you can't carry all the weight alone.Whether your dad has been pleasant is not relevant he is a sick vulnerable person and you are at the end of your rope. But I can see the rare pleasant interlude makes it harder for you. If anything happens to you he will be at the mercy of everyone but you need to do this via other people whose job it is supposed to be.
Take care keep fighting but don't knock yourself out

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turmoil

Registered User
Feb 3, 2013
239
0
West Yorkshire
I'm Still here, fighting still, caring still!

Hi all

Happy Christmas, yes I know it's a bit late!

I have not posted for a while as I dropped and smashed my iPad, anyhow I now have another one.
Despite my best efforts the social worker closed Dads case as she said he was managing:confused: I took Dad to see the mental health team, his schiatrist did not really offer much although she did request an ecg and blood test, she said she would call us back before Xmas, in fairness he does have an app 2 Jan to go see her.

I took Dad for his blood test and ECG 22 Dec, 23 Dec I missed a call from a doctor at 10pm at night, asking me to ring 111 as a matter of urgency. I rang and the doctor rang me back at midnight, apparently Dads bloods were quite abnormal, it seems to be the liver.
I believe the gall bladder cancer has spread. In the morning Dads doctor rang me and asked me to meet him at Dads, I arrived and Dad seemed fine, he was complaining as usual but all seemed ok.

The doctor came and asked if he could examine Dad upstairs, the doctor called me to go upstairs and told me that Dad had jaundice, as we spoke Dad seemed to turn yellow, it was really strange. The liver specialist is skiing and has his first clinic on 5 Jan, hopefully we can get him seen at that clinic. I will update, you never know they may offer more help now:mad:
Love to all trying to deal with this dreadful disease.

Turmoil
 

bemused1

Registered User
Mar 4, 2012
3,402
0
I've been wondering how things are for you. It just beggars belief that your dad had just been left to get on with it.
Things sound bad with the liver problem, jaundice indicates a fairly advanced disease state. It won't be helping his mental state either. At least Dr seems to be taking things seriously.
I hope someone will give you some help and your dad some proper care. You have done all you can but you can't keep going single handed.
Will be thinking of you, keep us updated.
I would wish you a Happy New Year but it doesn't look promising so far. Take care of you, I hope life is OK.
 

turmoil

Registered User
Feb 3, 2013
239
0
West Yorkshire
Unbelievable Day!

Well, read this!

I took my Dads dog to vets, we have been treating a corneal ulcer for 6 week, whilst there the carer rang me saying Dad was not right, he said he had an awful pain, he had been to hospital last night and they checked him out and sent him home, she asked if this was right I said no, but as soon as I finished at vets I would go to Dads.

I got to Dads, he did not look well, I remarked on this and he said well I have just come out of hospital ect ect, I tried to explain to him that he had not, I decided to ring Dads doctor. The doctor told me an ambulance was sent out to Dad at 1am, he went to hospital with severe pain, they checked him out and he was discharged. They did note he was jaundice. :mad::mad: I am livid, no one contacted any relative to advise that Dad was in hospital. They sent a blind man with terminal cancer and mixed dementia home to be on his own.

I took him back into hospital this morning and he is now awaiting a bed and surgery, is it just me that expects too much. Just when I think it cannot get any worse our Nhs proves me wrong.:( Turmoil ps 12 hours at hospital and still no bed, I bought dad a coffee so he could have a drink.
 

bemused1

Registered User
Mar 4, 2012
3,402
0
Your poor dad and poor you. I take it they used the usual cop out that he refused treatment. Just a guess. Send him home and he'll be off our hands is the impression you get. At the very least they should find out why he was in so much pain and done something to relieve it. And not to contact a relative is beyond belief.
This really needs some serious complaining once your dad is sorted. Start with PaLs but write to the papers, your mp, anyone else you can think of.
Keep fighting for your dad , in spite of all that happened in the past I understand why you cannot walk away. Turning your back on someone who is so defenceless would take a very hard heart- or the NHS!
I hope something is sorted for your dad but then there is a whole new set of problems to face. Keep us up to date .
 

bemused1

Registered User
Mar 4, 2012
3,402
0
Are things moving turmoil? Can't help you practically but sending supportive strong thoughts your way
 

Mollygoose

Registered User
Dec 19, 2014
52
0
Lincolnshire
Your dad

Hi there my mother has dementia ! She sleeps with her walking stick in bed with her ! I tried and tried to get her carers and at last they have agreed to come in for 6weeks to assess her ! So fingers crossed she will be allowed them ! As for your dad you really must insist that he gets help because he really is a danger to himself ! So keep nagging at social services to get him in a home ! Before something bad happens , best of luck !